TWENTY ONE
Marriage was not as smooth as she thought it would be. First, she found another dictator in the shape of her mother-in-law. Though, Kartik had often told her about his mother and that she could be curt, Maya never thought mother in laws could get so difficult.
She missed the warmth of her own mother and tried to impress her mother-in-law as much as she possibly could. Gradually, she realised that she would never be able to match up to the woman's expectations. Her mother-in-law wanted a girl who would be at her beck and call. She wanted a simpleton who could sit with her and gossip endlessly, cook, get up before sunrise and do whatever possible to become the ideal bahu of some television serial.
Maya on the contrary, was a free bird. Immediately the other Maya started protesting in her own way.
“Kartik, I don't think your mom likes me too much,” she told him over a coffee. Kartik was just back from office and was tired of listening to her complaints that were increasing by the day. He was irritated with Maya's inability to win over his mother. She said she loved him and she was not even able to manage his little home. And they had been married for just over a year. “I am sure you don't like her very much either?” he snapped “Kartik, I try and do things that make her happy,” she said.
“Oh yeah?Like what? You can't wear what she expects you to.You can't get up early in the morning. Maya, doesn't this feel like your own house? Or are you incapable of being a good wife and a good daughter-in-law,” he retorted.
Maya got angry. “As if all you men are such ideal characters?” “Plus no one has accepted me as a part of the family here.”
“You wanted to marry me, Maya. You were the one who begged and pleaded me to marry you. I was always like this I've not changed, it's you who is changing.” Kartik walked out of the room.
She felt very lonely. This was not the love she had dreamt of. The spirit of earlier months was fading off. In a way Kartik was right. He was always like this. Though he was responsible and ambitious, he was also insensitive and indifferent. He never knew passion the way Maya did. In her desperation to escape from her existing world, she had just entered another one, unthinkingly.
Later that night she was lying in her bed when Kartik came and lay down next to her. He was in one of his good moods.
“Come on Maya, let's make it a night to remember.”
Maya turned around to look at him. He rubbed the nape of her neck with his thumb. Maya looked in his eyes like a little puppy waiting for its mother to lick it.
“Kartik, I feel very low.”
“Let me make you feel good.” He leaned forward to kiss her in a genuine attempt to make her feel better.
“Listen to me,” she wriggled free. “I want to be happy. I honestly believe that if we stay here we just won't be happy. Let's move to some other city, have a family of our own.”
Kartik's fingers stopped moving. “Why do you always have to spoil all these moments, Maya?”
“What moments, Kartik? How can you think of sex all the time? I need to talk.”
He pulled himself up with a jerk. “I keep thinking of sex all the time? How can you even say that? As if you don't like it.” His eyes narrowed in disgust. “I didn't mean that Kartik, don't overreact.”
“Am I overreacting? Oh Yeah?. You make me feel as if I am some kind of criminal torturing you. Huh.”
She came closer to him. She held his hand. “I was just trying to talk it out, baby.” He looked the other way. Their hearts spoke different languages.
“Come on Kartik, stop acting like a baby now.” She was in no mood to fight.
He kept quiet, but his lust got the better of him. He pulled her on to his lap and kissed her lips. He then unhooked her buttons and let her night gown slide low so that he could kiss her breasts. She felt as if there was no way he could understand if she wanted to make love to him or not . He would do it anyway as if she owes it to him. Though he never used physical force, but she felt it's a violation of her basic trust in love. There was a lack of sensitivity towards her and all he was interested in was quickly finishing off the stuff and going off to sleep. He pulled her back to the bed from the chair he was sitting on. He removed her panties and his own trousers. He was wearing nothing beneath it. He touched her trying to excite her. She felt as if she was divided into two. The body without the involvement of the mind meant nothing to her. She was there participating, while the other Maya flew out of her body watching this whole episode; the Maya that craved for love. Love was her food, her air. It flickered above them as if struggling to breathe. Kartik entered her and moved inside her till his desire burst out of him. “You liked it?” he asked Maya as he rolled off her to ease himself.
“Yeah,” she said. They hardly spoke afterwards. Sometime later she fell asleep.