A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce - HTML preview

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Nobody spoke. He said again:

—I think there were more strangers down than last Christmas.

He looked round at the others whose faces were bent towards their plates and, receiving no reply, waited for a moment

and said bitterly:

—Well, my Christmas dinner has been spoiled anyhow.

—There could be neither luck nor grace, Dante said, in a house where there is no respect for the pastors of the church.

Mr Dedalus threw his knife and fork noisily on his plate.

—Respect! he said. Is it for Billy with the lip or for the tub of guts up in Armagh? Respect!

—Princes of the church, said Mr Casey with slow scorn.

—Lord Leitrim’s coachman, yes, said Mr Dedalus.

—They are the Lord’s anointed, Dante said. They are an honour to their country.

—Tub of guts, said Mr Dedalus coarsely. He has a handsome face, mind you, in repose. You should see that fellow

lapping up his bacon and cabbage of a cold winter’s day. O Johnny!

He twisted his features into a grimace of heavy bestiality and made a lapping noise with his lips.

—Really, Simon, you should not speak that way before Stephen. It’s not right.

—O, he’ll remember all this when he grows up, said Dante hotly—the language he heard against God and religion and

priests in his own home.

—Let him remember too, cried Mr Casey to her from across the table, the language with which the priests and the

priests' pawns broke Parnell’s heart and hounded him into his grave. Let him remember that too when he grows up.

—Sons of bitches! cried Mr Dedalus. When he was down they turned on him to betray him and rend him like rats in a

sewer. Low–lived dogs! And they look it! By Christ, they look it!

—They behaved rightly, cried Dante. They obeyed their bishops and their priests. Honour to them!

—Well, it is perfectly dreadful to say that not even for one day in the year, said Mrs Dedalus, can we be free from these

dreadful disputes!

Uncle Charles raised his hands mildly and said:

—Come now, come now, come now! Can we not have our opinions whatever they are without this bad temper and this

bad language? It is too bad surely.

Mrs Dedalus spoke to Dante in a low voice but Dante said loudly:

—I will not say nothing. I will defend my church and my religion when it is insulted and spit on by renegade catholics.

Mr Casey pushed his plate rudely into the middle of the table and, resting his elbows before him, said in a hoarse voice

to his host:

—Tell me, did I tell you that story about a very famous spit?

—You did not, John, said Mr Dedalus.

—Why then, said Mr Casey, it is a most instructive story. It happened not long ago in the county Wicklow where we are

now.

He broke off and, turning towards Dante, said with quiet indignation:

—And I may tell you, ma’am, that I, if you mean me, am no renegade catholic. I am a catholic as my father was and his

father before him and his father before him again, when we gave up our lives rather than sell our faith.

—The more shame to you now, Dante said, to speak as you do.

—The story, John, said Mr Dedalus smiling. Let us have the story anyhow.

—Catholic indeed! repeated Dante ironically. The blackest protestant in the land would not speak the language I have

heard this evening.

Mr Dedalus began to sway his head to and fro, crooning like a country singer.

—I am no protestant, I tell you again, said Mr Casey, flushing.

Mr Dedalus, still crooning and swaying his head, began to sing in a grunting nasal tone:

O, come all you Roman catholics

That never went to mass.

He took up his knife and fork again in good humour and set to eating, saying to Mr Casey:

—Let us have the story, John. It will help us to digest.

Stephen looked with affection at Mr Casey’s face which stared across the table over his joined hands. He liked to sit

near him at the fire, looking up at his dark fierce face. But his dark eyes were never fierce and his slow voice was good

to listen to. But why was he then against the priests? Because Dante must be right then. But he had heard his father say

that she was a spoiled nun and that she had come out of the convent in the Alleghanies when her brother had got the

money from the savages for the trinkets and the chainies. Perhaps that made her severe against Parnell. And she did not

like him to play with Eileen because Eileen was a protestant and when she was young she knew children that used to

play with protestants and the protestants used to make fun of the litany of the Blessed Virgin. TOWER OF IVORY, they

used to say, HOUSE OF GOLD! How could a woman be a tower of ivory or a house of gold? Who was right then? And

he remembered the evening in the infirmary in Clongowes, the dark waters, the light at the pierhead and the moan of

sorrow from the people when they had heard.

