The next day I arose much earlier than usual. I didn"t wish to meet anyone, not even Sarah. The moon threw shadows over the landscape just before giving up its dim light to the sun.
As I walked I looked to the sky, wondering why I couldn"t see God, the Father of the Son I knew I carried. His sky was unusually beautiful that morning. Mauve streaked His canvas, as well as white and pink, with a tinge of orange that reminded me the sun would rise soon.
This morning was so different I didn"t even notice I was ignoring all the odors of the early morning that I usually loved.
Sarah awaited me near the well. When I saw her, I was a little disappointed. I knew Sarah was here so she and I could talk without anyone else around.
“What was the trouble at your house yesterday?” Sarah asked. Her voice was caring, not inquisitive. “I saw your family going to the Synagogue.” She glanced at me, but I had no answers. “When Joseph came home, he didn"t say a word but he refused to eat.” She paused, waiting for a word from me. Still I couldn"t speak. “Can I help in any way?”
“Oh, Sarah.” I stopped, holding my jug in both arms. “I can"t talk about it just now.”
“Mary,” she set her jug on the side of the well and placed a hand on my arm. “You and I have been together almost from the day we were born. If you can"t tell me, then whom can you tell?”
“My dear friend,” my voice quivered as my heart swelled. “If I could tell anyone, it would be you.” We stared at each other. I swallowed and tried to get my voice under control. “I"m going to visit my cousin Elizabeth for a little while.”
“Your wedding is less than a month away.” Sarah protested, and wrinkles appeared in her forehead. “What"s happened between you and Joseph?”
“Nothing, but please don"t ask any more questions now.” I held my jug with one hand and placed the other on her arm. I wanted so much to tell Sarah everything, but I knew I couldn"t...not yet.
Silently, she waited for me to continue. “My cousin Elizabeth who lives in Judea, is going to have a baby. I"ll go help her for a while. When I return, God willing, Joseph and I will marry.”
I moved my hand from her arm, placed my jug on the ground and picked up hers. As I lowered it into the water, I glanced at her. Her face revealed how much she wished to bombard me with questions.
We were taught since birth that a Savior was coming. Ancient scrolls and priests had predicted it almost since God destroyed the earth by water during the lifetime of Noah.
To realize I was the person holding the Seed of God in my body was more than I could comprehend. How could anyone expect a girl who was fifteen years old, like me, to believe that something so momentous could happen to simple people like us?
I felt very old and knew I was now years beyond Sarah.
The meeting with the angel had occurred only two nights ago. I held no doubts I was pregnant, but how could I prove it to Sarah? None of the symptoms of pregnancy were visible yet.
I made the final decision as I brought her filled jug to the top of the well. I couldn"t tell even my dearest friend.
Even Joseph didn"t know and at this point, I had no idea what his reaction would be.
Gabriel said he would visit Joseph. True, he came to our house last night but my thoughts were in a turmoil. I simply could see no one. If there were something as important as an Angel"s visit, I"m sure he would have told my father or sent a message.
“Wake up, Mary. You"re day dreaming.” Sarah was shaking my arm.
“Oh. I"m sorry. I was just thinking of the arrangements that must be made before I leave.”
I handed the jug to her, then let mine down into the water. When I brought it back up, I turned. Sarah was looking at me with love and kindness. Were the situations reversed, I would feel the same.
“Your cousin is the older lady who has a priest for a husband, isn"t she?” Sarah asked, placing her jug on her shoulder.
I nodded as we began our walk home over the path we had trod all our lives.
“How long have you known she was with child?”
“My mother just told me yesterday. Cousin Elizabeth wrote her a while ago, but Mother kept it a secret because Elizabeth asked her not to say a word. And you know my Mother.”
Sarah nodded. “Yes. She can be close mouthed.” Her usual grin was missing and her eyes held the pain of my leaving. “How long will you be gone?”
“I don"t know.” Our steps slowed and I felt tears spill from my eyes.
“Oh, Mary.” Sarah said, wiping the tears from my face with her free hand. “You don"t have to tell me what"s wrong. You know I care. And when you wish to talk, I"ll be here.”
I hugged her, wondering if it would be for the last time. This morning I felt I was doing everything for the very last time. And I didn"t like the way I felt.
I knew I should be on my knees thanking God for choosing me to carry His Baby. However, the idea was so new and terrifying, I had only confused thoughts. I did not fear giving birth, but I was afraid of everything else; Joseph rejecting me, Village people castigating me, raising a child I knew nothing about.
