Captain Dave by Drake Koefoed - HTML preview

Chapter 23; On to Metarie and the Weddings

Musical theme: There’s Your Trouble Dixie Chicks

Jainie put the truck in gear and headed south.  Dave went back to the sleeper He yawned.  “She’s nice.  She won’t last with all our boys after her.”

“She won’t.  I thought somehow, well, I don’t know, if I can make the Sun come up for her where it did for me, I will have paid the Fates back.”

“Marissica.”

“Yes.”

“You think she really exists.”

“Yes.”

“In the real world.”

“Not in our world.”

“But somewhere.”

“Right.  Go to sleep.  Marissica will take care of you.”

He got back in the sleeper.  Tabs got up with him.  The truck headed down the road.  

He had a dream.  It involved an astonishingly beautiful redhead in a red knit dress and cowboy boots.  Her name was Marissica.  “Dave, service the fire extinguishers, when you get to Metarie, and I will call on you.”

When they got to Metarie, Dave woke up to hear the cars being unloaded.  Across the street was a business called Metarie fire safety.  Dave walked over, and soon had their service crew checking the extinguishers on the truck and trailer.  He upgraded the hardware to meet the standard required for a truck hauling a much greater fire hazard than a car carrier.  

They unloaded the cars, and headed on down to New Orleans.  They came to an accident scene.  There was a small car upside down in the bar ditch.  A tendril of smoke came from it.  Dave jumped out, and blasted the car with one of his brand new extinguishers.  Jainie ran up, and dragged a young woman out of the car.  “Is anyone else in the car?”  She asked.

“No.”

They took her over to the Baby and looked for injuries as the fire department came.  The paramedics took her and put her in an ambulance.

A State Police Lieutenant came up.  “Can you remove the car?”

Jainie was stowing the fire extinguisher.  “I could, but I don’t want to.”

“You are aware of the rates.”

“Wrong truck.  My minimum charge is $1,000.  For that girl in the ambulance, it would be negotiable.  For the State, no.”

“That Sterling could load this car.”

“$1,000 to load, $250 an hour to haul it.  I don’t want the job.”

“The impound yard is a couple of miles from here.  She lives a mile from there.”

“$1250 to put it on its wheels in front of her house.  And you don’t charge her anything.”

“She may have been drunk.”

“Then she will come home from the hospital with a hangover and see her pretty little car all smashed up, and that’s probably more punishment than she deserves.”

“Hook up.  I’ll get you the address in a minute.”

Dave rigged a cable across from the upper deck, and backed up at the car, flipping it like a playing card.  Then he put two cables on it and pulled it onto the lower deck on its wheels.  They made it fast.  They hauled it to her house, and dropped the car in the driveway.  Dave backed into it with the Sterling while Jainie steered, and they put it well onto private property.

Jainie hopped into the truck.  “How was that, Dave?”

“Totally great.  He had apparent if not actual authority, and you kept the State from doing all kinds of oppressive shit to that poor girl.”

“She was so young, and so little.  How could you get off on oppressing someone like that, when her car is upside down in the ditch?”

“I hope I never understand them, because I would be one of them.”

* * *

“Dave, wake up.  We’re at a truck stop.”

Dave got up, and saw a fire extinguisher place across the street.  He walked over and bought some, and had them delivered to the truck.  He got the one he had used refilled.  He went in the truck stop, and got some coffee.  

Jainie took the truck around the city streets to the parking spot.  They picked up Dave’s duffle, Jainie’s suitcase, and her little bags.  They went to Marcie’s house.  Danielle opened the door as they started up the stairs, and then Billy and Harlan came and took the luggage.  They settled in the living room, and Marcie served everyone drinks.  She went back to the couch and sat about 20 millionths of an inch from Harlan.

“So you’ve heard the news.  They took us out on the town and now we’re going to marry them.”

Dave said “I’m glad you found what you wanted.”

“We did.”

They all started talking at the same time.  Jainie was saying something to Dave about the car hauler.  She had already done the delivery, and Dave was unsure what she meant, when he heard Marcie say “That’s fucking bullshit, Billy.”

Dave looked up, and saw Harlan say something into Marcie’s ear.  She blushed slightly, and then sat with her knees together, rather than the one leg over another pose she normally used.  She folded her hands on her lap, and looked down at them the way a schoolgirl might when scolded by her teacher.

Dave looked on in semi disbelief.  The proud fashion model humbled by a man who made less in a year than she did on a single photo shoot?  

Jainie was making a lot of conversation about going out to eat, and soon was on her cell phone, confirming what everyone knew; she could get reservations any time at almost any restaurant.  Off they went in the two midnight blue pickups.

