— Chapter Seven —
Lee, Pon and the commandos studied the information and maps laid out on the large desk.
Pon and Lee’s plan seemed simple. The commando squad would leave that night, fly into Vietnam by helicopter and dropped into a clearing 5kms South of where the Sat phones signal had been traced, and using G.P.S and night vision equipment they would hike to the location and set up a covert intelligence and surveillance operation.
Pon, Stu and Spock would fly out later that morning, to the Chao Doc border and enter Vietnam on foot as tourists with Pon as their tour guide.
They would be driven to Cu Chi and join with a pre-booked tour of the tunnels. They planned for Spock and Stu to continue with the tour, while Pon slipped away to investigate the tunnels and later meet with the dug-in commandos to compare Intel and formulate the best strategy for a rescue attempt. He would return to stay with Stu, Spock and the tour group in Cu Chi village overnight.
Depending on the information gathered, regarding entrances, work force, firepower etc, they could decide to either, attack together with Pon, alternatively he would go in alone and assault one entrance, whilst the commandos attack another.
A helicopter would be on standby at a predetermined landing zone to airlift the commandos and Kim to safety, with the assumption that once the kidnappers had been overcome, the agent with Thran would panic and run, or a sniper secretly positioned near Thran’s house would take him out.
On a successful completion Pon would return to Cambodia with Spock and Stu.
If the commando’s or Pon couldn’t find a safe, easy way to infiltrate the kidnapper’s hideout, they were to abort and the commando’s would be airlifted out. Stu, Spock and Pon would to stay in Ho Chi Minh City for a few days and then fly to Hanoi at the appointed time and date to meet the kidnaper’s agent.
They finished the briefing and the commandos started to gather up their equipment as the turbines of the helicopter outside, growled into action. The commandos’ silently boarded the chopper and it took off on an easterly direction, heading into the night sky.
“My best men, the elite” bragged Lee
Pon relied on them being the best and, if things went according to plan he would be reunited with his beloved wife within a few days.
“They look very competent” responded Pon and continued. “The squad leader looked intense and his footwear was interesting, his shoes looked like they were made from car tyres”.
Lee chuckled, and said that they were. Lee told Pon he had to phone his Vietnamese counterpart, and family friend, this was a private number therefore it wouldn’t be traced. Lee figured his brother, Thran, would be aware he would contact their friend knew Thran would have left any messages and instruction with him.
Stu and Spock’s role in this sophisticated plan was, as usual, to do bugger all. Travel along, do a touristy thing, look at some mud tunnels and try to keep out of mischief. Simple.
****
Spock and Stu plans for that night was even simpler. Get drunk as quick as possible, have some fun, maybe get laid, tease Lee’s driver, and then go home. Pon had phoned Lee’s driver after the briefing to make sure he brought them back early, as they were due to depart at 04:30am. The instruction came too late, the lads had already given him the slip and, while the driver frantically searched the downtown area, the lads had been in a tuk-tuk heading for the beach, searching for their old friend, Nick.
Lee’s driver had driven the lads to the downtown area of Sihanoukville. The last time they visited the town, they’d spent most of the time on, or near, the beach, bypassing the downtown area, because their guide Shifty, had told them that downtown was shit and now they could see why. The driver dropped them off on the quiet main street and instructed them to meet him there in one hour.
Spock and Stu smiled at him and walked up a side street.
“He was a serious little man,” said Stu.
“Yep” said Spock “Maybe the half empty can of Singha I left on his back seat might cheer him up.”
“That’s not like you to leave a beer,” said Stu
“It’s okay, it had gone flat” said Spock, pleased over his generosity.
They went along another side street looking for a drinking establishment and saw a sign, which made them feel at ease
“Bar” shouted Stu with glee as he and Spock quickened their pace.
They went into a large restaurant/bar, sat on some high stools and ordered two draught beers. A small squeaky voiced Cambodian girl brought their drinks over.
The long bar was well stocked with spirits. The lads noticed the number of bottles of liquor placed along the shelves on the back wall.
“Got most spirits available,” said a large friendly Australian man who stood behind the bar, and went over to the lads.
“I’m Gary, welcome to the Kangaroo Kitchen”
Spock and Stu introduced themselves and Gary stayed and talked to the lads for a few minutes about how he’d obtained such a large impressive collection of liquor.
Gary told them that the Kangaroo kitchen was a busy bar, run during the night time by his Cambodian manager Mrs. Thorn, he then pointed at a scruffy individual behind the bar.
“Why do you call him Mrs?” enquired Spock
“Don’t ask” said Gary. Thorn noticed Gary speaking to the lads and gave them an effeminate, little wave, showing off his pink painted fingernails.
Gary went on to explain that during the day, it was by his English manager, Nick.
