LIFE GOES ON, WITH ITS UPS AND DOWNS
Sometimes, alone, in a thoughtful mood, I liked to think over and point out to
myself the ironies of life. A broken heart had been comforted. A typical sex-starved
male, I was infatuated again without having fallen out of love with Lisa and
sometimes I wondered what would happen if Lisa appeared suddenly. Our
correspondence after the first few months had spaced out. Often, I had to write two
letters to get a reply. But a reply always came, with an apology. She still cared enough
to apologize. Still cared enough to write. She intimated that she had met other men
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and had affairs, but without details. I would not have wanted any. We both mentioned
her intended visit to Egypt. It was always something for the future. Something we
looked forward to. Now and then, at my request, she sent me pictures of herself that
broke my heart anew. Every time. Which threw me into melancholy moods, to Anna's
annoyance.
I was unbelievably lucky with Anna. We matched each other sexually. If Moni
dominated her intellectually through a profound friendship and mutual dependence, I
owned her body. But just that. I eventually came to accept this fact and reconciled
myself to it. I stopped having petty tantrums and learned to be satisfied with a small
share of her. For even if it was an important share, it still was a small share. I never
had the whole of Anna. I could not possibly have had it. She lived in a world I did not
care for and one she could not give up. It was Moni who was her soul mate. Oh irony
of ironies, if they ever married, I would be an indispensable part of that marriage: the
part that would guarantee its success and consummated happiness.
Even on our first amazing sexual encounter, when I left her and went home to
a worried mother who asked me why I looked so haggard, Anna got dressed and went
out with Moni to some important social do. I presume that evening she must have
been very relaxed and merry. Moni would have skillfully camouflaged the blue hue of
a dozen orgasms under her eyes. I saw Anna, alone, only on occasions when grandma
would go out to destinations where we could be sure of her departures and arrivals.
That made it a race on an obstacle course. Sometimes, it was once a week, sometimes,
when we counted our blessings, it was twice. Often it was none. Consequently, when
we met there was usually an explosion. Pent up drives and energies created fireworks.
I called her every day but saw her less often not to arouse suspicions. In our
lovemaking she often used, “I love you.” She probably meant it and felt it in the heat
of the exertion but I was unsure that it carried beyond that. The usual uncertainty to
keep life interesting.
Our main preoccupation in those early months after my return from the States
was my father's health. After he realized how serious his condition was and decided to
cooperate with us and his doctor, his health improved marginally and he resumed a
reduced work schedule for a couple of months. We kept our finger crossed. Not that it
did much good. He started deteriorating after that and was most of the time at home,
bored and irritable. He urinated with increasing difficulty and eventually had to use
the artificial kidney machine at the Kasr El Aini university hospital. At first he had
one session a week but in a few months' time, it was twice weekly and when his
kidneys gave up completely he had to use the machine three times a week. The
difficulties we faced at Kasr El Aini made us decide to move him to Greece.
We left Cairo at the beginning of autumn of nineteen sixty. We stayed a
couple of weeks with my father"s sister. We were lucky not to have financial worries.
Father had stashed a considerable amount of money in Greece for a rainy day.
Unfortunately, the rainy day had come. Fortunately, the money was there. I looked
around for a flat and found one in the vicinity that suited us. We rented it and bought
the necessary furniture within two weeks.
I returned to Cairo, wondering whether I should be satisfied or not. Obviously,
there was no question of being satisfied with my father's condition but everything had
worked out smoothly. Mother kept urging me to sell the business because, as she saw
it, it was out of the question that she and father would ever return to Egypt. And it
would be unthinkable for us to live apart permanently. She started a veritable
campaign to persuade Anna and Grandma to join them in Greece. She assured them
they would have no problems and that she would help them financially. Grandma was
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all for leaving but Anna would not hear of it.
One day, when tensions rose to unprecedented levels between them, Anna
broke the news that she would marry Moni. Grandma nearly fainted. She lost her
speech and had heart palpitations. She shut herself in her room and stayed there for
two days without eating or talking to Anna. She cursed Moni continually in a loud
delirious voice. Anna was worried and came downstairs to ask me to intervene. I told
her to sit and calm down. I fetched a bottle of whisky and both of us had a few shots.
She calmed down and started looking at me with her special dreamy look. I kissed her
and we caught fire. Our attraction and passion overriding our worries.
