A few days later Anna called me and asked me to come up. I visited her the
following afternoon as I had promised to do. As usual, she was in high spirits.
“Mickey!” She shouted when she saw me, “here you are, just when I thought
you had given me the slip once again.”
10
I kissed her and held her tightly. These hugs and feels and sneaky caresses
constituted my sex life. The little thrills that raised my spirits. Was Anna, these days,
as deprived, as sex-starved as I was? Despite our love and intimacy, I could not ask
the question. I did not want to step from jokes and teasing to indiscretions. She led me
to the living room and we sat on the couch next to each other.
“Hey, what's the matter? You are not dressed or dressing to go out.”
She wore black slacks and a mauve pullover on top. The casual attire that
made me feel at ease.
“Thanks to you, my little big nephew. When you said you'd come I cancelled
all engagements to be with you.”
“Is that true?”
“Well, half way. We had nothing special tonight and I told Moni to take a rest.
And also there's something I want your opinion on.”
“Oh yes? You look well, nevertheless, and, as usual, very sexy.”
“Come off it.”
“How's Grandma?”
“A little under the weather. She's in bed, resting. So we're not under
surveillance.”
“Then let's not waste any time.” I played the fool, grabbed her, put my lips to
hers and tried to kiss her. Half of it a joke, half of it serious. She started laughing and
pushed me off.
“So what shall we do now? How's Moni by the way?”
“He's fine. He just bought a new sports car and we have become even more
conspicuous. The only reservation I have is that he is now driving much too fast.”
“So his business is doing well.”
“Never been better. He's the top name in fashion these days and is making
piles of money.”
“And you, my sweet Anna, have you renounced the male sex?”
“Not the male sex. Just sex, at the moment.”
“Till when?”
“I don't know. Shall I tell you something that I have kept to myself and dare
not talk about it even to my mother?”
“If you wish.”
“I have to talk to somebody and I have no one but you. I need to unburden
myself and reach a decision. Promise me Mickey you won't tell anyone. Not even
your mother.”
“I promise.”
“Moni asked me to marry him.”
“Good Lord! No! I don't believe it!”
Anna burst into tears. I took her in my arms. Caressed her hair.
“Why are you crying, Anna? Are you happy? Are you sad? I don't get it.”
She cried a while longer, unable to answer and then she calmed down. She
looked at me wistfully, tears still streaming down her cheeks. A hesitant smile
emerging from her anguish, on trembling lips. Her right hand moving behind my head
forcing it towards the smile, towards her lips. A kiss, wetting my cheek, and another
and another and then I turned my head slightly and her lips met mine in a prolonged,
salty contact. Her tongue, frisky despite the tears, searching for mine, inside my
mouth.
What the hell"s happening, I wondered. Am I hallucinating?
“Oh Mickey, I am so grateful to have you near me, to love you and to be able
11
to talk to you and confide in you. The tension was unbearable. That's why I broke
down. I'm sorry.”
“Tell me what it's all about. I am totally confused.”
“I don't blame you. It's such an absurd situation. Eva, your dear mummy, is up
to something. Your father is straightforward. The sneaky part of your character comes
from Eva.”
“Do I have to suffer derogatory appraisals of my character?” I said, laughing
despite my confusion. “And let me tell you, furthermore, not once was my mother
sneaky with me or, as far as I know, with anyone else.”
“Listen, will you? Eva, for some days now, has been telling us that we have to
decide to move to Greece because everyone in the Greek community is thinking of
leaving and eventually you shall be leaving as well. A few days ago, your grandma
who dislikes Moni even more than she disliked Daniel, told him that we were thinking
of leaving Egypt. Moni loves me as much as I love him. It might seem strange to you
but we share a very intimate friendship. It has its limitations but we have become
extremely dependent on one another. Quite literally, I'd feel lost without Moni. And it
is the same with him. He was terribly upset when he heard that we were planning to
leave. Another point is that I told him what happened with Dani and he is always
afraid he will get the same brush off from mother. He also realizes that my reputation,
bad as it was, is getting worse and my chances of marriage remote. So he talked to his
mother and she agreed that it was a good idea for us to be married. It would remove
the stigma of homosexuality from Moni and he would have a companion who cares
and would take care of him. So he proposed to me. In fact, we discussed it together.
