If you asked most women today what type of girl men want and wouldn’t be able to live without, they would answer that she would have to be an Angelina Jolie lookalike or at the very least be blond, blue-eyed and have killer legs. While this type of woman would definitely attract a lot of attention, she actually isn’t the type of woman most men want to build a life with.
Now ladies, that's really good news for most of us!
You see, while men are visual creatures and that first attraction is sparked from looks, you would be surprised to find out how much more men actually want from women.
For example, a team of sociologists conducted a study, trying to understand if there was a common denominator that men found attractive in women; that one thing that would get any guy to want to go over and talk to a girl. You would never guess what the result was. No, it wasn’t her breasts, her legs or her bum. In fact, it wasn’t anything below her chin.
It was her smile. The majority of men stated that they found nothing as attractive as a woman’s smile.
The point of this revelation is that you have to put your preconceived notions and the rules society has beaten into you all to one side. You need to understand that fundamentally, men and women are different and it’s alright to be a woman. There’s nothing wrong with giving up control to your partner once in a while, especially since it will make you feel better as well.
Society may have placed men and women on equal footing in the workplace and perhaps some other areas of our lives. While it is absolutely true that a woman can do almost anything a man can do and vice-versa, it is also true that we have fundamental differences that we are hardwired with. The problem is that when we try to overlook those differences and pretend they don’t exist, as women, we end up shutting ourselves away from the world in an attempt to be more like the men we feel a need to compete with.
Generally, this is most prevalent in the workplace, but unfortunately a lot of women carry this behavior over into their personal lives and they end up hurting themselves as well as their partners.
Women are often afraid to be women, to appear feminine or vulnerable because they equate it with being weak. However, quite the opposite is true, because a woman who is in tune with herself and shows her vulnerability wields much more power over a man than if she were to constantly act tough.
We will be exploring many of the differences between men and women in this book and how it is that those differences give us more strength than any rules society may seek to impose upon us. And once you allow your inner woman to shine through, then you will become the woman men feel drawn to and can’t live without.
I want to state clearly that this book might hurt your feelings. It’s written in a very honest and direct way. You may not like everything said in it. This e-book is not for everyone.
These also aren’t tips on how to deal with boys who want to play emotional games. And isn’t meant for a woman who is just looking for a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits type of situation.
This book is written for women who want to build a very real, long-term relationship with a man who is interested in the same.
If you would like more information on how to make him worship you, click here.
Before we look at the differences between men and women and what draws men to women, we must first take a look at ourselves.
Are you ready for a relationship?
A very important question to ask yourself is, “Am I ready for a relationship?” Oftentimes, we think that we are ready for a relationship before we even are. Before you start looking for your forever love, first ensure that you are really ready to find him. You should be in the right place especially emotionally and psychologically.
Are You Happy With Your Life Right Now?
Many women make the mistake of assuming that finding the perfect man will make them happy. If you’re waiting for a man to complete you, or make you happy, then you aren’t ready to find the right man. You need to focus on feeling fulfilled in your life. Ensure that you’re living the kind of life that you want and that makes you happy. You should have dreams that don’t all involve a man.
Mr. Perfect will not be responsible for fixing your life and giving you a reason to wake up every day. Such a woman will have problems meeting the right kind of man and keeping him around, a man who sees this kind of desperation will either run away or even take advantage of you.
If you are sad and depressed and just waiting for a man to make you happy, then you may not be ready to meet the man your heart desires. Take time to heal and love yourself. Build a life that feels good to live day to day. Spend time on hobbies, strengthen relationships with friends and family, and learn something that interests you.
Have You Gotten Over Your Last Relationship?
You can’t find the right man if you’re still holding onto the past. If you’re still crying over a breakup and you’re looking for a new man just to fill the void, you’re not ready yet. You may actually chase away a good guy at this point. If you meet a nice man and you keep talking about your ex or comparing him to your ex, this can push him away.
