XII
At first glance, the food appeared hopeless. It was mostly rice
and old vegetables with some bits of chopped-up meat– maybe pork
– and it was all smothered in brown tasteless gravy. Eke hated the
taste.
He felt horrible about throwing out food here in the middle of
nowhere, but after a few bites he didnt feel horrible enough to
actually eat any more. The fact that the food didnt look or taste good
was only part of the issue. Eke looked at the area where the food was
prepared and there was nothing about the area that even gave a hint
of cleanliness. In his restaurant-working days, in fact, Eke had seen
better conditions inside of some dumpsters.
And to top off his reasons for not eating this food– they still had a
weeks worth of provisions in the truck. He looked at his plate. It was
still mostly full. Bill was already finished eating, as were Jacque and
Maria who were already up from the table. And handful of men sat at
another table laughing and drinking. A couple of men were eating a
second helping as if it was steak. Eke stood. He was finished and decided to go wash off his plate
at the spigot he had seen others use. As he began pumping the hand
pump he laughed to himself that the United States had given up hand
pumping water more than a century ago. This place was 100 years
behind.
Then he remembered where he really was – at a camp for a
militia. He guessed, on second thought, that a hand pump was
actually good to find.
As he washed his plate, he watched Maria walk to one of the
tents. Of the five main tents, two were bustling with activity. Maria
walked to one of the other tents. She went into what appeared to be
an empty tent. His eyes followed, like magnets.
She was a stunning woman and camouflage never looked so
good. And what he really realized was that the thing he always had
for South American woman– a thing that was until now imaginary or
perhaps theoretical – had manifested itself in the body, mind, eyes,
and spunk of this woman, Maria.
Maybe she wanted to be alone, he thought. What to do? Bill, he
knew, had gone to one of the busy tents to drink with a group of men.
What to do? Eke walked to Marias tent. Bill already tried this, he thought to himself. Bill, the guy who got
his share of women back in the states, struck out with her. What
made Eke think he could get anywhere? Eke smiled to himself and
wondered. He was in Central America. Something about that fact
made him confident.
So he walked into the tent. It was a big tent and in it were
weapons on tables. Machine guns, rifles, pistols, and one table even
had a few grenades on it. Amazing. So this is what a revolution looks
like from the inside. Amazing.
“Hi,” said Eke.
Maria, who was cleaning a gun, looked up. “Oh great, another
one,” she said.
“What?”
“Your friend has been trying to get me to kiss him since he
arrived. And now you show up.”
“Hey,” said Eke, getting defensive. “Whatd I do? Dont get mad at
me because my friend sometimes acts like a jerk.”
She put her head down and kept pushing a long brush through
the barrel of a machine gun. Eke sat down across from her. “Let me ask you something,” he
said.
She looked up, said nothing.
Eke wanted to ask her to sleep with him. It was the question that
was really on his mind but he knew better than to ask such a thing, no
matter how far away from home. Luck with women hadnt exactly
been his strong suit through the years, he was often intimidated and
almost always unsuccessful with women. Maybe it had to do with his
fantasy of coming down to a place like this and actually landing a girl
like Maria. Maybe he was unsuccessful before because he was
supposed to be so that he could end up in a situation exactly like this
with this particular stunning exotic woman. Thats what he told himself
as he was trying in his mind to figure out how to approach this
woman. Now that Bill had failed, she seemed fair game and maybe,
just maybe…
Of course, she was the generals daughter. That complicated
things a bit, he imagined. Still, what if this was all meant to happen?
Thats how romance is, right? Its romantic.
“Why you doing this?” he asked. “Doing what?” she said. She looked up at him and seemed to
recognize him as a person for the first time since he arrived.
“Look at you. Youre cleaning a gun. Youre looking to go shoot
people. And youre beautiful.”
“Oh please.”
“Its true!” Eke was worked up by her protest. “I dont understand,
Maria. You could be doing anything. Why this?” He stared at her.
She said nothing.
“I mean, come on, arent you too young to die?”
“Isnt everyone too young to die?” She stared at him.
Her face was too young to die. Phew. He was a witness. He felt a
stirring in his crotch. What eyes. Sad, beautiful, sexy, and wanting
but hard eyes.
He fell into those eyes.
“We grow up fast down here, my friend. Were poor. Two of my
sisters died before I was five years old. One was killed by a bullet.”
She shook her head. “I saw it.” She stared at him, intense. “Too
young to die?” She said nothing more and she turned away. She
would not look at him that way again. But he didnt know. He felt a cosmic connection. Another misread.
But he felt it. And it was real. More than anything, he knew for sure
that he was doing the right thing. How do you know such a thing?
You know. Eke knew. “Well, youre certainly too pretty to die,” he
said.
“You Americans are ridiculous,” she said.
He couldnt help it. He knew, of course, that he was acting
ridiculous and it wasnt even that he didnt care – he did. The truth
was that he couldnt help himself. Pretty was an understatement.