Eileen had long white hands. One evening when playing tig she had put her hands over his eyes: long and white and

thin and cold and soft. That was ivory: a cold white thing. That was the meaning of TOWER OF IVORY.

—The story is very short and sweet, Mr Casey said. It was one day down in Arklow, a cold bitter day, not long before

the chief died. May God have mercy on him!

He closed his eyes wearily and paused. Mr Dedalus took a bone from his plate and tore some meat from it with his

teeth, saying:

—Before he was killed, you mean.

Mr Casey opened his eyes, sighed and went on:

—It was down in Arklow one day. We were down there at a meeting and after the meeting was over we had to make

our way to the railway station through the crowd. Such booing and baaing, man, you never heard. They called us all the

names in the world. Well there was one old lady, and a drunken old harridan she was surely, that paid all her attention to

me. She kept dancing along beside me in the mud bawling and screaming into my face: PRIEST–HUNTER! THE PARIS

FUNDS! MR FOX! KITTY O’SHEA!

—And what did you do, John? asked Mr Dedalus.

—I let her bawl away, said Mr Casey. It was a cold day and to keep up my heart I had (saving your presence, ma’am) a

quid of Tullamore in my mouth and sure I couldn’t say a word in any case because my mouth was full of tobacco juice.

—Well, John?

—Well. I let her bawl away, to her heart’s content, KITTY O’SHEA and the rest of it till at last she called that lady a

name that I won’t sully this Christmas board nor your ears, ma’am, nor my own lips by repeating.

He paused. Mr Dedalus, lifting his head from the bone, asked:

—And what did you do, John?

—Do! said Mr Casey. She stuck her ugly old face up at me when she said it and I had my mouth full of tobacco juice. I

bent down to her and PHTH! says I to her like that.

He turned aside and made the act of spitting.

—PHTH! says I to her like that, right into her eye.

He clapped his hand to his eye and gave a hoarse scream of pain.

—O JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH! says she. I’M BLINDED! I’M BLINDED AND DROWNDED!

He stopped in a fit of coughing and laughter, repeating:

—I’M BLINDED ENTIRELY.

Mr Dedalus laughed loudly and lay back in his chair while uncle Charles swayed his head to and fro.

Dante looked terribly angry and repeated while they laughed:

—Very nice! Ha! Very nice!

It was not nice about the spit in the woman’s eye.

But what was the name the woman had called Kitty O’Shea that Mr Casey would not repeat? He thought of Mr Casey

walking through the crowds of people and making speeches from a wagonette. That was what he had been in prison for

and he remembered that one night Sergeant O’Neill had come to the house and had stood in the hall, talking in a low

voice with his father and chewing nervously at the chinstrap of his cap. And that night Mr Casey had not gone to Dublin

by train but a car had come to the door and he had heard his father say something about the Cabinteely road.

He was for Ireland and Parnell and so was his father: and so was Dante too for one night at the band on the esplanade

she had hit a gentleman on the head with her umbrella because he had taken off his hat when the band played GOD

SAVE THE QUEEN at the end.

Mr Dedalus gave a snort of contempt.

—Ah, John, he said. It is true for them. We are an unfortunate priest–ridden race and always were and always will be

till the end of the chapter.

Uncle Charles shook his head, saying:

—A bad business! A bad business!

Mr Dedalus repeated:

—A priest–ridden Godforsaken race!

He pointed to the portrait of his grandfather on the wall to his right.

—Do you see that old chap up there, John? he said. He was a good Irishman when there was no money in the job. He

was condemned to death as a whiteboy. But he had a saying about our clerical friends, that he would never let one of

them put his two feet under his mahogany.

Dante broke in angrily:

—If we are a priest–ridden race we ought to be proud of it! They are the apple of God’s eye. TOUCH THEM NOT,

says Christ, FOR THEY ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYE.

—And can we not love our country then? asked Mr Casey. Are we not to follow the man that was born to lead us?

—A traitor to his country! replied Dante. A traitor, an adulterer! The priests were right to abandon him. The priests were

always the true friends of Ireland.

—Were they, faith? said Mr Casey.

He threw his fist on the table and, frowning angrily, protruded one finger after another.

—Didn’t the bishops of Ireland betray us in the time of the union when Bishop Lanigan presented an address of loyalty

to the Marquess Cornwallis? Didn’t the bishops and priests sell the aspirations of their country in 1829 in return for

catholic emancipation? Didn’t they denounce the fenian movement from the pulpit and in the confession box? And didn’t

they dishonour the ashes of Terence Bellew MacManus?