The way Gary described Nick made Stu and Spock think maybe it could be their old mate and after they enquired about Nick Gary informed them that Nick occasionally drank at ‘escape bar’ near the beach.
They decided to go investigate after drinking several more beers and noticing that every time Gary talked about his spirit collection his eyebrows would get excited and move uncontrollably.
“Looks like the eyebrows are in for another Mexican wave,” tittered Spock as Gary started to speak with another customer.
“Woohoo” the lads yelled, raised, and lowered their arms in the air.
Gary looked, smiled and nodded at the pair, not understanding what was going on with these two dopey pommes.
Merriment over for the present, the lads decided to go to find out whether it was the same, Nick, they knew and loved. They stopped and got on a passing tuk-tuk and instructed the driver to take the route that would bypass Lee’s driver. The tuk-tuk driver was a happy, chatty sole and gave the lads some Cambodian chewing gum and said “try, chnang, tasty” They decided to nickname him ‘Happy tuk-tuk.’
****
Nick wasn’t too far away, in fact he was only 50 yards around the corner, in the clinic having his head sutured and ranting to Shanti, stating that before the beer can hit him, he’d looked up into the face of the angel of death, who resembled Spock, hovering in the night sky above him.
Shanti as usual ignored him when he’d had visions of Stu and Spock. “Concussion darling” she kept repeating at Nicks gibbering.
Stu and Spock had fun with the tuk-tuk driver as the old battered vehicle made its way toward the beach. Stu noticed Spock having trouble with his mouth and trying to gnash something loose and asked him.
“What’s up mate?”
“This chewing gums tastes like fruity shit and it’s stuck to my bloody false teeth,” moaned Spock
“I know, I spat mine out straight away, it tasted awful,” said Stu
Spock not wanting to upset Mr Happy tuk-tuk attempted the sticky, sickly gum, but not wanting to put up with the taste any longer, he rolled the gooey substance into a ball with his tongue and, as the driver swerved to avoid some cows, Spock spat out the sticky gumball, along with his dentures.
“Bollocks!” shouted Spock as the package flew out of the back of the tuk-tuk
“Stop, stop” Spock shouted at the driver.
The driver came to a halt.
The street was well lit and Spock knew roughly, where he’d expelled his gnashers, they’d had a soft landing in the middle of a cowpat about five meters behind them.
Stu waved at the cows they’d just avoided and joked.
“My large friend thanks you” then he broke out laughing
Mumbling, and listening to Stu and happy tuk-tuk’s laughter ringing in his ears, Spock trudged towards his dentures and shit pile. He approached the small heap and another tuk-tuk sped out of a side street and ran over the mound.
Oblivious to what he had just done, the driver carried on passing two men in fits of laughter and the words “bastard, useless, and knuckle sandwich” being hollered from behind him. He couldn’t understand English so he ignored it.
Spock got to the now splattered pile, bent down and recovered one half of his denture, and dug out the second broken piece. He walked back to the tuk-tuk holding gingerly one soiled small chunk in each hand.
Happy tuk-tuk brought him a bottle of water and flushed off the poop.
“No problem, can fix” chuckled happy tuk-tuk
Stu hadn’t stopped laughing throughout.
‘Well at least he’s stopped moping over Dao, perhaps now we can have some fun,’ thought Spock.
Happy tuk-tuk put the two halves of Spock’s dentures into a plastic bag and received a short clip from Spock for killing his dentures. They got back into the tuk-tuk and Happy told them he would go fix Spocks teeth.
“Where do you want to go?” asked Happy,
“After all that pain and emotional stress we need a cold anaesthetic. Take us to the nearest bar lisped the gummy, dentally challenged Spock.
Happy took them to a small bar complex, The golden lion plaza and dropped off at the top of a small road which led down to ten open bars, four either side with two at the bottom.
“This seems lively,” commented Stu
“Ok, I go fix teeth and bring back here,” said happy holding Spock’s teeth in the bag and Happy sped off. Spock and Stu walked down into the plaza. They stopped at the first building, an Irish bar with the Pogues blasting out; they sat themselves at the bar and ordered two draught beers. They spoke to the woman who served them, who introduced herself as Maureen, although her real name, Heng, her boyfriend assigned her a more European nickname. Maureen was Vietnamese
“Perfect” thought Stu “we can learn the basics here that’ll save us time for when we go to save Kim”
Maureen was happy to teach the lads and after thirty minutes, the lads knew the essentials: draught Beer: Bia hoi cigarettes: dieu thuoc la toilet: su trang diem, how much/cost: gla. She explained to them that every time they took a drink with the Vietnamese, they had to shout Zho Zho! Cheers, they practiced this making a point to take many sips and shouting, but after they noticed other customers glaring, they decided to save this little piece of fun for Vietnam. Maureen then asked them to try the bars special drink and, as she had spent time teaching them, they felt obliged to try.
