Chapter Four
COURTNEY
“Courtney, seriously, you’re shaking. Girl, you have to try and calm down.”
I wanted to haul off and slap Shaun. First of all, why does he insist on calling me, girl? I’m not a girl, and neither is he. We don’t look like girls; we don’t act like girls—at least I don’t. We don’t smell like girls, nor do we want to be girls. At least I don’t. We’re men. Two gay men, but yet every other word out of his mouth is girl this, or girl that. He’s been flamboyant and over the top like that since we met in junior high, and that annoys the hell out of me!
After my rant about Shaun and his gay slang, I tried to calm my nerves, but it wasn’t happening. Mama always said I’d have days like this, but she never prepared me for my wedding day.
I don’t pray. I’m not spiritual whatsoever. I believe there is a Higher Power, but that’s it. I don’t drop to my knees every night and recite some repetitious bible verse, but I sure wish I had. Maybe a little prayer would help me now. I’ll try it . . . Our Father which art . . . uh . . . our Father . . . What am I doing? Hell, I don’t know how to pray! Maybe I need a drink. Yeah, that’s it! A bottle will make everything all better.
“Shaun, can you make a run for me really quick?” I reached for my designer wallet to hand him however much money he needed. Hopefully, he won’t need a new outfit just to run to the store. But if he did, as long as he could bring me something to calm me down, I will be more than happy to oblige.
I need something strong; preferably tequila or . . . or . . . maybe whiskey will work better. Jameson should do the trick.
When I looked at Shaun ready to reveal my foolish wish, he stopped me. “Put away your wallet and relax. Girl, you will be fine.” There he goes again with that girl nonsense again.
“Look at me.” I didn’t.
“Courtney, look-at-me.”
Did I really have to look at him to hear him? I’m not deaf, you know.
When we finally made eye contact, Shaun said, “You’ll be fine. Erik loves you, and you love him. This is just a ceremony. It’ll be over before you know it, and then the two of you can start your lives together.
Byrd, all the people that love you are here right by your side to celebrate this very special day with you and Erik, so there is nothing for you to be worried about.”
Shaun is right, so why am I tripping out? Just listening to him is starting to soothe me a little, but I still needed that drink, though.
“You are about to have the life people like me only dream about. Soon, you’ll be opening your own business; you’re marrying a man that most of your friends would kill to have, you’re moving into a new home . . . Courtney . . . I-I just want what’s best for you, and I believe Erik is what’s best for you.” I could tell he wanted to cry, but I’m glad he didn’t. “Now, you go out there, and you take the man that you plan on spending forever with and leave all of your doubts and fears right here in this changing room.”
All I could do was hug Shaun because he was right, Erik is what’s best for me. I love him more than I love myself, and I know he loves me even more. I never pictured myself getting married, but now I can’t imagine myself not marrying Erik. We’re going to have such a good life together, and it all starts today.
The clock read three-fifty, so that meant it was time. I was expensively dressed and well-groomed. Now, if I could just get my nervous stomach out of my quivering kneecaps, I think I’ll be okay.
As Shaun and I head to the sanctuary, I took deep breaths just like I did the night I met Erik. When the double wooden doors opened, I took one last gasp of air and walked up to the man of my dreams.