15
Life Is Full Of Colours
One of my childhood friends, Julia used to say that life was full of colours by circumstances and situations. However, after witnessing all the colours, all that I saw in the end was grey. I do not think if grey is even a colour. This story begins from where most stories end so it is a narrative in retrospect.
Nathan and I had spent our afternoon at the nearby gym on the treadmills, exercise bikes and other devises and did some pushups and sit ups as well. What happened after our afternoon at the gym was the greatest pleasure and then left us all painful for the rest of our life. We met each other a month ago and were getting used to our relationship as friends.
It was a Friday evening and I was at the Gym with my sister Clare but she left early because she had a date with her boy friend Joshua. Since our apartment was going to be unattended that evening I decided to finish off my time at the gym and head off home. On my last sit up I faced off with a very amused looking Nathan who had come to do his bit at the gym as usual but he did not know that I was there as well.
He was smiling that gorgeous crooked smile and crouched down in front of my workout ball. He was dressed in his gym gear and had on long black shorts, a grey singlet and black trainers. As usual he looked adorable, edible and delicious.
“If I had known that you were going to be here in those tight little workout pants then I would have started my work out a lot earlier.” Nathan said allowing his eyes to rove over every inch of my body. That look alone was setting my blood to boil. I could not help but smile at him. He was really charming and as much as I knew he was not the guy for me because he was the son of the richest business man in town and I was an ordinary personal assistant to my celebrity sister Clare. But I really like him and I was so dangerously attracted to him that I often forgot my humble persona.
Nathan stood from his crouch and unfolded his long glorious body like a panther that was ready to pounce. My breath faltered once bit I gained my composure. I did not want to be more than just a friend to him for obvious reasons. There was not one ounce of flesh on his body that was not toned and taut. He was incredibly handsome and therefore totally out of my league.
Since my sister Clare had an appointment elsewhere, I was planning a quiet night in the apartment with a book and some take away. As I was finishing off my work out, I saw Nathan watching me through the mirrored walls. I could not deny that it gave me a special thrill to know that he was doing that but I tried to act as nonchalant as possible and got ready to leave the gym. Just as I was about to head out of the door, Nathan called me. “Wait Evelyn.”
I turned to look at him. He was covered in sweat that made him look all so sexy that I could not stand it. My body went in to that kind of overdrive that made me crawl before him when he was in my space.
“Can I take you to dinner tonight? As friends of course,” he added almost as an afterthought.
“Actually I was planning a quiet night in.” I said calmly and was proud of myself for trying to turn him down but I could see that he was not going to take a no for an answer.
Nathan cocks his head to the side and looks at me through his thick long lashes. He smiles and I could notice his white teeth and dimples. “I could do that and bring over the best take away and we could watch a movie!”
I wanted him to do that but then my thoughts of incompatibility withheld me for a while. Then the thought of good food and watching a movie with Nathan tempted me. Then another thought rushed off in the mind of a single unattached girl. That was not a good idea for how would I resist him when we were alone at the apartment? What if he tried to do something odd? I would not be able to say no or the truth was that I would not be able to say no.
‘We had agreed to be friends though so I should have been able to enjoy a dinner with him,’ I thought and before I could think any further Nathan said, “Okay, how about 7 tonight. I bring the food and you arrange the movie.
Nathan looked relieved and I accepted the proposition. I turned toward the door and walked away feeling that I had just made a deal with the devil.
“I can’t wait Evelyn.” However, even if I did not turn around I could feel that sexy smile in his voice and I knew those eyes were just staring through the back of my head like a laser beam.
Nathan arrived at Evelyn’s apartment a little earlier after collecting some of the best take away foods in the town as well as a six pack of Corona to match the food. He knocked twice and waited.
The door swung open to reveal Evelyn dressed in the best of her evening wear. Her clothes were sculptured to her body and hugged her hips and legs perfectly. No make ups and yet she looked gorgeous for the evening.
I smile and push the door further back so that Nathan could enter. “Here let me help you with those.” I took the six-pack and led us through the apartment towards the patio. We settled and were happy to eat in the balcony with an awesome view of the city.