He said he is making a lot of money and this arrangement would at least guarantee my
financial security. We would live together and share the friendship and
companionship just as we do now. I would continue to work as his model if I wished,
and as for the housework, that would be the least of our worries. It would be taken
care of by cooks and servants.”
“But Anna, what about your love life? What about children?”
“He told me, each one would be free to have his own sex life as long as it was
done with discretion. And I could even have a child if I wanted, which he would
consider his own.”
“What if in one of your love affairs you fell in love with the man and wanted
to marry him?”
“He promised he would put no obstacles in the way. He would give me a
divorce any time I asked. For any reason.”
“Wow, what a tangle. Sorry, I didn't mean that. I meant, it is very
complicated.”
“What do you think, Michael? What do you advise me to do?”
“Do you trust him to keep his word?”
“Yes.”
“Would you be able to tolerate the idea that he is out with his lover?
Especially a steady one?”
“I think I already told you, he is very discreet about his love life. I know
absolutely nothing about it.”
“But in marriage, you are bound to become aware of it.”
“It's a risk I have to take.”
“And you must take into account that the gossip will never stop. Especially if
one or two of your secret affairs are exposed. Men are not particularly discreet. On the
contrary, they tend to brag about their sexual conquests. So they shall call you a tramp
12
and Moni will be a laughing-stock, a cuckold. To get to the crux of the dilemma,
marriage will allow you to stay together and will give you security. These are the two
main reasons for it. On the negative side you have all the predictable but also the
unpredictable problems. A furtive and unstable love life. The unimaginable
complications of having a child. Condoning his love affairs, putting up with gossip
and malice. We do not even know what else might crop up. For Heaven"s sake think
about it: where will you sleep? In the same bedroom? On the same bed? It is a very
difficult decision. It"s yours, really. Not mine. I am not involved. Objectively, I would
say it is such a great risk that it isn't worth taking. Of course, you can always try it
and, assuming a divorce on demand is certain, you can break it up if it does not work.
In the meantime, you might have lost two or three precious years of your life, which
you could have used to build up a career or a new life somewhere else with someone
else. One solution would be to write a marriage contract that will compensate you
financially in case of divorce irrespective of the reasons.”
“Michael, please help me.”
“Isn"t that what I"m trying to do? I am racking my brains trying to think.”
“No, no. You can help me.”
“How?”
“Stand by me. I have no one else but you.”
“But of course, I'll do anything to help. I just cannot find a rationale that points
decisively one way or the other.”
“I find you very attractive.”
“What?”
“I know you are attracted to me.”
“What has that got to do with it? We are not the ones getting married.”
“No,” she said. She smiled and held my hand. She brought it to her lips and
kissed it. “You know, Mickey, we never had much money to spare in our family. My
mother's bitterness and aggressiveness stems mainly from that. I have felt it all
through growing up. We would have never had holidays and travel if your father
didn't pay for them. The prospect of being rich is very seductive. I hate myself for
being so mercenary but the fact is that the security weighs as much as being with
Moni.”
“I understand. You have already decided.”
“More or less.”
“So why the pretense of seeking my advice?”
“It isn't pretense. I needed to know your opinion. And I shall need your
support and love.”
“You have my love, Anna. You know that. We have always been close.”
“Close, but not close enough,” she said with a smile. She moved right next to
me, embraced me and kissed me slowly, tenderly. I reciprocated and we kissed for a
few minutes. From surprise to the stirrings of sexual arousal. Then, she stopped.
“Mickey, do you understand?”
“No. I am hopelessly lost.”
“What a thickhead you are my Mickey. Totally unimaginative. You see, I
want to test the situation where I am with Moni and also have a lover on the side.
How he will take it and how I shall feel. Before a final decision.”
“Oh boy! Now, I get it. But, my goodness am I to be the lover?”
“Yes, my sweet Mickey, my lovely little grown-up nephew.”
“Very cool and very cold blooded. I don't think I like the idea of being used.”
“Oh you are a silly. How are you being used? I chose you, because I want you
13
and no one else. I have always thought you were very good looking and I want to
make love with you. Moni is a friend. I love him too but differently. Don't you want
to make love to me? You can always refuse.”
