5. Cameron in a meeting
Cameron entered the meeting room for the first meeting of the year. Last year he was the Program Director and had to lead these exercises in tedium; thankfully, he had Jimmy to do it this year. Cameron studied the room. Big Tuck was there in the center eyeing Craig, who was pretending not to notice her. The other fifteen jocks, hosts of weekend and nighttime specialty shows were busy not encouraging Tom the Bomb to keep talking to them. Cameron decided then that meetings didn’t have to be weekly, perhaps monthly would work.
Jimmy tried to get everyone’s attention, failing that; he did what he normally did. “Hey cunt waffles, shut up! Let’s get this shit over with.” Cameron grimaced, he felt like they ‘played’ corporation a little too much for a bunch of drunken college DJs, but being part of the university did make the possibility of lawsuits and expulsions a reality. Cameron knew that he had to talk to Jimmy later about how he talked to a room that was basically a third new kids that didn’t know him. The new kids may not get Jimmy’s unique lexicon and that could lead to problems. Cameron also really wanted to ask Jimmy what a ‘cunt waffle’ was.
Time passed and Jimmy went through the same spiel he had heard other PDs, including Cameron, go through each year about how to put together a shift, read PSAs, and basic tips on how not to sound completely lost on the air. Cameron watched the new kids during this radio 101 lecture. April Tucker was staring at Craig still, oblivious to Jimmy. Cameron was happy to notice that her legs were spread open and she was chewing on her lower lip. Tom the Bomb was drawing a penis on the table.
Jimmy was wrapping up when he said, “Alright, and finally, try to smile when you talk on the air. For some reason, it makes you seem more likable or something stupid like that. I am the program director. I am the one that will fire you when you don’t show up or worse, show up drunk. This can be a fun thing to do, just play the fucking playlist. We are called New Rock 90.3 for a reason, so we're going to know if you play a bunch of lame grunge shit from a few years ago. Play the playlist; Craig and I work hard on it. Alright Craig, take it away.” Cameron always admired how Jimmy could use the ‘f’ word as a verb, noun, and adjective. Actually, Cameron remembered a time that Jimmy described something being done ‘fuckily,’ so add adverbs to that list too. Jimmy could use the word ‘fuck’ seven different ways to describe a newborn puppy. His foundation of obscenity could withstand the test of a thousand political correct hurricanes and polite mannered tornados for centuries to come. Sure it was uncouth and generally made Jimmy sound like an ignorant idiot, but most artists are misunderstood.
Craig’s turn was mercifully shorter than Jimmy’s. He spent the first part of his turn trying to recruit an assistant to go through the dozens of CDs that came in everyday so he wouldn’t have to and ignored Tom the Bomb’s hand when it raised. Craig then spent the majority of his time promoting his Flipper cover band playing at the Crimson, the biggest dive redneck bar in town, this Saturday and invited everyone to also come to a party at his and Cameron’s house tomorrow night. This was news to Cameron, but he didn’t mind. The cops rarely broke up parties at their house and it was nice to have a room to escape to instead of ‘DUI’ing his way home like usual. Plus, with Craig throwing the party, there would definitely be a lot of girls there. Cameron hoped that this year’s staff liked to party. A station that drinks, smokes, and snorts together stays together. Maybe Tom the Bomb would calm down and be fun to hang out with once he quit trying so hard to be the new cool guy with the group. Cameron probably had not been much better when he first came to the radio station, wanting to fit in with the older jocks. They seemed cool and confident and destined to be the next Howard Stern. Cameron wondered if the freshmen saw him that way. He didn’t think so. He wasn’t cool, confident, and definitely not the next Howard Stern. Cameron thought he had been selected to be Station Manager because he had just hung around the station and shown interest. He wasn’t special; he was just there.
Truth is, after college Cameron wasn’t really even sure he could cut it in radio. The market was diminishing and most stations were automated with computers running ads and prerecorded jocks. They didn’t need him. That is why Cameron had gone to the College of Education. Teaching was a career that Cameron could come off like an adult without having to actually work twelve months a year. Besides, he loved reading and wanted to spread great literature.
Cameron remembered that he had another book to give Christine when she finished Sabbath’s Theater, he wanted her to read his favorite book, A Confederacy of Dunces. Cameron liked Christine. She was smart, thoughtful, and had that All-American sorority girl head cheerleader look that he knows he should grow out of liking, but it suited her perfectly.
The only real question about her was why she was with Craig. Craig was one of Cameron’s best friends, but he was a terrible boyfriend. He never spent much time with her, being busy with other girls and all. Craig could not stop cheating, it was like asking a fish not to swim. He was a cheater; that was what he did. Which raised the question, was Christine really that stupid not to see it? Or, was she blinded with love, or even worse, was she stuck in some little girl fantasy about how he was this perfect guy: charming, handsome, artistic, and popular? Cameron wondered why girls seemed to think that Prince Charming was so great; he had been married to like three different princesses, Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty, before he even looked thirty, and Craig would be no different for Christine. Perhaps the guy before Craig had been such a loser that she chooses not to see his faults.
In movies we are always supposed to feel for the girl that was stuck with a dickhead boyfriend. It always bothered Cameron that the Karate Kid wanted that girl that was with the head douchebag of Cobra Kai. Doesn’t that make her kind of a douchebag by proxy just for hanging out with ‘Sweep the Leg Johnny?’ She had put up with him when he was doing his douchebaggery, therefore, with her continued accompaniment, she gave her consent and seeming approval to evils done those before Daniel-San and his creepy Japanese handy man, that had somehow accumulated Jay Leno’s car collection, had destroyed the Cobra Kai empire at the All- Valley Karate Tournament. No, this was not a movie and Christine and Craig were not characters. They were real people that Cameron knew. Craig was not an evil douchebag and Christine was not a helpless girl stuck in a quasi-abusive relationship. Well, Craig was not entirely evil.
