Youthful Sex, Correcting Your Sexual Mechanism by Eric EH Buddhadharma - HTML preview

SEXUALITY

SEXOLOGIST & SEX THERAPIST.

1.WHAT ARE SEXUAL PROBLEMS & DYSFUNCTIONS.

Men by default, are the cause for the survival of human species since time immemorial.  Men have that urge to impregnate women when they see one.  This led humankind to increase and spread his species around this world.  Therefore, the act of having sex is built into humankind, in the same way he breathes and feels hungry and eats to survive. Man by nature is a confirmed potential rapist, like any other animal. 

Sex is not only a great pastime but also the most pleasurable and a good way to make up after a quarrel or anger. There are numerous benefits attached to having sex anytime of the day or night. It keeps you calm and you get a good night’s sleep. Besides, it burns calories, improves your blood circulation and takes away your stress.  It also helps psychologically and strengthens relationships.  In a way, it keeps you young and energetic. After a long day’s work, the best thing you can do is have sex to relax you before sleep.  When you miss this gift of god, you miss something that could take away your aches and pains, your stress and insomnia.  Unfortunately, sometimes in life the ability to enjoy sex diminishes, bringing so many related miseries into one’s life. One naturally feels frustrated and low when one cannot perform sex, as one did a few years ago, sometimes, sending a wrong signal to the partner who may get a feeling of not being attractive to his or her partner anymore.  All these create more problems, which gets worst with the passing of time; creating a distance between the partners.

When sexual act cannot be performed normally at any time, it may be a sign of sexual problem.  Hindrances in having sex, like the loss of desire, arousal, orgasm or inability of penetration, are reasons that keep away couples from enjoying sex.  There is no exact measure of what exactly is normal sex in terms of frequency.  Some people may want to have sex everyday while some may remain satisfied once a week.  Only when the desire dies down completely or there is a genuine sexual performance problem, it may be regarded as a dysfunction.

Sexual dysfunctions may be of several types, common are the loss of desire, inability to reach orgasm, loss of arousal, loss of erection and painful sex.  These problems are the reasons for aversion to sex between couples.  It is not uncommon for young people to suffer from sexual dysfunction.  Over the years again, middle age sexual problems begin to set in, such as menopause, pre and post included.

Our physiology and biomechanics are all made to last for us over a  hundred years, but unfortunately stress, distress, alcohol abuse, rich diet, smoking, sedentary habits and all similar self-abuse hinder the body from staying youthful and in good working condition.  A very gradual onset of diseases spread in such people; due to the disease, there is a loss of health, which is further enhanced due to medication.  Diseases such as diabetes, sclerosis, tumors, venereal diseases, thyroid dysfunction, vital organ dysfunction, are all reasons for low testosterone, estrogens and androgen. Certain conditions such as increased sound level, bright light, psychological disturbances could lead to loss of intimacy, depression, distractions and fatigue, which ultimately manifests itself as low sex drive. Physical appearance and attractiveness of the opposite sex also influences the desire for having sex with the partner. Unhealthy and sickly people also have extremely low libido. They are forever picking and finding faults in one another, which puts off the partner in having sex with such a person. Overall, such people undergo physical deterioration and mental depression.  This ultimately leads to sexual problems.  Such people ultimately withdraw themselves and become averse to sex.

In a relationship the desire to have sex with the partner is very important. Loss of sex drive in any one of the partner can lead to problems in relationship, infidelity in men, poor understanding and communication between the partners.

It is therefore, very important for parents, teachers and elders to inculcate good habits in children, such as good food habits, active sports, cleanliness, conscious of  the bad effect of  alcohol, smoking and drugs.  They should also be provided some sex education so that they know good from bad. This way they will not suffer from sexual dysfunctions until their old age. It is very important for people to discuss their sexual problems either with their partners or with their doctors.  Sexual problems are mostly reversible and curable.

