The first day after taking possession of my flat, I paid a visit to a celebrated expert in theatrical “make up,” and paid for his help and advice. It is not an easy thing for a young woman to transform herself into an old one, and I have a weakness for doing a thing well, when I set about it. He was a delightful man! I remember him with the liveliest appreciation. I was nervous and embarrassed, but in two minutes he put me at my ease. From his manner you would have supposed that my errand was as ordinary and conventional as buying a postage stamp, while his keenness, his cleverness, his professional zest were refreshing to behold. He stared at, and criticised my face, with as much impersonality as if it had been a picture on the wall.
“Always look for the predominant factor—the feature, or features, which give personality to the face. In your case they are undoubtedly the eyebrows and the curve of the upper lip. A few judicious touches to these will alter the whole expression to a surprising extent. A few more lines will give age. The wig and spectacles are the refuges of the amateur. In themselves they can do little, but with the touches I suggest, and a deep-toned powder to darken the skin, your disguise will be complete. You shall see—you shall see!”
He motioned to a chair before a mirror, and set to work, explaining each detail as he went along. It was marvellous to see how beneath the sweep of a tiny brush my youth and good looks faded and disappeared! Then he made me wash it all off, and do the same thing for myself. Three times over the process was repeated before I “passed” to his satisfaction. To my relief he laughed at the idea of the india-rubber pads, and indeed they were no longer required, but he gave me a small appliance which could be used when I especially desired to alter my voice. Then he sent me to a woman expert, who designed a nice little pad to round my shoulders. I can’t say that it was exactly a hilarious afternoon! And now a month has passed by. For a whole month Mary Harding has resolutely ignored Evelyn Wastneys, and devoted her time to the service of others. I was just going to say “her whole thought” also, but stopped short just in time. The plain truth is that the ignoring of Evelyn engrosses many thoughts. She is a regular Jack-in-the-box, who is no sooner shut in, than up bobs her head again, wailing miserably:—
“I’m lonely! I’m lonely! I want to go home!” Then Mary, the aunt, snaps the lid more tightly than ever, but through the chink a persistent whisper makes itself heard: “I’m lonely! I’m lonely! I want some one to think of me.”
The flat is comfortable enough, and I am well served with Bridget as housekeeper, and a clean young orphan of seventeen to work under her and open the door. The orphan was procured as much as a safety-guard for myself, as an assistant to Bridget. In case anyone who knows me in my true rôle should by any possibility discover my hiding-place, and appear suddenly at the door, it is better to keep Bridget in the background, and as Emily knows me only in the character of aunt, I am necessarily kept up to the mark in the matter of disguise.
I wear elderly clothes, tinted spectacles, and a dowdy wig, and with a few touches alter the shape of my upper lip. That is all that is necessary for ordinary life. The cheek pads are reserved for occasions of special need! Emily considers me a “nice old lady, and young in my ways”. She likewise confides to Bridget that she shouldn’t wonder if I’d been quite good-looking in my day. Why did I never marry? Was it a disappointment like?
In outdoor dress especially I look genuinely middle-aged. Young women get up in the Tubes and offer me their seats! Volumes could say no more.
As regards my work, I have discovered that in London it is as difficult to get to know one’s neighbours as it is to avoid knowing them in the country. In my rustic ignorance I had imagined that all the inhabitants of the “Mansions” would be keenly interested in the advent of a new tenant, and curious about her personality. I imagined them talking together about me, and saying, “Have you seen the new lady in the basement? What does she look like? When shall you call?” but in reality no one cared a jot. There has been another removal since I came, and I overheard one or two comments in the hall. “Bother these removals. They make such a mess!”
“Those tiresome vans block the way for my pram!” Not one word of interest in the removal itself! Not one word of inquiry as to the newcomers. So far as interest or sympathy went, each little shut-in-dwelling is as isolated as a lighthouse. For the past few weeks I have been haunted by a vision of myself beating an ignominious retreat, after having altogether failed in my mission. To console myself I began a second course of Red Cross training, to revive what I had learnt two years before. Perhaps some day one of the tenants will be ill, or have an accident, which will give me a chance. Watching the stream of children coming in and out of the “Mansions,” I almost found it in my heart to wish that one of them would tumble down and break, not his crown, but just some minor, innocent, little bone, so that his mother could behold how promptly and efficiently I could render first aid!
A month passed by—four long, lonely weeks. Not a line from Charmion. Not a line from Delphine. Not a line from the big, blustering lover who had vowed never, no, never, to give up the pursuit. With one and all, out of sight was apparently out of mind, and I am the sort of woman who needs to be remembered and appreciated, and who feels reduced to the lowest ebb when nobody takes any notice. I wondered what Charmion was doing, I wondered how Delphine was faring, I wondered—did he really care so much? Would he go on caring? Suppose I had cared, too? Then another long, lonely day came to an end, and I crawled into bed and cried. Whatever my virtues may be, I am afraid I am not strong-minded!