Yum, the food was amazing and the drinks went well. It was time to do some chit chat before the movie. I could not resist letting Nathan know a little bit of my past. “You know Nathan, it is just that sometimes I wonder if meeting the man of my dreams is on the card for me because the last relationship I had has left me a little torn apart.”
Nathan was listening to me very attentively and asked, “But how?”
“Well after two years together I found out that he had been cheating on me with numerous other girls while talking to me about marriage and the life together,” I take a deep breath and calm myself down. With a few more revelation about each other we rose from the table and started cleaning the place.
Nathan took the large bag of popcorn over to the sofa inside the entertainment centre and was ready to watch the movie. I settled on to the large sectional sofa close to Nathan to begin the show.
I did not know where to sit on the sofa because if I sat too far from Nathan, it would look weird but I did not want to sit right next to him because that could be worse. However, I plopped myself down next to Nathan but not close enough to touch. The fact was that I wanted to sit right on his lap and snuggle in to his chest while we watched the movie but that would have gone against everything I was trying to stick with.
I pointed the remote at the TV and the movie began. We were sitting in silence watching the opening credits of the movie Top Gun, the best of Tom Cruise. There is a hum of electricity in the air and I could feel it emanating off Nathan. I was sure he could feel it coming off me too. I turned the lights off because it was too bright to watch the movie with all of them on.
As soon as I relaxed on the sofa Nathan placed his hand along the back of it and rested his right hand on my shoulder and that sent goose bumps flying up and down my arms. I do not move. I do not say anything. I do not even seem to breathe and pretended that it was not affecting me at all. But I found it hard to concentrate on the movie.
Nathan’s fingers started to rub tiny circles across the exposed skin on my shoulder. Each of those rotations sent sparks flying through my veins and I was feeling all lit up inside. I was trying to concentrate on breathing normally and not letting him know that all that was affecting me. I was failing miserably. I could hear the shortness in each breath that left my lips.
Nathan moved much closer to me than before. My legs were tucked beneath me and my knees were angled towards him. He sat right next to me and draped his right arm lazily across my thighs. OMG I could not breathe. He looked so calm, so casual and so unaffected compared to me. How could he hold it together so easily when I was about to burst?
Like before, Nathan started to absently draw circles with his fingers on my thighs. That began to send tingles to various places within my body and I was trying desperately to maintain my composure but he was making it so difficult. I wanted to scream at him to stop but my inside did not let me. While I was trying to rationalize all these in my head, Nathan turned his head and stared at me with those beautiful blue eyes. His face was lit up on one side from the television screen and he looked edible, delicious and palatable.
My breath stuttered as he looked from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes again. I bit my bottom lip and tried to remove my gaze from his because I could not think straight when I was looking at him. Before I was able to think of my next step, Nathan moved towards me and warned me, “I am going to kiss you.” As if he was giving me a chance to say no.
Then when his warm, sinful lips touched mine and our mouths met, I could not even try to stop that even if I wanted to. Nathan was kissing me slowly and with purpose. This was different to the kisses we shared before, a lot more sweeter, softer and deeper.
He dragged me on to his lap and I went willingly. He maneuvered me so my legs ended up either side of his. I straddled him and curled my arms around his neck to tangle my fingers in to his hair, tugging it slightly as we kissed. Nathan’s arms were anchored to my hips and his fingertips were biting in to my flesh.
Nathan controlled the kiss and took his time so that we were eating at each other but taking in every moment of it. He brought his hands to cup my face and his palms were resting on my cheeks. He tilted my head slightly and changed the angle of the kiss so that we could reach every part of each other’s mouth.
This was heaven, pure heaven. Nathan was saying, “I am not going to take this too far but I just want to touch you everywhere you will allow.” I let him touch me anywhere he wanted.
His hands moved beneath my top and tickled across my stomach and over my ribs. I squirmed slightly at the touch, not only because it tickled but because it awakened feelings in other areas on my body that would soon need attention if he continued. His hands moved onward and upward until he reached the lace of my white bra. He dragged a hand across my breast and I gasped at the contact. His palm cupped my breast while this thumb ran across my nipple causing it to harden at his touch.
