9 Jana
Jana decided that she was going to kill her friend Christine about fifteen minutes after showing up to this lame radio loser party. It was like only 10:30 and most of them were grossly drunk. They didn't even have nice drinks for girls. Most everyone was drinking draft beer from red Solo cups or liquor from the jagged splinter bar they built in the back of their filthy house. She disliked the people at the party and didn't understand why her friend wanted to hang out with these radio station dorks. All they did was argue about loser music and geeky movies. The worst thing to Jana was how they dressed. They looked like bums. They all wear t-shirts and shorts. Jana preferred how the frat boys dressed with their polo shirts and nice pleated pants. Why couldn't Christine hang out with cooler people that were clean? She would have never hung out with these people in high school, why should college be any different?
A skinny nerdy little dweeb holding a trophy filled with warm cheap beer smiled as he walked up to Jana. Of course boys were approaching her, she knew that she was easily the best looking girl at the party. Unfortunately, they were all losers, especially this knuckle dragging mouth breather. "Hey... my name is Tom. My friends call me Tom the Bomb. What's your-"
"Oh god, go away, you are so gross. You need a haircut, new glasses, and your socks are awful. Did your retarded blind mother dress you? Eww…" Jana always felt it was better to tell people directly what their defects are; this generally causes less hard feelings when letting others down gently. It isn't cruel if you are honest. This was some of the best advice Jana's mother had given her during her post tennis lesson wine tastings, and she would know, she had been head cheerleader, prom queen, and homecoming queen in high school. Jana had only managed being a cheerleader, homecoming queen, and prom queen, unfortunately she wasn't able to become head cheerleader. Goddamn hurkies.
Tom was disheveled; he swayed in the wind. He was drunk enough to karaoke country music. He looked at Jana and stared intently at her chest and then looked at his trophy filled with beer that had been given to him by Cameron for being the first to show up to the party. Tom took a swig of warm skunk beer, wiped the slobber from his chin and muttered, “Stuck up lesbo," because he was that type of guy and wandered off. Jana counted her blessings and looked for Christine, hoping to leave.
For some reason unknown to Jana, Christine had become infatuated with and engaged to some radio loser named Craig and was following him around the party like some lovesick cliché. "Hey, your Christine's friend Jana right? Do you want a beer? I'm Jimmy."
"Go away. I don't want to talk to you." Jana instinctively flipped the bitch switch. It had worked so well for her in high school. Both the girls and boys feared her and wanted acceptance, so they would kowtow to her. The girls wanted to be friends with her because she was mean and elite. She was special; they were lucky for her to even speak to them. Because the girls acted like she was so special, the boys fell into line and did whatever she wanted. Bitchiness had been a badge for Jana that protected her from the social clearance bin.
"Well, okay, but if I leave, I'll just find another girl without such pointy ears and Tom will probably come back and you may succumb to his devilish charm." Jimmy smiled.
"What is he, like a retard or something?"
"Yes he's an eighteen year old boy that just came to school from a kale farm."
"Really?"
"Now who's the retard?" Jana went flush. She wasn't used to a boy turning the tables on her. This one was different; he didn't seem to give a shit what she thought of him. Jana knew that he was wrong about her ears though; they were perfect.
"Fine, but don't get any ideas. I'm not some slut like Christine, and besides I don't think you're good enough for me."
"Don't flatter yourself princess; you're just new and therefore more interesting than the other girls around here."
"You are a pretty close group. What is the deal with that Tom guy though? Why would you even hang out with him?"
"I don't know. He's some kind of freshman charity project for Cameron. I think he invited him to help him make some friends. It can't be easy for him looking like the nerdy neighbor from Ghostbusters and a freshman to boot."
"I'm a freshman."
"You look older than most freshmen.”
“I’m twenty-two. I worked for a few years before deciding to go to school.”
“That’s cool. Besides, it's different for girls. You're accepted in any social circles if you’re attractive or promiscuous enough. Here's hoping that you are a double threat." They clinked glasses, which didn’t actually clink because they were red solo cups and Jimmy was holding both of them, and Jana actually found herself enjoying the next few hours with him. The two of them shared a bond of judging others. Each had their own strengths. Jana weaved cruel soliloquys, painting the other partygoers as horny loners, desperate to reach beyond the cruel masturbatory constraints of their desktops in their parents' living room. Jimmy could and often would be able to dissect any insecurities, but if they weren't readily apparent, he had the aptitude to make them up. Both enjoyed their harsh gossip and insults privately on the couch, sitting closer and closer as the night went on. Neither one loud enough for anyone else to hear.
The next day marked the beginning of the college football season, so the party ended earlier than usual. Most of the partygoers decided that they should get home early so that they could wake up early to resume drinking. The party had ended exactly as it had begun, with Jimmy and Cameron sitting at the bar. With the one exception being Tom the Bomb passed out on the kitchen floor with vomit spilling out of his bowling trophy/beer cup and Craig saying goodnight to Christine on the front porch. Nobody had mentioned cleaning up. Jimmy would be damned if he helped clean the house that he had not been invited to live in. It was probably for the best; he and Cameron had strained their friendship a little too much when they had lived together in the dorms the two years before. Cameron had said that they had taken their friendship for granted; Jimmy said that he was just a chlamydia shower. They both had a point.
After a long quiet drunken breath Cameron spoke first, "Hey are you hooking up with that Jana girl?"
"Probably, I dunno. Stranger things..."
Cameron's eyes furrowed, "Isn't she kind of bitchy."
"No she's not kind of bitchy. She hails from the land Bitchon. Her weakness is bitchonite. She is Superbitch. "
Cameron laughed, "So why are you into her?"
"Because I like girls that are mean. You know exactly where you stand with them. She treats me like the piece of shit that I am. Mean girls don't have the burden of pleasantry or niceness to hinder their honesty. To be honest, I'm not that different from her in that regard."
"Damn, you are really coherent for someone that has been drinking heavily for eight hours now.”
Just then Craig came back from the front of the house. "Hey man, I'm sorry about that smell in the bathroom. I hope it wasn't too bad for you and your girl in there."
This perked Cameron up, "Wait, did you take that young and innocent Jana girl into the bathroom Jimmy?"
"Well yeah, it turns out that finding a fellow judgmental prick, not to mention a solid supply of shots makes one Ms. Jana amorous." Jimmy said swayingly.
"You mean she blew you after I took a nasty shit in there? Yeah, and they say that romance is dead."
“Wait, did she really go down on you in the bathroom tonight?” Cameron asked.
He gave a very knowing smirk and changed the conversation, "Speaking of romance, how did you do keeping Big Tuck and Christine separated?" Jimmy asked.
"Actually, that wasn't so bad. I'll give Cameron the assist on that one. He kept Christine occupied most of the night shooting pool, but I don't know what to do about any of that stuff man. Neither one of them deserve this shit, but I just don't know what to do. Speaking of what we should do, I'm ready to rally."
"What about the game tomorrow? I don't want to miss the first of the season." Cameron asked.
Jimmy poured another whiskey. "Let's just party through, the game will be over by one tomorrow, and we can crash until Craig's shitty Flipper tribute band plays at ten." This was the third nicest way that Jimmy had ever described The Lights the Sound, Craig's band. The second was 'that waste of time,' and the fourth was 'That stewed abortion on stage.'
Craig grabbed six beers for the drive. "Hell yes young man. We're going to Charlie's."
Cameron groaned, "Oh sheeeyiiiit."