The reality is, their relationship was just that, their relationship. Cameron didn’t know what kind of arrangement they had made. Maybe Christine didn’t know or want to know or even care about Craig’s cheating. It just wasn’t Cameron’s business. He never lied for Craig and he had never asked him to, but Cameron did not think he would have anyway. Christine was his friend too. And she was just that, Cameron liked her, but she had been with his friend too long to see her as anything but a friend. It would be too weird to sexualize her. He was loyal to her even if her fiancée couldn’t be.
Cameron had struggled with being judgmental for years. He knew that it probably had cost him friends, girls, and probably had hurt him in the classroom when he had discounted everything someone had said because of one slip up or poor music choice. But he couldn’t really help being so judgmental; people are such idiots.
Cameron decided then that he was going to go out of his way to help Tom the Bomb settle down and quit acting like an eager puppy. Instead of being down on him and wasting his time treating the kid like garbage, Cameron would help him out and maybe groom him to be a future Station Manager or at least a non-asshole. Maybe finding a girl for him at Craig’s just-announced party would be the thing. Getting laid usually builds confidence for younger guys. Cameron remembered Jimmy during their freshman year, struggling to make other friends, clinging to Cameron the whole year. Then, Jimmy found a girl after lying about choking sorority girls to lie about instead. Unlike the sorority girl with no name that dabbled in S&M, this one was real. Jimmy had kept her hidden from Cameron for the better part of a month. Jimmy would routinely sneak off from his dorm to meet up with her. Cameron had noticed a change in his demeanor. Jimmy was still caustic and bizarrely aggressive, but now he had a swagger to him, a confidence. He lashed out and mocked others and himself from a place of comfort, which was considerably more palatable than his cornered animal defensive lashing. Cameron stayed out of it until one morning he saw Jimmy sneaking her out of his dorm room. Jimmy had not seen Cameron, but Cameron definitely saw her. She was large. She was not so big where you could say she has a nice face and hair and get over it. She was Large Marge large. Cameron had immediately nicknamed her ‘The Couch’ in his mind and would forever refer to her as that later. Cameron and Jimmy went on for a few more weeks pretending that nothing had changed until Jimmy had not come to their radio show one Monday morning, being freshmen, they were stuck with the morning show, and Cameron realized that he had not seen his best friend all weekend. This had not been so unusual during ‘The Couch’ era, but usually Jimmy would check in with Cameron to see where he would be. Cameron thought this was more likely due to not wanting to be seen with his bovine betty than a desire to ‘check in’ with him.
Jimmy opened his door wearing a black t-shirt, black shorts and what looked like a homemade black cape crumpled up on the floor. He had rings around his eyes and every Van Morrison album Cameron owned strewn about the floor next to wadded up pieces of paper. Jimmy had been dumped by ‘The Couch,’ and was taking it far harder than he would have ever imagined it would. Jimmy apologized for keeping her a secret from his friends, and that was why she had dumped him. She thought she deserved better than late night booty calls and to be hidden away like some sexualized Anne Frank. Cameron didn’t ask his friend why he hid her. The next day, Jimmy ditched the all black gothic kid starter look and came to the radio station. He was happy. That was the oddest version of Jimmy yet; Cameron had no clue how to handle a happy Jimmy.
Jimmy was no longer a weird virgin that had almost no experience with girls. Now he was a weird guy with a month and a half experience with a live action girl. So what if she was fat, broke his heart, and he treated her like some clandestine concubine? Jimmy probably figured out that being dumped was not life threatening, and he would recover eventually, but he got the confidence to date girls and not be ashamed of them. No big deal. Cameron waited a solid six weeks before he mocked his friend for dating such a large girl, sometimes friends can be merciful like that.
Cameron wanted to do that for Tom the Bomb. Not necessarily find him a ‘Couch’ to have secret hookups with, but a nice girl that would be patient and appreciative of one with Tom’s unique attributes. Sometimes a good woman is all a man needs, and sometimes a good enough girl will do too. Cameron would find Tom that ‘good enough’ girl. It shouldn’t be that hard. Sure his clothes were awful and he was obnoxious, but many girls are better than superficial judgment. After Cameron was done with Tom, he will be a cooler, collected kid that was fun to hang out with. It won’t be that hard. Cameron then noticed that Tom had finished his drawing with a stick figured woman with large breasts being ejaculated on by the penis he had drawn during Jimmy’s turn. This might be harder than he thought.
“Okay, so I guess it’s my turn. Basically, for you new folks here the hierarchy is easy, talk to Jimmy for training and playlist gripes. Tell Craig if there is a band we should be playing, and yes we have heard of Smashing Pumpkins. Talk to Mike about sales or commercials. And talk to me if the station is going to blow up. Other than that, have fun and I guess come to our house Friday for the party. New people hang back for board op training with Jimmy. Everyone else, MA halo.” Cameron didn’t see the need to drag out the meeting any more than he had to. Apparently, Craig and April Tucker felt the same too. They had snuck off before he had even finished. Cameron looked at the rest of his staff, the NFGs, were with Jimmy and they actually seemed to be listening to him and taking him seriously, this of course was the biggest shock of them all, that any one took any of them seriously. The veterans at the station said hey to Cameron and made small talk as he was packing up to leave. Cameron thought that they may actually pull this off and have a great year at New Rock.