The canal looked the same, as did the sign, the tables and chairs on the patio and the narrowboats moored alongside. The Navigation hadn’t changed a bit, or at least it didn’t appear so, five years after she had made her getaway in the laundry truck.
She didn’t even know whether the pub was under the same management. She could have asked when she’d made the reservation, but she wanted to go back anyway; prove to herself it wasn’t such a hellish place after all, expunge the bad memories and replace them with new, optimistic ones. And she needed to know.
The girls had been excited to go for a drive but as always the twins’ attention span was limited, and after twenty minutes, Leila had turned on the video screens in the back to keep them occupied. It took them two hours to get there, and although Jess was relieved they’d made it without any major tantrums, she was not looking forward to the return trip. She judged, however, that once fed and watered, the twins would probably spend most of the way back sound asleep. At least she had Keira and Leila with her to help.
She and Keira lifted them down one by one from the back of the Range Rover and she led them all hand in hand across the car park and through the restaurant entrance. They were greeted by a young waitress, white shirt, black skirt, black apron, holding a tablet screen, who ticked off her name and showed them to a table away from the bar area, near a window with a view of the canal. No reservations book anymore.
Jess didn’t recognise the girl nor any of the other staff on duty but cast an eye around the place and struggled to find much else that had changed. She couldn’t resist running a finger along the window ledge to see if there was any dust or grime and, finding little, judged the standard of cleaning acceptable.
They ordered traditional pub grub; full portions for Leila and the adults and small plates for the twins.
“Is it possible to speak to Mrs Morley?” asked Jess of the waitress who’d taken their order and was now tucking the menus under her arm.
“I’m sorry,” she said looking disconcerted. “I don’t think we have a Mrs Morley here.”
“Trish Morley?”
The girl’s eyes lit up.
“Oh, you mean Trish Roberts? The manager?”
“Yes, that’s right.” She’s moved on, then.
“Mm. She’s a bit busy right now. Can I tell her who’s asking?”
“Yes, of course. Tell her it’s Alice. I used to work here. Years ago.”
“Oh, that’s cool. I’ll let her know.”
Jess felt a sudden rush of nerves and part of her wished she hadn’t come at all, but she took a deep breath. It was done now. There was no going back. She had no idea how she might be received after all this time; no idea what opinions Trish might have had or still have about her or the disastrous day she left.
“You used to work here?” asked Keira. “What, before the twins were born?”
“Yep. I used to wear a uniform, clean the floors, serve tables.”
“Oh wow! It must be weird coming back.”
She actually had fond memories of most of it and she was pleased she had, despite what might happen next. She didn’t have long to wait.
She caught a glimpse from the corner of her eye; the waitress standing at the end of the bar with a woman in a blue shirt, chatting and pointing in their direction. The woman had blonde hair, not black, and it was still short, but there was no mistaking the posture. She approached their table and as she got closer, Jess turned to look, spotted the large, dangly earrings and stood up.
“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in,” said Trish Morley Roberts, hands on hips, studying her carefully, looking her up and down. “On yer holidays?” she said brusquely and then her face burst into a wide grin. “Come here, Alice,” she said, holding her arms out, and the two women embraced fondly. “Where have you been? I could do with some help!”
“Nice to see you, Trish. I wasn’t sure whether I’d be welcome or not.”
“It’s called hospitality, love. Everyone’s welcome. Well, almost everyone.” They both laughed, knowing exactly who she was talking about. “And who do we have here?” said Trish gesturing around the table.
“This is my friend Keira.”
“How do you do, Keira?”
“Hi.”
“And this is my daughter Leila” – she saw the beginnings of a frown – “and these are my daughters, Sophie and Lucy.” Trish’s mouth dropped open.
“My, you have been busy,” she said, beaming at the children in front of her.
Jess decided just to come out with it.
“Sophie and Lucy were born nine months after I left.”
Trish’s head turned slowly towards her as she computed the meaning, her mouth dropping open even further than before.
“Oh. Goodness me. Well, I didn’t expect that.”
“Maybe we can have a chat, after we’ve had some lunch?”
