35
“Kate, can you tell me about William? What kind of person… is he?” Paul was careful not say “was he?”
They were sitting at a booth inside a Harrisonburg restaurant that, while normally bustling during the business lunch hour, was nearly empty now, at three in the afternoon. Paul’s research efforts-examining the water droplets and revisiting the Natural Bridge-were not getting him far, and he thought another interview with Kate might help. At the restaurant, they were away from distractions-Kate’s caused by the normal demands of her daughters and Paul’s caused by his uncertain feelings, but definite attraction, for Helen.
Kate detected Paul’s attempt to choose his words carefully. She tried to smile but fought tears. Kate wondered how long it would be until people started talking about William as if he were gone for good. She had to make Paul believe that William was not gone, but lost, and that if anyone could find her husband, it would be him. She rushed her next words:
“William is a hardworking, intelligent man who loves his family and worships his mother. His biggest fault is that he rarely thinks about himself. He is always thinking about others and what he can do to make them happy. He loves to make me happy. Most of the time I think I do not deserve him.”
Kate realized that her last words were heavy, as she might be suggesting that losing William was something she had coming to her. “I don’t really mean to say I do not deserve him now! I need him more than ever. Paul, there must be something you can do to help me.”
Paul looked into Kate’s eyes and he could see her despair. He was not sure if he could help her, but believed that if there was a way to get her husband back, he would do his very best to help.
“Kate, I am not sure if I can help you, but I do promise to do my best. Can you tell me more about William’s past? Where was he born? Where did he grow up? Where did you meet? What did he like? Music, food, hobbies, and anything else you can tell me.”
Kate was pleased to hear Paul wanted to know so much about her husband. It reassured her to know that Paul was genuinely concerned.
“Well, where do I start? William was adopted. Actually no one really knows where he was born, not even his mother. It didn’t really bother William… he said that his past was not important to him, just his future…”
“What do you mean he did not know where he was born?” Paul interrupted Kate just as she was about to continue.
“Every time I brought up his childhood, William would…” It took Kate a moment to realize that Paul was not asking more about William’s past, but rather why he didn’t know about his origins. “What did you want to know?” Kate turned to Paul and brought her face closer as if to say, “I need you to speak louder.”
“What do you mean he did not know where he was born? Do you mean what hospital or what city?” Paul had found his notebook and was starting to take notes; he scribbled the date at the top of the lined playing card-size sheet of paper. And jotted bulleted notes:
• William adopted***
Paul had included three stars next to this first note as he was surprised to learn this fact about William.
Kate waited for Paul to finish writing. When he looked up, she tried to read what he had written but found it hard to see the text. So she reached over and grabbed Paul’s wrist with her right hand and pulled it over in front of her within inches of her face. “Why did you add the asterisks next to this first note? Is it important that William was adopted?” Kate had not let go of Paul’s hand and as Paul pulled back to look at the note, Kate found herself allowing her hand to be dragged toward Paul’s chest, holding onto his wrist as if the key to this mystery was in Paul’s notepad. She wanted to turn this odd moment into something that would compel Paul to help.
“Paul, I can only let go of your wrist if you tell me that you will help me! Can I count on you?I have a strong feeling you can bring William back to me.”
Paul realized Kate was not completely at ease. He placed his free hand over Kate’s and shook it once, then shook his head. “Listen, Kate, I am not sure what I can promise you. I have no idea why your sister, who I had not heard from for over a year, felt I could help. I do know one thing though! And that is that I want to be here and I want to help you. I feel this is something that needs me. I believe that something happened to William that is beyond a conventional explanation. This is why I put the asterisks next to the note about William’s origins: You see my father was adopted. He spoke very little about his past. When my grandparents, who were wealthy merchants from Malta, decided they wanted an American baby, they purchased my dad as an infant. He never knew where he was born, when his true birth date was or who his real parents were. The only difference with my dad and your husband was that his parents were not as loving and my dad always craved to find out more about his origins.”
Paul, noting Kate’s rapt interest in his story, continued. “My dad grew up in Malta and married my mother there. I was born here. My dad left Malta a week after he was married. They left without telling either of my grandparents. My mother was heartbroken at first, but later she adjusted. My dad moved to Virginia for some reason. My family was the only Maltese family in these parts. My mom is still alive…” Paul stopped suddenly. Up until now, he had been holding onto Kate’s hand but he felt the need to release it and sit upright in his chair.
“What happened to your dad, Paul? Has he… I mean, did he die?”
Paul let out a deep breath. “That may have been easier to accept. I have not seen my father for four years now. We were close. I miss him so much. I was searching for him for the longest time. I did believe that one day I would find him.”
Kate momentarily forgot about her problems and felt moved by Paul’s emotions. “I am not sure I am following you. How did you father disappear?” Kate wanted to learn Paul’s story and if it in any way tied into her situation. “Paul, do you think your father and my husband might be in the same place, is it possible?”
Paul was noticeably startled… that was not what he had been thinking at all. But what if there was a connection? Was it possible that the answers he had sought for so many years could present themselves through the dilemma of this person in front of him? “Kate, that is not what I am trying to say, that is definitely not what I was thinking about. On the other hand, I would have to say that anything is possible, and up until now I have found no clues as to what happened to my father. Then again I found absolutely no one to help me. And I have no one who can tell me they were with my dad just before he disappeared. The one thing that is peculiar is that we lived in this area right before he left and that he, too, was adopted. Although, I’m not suggesting my dad and your husband were at the same place. Actually I really doubt that to be the case.”