But at the end of a month—hurrah! I started full tilt into a new and engrossing profession, a profession which I may really claim to have invented, and which offers a wide field for idle women. It is healthy, moreover, and in its pursuit its followers can be of immense service to their overtaxed sisters. The vocation is called “Pram-Pushing for Penurious Parents,” and it consists simply of taking charge of Tommy, or Bobby, or Baby for his morning or afternoon promenade, and thereby setting his mother free to take a much-needed rest!
The way it began was natural enough. I smiled at a pretty baby in the hall, and the baby smiled back at me, and threw a ball at my feet. I picked it up, and gave it back to a worried-looking little mother who was endeavouring to arrange the wrapping in the perambulator with one hand, while with the other she clutched firmly at the arm of an obstreperous person of three. She smiled at me in wan acknowledgment, and I said, “May I help?” and tucked in one side of the shawl. Two mornings later I met the same trio returning from their morning’s walk, a third time I picked the small boy out of a puddle, and helped to wipe off the mud. That broke the ice, and the mother began to bow to me, and to exchange a passing word. She is a delicate creature, and has the exhausted air of one whose life is all work and no play. One day we walked the length of the block together, and she told me that she had been married for four years, had had three children and lost one; that she kept only one maid, and so had to take the children out herself. It was tiring work, pram-pushing for four or five hours a day, but they must have fresh air. Nowadays doctors insisted that children should never stay in, even on wet days. She smiled mirthlessly.
“They are covered up and protected from damp. It’s different for the poor mothers!”
She coughed as she spoke, and then and there the great idea leapt into my head. I did not disclose it; she would probably have put me down for a baby-snatcher at once; but I made a point of meeting her on her daily outings, and of ingratiating myself with the children, and waited eagerly for an opportunity, which came in the shape of an increasing cough and cold. Then I pounced.
“Why shouldn’t I take the children out this afternoon, and let you go home and rest? You are not fit to push this heavy pram.”
She gaped at me, amazed and embarrassed.
“You? Oh, I couldn’t possibly! Why should you—”
“Because I should love it. I have nothing to do, and the days seem so long. I’d be very careful.”
“Oh, it’s not that! I am sure you would! And the children would love it. They are so fond of you already; but—”
“Well?”
“I couldn’t! It is too much. But I do thank you all the same. It’s sweet of you to have thought of it!”
For the moment it was plainly tactless to urge her further, so I just repeated:—
“Well, I mean it! Please send for me if you change your mind,” and retreated forthwith.
Behold the reward of diplomacy. That very evening Mr Manners, the papa, knocked at my door and requested to see Miss Harding. I was reading comfortably, sans wig and sans spectacles, behind the locked door of my bedroom. The little maid, having been repeatedly instructed that all callers were to be shown into the drawing-room, was no doubt elated to have an opportunity of turning precept into practice. I arose, hastily made myself look as elderly and discreet as possible, and sallied forth to greet him.
It was the funniest interview! He had brought down a copy of Punch (a week old), with his wife’s compliments “in case I should like to see it”. That was the excuse; the real reason was obviously to survey the extraordinary spinster of the basement flat, and discover if she were quite mad or just innocently eccentric. I could see him peering at me out of his tired, worried eyes, and if ever I worked hard to worm myself into a man’s good graces, I did it during the next half-hour.
I pricked my ears, listening for “clues,” and when one came, I played up to it with all my skill, agreeing with him, soothing him, hanging on his words. He looked almost as tired as his wife; there were shiny patches on his coat; his hair was turning white above the ears; he had the look of a man driven beyond his strength. I made him a cup of coffee, good coffee! over which he sighed appreciatively. I told him I liked the smell of smoke. I offered him the Spectator in exchange for Punch. At the end of half an hour he was looking at me wistfully, and saying in quite a natural, boyish voice:—
“I say, it was nailing good of you to offer to take out the kiddies to save my wife. She was quite touched. She does need a rest, poor girl, but, of course—”
“Don’t say ‘of course’ you cannot accept! The only ‘of course’ is to take me at my word. Mr Manners, may I say exactly what I think?”
He looked startled and said, “Please do!” (Mem. I must try to remember that an impulsive manner is not suitable to grey hairs!)
“Well, it’s just this; if you won’t allow me to help your wife to have a little rest now, she will be obliged to take a longer one later on! That cough needs care. I know something about nursing, and I’m sure that if she goes on as she is doing now, she’ll break down altogether.”
“I know it,” he said miserably. “I’ve been feeling the same myself. That was why—to-night—when she told me, I—”
“Came down to see for yourself if I could be trusted!” I said laughing. “And what is your verdict, Mr Manners? Do I look as if I would kidnap babies? Do I look as if I had strength enough to push a pram?”