I knew how babies were conceived and born. My Mother taught me the facts of reproduction. I lived around live stock each day of my life; our donkey, chickens, sheep and even a goat.
This was different. It wasn"t a baby that Joseph and I conceived. Would He be a normal Baby? Or would He be supernatural? My life was turned up-side-down.
It wasn"t the life I had dreamed about. It wasn"t the happiness I wished it could be. I wanted to go back to two days ago when everything was normal and simple. I wanted to forget the entire episode.
It was impossible.
I released Sarah and we resumed our walk. “I can"t tell anyone right now what happened. You know if I could that person would be you.”
“I know.” She nodded in understanding.
“If you can just let me have a little while, when I return from Cousin Elizabeth"s, I will tell you everything.”
“Are you sure I can"t help?” she asked.
I looked at the love and care in Sarah"s eyes and things didn"t seem so dreary. “I promise that as soon as I return you shall know everything. It is good news, Sarah. I just have to go away for a few weeks.”
“All right.” She kissed my cheek. “If I don"t see you before you leave, God go with you.”
“And with you.” We went our separate ways in a sober manner, without the laughter that usually accompanied our partings.
When I arrived home, not only were Mother and Father sitting at the table, but so was Joseph. The look on all their faces told me that few words had been spoken. None of the people I loved was happy with the situation.
“Good morning Mother, Father.” My voice was as cool and disinterested as I could make it, as I set the jug of water on the table and turned. “And how are you Joseph?”
“Mary,” his voice was low and unemotional. “Why did you let your father lie to me about your being sick?”
“Oh, Joseph.” I felt tears welling in my eyes and tried to control them. “I didn"t lie.” Now he had irritated me and it showed as my voice hardened and the tears disappeared. “I was heart sick. I didn"t want to face you with the news I have.”
Father offered, “If you two would like, we"ll go into the other room.”
“No,” I said, as I turned toward the door. “Come, Joseph, walk with me to the olive grove. We"ll talk there. I must tell you the Good News.” I tried to give him my special smile.
He rose, took a step and grabbed my hand. He held it as though he would never let go. But his voice was cold as he said, “I"ll listen to what you have to say.”
I ignored his thrust and we walked from the room. As I looked back, I saw Father wipe a tear from Mother"s face. Then they both looked at me with the love, care and concern that was always there.
I disengaged my hand, not glancing at him.
Walking toward the grove, I had to move rapidly to keep up with Joseph. Dew had fallen during the night and was not completely dissipated, dampening my sandals, feet and legs.
Dry sand swirled, landed, then clung to my damp ankles. Even the birds were quiet as we passed. The only noise was the sound of Joseph"s sandals as they displaced small stones and rocks, sending them flying in abandon.
The sun was glaring at the earth as though it would consume it with heat and light. Other than Joseph and me, the only movement seemed to be insects as they skittered across the tawny earth to vanish into small patches of dried grass. Joseph must have been working with cedar trees recently because the odor clung to his clothing.
As we entered the olive grove, I noticed the twisted trunks of ancient trees with their limbs bent in all directions.
Green leaves which clung to the boughs stirred in the gentle morning breeze. I often wondered how these trees could produce such fruit with their arms in this condition.
Normally, I would have gloried in the freshness of the air and the beauty of these gnarled limbs reflecting against the almost cloudless sky. I loved the various types of vines curled around some of the limbs. Even the patches of still-dew-laden grass underneath the trees couldn"t take my thoughts from the job I knew I had to do.
Now...now, I must tell Joseph my news.
I stopped and looked up at him, attempting to convey my love. His face held a mixture of expressions...love, concern, questions...even a hint of displeasure.
“Please, Joseph bear with me.” I pleaded and placed my hand on his arm. “What I have to tell you is unbelievable. I hope and pray you can accept the news.” I held his questioning eyes with mine.
His voice was so gentle, my heart wept because I knew that gentleness wouldn"t last. “Oh, Mary, you know I will believe anything you say.”
I looked up into those dark brown eyes. For the first time I could ever remember, his eyes did not hold unconditional love and devotion. “Please forgive me Joseph but I could not tell you what happened yesterday. It was too new and unbelievable, even to me. I hardly knew whether to accept it myself.” I remembered the Rabbi and his disbelief. “The Rabbi thought I lied.”
“Don"t keep me in suspense any longer, Mary.” His voice hardened and his eyes snapped in anger and frustration.
“Joseph,” I removed my hand from his arm, then glanced down, not wanting to look into his face as I told him.