In ailing people, drugs should be administered after considering it’s after effect in the patients’ sex life.  Alternatively, the patient should be informed of the temporary bad effect of the drug on sex.  This way the patient will be aware of any temporary sexual setback due to those drugs.  Drugs like antihistamines, stimulants, anti-hypersensitive, and certain psychotherapeutic drugs leads to loss of sex. Neurological problems and spinal cord disorder are other reasons for sexual dysfunction.

Partners should make it a point to be open to each other about their sexual inabilities.  This way one partner will be able to confide in the other and find help to improve the sexual condition of the other partner.

If you feel that your partner is sexually abusing you, due to which you do not enjoy sex, bring the matter to the notice of your doctor or to your local family counselor, who will sort out this problem for you.  Sexual problems between partners arises either at the beginning of their sexual experience or after a few years when the thrill dies down.  Only good understanding between them can let the sexual relationship survive.

Sometimes, physical and physiological distress becomes the cause of sexual dysfunction in a person.  Distress and uncomfortable feelings, ultimately does not allow the person to like sex anymore, gradually this leads to complete aversion.

Everyone, during their lifetime, sometimes experience sexual dysfunctions, such as loss of libido, erectile dysfunction, loss of desire and loss of orgasm, vaginal dryness and similar sex disturbances.  This is common and a normal way of life.  Every human being, at any time during their lifetime, undergoes mental stress or physical stress or both which effects the sex life of the person, it could be from financial burden, academic examinations, disease, illness, court cases, enmity, fright and fear of someone or something. It could also arise from psychological and emotional stress, relationship problems; disagreement between partners, Pain during sex is a great deterrent for women.

Some people believe women in their 30’s turn sexually very active, they have more orgasm at thirty than any other time in their life.  However, fact is, sexual deficiency could strike anyone at any age; there is no hard and fast rule here.  It is a fact, by thirty women know themselves and their body well, they are more confident about themselves and worry less or have less anxiety when indulging in sex with her partner.  They are more open to their partners than when they were in their twenties.  Between men and women the testosterone level in women decreases very slowly with age, meaning at thirty women are more virile than men are.

Surprisingly, research shows that young women even experience sexual dysfunction and pain at the time of sex. Some even found no pleasure in sex while some were suffering from anxiety. Men generally experienced sexual dysfunction as they reached their 50’s and 60’s.  With medication, people report higher sexual problems.  Men generally attribute their sexual dysfunction to ageing. This is not correct.  Problems should be discussed with the doctor to find a cure.  Some sexual problems resolve on its own and with time and corrective lifestyle.

Unfortunately, most of the time sexual problems are never reported.  Sexual problems are regarded as a normal way of life and a part of ageing.  Sexual debility, especially amongst the poor and middle classes, are regarded as normal and therefore, never discussed.

If you light a bulb with electricity it is healthy but if you hold the live wire with your naked hands it could kill you. In the same way, sex is bliss for most of us but when it comes to child abuse as well as rape, it turns ugly and those victims may suffer mentally and physically all their life.  They may even be averse to sex later in life.  Sex without the consent or feelings for each other is always unhealthy and injurious. Sometimes excessive sex drive is injurious too, it tells upon one’s career and character.

When people are used to having sex without any bonding or commitment with their partners, they get into the habit of mechanical sex life without any bonding or emotion.  When such people get married they show such signs to their life partners too, leading to loss of emotion, bonding, love and trust.  This could also be a cause of aversion to sex by the partner, who experiences such emotionless sexual gratification by the other partner.

Free sex leads to undue abortion and diseases like AIDS and HIV and venereal diseases. Free sex ultimately leads to diseases with loss of libido and erectile dysfunction in course of time.  Many famous people destroyed themselves by indulging in undue sexual acts.

Sex should be regarded as a gift of god to mankind.  All living beings (sentient-beings) indulge in sexual practice; mankind continues to experiment and enjoy it the most, lingering the sexual session for a much longer time than their other sentient counterpart.

