I’ve started dabbling in the stock market. It’s quite funny. I haven’t got a fucking clue what I’m doing. I only buy tiny amounts of things so it’s not really worth doing it and I lose more money than I get back but what the hell. I’m in a deviant phase. The overdraft can handle it. You’d never guess my family were all in finance professions would you.
The Divine Comedy were a fucking incredible band weren’t they?
I’ve been off my feet for four weeks due to injuring my knee. I’ve hardly moved and I think that fact is reflected in what looks like the two bags of sugar I’ve got stuffed under my top. Someone recently commented that some obese people have odd bumps under their clothes and referred to it as the ‘carrying a bag of snakes under the jumper syndrome’. What a great phase. Nasty but great all the same.
What is it with all the new sitcoms on the television?
They surely couldn’t be more cheesy and downright crap if they tried. They seem to be very fond at the moment of just making up a name for a programme which quirkily ties in with the names of the characters and then fitting stories around that. I won’t use programme names in particular as I’d probably get done for that but we all know what I mean, people with last names that match their professions such as gardeners or wildlife keepers.
I was having a discussion recently and we came up with some of our own. Ideas were along the lines of; 160
Two crime fighting Dinnerladies, one called Anne Bangers, the other called Dorothy Mash. The show of course – ‘Bangers and Mash’.
A crime fighting window cleaner called Jim Pain (yes, as a witty reference to a ‘pane’ of glass) and his childhood sweetheart Gloria, called (are you getting the hang of it?’) - ‘Pain and Gloria’.
Crime fighting decorators who find bodies under the floorboards, called Mr Black and Mr Decker. I don’t need to carry on with this one….
My favourite idea for a new series however went like this;
Two cops masquerading as funeral directors, trying to uncover a series of crimes in the area. One old cop, one young. Name of the series – ‘Dead Beat’.
Honestly, I’m not kidding, I bet I could flog these ideas to television stations with rough pilot scripts churning out the usual nonsense such as the odd twist and the love interest. I really think they’d lap them up.
Shame I’m not going to because I’d like to think I’ve got some pride left. Now, look at this thing seriously, the above is a pile of old shit two people came up with at 12-30 at night in the space of ten minutes. Is what’s on television any better? I rest my case, which by the way could always be the last line from Mr John Just in the series called ‘Just in Case’ about a crime fighting traveling briefcase salesman.
One other thing. Why are they always crime fighting?
In my, yes admittedly, only short life, I’ve not met a single crime fighting lollypop lady or anything remotely resembling one. I think that would freak me out more than the criminal.
By the way, if you watch these programmes, you should seriously consider smashing your telly up with a hammer and going to the pub.
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