“I am with child.”
The silence was so long I glanced up. His face was a study in confusion, as though he had inhaled a deep breath and could not let it go. From confusion, I saw his eyes begin to spark and knew his anger was just below the surface. He wouldn"t look at me and I thought my heart would break with disappointment.
“Joseph,” I cried. “speak to me!” I grabbed his arm. He flung my hand away as though it were a detestable fly.
“Who is the man?” His voice was so low and menacing I couldn"t believe it was my Joseph speaking. “I will kill him!”
“Joseph!” Where was the understanding Joseph I had always known? Where was the love with which he usually surrounded me? Soundlessly, I lifted both hands trying to touch him.
He shook me off as though I were no more important than a piece of lint. “I"ll listen.” His voice was stony as he leaned against a tree, crossed his arms and stared down at me. The look was so forbidding I couldn"t have touched him even had I wished.
I looked through the twisted limbs and thought how twisted my life had become in just two short days. I shivered in the heat as I realized there was little I could do if Joseph didn"t believe the story I was about to tell.
My voice began on a hopeful note. “For thousands of years, we Jews have expected a Jewish girl to be chosen as the mother of God"s Son. He will be sent to save the world.”
“You"re saying you have been chosen?” He interrupted with a sneer, his lip curled in disdain.
I couldn"t believe Joseph could speak to me in such a fashion. “I was, Joseph, I was!” I cried. “Gabriel came to me night before last. He told me I was the chosen one. He said I would be the hand maiden of the Lord, that I would bear God"s Son!” I was almost shouting in my frustration at his unbelief.
I looked up at Joseph. The disdain was replaced by anger and hurt. “Mary, I know you"ve always had an outsized imagination, but I never dreamed your fantasy could imagine this.” His voice was icy. “Perhaps you aren"t as old as I thought.” He turned and stared upwards. “Perhaps we should forget the betrothal, return the gifts and live in our own homes for a few more years until you grow up.”
“Joseph!” I was now so angry I could barely control my voice. “I hoped that by telling you of the angel Gabriel and explaining what happened, you would believe me.”
He stared at me, his body a stone figure. I turned and strode toward home, then stopped. Facing him defiantly, and in as icy a voice as I could muster, I said, “I thought you loved me enough to want to understand. I hoped things would not be different between us. I love you Joseph, but maybe it would be best if the marriage is called off altogether.”
I stared as his body seemed to melt. He stepped toward me and cried in anguish. “Mary, how can you expect me to believe? How do I know you"re with child? How can I know you received a visit from an Angel? How can you believe you are with child?”
“I don"t have to believe it, Joseph, I know!” My voice was now calm, matter-of-fact. “I don"t have to convince you. I don"t have to get larger in two days to know I am to bear the Son of God.” My voice faltered and I swallowed as though I had an obstruction in my throat.
“I know it won"t be easy.” My voice was so low, I saw Joseph bend toward me to be sure he heard every word I uttered. “I know if you give me up, there is a good possibility I will be stoned...” My voice drifted off, then I spoke louder and with conviction, as I felt my eyes begin to spark with determination. “God is not going to let anything happen to His Son. I shall be safe, whether you decide to become His earthly father or not.”
Joseph walked toward me. “I"ll put you away for awhile and keep you safe, Mary. Just let me think about this for a few days, please.” He was now holding my shoulders and looking deeply into my eyes.
“You will have all the time you need, Joseph.” I flung his hands from my shoulders. “I"m leaving in a few days to visit my cousin Elizabeth. She is going to have a baby. The angel Gabriel also told me that. When he matures to manhood, the child she is carrying will be the man who announces that the Son of God is now upon the earth.”
His face held a stunned expression. “Are you sure? Isn"t your cousin Elizabeth quite old?”
“Yes she is, but nothing is impossible with God. I know I will carry the child of God to fruition. He shall be born to me. Your decision is yours alone! I can"t or won"t help you with this one.”
We stood there, looking at each other. I was exhausted. My life was filled with people who decided my fate...the angel, the rabbi who refused to believe when we went to the temple yesterday and even my well meaning parents who did not question my statements. I expected, or hoped rather, that Joseph believed and would give me a shoulder to lean on.
I had had enough. Now I knew I had God and myself to lean on.
I turned and walked away, leaving him behind. Over my shoulder I said to him, “I shall see you when I return from Elizabeth"s.”
“Mary, wait...” His voice was pain filled, a cry of frustration and loneliness.