Patients, when put through a series of questions and information checklist, will only be able to identify the reasons for their sexual dysfunctions.  If they are made conscious of the time they were sexually healthy and active; between then and now, when they are unable or averse to sexual activities will only enable them to find the underlying cause of their problems.

However, not everything is lost when one experiences a sexual dysfunction or any sexual problem. You can get back that youth again provided you follow certain rules and seek the advice of your doctor, if all else fails. 

With medical progress there are several remedies now available in the market for male as well as female sexual dysfunctions.  Some are reliable while most are doubtful and a colossal waste of money. For females, the solution is more complex because, their sex is influenced physically as well as emotionally.

Later in this book, you will come to chapters that will provide you with corrective methods to overcome your sexual deficiency.

2.WHEN THINGS GO WRONG IN SEX LIFE

Sexual problems could begin anytime in one’s life.  There is no hard and fast, and no specific set of rules that may define or pinpoint sexual problems in one’s life.  The child may be born with sexual deficiency or develop one gradually.  Most of the time, sex problem develops with stress, unhealthy life style, medication and so many factors, as said earlier.

Behavioral treatment, counseling and changes in lifestyle with some medication may treat problems related to orgasm, erectile dysfunction and low libido in women.

In many cases guidance and sex education may also help. Sex therapy and psychotherapy helps too.

Sexual dysfunction if not treated, as said earlier, may lead to a turmoil in one’s married life and also make the person withdraw from active life and  society.

If the dysfunction is getting serious, please visit your doctor. This problem is mostly corrected by getting a  diagnosis done for the cause; opening to your partner about this issue, changing your lifestyle, changing the pattern of your work, re-inventing ways to have sex with your partner-maybe a holiday to a faraway quiet resort.

Sexual problem could be classified into four different categories: Desire syndrome, arousal syndrome, orgasm syndrome and pain syndrome.

DESIRE SYNDROME: Low libido in women and the loss of desire and interest in sex amongst men.

AROUSAL SYNDROME: Inability to get aroused physically, at the time of sexual activity.

ORGASM SYNDROME: Inability to reach climax or orgasm in women

PAIN SYNDROME: In women, pain during penetration is regarded as sexual problem. 

Reasons for all the above syndromes could be physiological, psychological, medical, environmental or social.

Sometimes talking to your partner, help improve the sex situation behind closed doors. Most of the time, the problem is mental than physical. Whatever the case may be, you can even analyze your sexual problem and try to avoid those which aggravates the situation in the bedroom; such as pain, privacy, tiredness, stress or anger.

Sometimes pheromone perfume works and has scientific backing. Medication or any artificial aid makes a woman feel inadequate sexually.  Therefore, it is imperative both partners encourage the use of such aids to make the situation feel normal.

Sex therapy is another tool to solve sex problem.  Both partners could benefit from therapy, most of the time it works and normalizes the situation.

You have purchased this book only because you would like to solve your sexual problem yourself rather than talk to your doctor or any sexologist, which is uncomfortable not only for you but for anybody.  This book will endeavor to show you the ways in which you may solve your sexual problem and lead a normal sex life again.  Try to follow the guidelines in this book religiously, giving it some time to see results.

Worry, depression, anger, frustration, withdrawal from society or any such behavior is useless and a hindrance to your, leading a happy and healthy sexual life again.  If you keep worrying, it turns into a disease by itself.  Have a positive attitude and you will experience a change in your behavior and gradually you will experience a permanent cure to your problem without much medication or professional help.

3.WHY DO THINGS GO WRONG IN SEX LIFE

Occasionally, sex problem arises during one’s lifetime, which is normal and acceptable.  Instead of worrying about it, the person will do well by first analyzing the reason behind the problem.

If this book, had been written for living beings other than humankind, it would have been simple and easy.  However, since this book is specifically written for us, humans, it is, therefore, imperative we cover every aspect leading to the cause of the problems.

Honestly, we human are very complex beings, psychologically and physiologically; lifestyle and behavior are dynamic and complex too.  All these gives rise to extreme sexual problems in humankind.  With our complex nature, we are the sole architect of our sexual problems.

