THE next we hear of Billy Jr. he is in San Francisco living, as his father did before him, with an engine company near the outskirts of the city. When first we spy him, he and another goat are stealing vegetables out of the firemen’s garden. This other goat is an old fellow with a stubby tail and a single horn, and although he eats a great deal every day, anything and everything, from tin cans to rotten potatoes, and has a digestive apparatus like an ostrich, he still looks thin and shows every rib in his anatomy. Whether this lean, gaunt, hungry look is because of a guilty conscience or the result of ill-usage, I know not, but I do know that he is the homeliest goat any one ever looked at.
Bang! goes a gun and the next minute four pairs of legs are flying over the garden fence. “There, I told you we could not steal safely in broad daylight,” said Billy Jr.
“Oh! I hope you don’t mind a little scare like that,” answered the old goat. “Why, my sides are full of bullet holes. They are always firing at me, but I simply caper round and round until they pick the shot out, for it only goes in skin deep.”
“Well, I can tell you I don’t care to have my sides peppered like that,” said Billy; “and, too, a bullet might go astray and put out one or both of my eyes. But here comes that fireman I so detest. Let us run and hide. I shall get even with him some of these fine days when he least expects it, for he is always cutting me with that fine-lashed whip that hangs in the engine-house. I don’t care how much he tries to club me, for I can fight, butt, and run, besides when he has a club in his hand he is obliged to come close in order to hit me, so that gives me a chance to butt him, but a long-lashed whip is a very different matter. It winds itself about one before he knows what is coming.”
“I, too, have a grudge against that particular fireman,” said old One-horn, as the boys had nicknamed the other goat, “and if you can get even with him I shall be your friend for life, for it was through him that I lost my horn and you know it is as bad for a goat to lose a horn as it is for a man to lose a leg. Come and lie here in the shade while I tell you how I lost my horn.”
“That fireman,” the old goat continued, “had been persistently mean to me for weeks; had put red pepper in my food until my tongue was nearly burned out, had shaken snuff under my nose and on my beard until I had almost sneezed my head off, had turned the hose on me until I was half frozen, and had annoyed me in a hundred other petty ways, until I felt that I could kill him with a clear conscience if I ever got the chance. He was the largest of the firemen and a champion boxer, but I was not afraid of that and resolved to watch for an opportunity when I might catch him alone and then pay him with compound interest for all the mean tricks he had played on me. One day I was lying here in the shade half-way between sleeping and waking when I saw him come out of the engine-house and start to cross the vacant lot you see before you, for his home is on the other side. He was half-way across when the thought struck me—now is my opportunity. He was alone and carried nothing to protect himself with, so I jumped up and ran quietly behind him, the soft turf deadening all sounds of my approach, and he never suspected that I was near him until I gave him a vigorous butt that was the master-stroke of my life. It sent him flying six feet or more straight in the air. When he struck the ground he lay perfectly motionless for a moment with the breath knocked completely out of him. He was only stunned, however, for he soon raised his head and, seeing me, shook his fist and fairly roared, ‘You confounded old goat, I’ll break every bone in your old carcass for this.’
“I intended to let him alone after that, for I thought he had been punished enough, but when he shook his fist and threatened me, I was mad all over and I lowered my head and would have butted him again had he not caught me by the horns, at the same time giving my head a twist with his great muscular arm, that nearly broke my neck. This made me furious, and I stamped and kicked and tried to get my horns loose, but he held me tight, well knowing that it was dangerous to let me go.
“Well, we rolled and tumbled about in the mud until we were both nearly exhausted, and at last he loosened his hold of my horns, at the same time giving me a parting blow on the head that made me see stars for an instant. In the meantime he started for home on a dead run, and as a matter of course I lost no time in following him, but I did not catch up until just as he was entering the front door of his home. Then I aimed straight for his coat tails, but he shut the door with a bang, catching my horns between it and the jamb; then he pushed with all his might and main from the inside, while I too pushed with all my strength from the outside, hoping to splinter the panel of the door, but instead, I broke my horn, and that is how I lost it and why I owe him a grudge.”
In the back yard of the engine-house stood a pump with a tub of water under its spout. Billy Jr. went to get a drink from it and, while quenching his thirst, heard one of the firemen say to two others standing in the yard, “I’ll bet you can’t do it, though every one knows he needs it badly enough.”
“Oh, it’s easy enough to wash him,” they answered, “the difficulty will be in untying him after it is done, for then he will butt the life out of the first man he catches.”
“Let’s draw cuts to decide who is to do the untying,” said a third.