It is crazy, I thought. Moni, the husband and I, the lover. I must confess, that
at one point, I thought Moni had planned it this way but not inside marriage. It would
have been more or less classic if the husband is in ignorance but quite preposterous
for him to be abetting the arrangement.
She embraced me again and we kissed.
“Well?”
“Anna, I have wanted to kiss you and caress you and make love to you for as
long as I can remember. To fondle you and see you naked. I dream and fantasize
about it.”
“Oh my Mickey, you make me so happy. I'll make you expert at lovemaking.
I'll even make you forget Lisa.”
We kissed again. I loved the way she kissed. Full of energy and imagination.
She had a sweet breath with a hint of the scent of cloves. An expression of pain while
she kissed, which turned into a smile in the short pauses between kisses. A well
trained or very talented tongue, most likely both, able to assume an infinite variety of
shapes, lengths and consistencies. Two restless hands in a perpetual motion of
caressing, fondling, patting and squeezing. And a body that moved and trembled and
emitted vibrations. Oh Moni, how bizarre not to be able to enjoy sex with your wife.
To leave this enchantment to me.
“Anna! You are driving me crazy. I shall probably fall in love with you.”
“And I with you. Wouldn't that be funny?”
“Let"s go to your room.”
“No, my dear, I couldn't with my mother asleep next door. We have all the
time in the world in front of us.”
“This is my fate! Glorious prospects but for now: nothing.”
“Don't be so impatient. A woman does not like a man panting with his tongue
hanging out. She likes him cool and debonair.”
“I came in this evening quite cool and collected. Can I help it if I am, now,
panting with my tongue hanging out?”
She laughed.
“I didn't mean you, silly. That's the way I talk. I'll give you a call, first
opportunity. Please bring some condoms with you.”
“Oh Anna, don't pour oil on the fire. I'd better leave now. It's already quite
late.”
“And my mother will be waiting for me,” she teased, imitating my voice.
I got up and walked to the door. She followed. What a nice slim body she had.
I hugged her and looked at her face, in her eyes. Women have a peculiarly vulnerable
way, sometimes, of looking at you. A stare of wonder and surrender. I do not know if
it is part of their repertoire of seduction, a centuries-old legacy from Nefertiti and
Cleopatra. Anna looked at me in this way. I kissed her. And again. And again. I could
not get enough of her.
I left in a daze. I sat on the steps outside the flat. I needed to think. What a
crazy situation I got myself in. What an absolutely crazy, thoughtless girl Anna was. I
dared not think where it would all lead. Throughout her life, she had been totally
unconventional. One surprise after another. But this new scheme took the prize. She
was mortgaging her life. And she managed to seduce me into becoming an
accomplice. I had nothing to lose. Well, perhaps, I did. Who knows? In any case, it
14
was something that frightened me. I loved her and was concerned for her happiness. I
had to think it out calmly and in the end, advise her as forcefully as I could.
Some days passed. I continued working regularly getting my bearings in the
business. I had moved into my father's office. He felt unwell and decided to stay at
home for a week but he ruled over us by telephone. I called him up at least a dozen
times a day and he welcomed all my questions and gave me advice and hints for
future contingencies. I was acquainted with our employees and supervisors at the
plants. I met many of our clients and suppliers. I felt I was gaining competence and
would soon be able to manage the business. During those first years, apart from the
constant threat and fear of nationalization by the government, business was booming.
Since that day when I became Anna's lover on blueprint, so to speak, but not
in fact, I waited for the summons. I was infatuated with Anna and dreamed of her
body. Oh, I was in love with Lisa too but Lizzie was many thousands of miles away.
Anna, that crazy girl, was constantly on my mind. I had not reached any sensible
conclusions on her madcap decision. I called her every evening. She continued her
giddy social spin with Moni as if there were no tomorrow. Twice I went upstairs for
an hour or so and stole a few kisses, dangerously risking a confrontation with my
patrolling grandmother. Until Moni came and took over the leading role. Both times, I
left feeling frustrated and humiliated, swearing never to go upstairs again. But like
heroin, I had taken my first dose of Anna and was hooked. I needed the sex.
5