Don’t carry the anger, bitterness, sadness or resentment of your last relationship with you. If you’ve experienced trauma in a past relationship such as being cheated on, manipulated or abused in any way, perhaps therapy would be a great option for you, to help process and heal from that past experience. And an important thing to remember is not all men are the same, so what has happened in the past, doesn’t have to be repeated in the future. If you still have negative, unprocessed feelings, you may not be ready to meet a new man. You may even project your negative feelings onto the new guy. “Don’t ever cheat on me, if you do, I’ll find out” This isn’t something you should be saying to someone who you’re hoping to have a relationship with. If you’re still hurting over your last relationship, give yourself a little time to heal before you start looking for your “perfect man”.
Do You Know What You Want?
If you don’t know what you want, you will end up falling for any guy. This makes it very easy for you to make the wrong choices or to get taken advantage of. You should have a clear idea about what you want in a man. This doesn’t mean that you have to have a checklist. It just means that you should take some time to figure out what you want. Know yourself enough, to know which standards you have for men and for yourself. Know where your boundaries are and how you expect to be treated. And very importantly, know what you’re not going to accept. Then when you meet a man, stick to your boundaries.
How Do You Feel About Yourself?
Some women will only believe that they’re beautiful if other people tell them so. If you’re in such a place in your life, you aren’t ready for your man yet. It’s important to build your self-esteem and self-confidence, making you a much stronger individual.
If you aren’t happy just being you, how do you expect to be happy as part of a couple. Insecurity isn’t a trait that men want to see in a woman that they love.
Be confident in yourself and avoid being insecure and too unsure of yourself. We all have insecurities, that’s normal, but don’t point them out to your man.
Don’t expect a man to make you feel better about yourself. Make that your job. Work on yourself and build your confidence so you can walk into your relationship in your strength.
A big problem we have right now is our perception of ourselves. Women’s liberation has been taken to a whole new level and from simply meaning that women should have equal rights to men in society, it has many women believing femininity is weak, and they should act more like men.
The reason for this is quite simple. Men are competitive by nature, women are not. Therefore, to succeed in the workplace, more and more women have had to become just as competitive as men and in many cases more so because they start out with a handicap in the eyes of the competition. They are women. Unfortunately, though, many women have taken this competition to a whole new level and their drive to succeed has convinced them that being a woman means being weak, so they have to shut off their feelings and act more like the guys they work with.
Sadly, women are grossly mistaken because our femininity is in no way a weakness, but, in fact, a strength, as it is the one thing that allows us to influence men much more effectively than any argument or competition ever will. Men are disarmed by a woman’s softness simply because men were designed to fight and women were designed to nurture.
Women Offer Advice, Men Offer Solutions
What many women don’t seem to understand is that men are completely different. They process information differently, they relate to one another differently, they express themselves differently. However, a woman who understands these differences will become a priceless gem that men will adore. John Gray, in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus explains it wonderfully: “Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.”
In fact, it is these exact differences between men and women that spark passion and love because otherwise men wouldn’t need women and vice versa.
Yes, it is quite possible to understand men and it is probably easier for us to understand them than the other way around.
First of all, you need to understand that men are primarily driven by success and accomplishment. They value tangible results, efficiency and power and everything they do is geared towards proving themselves.
Men won’t sit around and talk about their feelings, instead they prefer to engage in competitive activities where they can win. It gives them the chance to show off their superiority over other males.
You won’t find a man reading the latest issue of People or Cosmo but instead he will read the sports or finance section of the paper or the news. He cares little about romance novels because he is more interested in things rather than feelings. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings. Men just find it harder to be vulnerable and express their feelings.
And he likes things that help him express power, whether a fancy sports car or the latest gadgets and gizmos.
Solutions vs Advice
Men are goal driven and they feel good about themselves when they manage to achieve their goals because they prove that they are worthy and competent. If they do so on their own, then that is an even greater testament to their power and strength.
Because men are hardwired to solve their problems on their own, they rarely talk about them. When they do, it means they need advice and help.
If women can understand this side of men, then they will understand why men hate being corrected or advised without asking for it. It makes them feel incompetent and they feel that you don’t trust them to solve the problem.
This is also why men tend to offer solutions when women talk to them about their problems. It is because, if another man were to share his problems, it is an unspoken request for help, so he feels honored to provide a solution.