“All right,” they answered; and before Billy even suspected what they were talking about, he found himself bound and tied to the pump so that he could only move his head slightly.
“So, it was me they were talking about,” thought poor Billy. “Had I only known, they would have had a fine time catching me, and more than one man would have had bruises and torn clothes.”
“Gee whiz!” he thought a moment later, “but this water is cold that they are pumping upon me, and won’t I get even with them all when I get loose!”
“Ouch!” cried one of the men, for Billy suddenly tossed his head giving him a bump on the nose. Then two of the men began to use brushes, one on each side, while a third kept the pump going; so, squirm and wriggle as he might, Billy got a generous supply of water and was drenched and shivering in spite of his efforts to free himself.
At last the firemen thought he was clean enough and they stopped scrubbing, while one of them said, “Well, Billy Jr., how do you find yourself?” Billy glared at him and shook his head in answer, but there was murder in his eye.
Next the men drew cuts to decide who should untie him and, strangely enough, it fell to the lot of the fireman who was always cracking his whip at Billy and tormenting old One-horn. When this man found that he was to untie Billy, he said, “Very well, boys, you all get inside of the engine-house and shut the big door, leaving the little one open for me to run through, but be sure to shut it quickly behind me or Billy will be inside as quickly as I am.”
“All right,” they answered, and away they went to do as bidden. Then the fireman who was to do the untying, approached cautiously and first untied Billy’s legs, leaving his head still tied to the pump; then with a sharp knife he cut the last cord with one swift slash and ran for the engine-house. Quick as he was, our Billy was not far behind, for with one bound he covered half the distance that lay between them while with another he went bang against the little door through which the fireman had but just disappeared.
The door was slammed shut in double-quick time, and had Billy’s head not been a hard one it must surely have split in two when it struck the door. However, it was made to withstand hard knocks and so, undismayed, he backed off to gather impetus for another rush; and then with a last plunge he split the door from top to bottom and landed in a confused heap right in the midst of the astonished firemen, who scrambled in all directions with more haste than grace, thinking only of getting out of reach of Billy’s avenging horns. One man climbed up on the high seat of the fire-engine, another ran down cellar, while the third, the particular one Billy was after, bounded up the stairs that led to the firemen’s bedroom, in which was an open hole with a greased pole coming up through the middle for the firemen to slide down when an alarm of fire was sent in. Billy was up the stairs and into the room almost as soon as the man himself, who in mad haste made a grab for the greased pole and down he went, leaving Billy rather doubtful as to what course to pursue; but quickly seeing the impossibility of a goat’s trying to slide down either a greased or any other kind of a pole, he bounded down the stairs again. The firemen had to all appearances disappeared, but Billy sniffed the air suspiciously and, glancing keenly first in one direction and then in another, he soon discovered his pet enemy seated on the hook-and-ladder wagon. This elevated position he wisely forebore attempting to reach and, instead, took up a position where no one could enter or leave the engine-house without passing him, and then he calmly laid himself down and waited.
But the fates were against Billy Jr. and he was obliged to give up his position or get run over. Just as he got comfortably settled, the fire alarm rang out and each well-trained horse rushed to his allotted place on engine, hose-cart, or ladder-wagon. As Billy saw the engine speed away with his enemy holding on behind and trying to get into his rubber coat, he said, “I have been cheated of my revenge to-day, but look out for to-morrow, you red-faced lubber,” and with this parting threat he trotted off to find his friend, old One-horn.
Just as Billy was coming out of the engine-house he came upon an old German couple leading a dainty little Nanny-goat by a string. Now, it had been a long time since Billy had met a pretty Nanny and his heart fairly thumped with joy as he pranced up to make friends with her, but here is where he made a mistake. In his joy at seeing her pretty face he had forgotten that he must needs be introduced before approaching a strange Nanny, and this young thing proved to be unusually timid, so when she saw a big strange Billy-goat running toward her as if he had known her since she was a baby kid, she promptly dodged behind her mistress. Billy, nothing daunted, followed after her. As his head appeared at one side of the old fat woman, Nanny’s appeared at the other, and the faster she ran the faster he followed. This they kept up until the poor woman was wound round and round by the cord, so that she could not move and, being equally as timid as her little charge, she at last fainted and fell forward on the walk, knocking Billy off of his feet and throwing Nanny down upon her knees. When Billy saw the mischief he had been the cause of, and also saw the old woman’s husband coming after him with a thick club, he wisely disappeared round the first corner, pondering in his mind over the foolishness of young kids in general and of this one in particular.