Chapter Twenty Three
Tips in a minute
Car trouble is not something any of us want to deal with. We want to hop in the car, turn the key, and have it run like a Swiss Watch, every time. Unfortunately sooner or later there will come a time that some sort of symptom will creep into your life at the worst possible time. Is it a major problem or minor issue? Here is a glossary of terms that should help you get a handle on what your vehicle is saying to you, and assist you when discussing with an auto mechanic (automotive technician).
Brakes
Engine
If you’re pouring the coals to the engine to get to work faster than normal because you over slept and all of a sudden you feel like you’ve reached the end of the rope your car came with by losing power and the engine hiccups at irregular intervals you have what we call Engine Cut Out.
If you’re driving the kids to school and it sounds like crinkling soda cans under the hood or popcorn popping, especially when going up a hill you have what we call Detonation.
If you turn the engine off and remove the key and the darn thing keeps chugging, spiting and sputtering like an old John Deer tractor you have what we call Dieseling.
If you push on the gas pedal and nothing happens, especially when taking off from a stop sign or light, kind of like when your wife asks if you took the trash out that she told you to do 3 times then you have what we call Hesitation.
If you have a bucking sensation that pulsates and jerks and throbs and changes with engine speed, usually felt above 29.7 miles per hour and when you are at idle, you hear a spitting sound from the exhaust then you have what we call a Miss, not to be confused with the Mrs.’s.
If your engine runs rough, shakes, rattles and rolls unevenly at an idle you have what we call a Rough Idle.
If your engine has no getup and go like some of those early Monday mornings after a great weekend, and it won’t accelerate as fast as usual and it feels like you before coffee, Red Bull, Coke or Pepsi then you have what we call a Sluggishness.
If your car has little or no speed increase when you push the accelerator, yet when you continue to push it down gradually, eventually you get an increase in speed, kinda like asking your kids to pick up their room and by the thirteenth time they do it, then you have what we call a Spongy Response.
If your engine dies out or stops running right after you accidently honk at the biker gang in front of you and does the same thing at idle or while driving you have what we call a Stall.
If your car speeds up then slows down, then speeds up then slows down, similar to the way you feel when the caffeine wears off until the next batch kicks in then you have what we call a Surge.
Steering & Handling
If your suspension seems to bottom out like when you were a teenager and you jumped that canal with your folks Pontiac and you hear a heavy thud you have what we call Bottoming.
If you have to turn the steering wheel way to far before the front wheels engage you have what we call Excessive Play.
If your vehicle is hard to steer when first started or while trying to parallel park in downtown New York with honking horns, yelling and the occasional feathered finger you have what we call Hard Steering.
If you release the steering wheel while holding on to your Egg McMuffin to answer your cell phone and your car changes lanes you have what we call a Pull.
If you are holding on tight to the steering wheel because you like the rapid side"to"side motion produced from your front wheels felt in the your steering wheel you have what we call Shimmy.
If your car takes a long time to feel right again after hitting those grocery store speed bumps at 34.3 miles per hour or it feels like an old pioneer wagon with a spongy or mushy ride you have what we call Pitching/Sway.
If your car shakes and at times is harmonized to your favorite song on the radio you have what we call a Vibration.
If your car is like your teenager and has a mind of its own by meandering and requires frequent adjustments to maintain its direction while you’re busy texting then you have what we call a Wander.
Odors & Stains
If you smell a sweet odor with your husband’s shoes off in the car and you start to see steam from under your hood you have what we call a Coolant/Antifreeze Leak.
If you see small, heavy, thick, gooey black stains on your brand new driveway then you have what we call an Axle Leak.
If you see thick smoke with a heavy tar pit odor coming out from under your hood and you can account for your kid who is easily entertained with matches, you have what we call Burning Oil.
If you see what you think at first is one of the colors of the rainbow, yellow, green, pink or orange stains under your car and they are like a baby oil consistency, you have what we call Coolant Streaks.
If you have brownish stains under your car and your kids and grandkids are all grown up, you have what we call Oil/Power" steering Leaks.
If your car smells like the burnt toast you patiently waited for but never popped up with an acrid smell, you have what we call an Electrical Short.
If the car in front of you filled with 6 kids 2 grandparents and 2 parents produces a rotten egg not coming from the family and smells like the sulfur pits in Yellowstone National Park, you are smelling Bad Emissions.
If you just rode your brakes all the way down Wolf Creek Pass and you smell a burning rubber type odor, you have what we call Overheated Brakes.
If you smell a hot, heavy metallic odor and you’re not at a heavy metal concert and it is accompanied by that sweet smelling coolant/antifreeze odor, you have what we call Overheating.
If you are seeing reddish or reddish brown stains on the driveway every time you leave your mother" in"laws house and you can account for her cat, you have what we call a Transmission Oil Leak.
“Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. Elbert Hubbard