To deeply understand what is inside the mind of someone with low self esteem, I would like to show you, below, a series of experiences from experienceproject.com, a site where people anonymously share their experiences and form a support community with other people of the same experience. From those experiences we can see the challenges that students face in their life that affects their self esteem.
A submission to the experienceproject.com from UnanonimouslyAnonymous
I Have Low Self Esteem
I Honestly Have No One To Talk To So... Hi, I'm a girl in my early teens but I suffer from very low self-esteem. I always feel pangs of sadness and always feel lonely. Every time I'm just staring at my wall at midnight and breaking down, I hate myself so much.
I'm ugly, fat, unathletic and talentless. I've suffered from a load of verbal bullying from my peers because of my appearance. That's why I'm very unsatisfied with my body image. I feel that I weigh a lot more than the average weight of girls my age and that I'm way too unfit. I hate taking pictures because I know that I'll look ugly no matter what. Even if I try to dress nice and fix my hair in hopes of looking pretty, I still feel ugly.
The only thing I'm good at is academics, and I feel that I'm not doing too good even in that field. I never get C's or anything below 80, except for P.E. My mom even refused to sign my report card when she saw my 74% in P.E. I know a lot of people say that my parents want me to do good because they have high expectations for me but I honestly think they just expect me to be a straight A student like my sister (who is better than me at everything and a lot more prettier). My mom's always yelling at me when I make the tiniest mistakes and blaming me for everything that goes wrong. Something goes missing around the house and she automatically blames me for it. I feel like she doesn't even love me because she's never really expressed it before, even before we had this big fight two years ago. I'm rarely ever told that I'm loved.
I have only a few friends that I can trust and talk to about my problems but I always feel that if I told them they'd judge me. It's like whenever I try to go out and exercise more, I always back out because I feel that if people saw me jogging, they'd judge me for being so unfit.
I've learned to pretend to smile and laugh, even just agree and pretend not to care when someone insults me even though it actually hurts a lot. Sometimes I'm very rude to people because I'm afraid that if I don't do that to push them away, they'll just hurt me in the end. But I don't want to keep bottling it all up inside.
I want to learn how to cope. I want to learn how to love myself. I just wanted to vent all of that out, even if no one replies. There are people out there whose problems are probably worse than mine.
Thank you.
A submission to the experienceproject.com from browniie111
Lower Self Worth Every Day
I should be happy with who I am. I'm a straight A student in all advanced classes , I was voted most aesthetically pleasing in my school, I am in practically every student group in the school, friends with almost everyone, I am athletic, extremely musically and artistically talented, have written a novel, have had a job since I was fifteen...etc. But I constantly feel like I am not good enough. If I am not the best, I am nothing in my mind.
It would be easy to blame it on my dad, who I have often seen as the cause of these self-esteem and self worth issues since childhood, on whom I blamed my years of anorexia, but my problems can't all be attributed to him. I have to take responsibility.
I haven't talked to my friends about this because I feel like this is trivial compared to other problems people go through. But I am finally realizing that lately, I've been quite down in the dumps. By lately, I mean for the past six years, and by down in the dumps I mean, I might be depressed. I don't know where else to turn, or what else to do. So I'm writing this on here in the hopes that someone on here may have some advice. Should I seek professional help, or is this too trivial a problem? I don't know what to do.
From the two stories above these are the challenges that they both have in common
1. Unsupportive background
a. Family
In the first story, the author reveals that her parents were very demanding in terms of her academic achievement even though she scored a seventy, her mom did not want to sign the report card. Her parents were also blaming her for the slightest mistakes and comparing her to her sister. Which just makes her feel worse. Her parents also rarely show sign of affection. “I love you” is a rare word for her to hear, even from her parents. This makes her feel unloved and a foundation for a crippling self esteem.
In the second story, the author hints that her father contributed to her lack of self esteem as he caused her to be anorexic (although she did not elaborate how) from childhood.
2. No social support
The first story began with “I honestly have no one to talk to” and later on she says that she does have friends but she feels that if she told them about her problems, they would judge her.
3. The desire for perfection
The author in the second story reveals her insatiable thirst for being the best. This might be weird because it is normal for someone who is the worst to feel bad about themselves but what about someone on the top, the champion feeling bad about themselves? It seems illogical yet it is happening. She strives for perfection as she says “If I am not the best, I am nothing in my mind.”
So, after all the things that I said earlier about how self esteem is vital for learning plus the stories from students about their experience, you must be beginning to wonder how to develop this self esteem attitude to love yourself. The first step is knowing our roles for successful learning to take place as this needs cooperation between three parties which are the student, parents, and teachers.
THE PARENT
As parents, your role is arguably the most important one as the child’s self esteem is developed so early. To help your child, you must first understand them. A table below from the book Raising a Good Child by Dr. Thomas Lickona a developmental Psychologist and Professor of Education at the State University of New York at Cortland shows that a child goes through a series of stages that develop their moral reasoning. Understanding their stages is crucial for understanding them, children are not short adults and they think differently from adults. Factors that affect this development includes the child’s general intelligence and amount and variety of social interactions. During the early stages of moral reasoning development, you cannot be sure of a child’s moral stage just by seeing his or her age as the higher the moral stage, the more variation there is in when children reach it. Many teens are for example are still stuck in Stage 2 which explains egoistic albehavior like not willing to do chores. Examine the table below as you are a big part of your child’s moral development.