When you ask your doctor, why do things go wrong in our sex life, the list, he may rattle off would be never ending and may lead you to a dead end sometimes.  Man, with superior ability, behavior, civilisation, technological advancements, and lifestyle have never-ending reasons for his sexual problems. These never-ending reasons, give rise to our inability in finding the cause underlying the problems. The causes could be divided into physical, psychological and social.  Physical inadequacy such as, vaginal pain during intercourse, effects of certain medicines, which could suppress the sexual desire in a person. Psychological disorder, such as past sexual trauma or feelings of inferiority or bad looks. Social factors such as economic conditions, quarrel with neighbors and stress related activities, are all reasons to lower one’s libido.  Nevertheless, after years of research and monitoring and analyzing sexual problems in humankind, worldwide, mostly the following reasons have been found to be commonly associated with sexual problems in male and female, alike:…………………………

4.STEP BY STEP TO A HEALTHY SEX LIFE

Everyone around the world seek a healthy sex life, whatever the age.  Those unfortunate ones who cannot perform well in the bedrooms are the ones who need to correct their ways.  The way they think, eat, live, behave and above all their complete state of mind.  As you proceed further, in later chapters you will come across ways to correct yourself in order to achieve a blissful sex life.

This chapter will give you preliminary tips on how to live a healthy sex life. If things improve, with you, reading and following this chapter it is well and fine, otherwise you may proceed and learn more about sex and how to enrich and make it explosive with better mind and body.

To improve your sex drive or libido you need to improve the testosterone level in your body, a hormone which helps you kick start your desire for having sex. This increase in the hormone level may be achieved by the following activities:

A healthy diet rich in protein, only sufficient carbohydrate and a small amount of fat. Regular meals in small quantity. It is always better to avoid meat protein, being the cause to cholesterol build up in the arteries. You will learn in later chapters about this. ………………….

5.SEX AND MARRIAGE

In marriage, sex is taken for granted.  This is the cause of a boring sex life in later years of marriage.  When time permits, especially during the sleeping hours at night, people make love and then it is over.  Year after year of repeating, the same process makes it like any other routine.  In marriages too one must put in an effort to bring innovative ideas and spice up ways to make the sex lively and interesting.  Some ways that will spice up ways in the bedroom are given below:……………………………

6.SEX FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

Young people going to schools and colleges need to concentrate on their studies and career. They need to discipline and educate themselves, during the different primary stages of their lives.  Sex should not be taken seriously, nor should any pornographic videos, magazines or discussion should encourage. Once they are into making their career and succeed in finding a professional assignment, they will come across several friends who may be willing to go steady and finally even tie a knot. Young people will do well for their future health by following the advice given below:……………………………………….

7.SPIRITUALITY IN SUCCESSFUL SEX

Tell me something, this world has over 7 billion people, do you think all the people in this world, indulging themselves in sex, need to read this book, or do they have sex problems leading them to seek professional help or read this book?  No, only some, or many people face sexual problems in their lives.  The million dollar question is, why do they have this problem?  Remember, life needs to be lived by its rules today and always. When you drive, study in schools, work in an office, play a game, you follow certain rules doing all of these. In the same way when you live life, you need to follow certain rules………………………….

8. MALE SEXUAL DISORDERS

LOSS OF SEXUAL DESIRE

The cause may be physical or mental.  During the young and early40’s, men may experience loss of sexual desire mostly due to responsibilities and other worries.  During this period, men are busy making their career and money.  Also during this time, they are father to small children.  The loss of desire is a mental condition mostly recovering after things in life settles down favorably.  When the loss of desire is during later middle age, it may be due to low level of testosterone.  ……………………….

10.PREMATURE EJACULATION

Premature ejaculation is a common problem, especially with younger men, caused by a weak mind, anxiety or the fright of ejaculating prematurely.  Sometimes, premature ejaculation happens with a heightened excitement of touching or getting to having sex with a woman.  This is normal, when the person is young and inexperienced. With age, experience and the control of mind, premature ejaculation should not occur.  Sex which lasts less than 10 minutes is unhealthy and the man needs to correct himself immediately.