“It’s blue,” grumbled Stu as the drink came
“Hmmm” groaned Spock knowing it would surely be a fruit based drink for a lady
They took a swig from the blue, cold, fruit drink that had a hint of aniseed flavour’
“The Blue Hengster” proudly boasted Maureen “I invented it”
“Not too bad” Stu complimented.
Happy tuk-tuk came into the bar with a broad smile and handed Spock his clean and repaired dentures. Happy spoke to Maureen in Cambodian, who had noticed gummy Spock, but didn’t want to mention it, and Happy must have told her about the cow pat episode as she walked further down the bar in fits of laughter.
Spock and Stu grabbed Happy and pulled him into a space between their stools and while Spock investigated his badly, super glued gnashers. Stu force-fed happy with the two nearly full glasses of ‘Blue Hengster’.
Spock replaced his dentures and after rubbing his tongue up and down the repair and finding it annoying and uncomfortable, he realised he would need some more anaesthetic, beer.
They left the Irish bar and went into another lively bar several doors down, dragging Happy along.
As soon as they entered the bar, ‘Paccinos’ a man came up and greeted Spock.
“Hello mate, long time no see,” said Strat
Spock greeted the musician, who he’d previously met in Siem reap several years ago. Strat had remembered Spock and Stu. Strat, whose real name was Steve, was an ancient sixty year old rock legend in his own teatime, a small rotund man who resembled Grandpa Smurf and whose stories always revolved around shagging, usually the first words out of his mouth, being
“When I was in the Philippines” his loud friendly cockney demeanour could entertain and amuse any audience.
Spock, Stu and Happy tuk-tuk settled in and joined Strat and his drinking buddy Brendan, who had a striking resemblance to a young, Fester Adams, scary. Stu quietly asked Spock who Strat was.
“I have no idea matey, but he seemed to know us” said Spock. Neither Stu nor Spock could remember a great deal about Siem Reap, thanks to the Rumbles, and a marijuana laced pizza.
Spock chatted with Strat and Brendan, about Strat’s favourite story from the Philippines, involving his hernia operation, a J-cloth and shitting through the eye of a needle. He reminded Spock of Uncle Albert on fools and horses with his constant line ‘during the war’.
Stu engaged in conversation with Alvin, the friendly English bar owner, all of them force-feeding Happy with beer and spirits.
It was late when they left Paccinos, Spock and Stu decided to carry on their search for Nick and squeezed a now shitfaced, Happy into his tuk-tuk, with directions for the ‘escape’ bar which they were told wasn’t too far away, lucky for Happy.
The tuk-tuk was about to depart, when Lee’s Lexus came screeching to a halt in front of them, blocking their escape.
Lee’s driver got out and gave Happy a ‘round of fucks’ telling off. Happy gurgled and smiled, he just wanted to sleep. The lads thanked Happy and gave him $20, and the lads helped him move his tuk-tuk onto a side reservation. Happy crawled into the back seat and went to sleep, $20 richer and happier
Lee’s driver ordered the lads into the car and informed them they had to depart at 4:30am.
Spock and Stu did as instructed and the car sped away, Stu in the front seat, and Spock contentedly sat in the back seat swigging on his half-finished, flat can of Singha beer.
They arrived back at Lee’s around 12:30
Just as Stu and Spock went to bed in Sihanoukville, the commando unit had arrived at the drop zone and had moved rapidly through the dark, inhospitable jungle. With the pitch blackness, and no visible stars to navigate, the squad had to rely on their knowledge and honed skills to move through the stinging, spiked foliage, even though they had GPS, it was useless, because they knew the enemy may have GPS scramblers, so they only used them to direct them to the fixed position, obtained from the original sat phone signal
It was a hazardous hike, but they were an elite squad and trained many years in this terrain, using all their senses, mainly hearing and smell, their natural night vision had become enhanced. They moved like nocturnal gazelles. They arrived at the position at 4:30am, on schedule.
They had taken just over 4 hours to trek 5km, find the kidnappers HQ, and get into position. The squad did a quick perimeter recognisance and spent the next hour and a half of darkness, locating, arranging and digging into their covered positions.
A grumpy, tired. Spock and Stu had been woken up early, and complaining about it still being dark, and how they’d only just gone to bed.
The commando’s helicopter had returned, refuelled and waiting on Lee’s lawn for the occupants for the next part of their journey to An Giang the Cambodian side of the Chao Doc Vietnamese border crossing.
Four people boarded the chopper. Two Asians, looking refreshed, and two English zombies. Lee’s driver noticed the four boarding, he had woken up early to scrub the beer stains off the back seat of the Lexus.
The helicopter lifted off and flew east into the early morning sky.