He glanced at my grey locks, and said tactfully:—
“Bobby could walk part of the time. Kensington is fortunately flat. Miss Harding, I—I am very grateful. It’s most awfully good of you to worry about such perfect strangers. If you will relieve my wife for a few days, I shall be most awfully grateful!”
So it was arranged. I danced a jig of joy when I went back to my room, and caught sight of my elderly reflection doing it in the glass, and laughed till I cried. My work had begun. The thin end of the wedge had wormed its way in. Now to push forward.
Mrs Manners has another malady besides her cough. It’s an obscure disease, but I have diagnosed it as “chronic inflammation of the conscience”. For four long years she has been kept incessantly at work, looking after house and children, and has been unable to have one undisturbed hour, either by day or by night. Now, when she gets the chance, her conscience is horrified at the prospect. The first time I took the children for their afternoon walk I found, on my return, that she had used the time to turn out a cupboard, and looked more tired than ever. The next day I sent the maid downstairs to settle the children in the perambulator, when I produced a hot-water bottle from under my coat, and had a heart to heart talk with her there and then.
“Mrs Manners, I am going to take you into your bedroom, tuck you up under the quilt, give you this hot-water bottle to cuddle, pull down the blinds, and leave you to rest there till we come in.”
She positively shook with horror.
“Oh, Miss Harding, I can’t. It is quite impossible! All that time? If you knew all I have to do. There is another cupboard—”
“Mrs Manners, if you think I am taking charge of the children out of consideration for your cupboards, you are mistaken. I am doing it so that you may rest. A bargain is a bargain, and you are not playing fair. Now, are you coming, or are you not?”
She came, not daring to refuse, but protesting all the way.
“Well, if I must—For a little time. For half an hour. I couldn’t possibly rest more than half an hour.”
“You’ve got to try. If I’m on duty for two hours, so are you. Don’t dare to move from this bed till I give you leave.”
It was pathetic to see her thin little face peering at me over the edge of the eider-down, quite dazed, if you please, at the idea of a two hours’ rest! I felt as happy as a grig as I ran downstairs; happier still when we re-entered the flat two hours later, and not a sound came from behind that closed door. I undressed the children, and the maid tiptoed in with their tea with the air of a conspirator in a dark and stealthy plot.
“Not a sound out of her since you left! Poor thing! First chance of a bit of peace and quietness she’s had for many a long day.”
“Well, Mary, you and I are going to give her plenty more!” I said graciously, and Mary made me a slice of buttered toast on the spot to seal the partnership.
Tea was over when the door opened, and a sleepy, flushed face peeped round the door to look at the clock. When she saw the hands pointing to five, she looked as guilty as if she had robbed the bank.
Oh, it’s a glorious thing to be able to help other people! It gives one a warm, glowey feeling about the heart which comes in no other way. These last days I have just lived for the moment when I could tuck that poor little woman in her cosy bed, and the other moment when I saw her rested, freshened face on rising. Even at the end of one week she looked a different creature, and felt it too.
“Actually, dear Miss Harding, I begin to feel as if I—I should like a new hat!” she said to me one day over tea. “Do you know the feeling? I think it is the best sign of convalescence a woman could have. For months, almost for years, I have not cared what I wore. Something to cover my head—that was all that was needed. To be always tired—deadly, hopelessly tired—takes the spirit out of one.”
“No one should go on being too tired. It’s very wrong to allow it.”
She looked at me; a long look, affectionate, grateful, reproachfully amused.
“My dear, you live alone, and you have two maids. Evidently—excuse me—you have a comfortable income. My husband’s business has been steadily falling off for the last two years. It is not his fault; he works like a horse; no man could have done more, but circumstances have been against him. We keep one maid, who washes, bakes, and cooks, while I tend the babies, make their clothes and my own, knit, and mend, and patch, and darn, take the children out, bathe them, put them to bed, attend to them through the night, do the housekeeping by day, and struggle over the bills when they are in bed. Bobby is three years and a half old, and has had bronchitis and measles. Baby is eleven months, and cuts her teeth with croup. Between them came the little one who died. And then you sit there and tell me I ought not to be tired!”
“I beg your pardon. I’m sorry. I spoke without thinking. You are quite right—I know nothing about it. People who preach to others very often don’t. Forgive me!”
“Don’t be so penitent! It is really almost a relief to meet a woman who doesn’t understand. All my friends are in pretty much the same case as myself, and they haven’t got”—she stretched out her hand and timidly patted my arm—“my kind neighbour to help. Miss Harding, I think you must have been a fascinating girl!”
“Oh, I was!” I said warmly, and then made haste to change the conversation. “What about that hat? I’m quite a good amateur milliner. Look out your oddments and let me see what I can do.”