Chapter 11
Another two days later saw a noticeable improvement in Ajna’s condition. The chest tube had been removed and the sedatives had been decreased as the doctor decided that it was time to start waking her up, even if it was a little at a time. She was now alert enough to open her eyes and follow some basic commands and one of the first was to squeeze Edward’s hand. He saw this as nothing short of a miracle and when he spoke to her she nodded her head slightly in acknowledgement. Edward was elated to the point of tears and Ajna reacted through a single tear that flowed from the corner of her eye down the side of her face. The link was still there and Ajna was still there. Edward sat next to her, telling her that everything was going to be fine.
“Don’t worry about a thing. All you have to do is get better,” he said. “In a couple of weeks, I’ll get you home and you’ll be back on your feet in no time. You’ll see.”
The next day, the breathing tube had been taken out. Edward was asked to step into the waiting room as the doctor removed it.
“This is something you’re probably not gonna want to see,” Bonnie said. “This procedure can be pretty upsetting to a lot of people.”
Edward decided he would simply take her word for it and started down to the waiting room.
Sweetheart, I’ll be right back,” he told Ajna.
Twenty minutes later, Bonnie stepped into the waiting room.
“Mr. Drake,” she said. “We’re done. You can come on back.”
He followed Bonnie back to the room and Ajan was now sitting up, but still looking more than a bit groggy from the sedatives. Her wrists were still restrained to the bed and Bonnie reassured him that they would be taken off when she was fully alert and there was no risk that she would pull any of her I.V.’s out. Edward nodded in acknowledgement and stepped up to the bedside near her head. She looked over at him and spoke with a quiet, hoarse voice. “Hey,” she said.
She raised a hand and finding that it had been tied down simply let it drop back onto the bed. Edward reached over and took her hand.
“Hey yourself,” he said.
Hearing her voice for the first time since the shooting was an emotional experience that he could not contain and tears welled up in his eyes and poured down over his face.
“You look like shit,” Ajna remarked.
Edward grinned a bit and gave a tense chuckle mostly because he knew she was right – even under the influence of the pain killers she was on. She would continue taking pain killers for weeks while her shattered rib healed. But, within a few hours the drugs that kept her heavily sedated had, for the most part, worn off and Ajna could carry on a lucid conversation.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Sweetheart, what’s the last thing you remember?” Edward asked.
She was more than a little foggy about the events that led up to her hospital admission, but Ajna was able to piece together a few details. Edward abruptly interrupted her as she tried to remember more. He felt that it was too soon to discuss the details of the shooting and Bonnie was in agreement that the last Ajna needed right now was to get upset. So, Edward sat and talked to Ajna for about an hour about nothing in particular – work, how everyone in the neighborhood was concerned for her. He thought it best not to talk about anything that could be upsetting – the shooting, the clinic Ajna worked at. Even the news seemed to be off limits. After all, there seemed to be nothing good in the world, with terrorists killing children over water and the human race well on its way to self annihilation. He didn’t want Ajna to think about anything that could be construed as negative, as least not yet. After another fifteen minutes, Bonnie walked in and said that Ajna needed to rest and Edward could come back later in the afternoon. She smiled as he kissed her lightly on the cheek and told her that he’d be back this afternoon. Edward left the SCU-4 unit no longer feeling haunted by the incriminating voice in the back of his mind now that Ajna was awake and talking and felt a noticeable sense of relief for how her condition was progressing. He felt his body had become somewhat lighter as he made the drive home and as he pulled into the driveway he noticed several of his neighbors watching him from their windows.
“Well,” he thought. “I guess I should let them that things are at least going o.k.”
He pulled into the driveway, walked around to the front of the house and was met by the elderly woman who lived next door. She approached him with tears in her eyes and said that she had heard about what had happened on the news saying how sorry she was about their situation. Just as she was about to burst into tears, Edward put a hand on her arm and let her know that Ajna was awake and talking. She was still in intensive care, but she would be fine.
“Oh, I’m so glad!” she said. “When I heard that she’d been shot I just assumed the worse, considering everything going on in this damned town. If there’s anything I can do, you just let me know.”
She wanted to be helpful, even though there was nothing she could do. She was a religious person and told Edward that she would pray for Ajna. He was not big on the idea of God, but nodded in appreciation and thanked her for her being so concerned. He looked on as she carefully walked back to her house. She had both hips replaced and walking was a bit more work than it used to be. As she opened her front door Edward turned and went inside. He wanted to make sure that she got into her house without falling.