And so she said he was ridiculous and he didnt care. He didnt
think she really meant it. Maybe, just maybe, this was meant to be,
just like all his vague dreams had led him to believe. So he started to
talk - to say the things you say in movies, not in real life. His romantic
talk was too romantic, his voice was too loud and most of all his eyes
were too staring. He didnt know. He just kept talking, trying to make
a connection. “Were not ridiculous. Were only here to help, my
princess. Thats right, I am your knight in shining armor and I have
come to your country to help you and hopefully win your heart.”
She looked at him like he was crazy and immediately asked, “Do
you everstop talking? You or your friend?” He took her tone as that of someone in a relationship with him. He
just kept talking.
Finally, she said, “If youre going to stay here, at least make
yourself useful and help clean some of these.”
“Good idea. But you know what? Ill be right back,” he said. “Im
going to get a few weapons from my truck, they definitely need to be
cleaned, and that way I can also keep you company.”
“Whatever.”
He stood and left the tent and walked quickly to his truck. He had
to blink to actually believe any of this. That woman back there was
fucking hot! He opened the door to his truck and went in back to a
box. He pulled out a Winchester 70 extreme condition rifle. This
should do, he thought to himself, although what he was really thinking
was that he had to figure a way to get Maria to spend the rest of her
life with him. She was the one. He knew. He was sure. Why else
would he be here? This was the time, he assured himself, to play all
his cards. The cosmos were in motion.
Ah, the cosmos. Eke walked into the tent not knowing what the
cosmos really had in store but he was hopeful and he sat down with
some sort of a game plan. He showed her the rifle, smiled and said, as if he was a commercial announcer, “For whatever your hunt may
encounter.”
She looked at him as if she had never seen American television.
“What?”
“Never mind.” He was about to start again but before he started
talking, she asked, “So what brought you down here really?” She
looked at him. She wasnt smiling, but her tone had improved
considerably. Maybe the cosmos really were in motion.
Eke checked his rifle to make sure it was unloaded. He eyed her
as she continued to clean her machine gun. What an amazing
woman. And she asked how he came down here. He looked down
the barrel to assess its wear and then he began, “By the time I was
16, I had two dreams.”
Her eyes went to his. She said nothing.
“They were very different dreams,” he said. “One was
conventional, somethingmany American kids wanted.” He took a
deep, contemplative breath. He looked out into the tent and at an old
memory only he could see. “I wanted to be in a rock and roll band.”
“Such big concerns you Americans have,” she said, scoffing. “No wait, hear me out.” He pushed a cloth through the barrel and
pulled out some gunk. He flipped the cloth over the clean side and
pushed it through again. “It actually started when I was even younger.
When I was seven years old, I used to jump around singing Beatles
songs. When I realized I couldnt sing I tried guitar and when I
realized how complicated that was, I tried drums. I wasnt very
dedicated though. I just wanted to party and chase girls. So I failed.”
“And how does that have anything to do with you being down
here.”
He took a deep breath. “Well, Ive been failing a lot of times in
America. That just happened to be the biggest dream except for my
other dream.”
“Oh, thats right,” said Maria. “You have two dreams.”
Was she mocking him? He didnt know. He just talked on from the
heart. “You see, Maria,” he said (and it felt good to him to use her
name), “Although America is the land of opportunity, its not that way
for everyone. I seemed to fail at every turn but I kept pluggingaway.”
He smiled.
She kept cleaning her gun. “Anyway, I always had this other dream too,” he said. He reached
over and grabbed her arm. “And this is it.”
She pulled her arm away. Quick. “What? What is it?”
“I dreamed of moving to the tropics, finding a good cause Id be
willing to die for, and picking up, well, chicks like you.”
Any resemblance of a smile disappeared from her face, “What the
fuck is wrong with you crazy Americans, are you out of your mind?
You dream of this?This!”
Eke grinned at her.
“Youre nuts! Dont you understand? This is our reality down here.
People I know have been slaughtered. Do you know how that feels?”
His grin faded.
“You come down here and this is your dream? Your
entertainment? What are we, some game to you?”
Eke shrugged. In fact…
She continued, “Thats just what the world needs, another
American cowboya rock and roll hoodlum. Youre no better than the
terrorists who go around killing innocent people, or who killed your
marines over in Beirut.” “What?” Eke fell back in his chair. “What did you say?” He
couldnt even get his mind wrapped around that statement.
Terrorists? What?
“You know,” she said. “They justify their killing behind a cause,
andlook at you. Here, looking for a cause.”
“What about you?” he asked.
“This is my home,” she said.
Eke stared at her. He couldnt believe she compared him to a
terrorist. How grateful of her. He wasnt going to let this drop. No way.
“Look, Im no terrorist killing innocent people. Were nothing alike.” He
stood up and stared in her eyes and said loudly, “NOTHING!”
She stared right back. Hard eyes.
“I want to fight honorably. Id prefer pistols at ten paces and no
one innocent gets hurt. I never understood those terrorist assholes.