When he provides a solution for the woman he loves, it is an expression of his love but when a woman gets upset because she perceives that he isn’t listening or emphasizing he has no idea what he did to upset her. The result is that he withdraws and basically blocks her out.
Dealing with Stress
Men also deal with stress differently than women do. A woman will talk about all her problems with her friends, who will instinctively know that she needs a little support and understanding so they empathize. On the other hand, men tend to withdraw and focus on a different activity so that they can tune out their problems until the following day when they have to handle them.
Unfortunately, most women think that he doesn’t care about her or is ignoring her because he isn’t talking about his problems with her, when it’s simply a matter of how men deal with stress differently than women. You have to accept the fact that it’s unrealistic to expect a man to open up immediately to you when he is stressed just as it is unrealistic for a man to expect you to calm down and be rational and logical all the time.
You need to understand that if he withdraws to watch football or read the newspaper, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it simply means he is very stressed. You need to learn not to take it personally and to give him a little space. Also, if you ask for his attention in a calm and relaxed manner you will find he will be much more responsive than if you start the blame game.
Remain Independent - Have Your Own Life
Sometimes when a woman meets a man that she really likes, she drops everything else in her life. Her life and happiness start to revolve around the guy. He is always on her mind, and she can’t wait to talk to him or see him.
This can result in her making constant phone calls or sending him texts after text. She may also try to see him every chance she gets.
She has no other interests in life apart from her man. This isn’t an attractive quality at all. Men like women who have their own lives and sense of individuality. You should have your own friends and your interests. Nobody likes to be followed around by a woman because she only wants to do what he wants to do.
It’s okay to be head over heels for someone. However, be very careful not to lose them by trying too hard to be with them every second you get.
Try to remain independent. Concentrate on other things apart from him. Keep in touch with your friends and go to work or school as usual. Take time to enjoy your hobbies. You have to ensure that you have a life separate from him. If you keep trying too hard to be part of his daily plans, you may scare him away fast!
Just because you met a new man, don’t give up your own individuality such as hanging out with your girlfriends.
Keep Some Mystery in The Relationship
You shouldn’t reveal everything about yourself when you meet a new man. Keep some things to yourself in order to remain intriguing. Also avoid divulging some sensitive information in the initial stages of dating.
You don’t have to lie. You just have to know how much information is ok and how much, is too much. You can tell him all your secrets later on when you have dated him for a while.
Don’t Rush Sex
No matter how attracted you are to him, jumping into bed too quick is never a good move. It will give him a bad impression of you. It may also change the tone of your relationship. Instead of a commitment, he will be in it just for the sake of having a good time.
Try to get to know him better without sleeping with him. Build the relationship and work on your emotional intimacy before the physical aspect of the relationship is introduced.
No matter what magazines or movies show you, sleeping with a guy on the first date or even the first few dates isn’t a smart move. No man wants an easy woman. This will even make the man question your morals.
Don’t jump into bed with a man before you get to know them a bit more. You want to make sure that they are someone you want to share your body with. Remember, your body is yours and you don’t want to allow just anyone to be inside if it.
Don’t Tease Him
Just because you don’t want to sleep with him yet doesn’t mean that you should tease him or toy around with his emotions.
Dress in a way that also leaves something for his imagination. Don’t come on to him making sexual overtures and then turn him down. Avoid heavy make out sessions and then bailing out last minute.
All this will make him focus on sleeping with you rather than building a relationship. Don’t play such games with a man that you are genuinely interested in. Don’t tease him and play around with his emotions.
Avoid Showing Desperation
You may have been desperately looking for a man when he came along. Maybe you have had bad luck in past relationships or have always had problems finding a good guy. However, whatever your situation, don’t show signs of desperation. Telling a man just how long you’ve been single and searching isn’t a good tactic.
Also avoid showing him that you need him so much, again this can come off desperate. No matter how difficult things may be in your life, don’t show him that you desperately need to be saved. His money and looks shouldn’t be your main area of interest. No man likes to feel like they are being used in any way.