Dave and Jainie were in the back seat of Billy’s truck.  Danielle was attached to Billy in limpet mode.  Jainie was on the phone talking to a jeweler.  Then she called Kevin Lake.  She returned a bunch of business calls, re-invited Maurice and Silly to have their honeymoon at the Princess Baby Doll ranch, and finally put it on the charger, using the plug in for the back seat.

They pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant.  They got out, and went in with Jainie in the lead.  She handed the maitre d a $10 bill.  He seated them, but she didn’t like the table, and made him move her to the other side of the room.

While they waited for the cocktail waitress, Dave asked why she only gave him $10.

“They are useless parasites.  I tip workers.”

The cocktail waitress came, and they ordered.  Jainie handed her a $100 bill.  “You see, Dave, this is what you do, too.”

Harlan gave her a strange look.  “You don’t want to tip the guy for a table, you push him into putting you where you want to be, and then tip the waitress $100?”

The cocktail waitress brought their drinks.  “The bartender might have over poured the whisky.  He thinks this guy is Harlan Wright.  I guess he got distracted.”

Harlan got up, and started for the bar.  “I’ll have to tell him I’m not Harlan Wright.”

When Harlan got to the bar, he was immediately engaged in a very private conversation with the bartender, who seemed to be having problems with over pouring again.  Harlan went out to the truck, and came back in with a photograph, which Dave recognized as a famous one of Harlan getting the hell knocked out of him by a mean bronc.  He signed it with a Sharpie.  They talked for a while, and then Dave called Harlan in to see what he wanted to eat.  It was mostly about steaks and baked potatoes.  The waitress took their order back.

The bartender had someone else at the bar with him. He came over to their table.  “Do you guys really know Nathanial Blake?”

Jainie smiled.  “Nat works for me on the ranch in Wyoming.”

“What’s he like?”

“Kind of a lot like Nathanial Blake.”

She handed him a card.  “We’ll have you over for a couple of weeks this summer if you like.  You have to buy your own booze, but you can stay there for free.”

Their waitress took them to their table, where they ate steaks and such, and generally conversed.  It got late, and they headed back to Marcie’s house.  

“Dave, I have another job.  Since neither of us drank, we can roll tonight.  We have some cars in New Hampshire to take up into Canada.”

“What about the weddings?”

“They will go on.  They want you to give the brides away, is all.”

“Like I am their father?”

“Like it, but just in the script.  They don’t have anyone.  You can look distinguished?”

“I am distinguished.”

“I know that.”

“What are we going to do?”

“We’re truckers.  I figure we drive our truck.  We could do something else if you want.”

“We have our clothes and our cat.  You ready to go to New Hampshire?”

“Sure.  Does Marcie know we’re leaving?”

“She knows we might be.  We’ll be back in time.”

Dave got in the sleeper and put up the restraints.  “Well, then, let’s go get those cars.”

She put the truck in gear, and Tabs jumped up on Dave, and started purring.  Dave thought there was something he needed to ask, but he couldn’t think what it was.  He felt and heard the truck going up through the gears, smooth as velvet.  She was getting good at this.

End 

Appendix follows, “The Rights of a Princess’

The Rights of a Princess

A Princess is entitled to what she wants, if it is possible.

The word of a Princess is beyond question.  If she gave it, and did not perform according to it, that would only show that she was not really a Princess.

A Princess can always change her mind, unless she has given her word, in which case she must persuade those who have her word to let her change.

A Princess is never wrong, however she will be open to suggestions that she exercise her right to change her mind, if asked very nicely and with good reason, or if asked extremely nicely, with respect and dignity, and any sort of reason she may find acceptable.

The loyalty of a Princess to her Prince is beyond question.  Her Prince had better understand that his must be as well.

The person of a Princess is sacred.  The mere utterance of a threat to injure her is punishable by a fate so awful that it may not be documented here.

A Princess is entitled to any amount of cuddling, caressing and kissing she desires.  At any time when it is reasonably practical, and for any reasonable time, the above term reasonable to be determined by herself, of course.

A Princess is never unreasonable.  Should it appear so, her Prince, if possible, will negate the alleged unreasonableness as it may be done.  In some circumstances, the apparent unreasonableness of a Princess may be disproven by what in other circumstances, could be thought to be the excessive reasonableness of another, likely her Prince.

The dignity of a Princess is very important.  It must not be subject to detraction by anyone.

If a Princess says something and later decides she ought not to have, she can take it out of the text, and it will be as if she never said it, and nobody will ever be permitted to refer to the deleted text again, ever.