“How do you know it is not possible, that your dad is not with William?” Kate spoke in a very stern voice as if she was scolding a child. “I mean, Paul, anything is possible. I am telling you that I saw William vanish… now that is beyond normal. It was outright paranormal! And perhaps fate has connected us. Paul, I need to believe your dad is with William. I want you to find them both and bring them back to us.”
Paul had allowed himself to think for a moment that it was that easy: bring William back and his dad would follow. Then he realized that for him it was different, he had given up hope two-and-a-half years ago. “Kate, do you believe in dreams?” Paul wanted to tell Kate everything; he wanted her to know everything he felt about his dad and what he had experienced.
“I, I guess I do… But what do dreams have to do with it?”
Paul grabbed Kate’s hand again. To strangers nearby they must have seemed like lovers, sitting closely huddled in intimate conversation. But neither cared about such appearances. They were so deep in discussion the waiter could not get their attention after trying for a second time.
Realizing, finally, that the couple did not wish to be disturbed, he pointed his nose in the air and walked away.
“You, see, Kate, I believe in dreams. That is one thing my mother instilled in me, to believe in my dreams and to never underestimate the power of the subconscious. My mother is a bit clairvoyant. She can feel things. I mean she has strong premonitions. When her mother died, she knew it that morning. I took the call from Malta. The phone only rang once, and she cried louder than I had ever head her cry before. I did not know what to do, answer the phone or go to her. I stared at the phone, and I knew that the person on the other end was going to give me bad news; I knew it so clearly that I did not say anything when I lifted the receiver. My aunt was on the other line, my mom’s older sister Jane was speaking in Maltese… She, unlike my mother, did not believe in any of this… She was very close to my mother. They spoke almost once a month by phone. They had not seen each other in twenty years. I still think she should have known it was me on the line and not her sister… I can still hear her Maltese words: “omm Carmelina mietet.” I just hung up the phone. I could not find any words to say to my aunt. But my mother knew as soon as the phone rang that the dream she had that night was true… her mother had died. As a matter of fact she knew it before the phone rang. She was just telling me about her dream and the phone rang. It could have been anybody on the phone. At that time of day, the phone rang off the hook. We got a lot of calls at the house on account of the fact my dad was partially self-employed but, no, my mother knew it was the call she was dreading.”
Paul realized he had allowed himself to ramble. “Sorry, Kate, I do not mean to carry on like this. You see I have given up hope of finding my father. About two-and-a-half years after he disappeared I, too, had a dream. I never told anyone. But things changed for me after that dream. It was so real, so strong. I actually forced myself to wake up so that I would make sure it was a dream. As soon as I woke, I concentrated on going back to sleep so I could continue the same dream, and I did. In my dream, my dad came to me and asked me to stop searching for him. He told me that he was somewhere I could not go to, a place where he was happy, and that he loved me very much. He asked me in the dream to take care of my mother. I found myself having a conversation with him. It was the most amazing dream I have ever had. I asked my father if he was alive and he said that in his new world he was. He used the words “new world,” and then something really freaky happened. In my dream, I saw my dad as a young boy about ten or so in between a couple who were holding his hands. They were his real parents. I could see their faces and they were so happy to have him back. They were American, blond like my dad. I could see they were so much in love. I was so happy at that very moment I realized my father had left my mother and me so that he could be with his parents. And I stopped looking for him. I know he is where he wants to be. I know he is happy. I am happy about that. I do not feel that I have been cheated out of anything. I had many great times with my dad and I do miss him so very much, but he grew up without any love, not like the love he gave me. He found his parents, and he is with them now. He deserves to be with them. My mother has remarried, and she is happy. She and I have never spoken about this. Actually I have never shared this story with any living soul. But my mom did love my father and she, too, must know where he is and that he is happy and I am sure she knows that I feel the same way. We do not feel a loss when we are together. We feel a wealth of closeness and a common bond that we were fortunate to be part of my dad’s life.”
Kate was dumbfounded; she did not know what to say to this new friend whom she felt so close to now. Somehow she needed to believe him. But his story was not giving her hope. If anything it was frightening her. Could William be gone from her forever? Would she have to accept that he would not come back to her, that perhaps he, too, vanished so that he could be with his true parents?
“No, Paul!”
Paul was surprised by Kate’s sudden reaction.
“No? What do you mean ‘no’, Kate? No you do not believe me? Well, all I can…”
“No, that is not what I mean. I do believe you. I honestly do, and thank you for finding the strength to share your story with me. I truly understand the way you feel…” Kate paused. Now it was she who reached over to hold Paul’s hand. “No, Paul, I do not think William is at the same place as your dad!”
Paul pulled back, his body language was saying it for him, but he said the words anyway. “Kate, I was not saying William is with my dad in an after life…” Kate would not let Paul finish his words.
“I know you are not saying that. I know you are not saying that William is in the same place as your dad. All I am saying is no, Paul, William did not go to a place he would rather be than with his family. The girls and I mean the world to him, and he worships his mother. He did not feel any void in his life like you said your father felt. He has not watched his daughtersgrow up like your father watched you. No, Paul! No, Paul, William is not anywhere he wants to be. You must help me bring him back.”