His face was glowing with anger and Stephen felt the glow rise to his own cheek as the spoken words thrilled him. Mr

Dedalus uttered a guffaw of coarse scorn.

—O, by God, he cried, I forgot little old Paul Cullen! Another apple of God’s eye!

Dante bent across the table and cried to Mr Casey:

—Right! Right! They were always right! God and morality and religion come first.

Mrs Dedalus, seeing her excitement, said to her:

—Mrs Riordan, don’t excite yourself answering them.

—God and religion before everything! Dante cried. God and religion before the world.

Mr Casey raised his clenched fist and brought it down on the table with a crash.

—Very well then, he shouted hoarsely, if it comes to that, no God for Ireland!

—John! John! cried Mr Dedalus, seizing his guest by the coat sleeve.

Dante stared across the table, her cheeks shaking. Mr Casey struggled up from his chair and bent across the table

towards her, scraping the air from before his eyes with one hand as though he were tearing aside a cobweb.

—No God for Ireland! he cried. We have had too much God In Ireland. Away with God!

—Blasphemer! Devil! screamed Dante, starting to her feet and almost spitting in his face.

Uncle Charles and Mr Dedalus pulled Mr Casey back into his chair again, talking to him from both sides reasonably. He

stared before him out of his dark flaming eyes, repeating:

—Away with God, I say!

Dante shoved her chair violently aside and left the table, upsetting her napkin–ring which rolled slowly along the carpet

and came to rest against the foot of an easy–chair. Mrs Dedalus rose quickly and followed her towards the door. At the

door Dante turned round violently and shouted down the room, her cheeks flushed and quivering with rage:

—Devil out of hell! We won! We crushed him to death! Fiend!

The door slammed behind her.

Mr Casey, freeing his arms from his holders, suddenly bowed his head on his hands with a sob of pain.

—Poor Parnell! he cried loudly. My dead king!

He sobbed loudly and bitterly.

Stephen, raising his terror–stricken face, saw that his father’s eyes were full of tears.

*

The fellows talked together in little groups.

One fellow said:

—They were caught near the Hill of Lyons.

—Who caught them?

—Mr Gleeson and the minister. They were on a car. The same fellow added:

—A fellow in the higher line told me.

Fleming asked:

—But why did they run away, tell us?

—I know why, Cecil Thunder said. Because they had fecked cash out of the rector’s room.

—Who fecked it?

—Kickham’s brother. And they all went shares in it.

—But that was stealing. How could they have done that?

—A fat lot you know about it, Thunder! Wells said. I know why they scut.

—Tell us why.

—I was told not to, Wells said.

—O, go on, Wells, all said. You might tell us. We won’t let it out.

Stephen bent forward his head to hear. Wells looked round to see if anyone was coming. Then he said secretly:

—You know the altar wine they keep in the press in the sacristy?

—Yes.

—Well, they drank that and it was found out who did it by the smell. And that’s why they ran away, if you want to know.

And the fellow who had spoken first said:

—Yes, that’s what I heard too from the fellow in the higher line.

The fellows all were silent. Stephen stood among them, afraid to speak, listening. A faint sickness of awe made him feel

weak. How could they have done that? He thought of the dark silent sacristy. There were dark wooden presses there

where the crimped surplices lay quietly folded. It was not the chapel but still you had to speak under your breath. It was a

holy place. He remembered the summer evening he had been there to be dressed as boatbearer, the evening of the

Procession to the little altar in the wood. A strange and holy place. The boy that held the censer had swung it lifted by

the middle chain to keep the coals lighting. That was called charcoal: and it had burned quietly as the fellow had swung it

gently and had given off a weak sour smell. And then when all were vested he had stood holding out the boat to the

rector and the rector had put a spoonful of incense in it and it had hissed on the red coals.

The fellows were talking together in little groups here and there on the playground. The fellows seemed to him to have

grown smaller: that was because a sprinter had knocked him down the day before, a fellow out of second of grammar.

He had been thrown by the fellow’s machine lightly on the cinder path and his spectacles had been broken in three

pieces and some of the grit of the cinders had gone into his mouth.