There are different types of ejaculation disorders, such as premature ejaculation (immediately or soon after penetration), retarded ejaculation (lack of ejaculation) and retrograde ejaculation (when the sperm on ejaculation is forced back into bladder instead of spurting out from the penis).

There are several reasons for premature ejaculation; it could be physiological, psychological, or medial. …………………………..

10.PREMATURE EJACULATION

Premature ejaculation is a common problem, especially with younger men, caused by a weak mind, anxiety or the fright of ejaculating prematurely.  Sometimes, premature ejaculation happens with a heightened excitement of touching or getting to having sex with a woman.  This is normal, when the person is young and inexperienced. With age, experience and the control of mind, premature ejaculation should not occur.  Sex which lasts less than 10 minutes is unhealthy and the man needs to correct himself immediately.

There are different types of ejaculation disorders, such as premature ejaculation (immediately or soon after penetration), retarded ejaculation (lack of ejaculation) and retrograde ejaculation (when the sperm on ejaculation is forced back into bladder instead of spurting out from the penis).

There are several reasons for premature ejaculation; it could be physiological, psychological, or medial. …………………………

12.ILLNESSES- CAUSING SEXUAL PROBLEMS

There are reasons for men to forgo sex or let their desire die down. Some such reasons are discussed below;……………………………

13.HOW TO OVERCOME SEXUAL PROBLEMS

Before you seek professional help in solving your sex problems, it is advisable for you to try to find an easy remedy to cure yourself.  Perhaps this is one reason, why you got hold of this book, to solve your sexual problem without attending any clinic.

If your problems are not too serious and at an initial stage or maybe only in the mind, some of the following methods may help to cure you…………………..

14.MEDICAL ATTENTION TO YOUR SEXUAL PROBLEMS.

If you have reached this chapter and still not been able to get over your sexual problems, it means there is something seriously wrong or you may not have tried enough or did not adhere to the suggestions given to you in earlier chapters. If anxiety is killing you about your problem or you want to discuss your problems with a professional, you may go ahead and abreast yourself further by reading the following chapters. However, if you have time and patience, then please go back and read this book from the beginning. ……………………..

15.FEMALE SEXUAL DISORDERS

LOSS OF LIBIDO IN WOMEN

Research shows that more women suffer from sexual disorders than their men counterpart do. In order to understand what actually is sexual disorder, we need first to understand what are the sexual symptoms in women that completes a cycle of having satisfactory sex:

First, desire to have sex or the phase of excitement that brings the women in a mood to have sex.

Then she is ready for the arousal stage by several physical and mental pleasures by her partner by the way of one or all five senses and by the words of mouth by her partner.

The women, when ready to have sex, will secrete fluid from her vagina.  This fluid helps in having a pleasurable penetration and sex.  The vagina expands while the clitoris, like men’s penis, expands too.  Nipple may become hard and erect while, she may breathe faster and heavier. …………………….

16. SEXUAL DISORDERS IN FEMALES

Sexual disorders in men as well as women are common and for some, especially women, it may have become a way of life, unreported and unacknowledged; unfortunately, therefore, many such disorders go untreated. 

Mostly, such sex disorders in women are temporary or in a cycle of desire and loss of desire, depending upon the time, mood and relationship with her partner and the conditions prevailing in her household, her health and ultimately, her current mindset.

Relationship problem, such as indifferent partner, cheating on her, finance, bringing up children and regular quarrel and arguments prevents the women in having sex with her man or even opening herself about sex related problems to him………………………..

17.ILLNESSES THAT CAUSES LOSS OF LIBIDO.

Illnesses are the major causes for the loss of libido in women. Illnesses are always uncomfortable and disturb the person from within. Even though some illness may not be painful or distressing, it may keep the person weak and exhausted, thus never allowing the mind to get into any mood for lovemaking.