They use secrecy to hide behind because they are afraid to fight fair.”
He was pacing now. Pacing circles, and pointing at her. “ANY TIME,
ANY DAY, ANY YEAR, as long as I have a back they can stab at Ill
meet any of those snakes face to face, like a man. Not one of those
mangy dogs would have the courage to meet me and you know it! “You are too unreal,” said Maria. “Here you are, a big-talking
American cowboy want-a-be. Some failed rock and roller down in
Central America chasing adventure and you have the nerve to lecture
me about the morals of others. Astonishing!” She stood now too.
Stared him in the eyes, and it wasnt love she was oozing. “You
people are screwed in the head!” she shouted. Her tone lowered
slightly. “Always meddling in everyone elses business. You think you
know better than everyone.”
“What? You dont want us and our firepower? Isnt your cause
justifiable?” He sat back down. “Isnt it?”
She sighed. There was disappointment in her eyes. “It is to me,”
she said.
“But to us, its all a game, right?” He was angry now. “Amazing!”
He was frazzled too. He couldnt concentrate. This was his dream
and she turned it into this. Terrorism? Fuck her. (Though the thought
still crossed his mind) He stood up, shook his head and walked out of
the tent.
Outside, the air helped calm him a bit. But he was still fuming. His
heart was pounding. Terrorism. Jesus! He knew what they were there for. Why couldnt she just accept
his help with open arms? Yeah, he laughed to himself, with open
arms. He wanted to do this job. The man trying to ruin her country
was exactly the kind of men Eke hated– rich and powerful trying to
stay that way at any cost.
He was pacing when he noticed Maria. She was standing in the
door of her tent. He stopped pacing and then she approached him.
She leaned against a tree.
“Look, dont get me wrong,” she said. “We appreciate the help.
Really. Its just that, well, this is just some thrill to you. Its sad. Our
lives are just a game to you.”
Eke looked down. “Youre right,” he said. “I dont know what to
say. Youre right. It is sad. Its sad for all of us, I guess. Sad that it
took this to make me feel alive, I guess.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Thats pretty sad, especially considering you
lived where many people who do anything to live.”
“But I live here now,” he said. He paused, and sat on the ground.
“I understand what youre saying.”
She sat down too. He continued. “I mean, youre right. Some dream I have, huh? I
cant even get the girl. Can I?”
She shook her head, no. “I am engaged to be married.”
“Wheres your ring?”
“Ring? Thats funny. This is Honduras.”
“So who are you engaged to?”
“One of our group. He is not here right now. But he will be back
by the time of the raid.”
“Well, at least I can die an honorable death,” he said.
“Is that what this is, a death wish?”
“No, its actually a wish to feel alive. Im alive and I want to keep it
that way but I want to feel the great rush of adrenaline in fighting a
real fight. I want to feel the pulse of a cause inside me.” He scratched
the side of his face. “Maybe it is crazy, but you know, I dont mind if I
do die.”
“And why is that?”
“Id be happy for two reasons.”
“Happy to die?”
“First, because I feel blessed that I got to play in this lottery we
calllife.” He lit a cigarette, and offered her one. She accepted. Eke took two long hits on his cigarette and exhaled. Then he
continued. “And the second reason is because itd would finally be
over.”
“Interesting,” she said.
“Let me try to explain one more time. You see, Maria, I never
really did anything with my life before this. I am here to challenge
myself. This is my time.”
“Your time for what?”
He looked at her. “I dont exactly know,” he said. “Just to
challenge myself,” he said again. He was fumbling for words and said
as much. “I have a hard time explaining myself sometimes,” he said.
“What I really want to do is let my actions speak for themselves.” He
stared at her. “So many times in my life, my good intentions are
destroyed or misunderstood. Im afraid this may be another one.”
She stared back, trying to understand but the cultural differences
made it impossible.
He kept trying. “Theres a movie called, Willy Wonka and the
Chocolate Factory, you ever seen it?”
Maria stared at him blankly.
“All right, theres a book too.” No recognition.
“Anyway, its about this confectioner named Willy Wonka who did
all these amazing things with sugar. In fact, he had one giant room
made up entirely of candy.”
Maria stared at him because this whole thing was becoming more
and more bizarre to her and now the American was talking about a
fictional candy maker. Meanwhile, she had an invasion to rest up for.
She couldnt imagine what his point was going to be.
“And in this giant room he had a chocolate stream and chocolate
waterfalls and flowers and grass and it was the sweetest room ever.”
Eke paused. His face looked off into the distance and then back at
Maria. “Well, theres this song he sings as he introduces his creation
into the world.”
“And the first line goes, „If you want to view paradise, simply look
around and view it.”
She smiled.
“Thats how I understand life to be. Sometimes its heaven, and
sometimes its hell. Its whatever we create for ourselves.”
“And what are you creating?” “I dont know,” he paused. Thats what I am here to find out.”