That was why the fellows seemed to him smaller and farther away and the goalposts so thin and far and the soft grey

sky so high up. But there was no play on the football grounds for cricket was coming: and some said that Barnes would

be prof and some said it would be Flowers. And all over the playgrounds they were playing rounders and bowling

twisters and lobs. And from here and from there came the sounds of the cricket bats through the soft grey air. They said:

pick, pack, pock, puck: little drops of water in a fountain slowly falling in the brimming bowl.

Athy, who had been silent, said quietly:

—You are all wrong.

All turned towards him eagerly.

—Why?

—Do you know?

—Who told you?

—Tell us, Athy.

Athy pointed across the playground to where Simon Moonan was walking by himself kicking a stone before him.

—Ask him, he said.

The fellows looked there and then said:

—Why him?

—Is he in it?

Athy lowered his voice and said:

—Do you know why those fellows scut? I will tell you but you must not let on you know.

—Tell us, Athy. Go on. You might if you know.

He paused for a moment and then said mysteriously:

—They were caught with Simon Moonan and Tusker Boyle in the square one night.

The fellows looked at him and asked:

—Caught?

—What doing?

Athy said:

—Smugging.

All the fellows were silent: and Athy said:

—And that’s why.

Stephen looked at the faces of the fellows but they were all looking across the playground. He wanted to ask

somebody about it. What did that mean about the smugging in the square? Why did the five fellows out of the higher line

run away for that? It was a joke, he thought. Simon Moonan had nice clothes and one night he had shown him a ball of

creamy sweets that the fellows of the football fifteen had rolled down to him along the carpet in the middle of the

refectory when he was at the door. It was the night of the match against the Bective Rangers; and the ball was made just

like a red and green apple only it opened and it was full of the creamy sweets. And one day Boyle had said that an

elephant had two tuskers instead of two tusks and that was why he was called Tusker Boyle but some fellows called him

Lady Boyle because he was always at his nails, paring them.

Eileen had long thin cool white hands too because she was a girl. They were like ivory; only soft. That was the

meaning of TOWER OF IVORY but protestants could not understand it and made fun of it. One day he had stood beside

her looking into the hotel grounds. A waiter was running up a trail of bunting on the flagstaff and a fox terrier was

scampering to and fro on the sunny lawn. She had put her hand into his pocket where his hand was and he had felt how

cool and thin and soft her hand was. She had said that pockets were funny things to have: and then all of a sudden she

had broken away and had run laughing down the sloping curve of the path. Her fair hair had streamed out behind her like

gold in the sun. TOWER OF IVORY. HOUSE OF GOLD. By thinking of things you could understand them.

But why in the square? You went there when you wanted to do something. It was all thick slabs of slate and water

trickled all day out of tiny pinholes and there was a queer smell of stale water there. And behind the door of one of the

closets there was a drawing in red pencil of a bearded man in a Roman dress with a brick in each hand and underneath

was the name of the drawing:

Balbus was building a wall.

Some fellow had drawn it there for a cod. It had a funny face but it was very like a man with a beard. And on the wall of

another closet there was written in backhand in beautiful writing:

Julius Caesar wrote The Calico Belly.

Perhaps that was why they were there because it was a place where some fellows wrote things for cod. But all the

same it was queer what Athy said and the way he said it. It was not a cod because they had run away. He looked with

the others across the playground and began to feel afraid.

At last Fleming said:

—And we are all to be punished for what other fellows did?

—I won’t come back, see if I do, Cecil Thunder said. Three days' silence in the refectory and sending us up for six and

eight every minute.

—Yes, said Wells. And old Barrett has a new way of twisting the note so that you can’t open it and fold it again to see

how many ferulae you are to get. I won’t come back too.

—Yes, said Cecil Thunder, and the prefect of studies was in second of grammar this morning.

—Let us get up a rebellion, Fleming said. Will we?

All the fellows were silent. The air was very silent and you could hear the cricket bats but more slowly than before: pick,

pock.

Wells asked:

—What is going to be done to them?

—Simon Moonan and Tusker are going to be flogged, Athy said, and the fellows in the higher line got their choice of

flogging or being expelled.

—And which are they taking? asked the fellow who had spoken first.

—All are taking expulsion except Corrigan, Athy answered. He’s going to be flogged by Mr Gleeson.

—I know why, Cecil Thunder said. He is right and the other fellows are wrong because a flogging wears off after a bit

but a fellow that has been expelled from college is known all his life on account of it. Besides Gleeson won’t flog him

hard.