Illnesses could be physical or mental.  Either way, all affect the sex drive in a woman.

Mental or psychological problems could be anxiety or depression, stress or any family problem, such as finance or strained relationship, low self-esteem, past experience of sexual abuse or rape, obesity or a very lean flat shapeless  body, all adds up to low sex drive or an extreme loss of libido. ……………………

18.MEDICAL ATTENTION TO YOUR SEX PROBLEMS.

When everything fails and you may have exhausted all your resources in curing yourself of this pathetic malady, it is time you consult your doctor. You may discover later that your problem was more of the mind than the body.  Women, generally have reasons that are more psychological than physiological in diminishing desire for sex. Since fewer women indulge in excessive smoking, alcohol, stressful jobs and lifestyle, their physiological function remain almost normal. Their sensitivity towards their personal life plays a great role in their desire for sex. With failing marriage and stressful home front, they may lose that desire for romance and sex. Meanwhile, remember having a normal to low libido is very normal and common amongst married people. When it is the same partner, home, family and daily drudgery, you cannot expect bursting libido and burning passion all the time as shown in movies and TVs. ……………………

19.SEX AFTER 60

SEXUAL PROBLEM IN AGEING PEOPLE

Every living being has to age sooner or later. One can defy age for some time, but the ageing process never stops, which brings about certain changes in human body; here, sexually, it lowers the testosterone/hormone level in the human body.

Loss of desire and the inability to perform sexually really hurts a person mentally and morally. They may find several excuses to avoid having sex with their partners. Men may even withdraw themselves from social gatherings in order to hide their sexual shortcomings. There is nothing to get disheartened about, therapists can find cure and eventually the person may be able to have sex regularly.

Ageing, in terms of years or deeds, is ageing.  It is only a matter of time before the ageing process will catch up with the person.  A man who may have kept himself free of diseases and lived a healthy live, may not age as much  as another man, younger to him, who may have indulged in easy and unhealthy lifestyle. ……………………..

20.HOW TO REMAIN SEXY AFTER SIXTY.

How you conducted your sexual life in your 30s or 40s goes to make your sexual life at 60s and above.

Men who were committed to business and profession and never found time to indulge much in sex, except of course with their partner occasionally, are people, who may lose interest in sex or may not be very active sexually when older. Women too, with their entire life committed to their family and home, may not have been very active sexually. 

Very few people are sexually happy and satisfied, but they may not want to share this secret with you.  Perhaps they do not know the meaning of a satisfactory sex life.  For them an occasional sex, with their partner is all they felt were normal. ……………………..

21.TRUTH ABOUT AGE AND SEX

It is strange how in different cultures people evolve different notions about having sex at different age group. In some countries and cultures children as young as eleven may engage in sex, while in others one has to wait till one is twenty year old. While in some culture, ageing people should stop having sex, which is regarded as taboo for them. The thinking on age and sex is so controversial that it leaves you wondering what to do next. I would say, simply follow your own body signal. If you feel you are still romantic and able, then do not stop, while if you find sex a boring and messy act and for some reason got tired of it, then just stop indulging into one.  The choice is yours……………………..

22.SICK AT SIXTY

Unfortunately, the glamour of having sex and keeping fit and feeling sexy at sixty is only for a handful of people. Most of those 60 and above are ill or physically unfit and mentally too preoccupied to indulge in sex any longer.  For them sex is a game of the past, they need to think about serious issues in life and not sex which they indulged into decades ago, now suitable for their children only.

Men or women, sixty and above are preoccupied with  illnesses, diseases, pains, family problems, business problems and other related issues.  For men with their dwindling hormone level, they may have had experienced low or no performance in their past sexual encounter.  This experience traumatizes them; this bad experience depresses them whenever they want to have sex again; the thought of not being able to perform is disturbing……………….

23.MENOPAUSE IN OLDER WOMEN

One significant change in a woman’s life is th