Our kisses grew more urgent and I could feel Nathan’s arousal against my thigh. My willpower had left the apartment and all the reasons that I was not going to do this had abandoned me. Right then I was his to do as he pleased. Just as I reached to undo his belt buckle, he pulled back abruptly and gazed down at me. Breathing heavily he said, “Evelyn, we need to stop.”
My eyes flew wide at that comment and my mind screamed, ‘why the hell would we do that?’
Nathan sat back and pulled me up with him. I sat up, straightened up my top and wiped my face. I began to wonder what had happened or what I did wrong that brought us to this sudden halt.
Nathan looked troubled and there was a pin drop silence in the room. By now we had lost all interest in Tom Cruise movie. Nathan began to justify his inaction, “Evelyn, we had agreed that we would not do anything stupid and remain friends until we consolidated our relationship.”
I wanted to tell him that I loved what he did and I wanted him to do it again and again and again but I respected his wishes. He stood up and held out his hand for me to pull me off the sofa. My inside was churning and I was still reeling because I wanted him to throw me back down on to the sofa and continue where we had left off.
Nathan turned and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair where he had left it. “Thank you for a great evening Evelyn. I will see you tomorrow.”
As I watched him leave the apartment, I realized that I had no idea what had just happened. With a deep cleansing breath I turned off the movie and headed to my room. I needed a cold shower and the go to bed.
Things did not end there and for that I thanked Nathan and the god almighty. Nathan was a very responsible person who never ever took advantage of poor me even if he was one of the richest men I met. Gradually all the colours in our life became so bright and clear with our relationship that transformed our friendship into a love that changed our physical, emotional and spiritual composition. We began to feel as if our souls had merged and we needed to celebrate this natural human emotion.
It was early March in 2014 when Nathan was to fly to Beijing on a business trip and wanted to take me with him for some very specific reason and I agreed to travel with him. We left Brisbane on 2nd of March and after spending a few wonderful days in Malaysia, Nathan boarded the Malaysian Airline Flight 370 on 8th March and asked me to follow him three days later when he finished his business meeting in Beijing.
Nathan gave me a sealed envelope and said I should open it when I was at the foot of the Great Wall of China. I kept that envelope safely in my purse as his treasure because he said that it contained his heart and soul and a message of his life.
I booked my flight to Langkawi to spend a few days with one of my friends there after seeing Nathan off from the Kuala Lumpur Airport to Beijing.
I had hardly settled down at the Ocean Residence in Langkawi that the media started relaying the terrible news about Malaysian Airline Flight 370. Firstly, I could not believe it but when all the TV, radio and newspapers relayed the same news of the demise of the plane that was carrying my Nathan I broke down and lost all my strength.
I flew back to Kuala Lumpur to catch up with the tragic news and find out more about Nathan with a very strong hope in my mind that all the news would turn out to be false and I would join Nathan in Beijing soon. That was not to be.
I then looked at the sealed envelope that Nathan had given me. With my trembling fingers I tore the envelope and read the content therein.
Darling Evelyn,
I will be waiting for you on top of the Great Wall of China to make my proposal on March 14 and I want you to join me for the celebration.
Love you heaps.
Yours and Only Yours, Nathan.
Completely devastated and distraught I flew back to Brisbane and did not know what to do any more. There, next to the photo of Nathan in my apartment lay bunches of flowers that gave no hope and clue about my future. Although the flowers had come with good intentions they looked dull, lifeless and pale to me. My only solace was my sister Clare and her friends.
It had been a week after the tragic news of Nathan and my sister Clare and I searched all websites, all news media and talked to every related organization to give us any information about Nathan but our hopes began to fade as time moved on. We are still searching.
My world became colourless and everything around me turned discoloured. The words of my friend began to dangle in front of me. Life had become colourless because of the circumstance and situation. All I could see and feel was grey and I could not understand if grey was a colour at all.