—It’s best of his play not to, Fleming said.

—I wouldn’t like to be Simon Moonan and Tusker Cecil Thunder said. But I don’t believe they will be flogged. Perhaps

they will be sent up for twice nine.

—No, no, said Athy. They’ll both get it on the vital spot. Wells rubbed himself and said in a crying voice:

—Please, sir, let me off!

Athy grinned and turned up the sleeves of his jacket, saying:

It can’t be helped;

It must be done.

So down with your breeches

And out with your bum.

The fellows laughed; but he felt that they were a little afraid. In the silence of the soft grey air he heard the cricket bats

from here and from there: pock. That was a sound to hear but if you were hit then you would feel a pain. The pandybat

made a sound too but not like that. The fellows said it was made of whalebone and leather with lead inside: and he

wondered what was the pain like. There were different kinds of sounds. A long thin cane would have a high whistling

sound and he wondered what was that pain like. It made him shivery to think of it and cold: and what Athy said too. But

what was there to laugh at in it? It made him shivery: but that was because you always felt like a shiver when you let

down your trousers. It was the same in the bath when you undressed yourself. He wondered who had to let them down,

the master or the boy himself. O how could they laugh about it that way?

He looked at Athy’s rolled–up sleeves and knuckly inky hands. He had rolled up his sleeves to show how Mr Gleeson

would roll up his sleeves. But Mr Gleeson had round shiny cuffs and clean white wrists and fattish white hands and the

nails of them were long and pointed. Perhaps he pared them too like Lady Boyle. But they were terribly long and pointed

nails. So long and cruel they were, though the white fattish hands were not cruel but gentle. And though he trembled with

cold and fright to think of the cruel long nails and of the high whistling sound of the cane and of the chill you felt at the

end of your shirt when you undressed yourself yet he felt a feeling of queer quiet pleasure inside him to think of the white

fattish hands, clean and strong and gentle. And he thought of what Cecil Thunder had said: that Mr Gleeson would not

flog Corrigan hard. And Fleming had said he would not because it was best of his play not to. But that was not why

A voice from far out on the playground cried:

—All in!

And other voices cried:

—All in! All in!

During the writing lesson he sat with his arms folded, listening to the slow scraping of the pens. Mr Harford went to and

fro making little signs in red pencil and sometimes sitting beside the boy to show him how to hold his pen. He had tried to

spell out the headline for himself though he knew already what it was for it was the last of the book. ZEAL WITHOUT

PRUDENCE IS LIKE A SHIP ADRIFT. But the lines of the letters were like fine invisible threads and it was only by

closing his right eye tight and staring out of the left eye that he could make out the full curves of the capital.

But Mr Harford was very decent and never got into a wax. All the other masters got into dreadful waxes. But why were

they to suffer for what fellows in the higher line did? Wells had said that they had drunk some of the altar wine out of the

press in the sacristy and that it had been found out who had done it by the smell. Perhaps they had stolen a monstrance

to run away with and sell it somewhere. That must have been a terrible sin, to go in there quietly at night, to open the

dark press and steal the flashing gold thing into which God was put on the altar in the middle of flowers and candles at

benediction while the incense went up in clouds at both sides as the fellow swung the censer and Dominic Kelly sang the

first part by himself in the choir. But God was not in it of course when they stole it. But still it was a strange and a great

sin even to touch it. He thought of it with deep awe; a terrible and strange sin: it thrilled him to think of it in the silence

when the pens scraped lightly. But to drink the altar wine out of the press and be found out by the smell was a sin too:

but it was not terrible and strange. It only made you feel a little sickish on account of the smell of the wine. Because on

the day when he had made his first holy communion in the chapel he had shut his eyes and opened his mouth and put

out his tongue a little: and when the rector had stooped down to give him the holy communion he had smelt a faint winy

smell off the rector’s breath after the wine of the mass. The word was beautiful: wine. It made you think of dark purple

because the grapes were dark purple that grew in Greece outside houses like white temples. But the faint smell of the

rector’s breath had made him feel a sick feeling on the morning of his first communion. The day of your first communion

was the happiest day of your life. And once a lot of generals had asked Napoleon what was the happiest day of his life.

They thought he would say the day he won some great battle or the day he was made an emperor. But he said:

—Gentlemen, the happiest day of my life was the day on which I made my first holy communion.