WHAT IS A BULLY?
The story you just read took you through one day in the life of a bully. The main character ("you") bullied kids at school, bullied the schoolyard supervisor, and bullied his sister at home. There's no doubt that this person is a bully.
But did you realize that almost everyone in the story was some sort of bully? What about the schoolyard supervisor?
Didn't she bully you with commands, threats, ridicule and intimidation? What about the sister? Didn't she bully by making fun of you, teasing you? What about the brother?
Wasn't he a bully, but one who got away with it? And what about the father? He's a workaholic who neglects his family, then tries to make it up with tokens of money- andsometimes gets drunk, violent, and bullies his family. The mother is so busy in the business world that she doesn't seem to be there at all.
Bullies are People with Problems
Bullies come in all sizes, shapes, ages and nationalities.
They can be rich or poor, educated or ignorant, male or female.
Every bully is different, but what they have in common is: 1. They verbally or physically pick on others.
2. They are hurt, angry, afraid, and frustrated.
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Because of these feelings and their inability to deal with them, some bullies have done a lot of harm.
Being bullied can have very serious consequences. Some victims of bullies have felt so bad that they have taken their own lives, as happened in the southern United States when a 7th grade student, tired of four years of being called "chubby"
and "a walking dictionary," brought a gun to school and fatally shot another student before killing himself. His classmates said, "He was just someone to pick on."
If you have ever been bullied, you know that it doesn't feel good. It's frightening and can be harmful both physically and mentally. That's why I've written this book. I was harmed both physically and mentally due to being bullied as a boy, and I want to help you live your life so that this doesn't happen to you.
If you have been bullied,
this book will show you ways
to never be bullied again.
If you are a bully,
this book will show you ways
to get what you need without bullying.
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In order to do something about bullying, we have to know what we are dealing with. Let's take a look at the kinds of bullies that exist in the world today.
The Bully Has Many Faces
There are two main kinds of bullies:
1. The Extrovert Bully (Outward)
"Extrovert" bullies are outgoing, aggressive, active and expressive. They want to be on top - in control. They are more interested in things outside themselves than in their own thoughts and feelings. Extrovert bullies are rebels and are usually criticized for their rebelliousness. They often end up in trouble as adults. They are sometimes considered "outlaws."
Generally rough-and-tough, angry, and mean on the surface, they get their way by brute force. But inside, they may feel inferior, insecure and unsure of themselves. They reject rules and regulations and feel a need to rebel in order to achieve a feeling of superiority and security.
2. The Introvert Bully (Inward)
"Introvert" bullies don't want to be recognized. They hide as much as possible. They never rebel; they conform to society.
But they also want to be in control. They find other ways to get control - sometimes by smooth-talking, saying the "right"
thing at the "right" time, sometimes by misleading, lying, saying and doing whatever they think the other person wants to hear, just to get their way. They deceive people into 14
thinking they mean well. They work on becoming "teacher's pet." They are often so good at bullying, that we don't even notice that they are bullying us.
Introvert bullies get their power through cunning and deception. They seem to go along with the crowd, but because they desperately want to be successful -
get the highest, the
best, the most - they will lie, cheat, do anything to get what they want.
There are many types of bullies. See if you recognize any of the following. Can you tell if these are introvert bullies or extrovert bullies?
1. The Super Jock Bully
Motto: "I am Number One -yeah, ME!"
2. The Preppy Bully
Motto: "I am the elite of society- theupper crust."
3. The Movie Star Bully
Motto: "Mirror, mirror on the wall, I'm the fairest of them all."
4. The Brain Bully
Motto: "I'm smart.
Therefore I know better than you!"
5. The Rocker Bully
Motto: "Trash it, jam it, freak out! Do your own thing!
Who cares how it affects anyone else?"
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6. The Hippie Bully
Motto: "Tune in, turn on, drop out.
You're a fool to stay straight!"
7. The Patriotic Bully
Motto: "Our country, right or wrong.
Love it or leave it."
8. The Religious Bully
Motto: "There is only one belief worth believing- mine."
9. The Financial Whiz Bully
Motto: "When I speak, Wall Street listens. So you better listen too."
10. The Prejudiced Bully
Motto: ''You are inferior because you are (fill in religion, race, nationality, color of skin)."
ll. The Whining Kid Bully
Motto: (To Parent) "If you don't buy me this, I'll (fill in your own threat)."
Can you think of other types of bullies?
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There are many different kinds of bullies, but what they have in common is:
1. They are concerned mainly with their own pleasure rather than thinking about anyone else.
2. They want attention, recognition, power, position and fame, and they are willing to use other people in order to get what they want.
3. They want revenge for hurt feelings they have.
4. They do not have the ability to look at the whole picture and, therefore, are not responsible people.
We live in a society in which many people spend their lives looking out only for "Number One." They are self-centered, aggressive, and so focused on "success" that they do not consider anything or anyone else around them. These people create conflict - in their own minds, and in the world.
I know it's difficult sometimes not to be a bully when there are bullies in your home, school, and neighborhood. To make matters worse, many of them bully you around while telling you not to be a bully! But you don't have to be a bully if you decide you don't want to be like them.
What Kind of Bully are You?
In order to stop bullying, the first thing you'll need to do is figure out what kind of bully you are, or how you have been bullied in your life. Pull out a sheet of paper and pen or pencil, and write down...
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Ways I Have Been Bullied:
l.
2
3
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Ways That I Bully Others:
1.
2.-------------------
3.-------------------
4.
Here are some questions to help you remember when and how you've been bullied or have been a bully: 1. Have you ever bullied (or been bullied by) a younger brother or sister? If so, give an example.
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2. Have you bullied (or been bullied by) any of your classmates? If so, give an example.
3. Have you bullied (or been bullied by) your parents? If so, in what ways?
4. Have you bullied your dog or pet? If so, how?
5. Do you fit into any of the bully types described earlier in this book? If so, which ones?
6. Have you been bullied by any of the bully types described in this book? If so, which ones?
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7. Do you think you will continue to be a bully? For how long? Why?
8. Do you think you will continue to be bullied? For how long? Why?
9. Do you enjoy being a bully? If so, why?
10. Do you enjoy being bullied? If not, why not?
Remember ...
In order to learn about ourselves, we must be willing to be honest about our behavior. Being honest, we see ourselves as we are. This means that we do not judge ourselves or others as being "bad" or "good." Feeling bad only creates hatred, guilt and fear. Comparing oneself or another to what is considered good only brings conflict - between who we actually are and who we think we should be. If we look honestly at ourselves without judgment, then there will be understanding, learni ng.
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