Once inside, he decided to again lie down on the couch for a brief nap. He was still exhausted and hadn’t slept much over the last two days. So much had happened and he still felt as though he was living in a nightmare, unable to wake up or escape. Edward went back to the hospital that afternoon and was asked by Bonnie not to spend too much time there, as they didn’t want Ajna to become too tired. She was being heavily medicated for pain and complained that the act of breathing was still a bit painful, in spite of the medication. Thirty minutes later, she told Edward to go home. Her voice slurred from the effects of the drugs, but she wanted him to get some rest and something to eat.
“You know,” Bonnie said. “It’s not a bad idea ya’ know. You need to take a break.”
Edward again spent the night on the couch. Ajna was getting better, but he still could not bring himself to sleep in their bed without her. He got some blankets and a pillow from a closet and decided that he would not sleep in their bed until Ajna was home and back on her feet.
Another two days later, Anja was deemed well enough to be transferred out of SCU-4 and was sent to the fourth floor of the Richards wing. Not knowing about the move, Edward went to SCU-4 only to discover that her room was now occupied by someone else. He suddenly began to feel faint having assumed the worst. Bonnie had gone on vacation, but a sharp-eyed nurse standing nearby noticed Edward suddenly stumble back slightly and ran up behind him.
“Where’s my wife!?” he yelled. “What happened to my wife!? She was here yesterday!”
He was near complete hysteria when another nurse recognized him and quickly ran to his side. “Edward,” the nurse said. “Ajna’s been transferred to R-4. Didn’t anyone call you?”
Edward was fighting back a torrent of tears as his mind led him to the edge of his sanity.
“What?” he asked.
His emotions had pushed him into a state of confusion where the simplest words became difficult to understand.
“R-4?”
The words were starting to make sense now and Edward’s head began to clear.
“Yeah,” the nurse answered. “She’s well enough that the doctor moved her out and up to R-4. Didn’t you get the messege? Someone was supposed to call you this morning.”
Either no one called or he slept through it and the answering machine picked it up. He would later check their answering machine and find that he had indeed slept through the phone call.
The nurse wanted Edward to sit down for a few minutes so he could get his bearings, but Edward insisted on getting to R-4 as quickly as possible.
“I don’t want to sit down,” he said. “Please, how do I get to R-4?”
“We’ll have someone take you up,” the nurse said. The nurse turned to ask that a volunteer be paged, but when he turned back Edward was gone. He remembered where the elevators were and a glimmer of logic told him that he could probably find it on his own. He got to the elevators and found that the area was so crowded that he again felt a noticeable degree of panic setting in. Edward turned back, hoping to find another elevator lobby that wasn’t as crowded and he walked down the three or four steps to the hallway leading to the cafeteria he nearly collided with a young woman wheeling a small black cart that held a red box containing the tools of her trade.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he said. “Are you alright?”
She was a strikingly beautiful young woman of about twenty four. Her blonde hair was neatly tied back into a pony tail and she displayed a wonderfully understanding and cheerful smile.
“That’s o.k.,” she said. She had clearly been startled, but had managed to conceal it and a quick glance at the rack of colored test tubes led Edward to the conclusion that she worked in the hospital’s lab. He was about to walk away when suddenly turned back to her and asked where R-4 was.
“Sure,” she answered. “Just go around the corner and to the left. Go down to the elevators and up to the fourth floor.”
Edward stepped off the elevator at the fourth floor and found his way down to the nurse’s desk. The secretary looked up at him and asked, “Can I help you?”
“Uh…yeah,” he started. “I’m looking for Ajna Drake – I’m her husband. She was transferred up her from SCU-4 and I kinda’ got left out of the loop.”
“Oh… well, let’s see,” the secretary began.
She moved her attention to a printout that lay on the desk just to her right. Scanning down the document she stopped at Ajna’s name.
“Yes, she was moved up here early this morning and she’s in room 407, which is right there.”
She pointed to her immediate right.
“Thank you,” Edward said as he walked away toward the room.
“You’re welcome,” she replied.
His pace was quick as he made his way to the room and upon entering found Ajna asleep. She was still receiving I.V. fluids, but was no longer on a ventilator. The absence of that particular machine gave Edward a tangible feeling of relief and he came to the conclusion that the worst may be behind them. He sat down quietly in the corner chair so as not to wake her. The other bed was not yet occupied, so Ajna would be able to sleep undisturbed. The nurse walked in just as Edward was dozing off, causing him to wake with a start. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” Edward slowly sat up from what he found was quite an uncomfortable position.
“It’s o.k.,” he said.