Be Open
You don’t have to reveal all your secrets to him in an attempt at openness. You just have to give him your opinion and share with him without being cocky or too revealing. Men are attracted to women who have their own minds and can speak up for themselves. If you don’t agree with something, don’t be rude or argumentative; just clearly express your disagreement. No man will be attracted to a doormat. So don’t be one.
And don’t lie to him. This can ruin any relationship. If he asks you something that you aren’t ready to talk about, just tell him that, without lying. However, if it’s something very important, then tell him the truth. If you have a child with another man, don’t hide it. You should be upfront with him. Some men are okay with dating single moms while others aren’t, so avoid withholding such information.
Be Yourself
Don’t try to get a man to fall in love with you by trying to be someone else. For instance, if you don’t like sports, you don’t have to lie about being the biggest baseball fan just because the man is into baseball.
Also avoid trying to be the woman you think he might be attracted to. He may be attracted to Kim Kardashian but this doesn’t mean that’s who he wants you to be. So be you and let Kim be Kim. Don’t change your dressing or personality just to get someone to fall in love with you.
Be Confident
This is one of the sexiest attributes that any woman can have. All men are drawn to confident women. This doesn’t mean that you should be challenging, argumentative, or combative. It just means that you should believe in yourself.
You can’t get confidence from a man. You have to be confident within yourself. Trust yourself. Self-doubt shows in your personality, and this can be unattractive to men.
Although a man is supposed to do the chasing, this doesn’t mean that you sit down passively and let him do everything. You have to make a few moves. Sometimes come up with a plan and see if he likes it. Doubting whether or not he will ever want to do what you want is not going to get you anywhere.
However, don’t be cocky or try to put the man down. Reminding them that you have a better job, house, and car or are more educated isn’t good. You shouldn’t flaunt your successes in a way to put your man down.
Your confidence should empower them and make them more comfortable around you and drawn to you. They may even be proud of you. However, if you shove it down their throat, this will push them away.
Remember, confidence is sexy. Arrogance is not.
Let Him Be the Man
This may sound strange but actually it happens a lot especially with independent women. They are so used to being on their own and relying on their own survival tactics.
Let him be the man and stop questioning his ability to do things. If he offers to help you fix something, let him do it. Suggesting that you can do it yourself or that you would rather call a professional will just push him away. Him wanting to help you with something, is not him saying that you can’t do it.
Allow him to help you out with manly tasks such as changing the car’s tire or even small things like opening the pickle jar.
Work On Your People Skills
You don’t have to work on your people skills only when you are working. This is actually important even when you’re dating. Don’t take for granted simple things that you may assume to be obvious. For instance, there are women who like to talk a lot. This may have them interrupting a guy all the time. If he is telling you something avoid things like, “That reminds me of.........” interruptions. Stop cutting in and just listen.
Learn what’s appropriate and what’s not. Don’t just ask someone if they are republicans or democrats right off the bat. Also avoid making him feel self-conscious.
Listen, Talk and Laugh
You can easily bore a man if you don’t talk at all. If you’re on a date, keeping quiet and just staring down will easily get his mind wandering. If he tells you a joke, laugh even if it’s not funny. But don’t give a fake laugh that is too obvious. He may think that you are making fun of him.
Above all, learn to listen to him. If a man is talking to you and you look distracted, this may get him to shut up. Men like confiding in a woman who can listen to them. Put your phone down and be present. Give them your undivided attention and this will make them confide in you even more.
Pay attention and listen to him when he is talking to you.
Don’t Try to Buy His Affection With your Effort
Many women will over give to a man they just start dating. Always ready to help him and make his life so easy in hopes that he will fall in love with her since she does so much for him. This tactic isn’t smart. You will simply train a man to be lazy and make him think he can get anything so easily. This can easily have a man take advantage of your efforts.
Another thing, many people assume that only men try to buy love without knowing that there are women who also try out this approach. Trying to buy him gifts or give him money will not work. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have money and he doesn’t. A man who falls for these tactics is only trying to use you. He will not fall in love with you through such means.
