The mattress was thick and soft, the sheets crisp and white, the blanket pulled in deep folds around her. But she couldn’t sleep. Strange to be snug in this comfy bed while her friends were still in the institution. Instead of drifting into sleep, she tossed and turned. Then the tears started. After she had cried for a very long time she drifted off into a very troubled sleep. It seemed that she had told Mavis that Rex had come into her bed and Mavis was screaming, “You’re a liar. You’re nothing but a little trouble maker.”
When she wakened, not feeling rested, she put on the faded blouse and the shorts that she had worn the previous day. When she opened the closet door, she started when she saw eyes watching her. It was Shelby’s teddy bear with the shoe-button eyes sitting on the closet shelf.
Mavis came into the kitchen with one lip swollen. One eye was bruised and both eyes were red and puffy from crying. “Coffee smells good,” she said, with her hand feeling her face like a blind man, “I ran into the door getting up in the night.”
“You didn’t run into the door! I heard you two fighting when Rex came in last night!”
“Okay. So I didn’t run into the door. He hit me, Okay. That’s alright. I can hold my own. I got him back. I’ve got a black eye but he’s got a cut on his forehead from the ashtray. I got him good. When I get mad, I get really mad. All married people fight, Marianne. You’ll see when you get married. No reason why you shouldn’t get married someday. You don’t need to broadcast where you’ve been. But I suppose it’s bound to get out.” She sighed.
Mrs. Fultz called to her from the kitchen window across the driveway that belonged to the Fultz’ house. They had gotten into the habit of talking to each other across the driveway a long time ago when Shelby was a baby and Mavis couldn’t leave her alone. Mrs. Fultz still had trouble with her legs after all these years. They were so bad now she rarely went out at all.
Mavis went over and opened the window.
“I thought you’d gone deaf,” Mrs. Fultz said. “Hey, I got a peek at her when she walked from the car to the door yesterday. She’s so beautiful! I couldn’t believe it was our little Marianne.” Her voice got thick like she was trying to talk with her mouth full.
“She hasn’t filled out much,” her mother said. “She’s flat as a pancake. Like two peas on a breadboard.” Marianne left the kitchen and went to stand in the hallway. It embarrassed her that her mother could talk about her like that. And right in front of her! Like she was invisible and had no more feelings than that breadboard.
“I’m not feeling that well today, Helen,” Mavis said.
“Nothing serious, I hope.”
“Rex had too much to drink last night. He said he was going out to estimate a job but he’s probably met some new babe.”
Mrs. Fultz sighed. “I don’t know how you could stand it for all these years.”
“I just thought I would tell you, in case you were thinking of coming over.”
“You know, we were. I can come over without Max. Just sit with you in the kitchen.”
“Rex needs a lot of attention when he’s like this. I couldn’t sit still.”
“You spoil him, Mavis.”
“Maybe I should get arthritis in my legs so he can wait on me.”
“You shouldn’t wish that on yourself. Not with your nice legs. I’d give anything if I could walk around freely like you do. Be careful what you wish for. You might get it.”
“I’m sorry, Helen.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“Well, maybe next week then. I’m anxious to see her. How is she, Mavis?”
“Marianne?”
“Who else? Princess Diana maybe? We know how she is. She’s dead. Of course, Marianne!”
“Okay. Maybe next week, huh? I’ll invite all the neighbors over to meet her. Her therapist said it will be good for her re-entry into society to have friends and neighbors around.”
“I held her in my arms when you first brought her home from the hospital. Do you remember that? I even gave her her first bath. My, how she cried. What a pair of lungs! I thought she would grow up to be an opera star. You tell her, Aunt Helen will soon be over to see her.”
“What does she say about that place?”
“She doesn’t say anything much. I told her it was in the past and to try and forget about it. But she did say she lived like anybody else. She learned to cook, she took some computer classes, went to commissary, went to the doctor for checkups and to the dentist. She learned to do flower arrangements. She likes things pretty.”
Rex pounded on the floor with a shoe and bellowed for Mavis.
“I gotta go now. I’ll let you know about the party.”
Mavis pulled down the window and latched it. Marianne leaned her head against the wall in the hallway. Mavis went to look for her. “Why are you hiding out here, Marianne? If you’re going to act crazy, you are going to make it hard on both of us!”
Rex bellowed for her again and she went to him. Marianne went to her room. She lay on the bed and tried to remember what else had happened? Leon was all mixed up in her mind with Josh and some of the smaller boys. Only Michael was clear. His game was different. She had worried about a lot of things, but she hadn’t given much thought to what the men would be like on the outside. The only men she had seen were Dr. Woodall, some of the guards and the other men that worked in the institution. There were always rumors about the girls having relations with the guards in exchange for favors but she couldn’t imagine doing that. The very thought made her shudder. She and Esther had been really good friends. They had even held hands and once they even kissed on the lips when Esther had given her a gift of a book of poetry. She had thrown her arms around her friend and had kissed her on the cheek. Somehow Esther had moved suddenly and the kiss had landed on her lips. They were both visibly shaken by that kiss and Esther had started to cry. She wondered now if she would ever like any of the men that she knew or would ever marry. If they were anything like Rex, she didn’t want anything to do with any of them. Who could blame her, after all?
Mavis stuck her head in the door. “For crying out loud! You’ve got clothes all over the place. Why don’t you straighten this mess out?”
“I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay.”
“Well, of course you’re staying. Where else do you think you will go?”
“I heard you and Rex fighting about me last night.”
“Oh. You heard us fighting. What did you do? Press your ear to the door?”
“I hardly had to press my ear to the door. The two of you were so loud, I was afraid the neighbors would call the police. Like they did when I was a little girl.”
“You had no business listening.”
“I didn’t have any choice. You woke me up. He was mad because I am here.”
“That’s just the way men are, that’s all. He doesn’t like his routine upset. I was mad because he went and left you home alone. He said you were twenty-one and shouldn’t have to have a babysitter. That’s all it was. I shouldn’t have bitched at him.”
“Where did he go last night?”
“You know. You’re the one that told me.”
“You told Aunt Helen he went to see a woman.”
“No. If you heard what I told her, you know as much as I do. Hey! Let’s not you and I get into it. We need to make the best of the situation. All of us. I don’t want you sticking your nose into our business. Checking up on me, questioning what I do. You’re the one on parole, not me.” As if the memory of her baby daughter’s death suddenly overwhelmed her, she began to cry. “You took my baby from me. You and Rex are all I have left. Don’t make me lose what little I have left, Marianne. Is that what you want? To make me lose everything I have in the world? If you keep causing trouble between Rex and me, that’s what will happen. I’m too old and fat now to get another man. Please don’t make me lose him over your foolishness.”
She pulled a crumpled tissue out of the pocket of her bathrobe and dabbed at her eyes.
“You’re not a kid anymore, Marianne. Try and act your age. I need your help around here, not a lot of problems added to the ones I already have.”
“Oh, Sweet jeezus,” she said. “I wish I didn’t have to go to work today.”
Rex pounded on the floor with a shoe and Mavis turned to go.