“Well, I’m Trish,” she began. “And I’ve been assigned as Ajna’s nurse for today, so I’ll be popping in once in a while to look in on her. Are you her husband?”
“Yeah,” he said as he stood to shake her hand. “Edward.”
“Nice to meet you,” Trish said.
Edward pointed to an I.V. pump that held a syringe within a set of clamps.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“That’s a medication pump,” she answered. “It pushes in a certain amount of medication every few minutes or so. It just keeps a constant stream of medication flowing.”
“Uh huh,” Edward replied. “And what kind of medication are you giving her?’
The nurse was very patient with Edward’s questions and did her best to give him answers that were short and to the point.
“It’s called Hydromorphone,” she answered. “It’s very commonly used for pain management. It’ll make her a bit loopy, but it’s better than being in pain.”
Edward nodded his head in agreement.
“Is there anything I can get for you?” Trish asked. “No…uh, I don’t think so,” Edward replied. “But thank you.”
“Well, if you need anything or you have any questions just ring the call,” Trish said. “And like I said, I’ll be stopping in every once in a while.”
About an hour later, Edward suddenly awoke to a feeling he could not define and discovered that Ajna was watching him sleep.
“Hey,” he said. “How’s it going?”
He got up and pulled the chair over to her bedside.
“Are you in any pain? Should I get the nurse?”
She had never known him to be so doating, as if he were holding a small child and it was a side of him that stirred her craving for motherhood.
“I’m fine,” she whispered. “But I feel like I got hit by a bus.”
She didn’t have a great deal of strength and a whispered voice was all she could manage. I spite of the medication, Ajna still felt enough of an ache in her side to know that something had happened to her. However, the fogginess the seemed to overwhelm her senses would not allow the details to organize themselves in her mind.
“Edward,” she said. “What happended?” “Sweetheart,” Edward replied. “You need to get some rest.”
“But I need to know what happened,” she pleaded. Her insistence was starting to lead her into a state of agitation and caused a sudden jolt of pain. Her face became pale and sweaty as she gasped in pain and started clutching at Edward’s shirt.
“Ajna, we’re gonna talk about it,” Edward said urgently. “But you have to calm down.”
He yelled for the nurse who came rushing into the room with a syringe and piercing a small port in the I.V. tubing pushed in a drug that made Ajna relax almost immediately. As she quickly slipped beneath the waves of pain and into a place far from the incursion of reality, the nurse put a hand on Ajna’s forehead and felt a cold dampness that seemed to blister up from her skin.
“She just a bit agitated,” Trish said. “But I’ll have to let the doctor know what’s going on.”
The nurse disappeared from the room and within a few minutes Edward could hear her talking on the phone. Edward fell back into the chair feeling like the world had fallen in on him. He knew that what had happened wasn’t his fault, but he still felt responsible. Ajna wanted to know what had happened to her, but could not yet remember enough to put the pieces together. Edward wanted to tell her, but obviously it was far too soon given her reaction to simply wanting to know. She was once more asleep when Trish walked back in and found Edward leaning over with his face in his hands. She crouched down next to him and put a hand on his arm.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said calmly.
“I just don’t know what to tell her,” he said. “Let’s figure that out later,” Trish responded. “Her doctor’s on his way up to take a look at her and we’ll go from there. Sound like a plan?”
Edward nodded and wiped the tears from his face. “Yeah,” he said.
He had no other words and began to feel overtaken by a sense of hopelessness. “When will the doctor be here?” he asked. “Probably in about half an hour,” Trish answered. “Let me get you some ice water,” she said.
“Yeah, that’d be great,” Edward replied. “Thank you.”
The doctor arrived in twenty minutes and spent only five minutes in his assessment. Between his observations and the nurse’s note it was decided that Ajna would be transferred again. This time she was taken to a specialized unit across the hall that was commonly referred to as the ‘Assisted Ventilation Unit’. Edward looked at the doctor fearfully.
“Assisted ventilation,” he said. “Are you going to put her back on a breathing machine?”
“Well,” the doctor began. “I hope we won’t have to.”
It was on this unit where she was again assessed for lung functioning and included an EKG and a chest x-ray. Ajna had been moved into a room that lay just around the corner from the nurse’s desk so she could be more closely monitored. Her drug regimen was also reassessed and it was decided that the only change would be the addition of an I.V. injection of Ativan, but only if she became agitated. She would be a patient on this unit for at least a week. The doctor felt that the more details she remembered on her own, the more likely she would be able to be told the entire story without becoming as upset as before.