It was one of those days when my mind was drastically restless. In an attempt to free it, I left the house, allowing my wandering consciousness to search for peace, condolence and relief. One of my favourite places to visit when I needed time alone was the seashore at the Golden Beach in Caloundra.
Its immensity was of no concern to me, but in actual fact the ocean was calm, tranquil and vast; full of life. The rolling waves that were crashing onto the beach below reached in lightly touching my feet on the wet sand. Though I had not gone deeper in the sea the water seemed to have reached deep into me for something unidentifiable. As I was leaving I observed again, the splendorous blue of the magnificent sea and its calming effects.
Blue, the calm colour of inner strength and peace that Nathan provided me had all disappeared.
The nearby park was a place of exquisiteness; it was a reminder of the perfect balance that nature had in place. If only my balance could be so perfect. It was a long walk before I could find a quiet location. Lying down on the spongy grass, the smell of the freshly mowed lawns was strong but soothing; bringing back treasured memories of the time Nathan was still here, when we would lie down and watch the sky run away as the world turned.
The effortless gliding of the seagulls in the air, the crawling of the ants along the footpath but most of all the gentle swaying of the huge trees above, the whispering between the leaves of the hidden knowledge they possessed. This was a splendid solace for me.
Today, however, was a much quieter day. The gulls stayed out at sea but a draft of air continued to blow in gently, lightly brushing at the trees. It was a serene atmosphere, nature always remained composed but it kept us either disturbed or disdained depending on the circumstances and situations. I felt a part of me lying there on the luscious green grass with Nathan. I shared my imaginative relationship with him.
The green grass touched us. Green, a restful colour of renewal, balance and harmony made us feel different.
The sun was lowering itself towards the west and below the horizon. It was the end of another day. People were beginning to leave, the city was slowing down. As the people gathered and left, the park emptied. The only sounds left were the cars heading south down the highway towards Brisbane where I was not yet ready to go because a lot of grey was spread there.
It left an eerie feeling. The end of a day seemed to signify the end of my life too. Above the city, the sky displayed unparalleled beauty, coloured in countless shades of orange, and the darkest on the east stretching towards the golden sun where the shades of orange glowed brightly. The great star of my life had lost its gleam earlier; its new colour was mellow with a hint of gold. To me, it represented hope. The setting of the sun indicated the end of the day but with that, it brought the prospect of a brand new one.
I could visualize images that were orange, an energizing colour of warmth and energy. There were some images of yellow, a cheerful colour of happiness and joy that seemed to drift away from me.
As the night set in and the traffic finally died down, the lights of the city began to shine, like how the stars in the sky illuminated and animated the darkness. Stargazing brought upon me some childhood memories, my youthful days when lying in the rural fields of my parent’s farm in Botini. That was a remarkable routine almost every night but it was no more. The twinkling glimmer of the celestial bodies had always amused me, the way they were all spread apart they were free from each other, free from influences and most of all free from burdens, sorrows and loneliness. I could still see the shadows of Nathan but without any colours.
As I sat up, I saw a phenomenon, far out from the shore; the darkness was lit purple, by what looked like a flowing river of glowing lights. Twisting and turning, the constant stream of neon meandered its way across the mysterious darkness. In the midst of this darkness there was a tiny light that made me feel I was with Nathan.
That was revealing everything purple in my life, a mysterious colour of nobility and spirituality which was fast disappearing into the oblivion. The business world was mourning the loss of the most eligible bachelor.
Though the lightshow only lasted a couple of minutes, it conveyed to me an indefinable sensation but it was a pleasant one nonetheless. The feelings that had taken place were not complete but they were sufficient to sooth my soul. All these took a while to comprehend, but the natural world although is full of truth, beauty and goodness has unpredictable occurrences. However, we humans live with hope and unlike the artificial world we live in, we must find a peaceful place to exist. Then eventually all the colours should returned to me.
Well, all but one, the colour red which is the colour of love and affection. To me, there is no one who can replace my Nathan, but now and again, I observe shades of pink, representing me, but only occasionally until I too join him.