“Yes, of course,” she nodded. “I’d like that, Alice.”
“Jess. My real name’s Jess.”
***
After lunch Keira took the girls outside to the play area and they amused themselves on the swings and the slides while Trish and Jess had coffee together at a discreet table.
Jess told her all about her life before she’d arrived at The Navigation and how, after she’d left, she had been rescued by Peter, both of them unaware she was carrying Dave’s children.
“I always knew he was a philandering bastard. I did love him once. But I knew what he was like. I just didn’t know he would take it that far. I’m really sorry, Jess.”
“You mustn’t be. It’s not your fault.”
“You seem to have had a fair bit of man trouble yourself.”
“How can I have any regrets? Look at them.” They both stared out of the window at the children playing.
“You’re very fortunate.”
“I know.” But Jess had other things she wanted to say.
“Trish. I saw Dave the other week. Him and Jade.”
Trish let out a puff of air.
“She’s welcome to him. She doesn’t know what she’s let herself in for.”
“They’ve got a little boy. Ben. Same age as the twins ...”
“Jesus Christ!”
“… and they run a pub three miles away from me.”
“Oh. That must be a little awkward.”
“Well, he found out about me and the twins, put two and two together and now he’s demanding money to stay away.”
“The shit. How much?”
“A lot. But that’s not your problem; it’s mine and I’m dealing with it. The thing is, he accused me of stealing money. From here.” Trish frowned, trying to remember.
“Oh yeah. The twelve hundred. Yeah, how could I forget? If I hadn’t forgotten to take it to the bank, well, who knows …”
“Who knows indeed. I did take it.”
“Yes, I assumed it was you and I was really pissed off, but then it turned up in the bank so I thought nothing more about it. So you paid it in?”
“Yes. I don’t know why I took it. I was stressed and I had nowhere to go and I didn’t have a penny, but as soon as it sank in, well ... I’m not a thief. It was just a moment of madness. I paid it in at Newhampton as soon as I got there.”
“There was twenty quid missing,” said Trish, smirking.
“Yes, I know. I’ll give you it back.”
“No you won’t! And lunch is on the house.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“Yes, I do,” she insisted, and they smiled at each other.
“Thanks. I just needed to know. That’s all. And I needed to know you had no hard feelings. About me.”
“No, of course not. I always felt responsible for what happened. But in a weird way it all turned out for the best.” Trish leant over and put her hand on Jess’s arm, stroking the cashmere.
“You’ve done well for yourself. I’m pleased for you.”
“I just got lucky.”
“Favours the brave, apparently.”
“I don’t think I’m brave.”
“Oh, I think you are, Jess.”
***
She was tired for once. Tired in a pleasant way, and she looked forward to bed. But she treated herself to a glass of wine once the girls were asleep. Her decision to go back and see Trish had been a good one, and she felt vindicated. She’d made another friend for life, or rather, she’d rediscovered a friend she didn’t know she had.
It was highly unlikely that she would ever have to call Trish to corroborate her story, but she’d be able to brief Michael and, if he felt inclined, he could speak to Trish to remove any doubt he might have about the money. She now understood Dave and his lawyer were just using it as a stick to beat her with, to make her feel like she was the villain and he was the victim, so that she’d give in to their demands.
More than anything, seeing Trish again had removed any lingering doubts in her own mind that, in some way, she herself had been to blame for the incident at The Navigation. Trish could never be regarded as an impartial witness and it changed nothing, but it gave her peace of mind and that mattered.
But after she’d read Alisha’s letter, she felt different inside, and going to see Trish had just been the beginning. She was forming a different view of her world, a different perspective on the things she feared the most, and was beginning to realise that a lot of it was just in her head. A lot of it was borne out of ignorance; supposition, presumption and misguided impressions of the things around her. She’d started to challenge her preconceptions and her conclusions and finally see things in a different light, and when she looked at them again, she saw something new; something less daunting, less fearsome.
She went to bed. She wanted to visualise her new world, so she closed her eyes and used her imagination, let her mind focus on the possibilities, and although she was deliciously tired, it was an hour before she finally dropped off.