On this unit, Ajna’s nurse was Joan, a woman who seemed genuinely committed to helping others. She was in her mid forties and possessed a warm, compassionate personality. Edward noticed immediately that some of the patients were on ventilators and became concerned that Ajna may be headed back in that direction. He approached the doctor again and asking if she might be going back on a breathing machine. The doctor clearly understood Edward’s persistent concerns and assured him that they would try to avoid putting Ajna back into the same circumstances. They continued giving her pain killers and the occasional Ativan helped keep her emotions at bay. Three days later, Ajna was walking – slowly at first, but the doctor thought it best to get her up so as to avoid and lung infections. Of course, Edward was thrilled to see her up and on her feet for the first time since the shooting. She wasn’t walking far and required the help of two nurses, but it was progress. Three days later, she was walking twice as far with the help of only one nurse. Her pain medication had been lowered in order to accommodate the increase in activity. The doctor ordered a portable chest x-ray and found that the graft holding her shattered rib together was healing a bit faster than expected. Edward didn’t ask why, but he did start asking when Ajna might go home. He was looking forward to waiting on her and seeing for himself as she continued to improve. Unfortunately, it would be another week before that decision would be considered. Meanwhile, Edward was preparing their house for Anja’s return, as he hoped her doctor would discharge her within the week. He moved furniture and purchased a twin bed for the living room so Ajna would not have to climb the stairs to the bedroom. He would cook, clean, help her dress and most importantly make sure that she walked twice a day. A week later, he sat down with the doctor and went over his plans for Ajna’s home care. The doctor agreed whole heartedly, but cautioned Edward not to push her too hard. Recovery happens at its own pace and cannot be rushed.
A week later, the doctor cleared Ajna to be discharged. The I.V.’s were removed and she was given Vicodin for pain and an inhaler to help keep her lungs clear. She would also use a walker due to a significant loss of strength. The nurse escorted Ajna out in wheelchair and met Edward outside the front door of the hospital. As they drove away, Edward took a sigh of relief as he saw the hospital retreating in his rear view mirror. He glanced over at her.
“You feeling o.k.?” he asked.
She was no longer speaking at a whisper, having gained back enough strength at an understandable volume. However, Edward did notice that she didn’t seem to have enough strength for lengthy conversation. It simply took much out of her. When they pulled into the driveway Edward carefully walked Ajna into the house through the back door. He didn’t want the neighbors – concerned as they were – approaching with questions or well wishes. He knew that Ajna would appreciate their concern, but he also knew that she didn’t have the energy to stop and chat. He just wanted to get her into the house so she could rest.
Once inside, he led her to the twin bed he had set up in the living room. Up until now, there had been no conversation of the shooting. But Ajna had begun to remember.
"How is she?” Ajna asked.
“How is who?” Edward responded.
“She was standing next to me,” she said. “She was pregnant… and I couldn’t just let her die.”
Edward was lost. He had no idea what Ajna was talking about.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” he said. “Is this someone who was at the clinic?”
Ajna simply nodded her head.
He didn’t know if there had been any survivors of the shooting and wasn’t familiar with a lot of her co-workers.
“Let me look on-line and see if I can find the article. I’m sure there must be some information on the other people who were there.”
He tried to get her to lie down, but Ajna insisted on learning the fate of the young nurse she was so willing to put her life aside for. Edward quickly found the article in the Portland Press on-in archive. Skimming through the article, he found that indeed a young expectant woman had survived the incident and was taken to Maine Medical Center for observation. She had been released two days later and completely uninjured. However, Ajna had to read it herself. She was determined to know if her actions had, in fact, spared the woman’s life as well as that of her unborn child. Unbeknownst to her, the young woman recently discovered that her baby was female and planned on naming her after Ajna. Ajna would not come to know this until weeks later.
Edward spent the next two weeks at home attending to her every need. By the end of that time, Ajna was slowly walking up and down the block. However, the Vicodin she took for pain often left her on her back and interfered with any physical activity. It was at this point that some of their neighbors began stopping by asking how Ajna was doing and if there was anything they could do to help. Edward always said the same thing.
“Well, right now she’s sleeping. But if there’s anything we need, I’ll let you know.”
Two weeks later, Ajna was taking a bit less Vicodin and seemed somewhat more mobile. Her stubborn streak began to show as she started doing a few things around the house, in spite of Edward’s insistence that she take it easy. But, she was bored and convinced him that there were a few things she could do. She limited these activities to anything that could be done in a standing position – sweeping, dusting and such. She was still unable to bend over without a considerable amount of pain and her doctor strongly advised against it. But every day seemed to bring a bit more progress and Edward began to see Ajna’s lust for life flickering back.