A man who is courting you will be doing these things for you. He will pay for dates; get you flowers and also small gifts. However, you don’t have to return the favor and buy him a car!
Step into Femininity
Men are attracted to the feminine qualities of a woman. It’s ok to roll up your sleeves and be one of the boys when at work but when you are with your man, show your feminine side. Some of the desirable attributes include, being caring, compassionate, tender, gentle and understanding. They say, opposites attract and this is why men are attracted to feminine qualities since it is a stark contrast to the masculine world they are so use to.
In line with being feminine, and as previously mentioned, avoid being sexually aggressive especially if you have just met a guy. Making suggestive statements with sexual connotations on your first date is just going to put him off or give him the idea that you’re not serious about building a relationship. If you want to flirt with him keep it subtle. Place your hand lightly on his forearm for brief minute. Rushing things will make you look slutty and give the wrong impression about you in his mind.
Take Things Slow
If you want to lose the perfect man within days of meeting him, try to rush him. You should start talking about moving in together, having kids or getting married. This kind of pressure is simply scary for most men. Nobody likes to feel like they have no control over their future, and this is how you will make him feel if you try to rush him.
Also avoid making too much contact. Don’t keep calling or texting a guy who you have just met. Let him make the first moves then follow up. If he texts, then text him back. You can start the communication too but ensure that you keep it light. Don’t be overbearing.
Softness
Men are generally attracted to a woman who is soft hearted. No man wants to be stuck in a relationship with a woman who is cold-hearted or seemingly emotionless. A woman who exudes warmth and acceptance is likely to attract and keep the attention of men.
Sense of Humor
You have probably heard about this, when a woman likes a man she will laugh at his jokes even when they aren’t funny. A good sense of humor is nice. If you are watching something funny together, being stone-faced is just boring. Learn to laugh and have a good time. You have to let loose and have fun.
Strong Women
This doesn’t mean physical strength but rather strength in character. A woman who has a strong personality is likely to attract men. Men don’t like women who don’t seem to have a mind of their own. They also don’t like women who don’t seem to have any personality at all. You can’t just be there in such a way that your presence isn’t felt. A strong character is interesting.
Be able to stand up for yourself. If a man treats you badly, then don’t just let them off the hook. If he is late for a date, you don’t have to throw a tantrum but don’t take it lightly especially if he didn’t have a good reason.
Being strong, is not the same as being aggressive. Having a strong personality means you know who you are, what you like and have formed your own opinions about things in life and you’re not swayed by every new person you meet.
A Challenge
It’s been proven that men like a good challenge. This is just something that appeals to their masculinity. Don’t just make things very easy for him by being too available. It’s also not advisable to make the first move or do the pursuing. Many feminists will tell you that it’s ok to do that but it’s not.
Men are natural hunters and the pursuing comes naturally to them. You want to be pursued and put up a challenge without necessarily playing hard to get. A good challenge is also a way to make things interesting. Let him court you instead of just presenting yourself to him on a silver platter.
Modesty
Most people assume that the beautiful woman with the sex appeal is the one that attracts men. This is especially if she is “eye candy” and dresses in ways that keep men ogling. However, this initial physical reaction is usually temporary. In addition, it is more likely to bring about lust and not love. Men want a modest woman to settle down with.
To attract the right kind of men, be modest. This should be clear in your dressing and the way you carry yourself. It should also be in your speech. This means that if you are used to swearing in your speech, work to eliminate that. Dress and act the way you would if you were to meet your mother-in-law today.
That doesn’t mean you can’t look sexy. Wear something that compliments your body shape without showing all your skin. Practice balance in your clothing. So, if your legs are the feature of the day then cover more on top and vice versa.
Pay Attention to Your Looks
While this might be considered a little shallow, unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about the fact that men are visual creatures. This doesn’t mean that you have to stop by the plastic surgeon in the morning to remodel yourself into a Victoria’s Secret runway model. Far from it.
However, it’s common for women to pay attention to their looks when they are trying to get the attention of a man. Even in the early stages, women often pay extra attention to their presentation. Each time taking hours to get ready, washing and styling her hair, shaving any unwanted hair off, tak