Since my parents" departure, my sex life with Anna lost its trait of chance
encounter. We now had a roof over our sex. The luxury of programming in advance,
of taking our time without fear of discovery. It also had its disadvantages. Many a
time that crazy, lovable, sexy girl, coming in at two or three in the morning, would be
in the mood for lovemaking and would ring the bell and wake me up. Greet me with
deep passionate kisses tasting of whisky or champagne instead of cloves, murmuring,
“I love you Mickey.” After the rude awakening and a couple of drinks, the unholy
hour was a special aphrodisiac. We would indulge in wild experimentation in sexual
techniques. Anna was a living, walking Kama Sutra manual with a lively imagination
on top, filling in gaps left out by Vatsyayana. I finally gave her a key to the flat
because the loud ring of the bell usually startled me and I feared it might also alert the
neighbors. Her favorite stunt was to enter as silently as she could, knowing I was a
light sleeper, undress and slip into bed and wake me up with a kiss. Many a time I
woke up to find a naked Anna towering over me, looking at me with a smile.
That day when instead of going upstairs to talk to grandma we made love, I
told Anna to let grandma work it out of her system on her own. Her love for Anna
was so vast and all encompassing that I believed she would compromise on this issue.
However, it seems that she was unable to do so and she swung into action. She found
a person who would pay the key money to take over the flat and buy the furniture. She
asked if I could put her up for a week or two and I told her I found such questions
unacceptable. Our home was her home. A few days later, she and Anna moved into
our house, much to Mohammed"s annoyance. I put grandma in my mother's room and
Anna in my father's.
Grandma wound up her affairs and in a little over two weeks, I drove her with
Anna early in the morning to the airport. The farewells were heart rending. The two
inseparables were separating. My grandma was dressed in black. She was in
mourning. She was losing a daughter. She cried silently.
“If you marry that monster, Anna, I shall forget I ever had a daughter,” she
said. “Or that I worshiped her.”
Anna was sobbing. “I shall never leave you,” she told her. “Whether I marry
Moni or not, I shall be there. Stuck to you. Just wait and see. I shall never let you
forget me.”
The flight was called and the passengers moved slowly to the control areas.
We moved to the terrace and in a while saw her boarding the bus for the plane. We
waited until the plane took off. I then held a sobbing Anna by the arm and slowly we
moved to the parking area and into the car. That day I did not go to work. I stayed
home to keep Anna company. I comforted and tried to cheer her up. After lunch, she
went to sleep and I slipped out to the club for squash and a little riding. She was still
asleep when I returned. When she woke up, she felt much better. In the evening, Moni
turned up. I offered him a drink, and we sat around talking and joking. Now that Anna
was under my roof, I felt I had the upper hand and was much better disposed towards
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him. I was very friendly and something of the enthusiasm of our first meeting colored
our encounters. Later, Anna dressed and they went down to the cinema and to an
appointment for a drink with friends. I went to sleep early but woke up some time
later in the middle of the night. Someone was caressing my hair and face.
“Hello, my darling,” I said. “You're back early tonight.”
A few months later, Moni gave a sumptuous party in one of the big Cairo
hotels. It took place after a show of his new winter collection. I happened to have an
Armenian friend in the business and he told me that Raymond Homsy was pulling
way ahead of the other local fashion designers. His latest work was both imaginative
and daring and his Egyptian clientele loved his creations even if they would not
always buy them for themselves. The party was the talk of the town many days before
and after the event. In it, Moni announced his engagement to Anna and the celebration
that followed caused a stir for its extravagance. Moni and Anna tried to persuade me
to go to the party but I still could not swallow the idea of this marriage and I excused
myself pleading incorrigible unsociability.
During that period, Anna was glowing with happiness. I started, again, feeling
pangs of jealousy. I could not bear this inordinate bliss of hers. The only
compensation was that the happier she was, the sexier she became. As a result, I
suffered from lack of sleep and started going to bed very early because I knew I
would have to wake up at some point in the wee hours for passionate lovemaking. We
were the three schizophrenics. Sometimes, in my saner moments I tried to untangle
the threads and figure out who was more to blame. I never did figure out this question
but many years later when I was with Anna and everything had changed, she told me
it was the happiest, most carefree period of her life.
Months went by. Despite Anna's engagement, very little changed in our lives.
I kept going to Greece to see my parents and grandma who was now living with them.
Twice, I offered a ticket to Anna and she spent a couple of weeks in Athens, each
time. Relations were somewhat restored with her mother who, as long as she saw no
marriage taking place, kept up hope. She did not know that Moni had bought a villa in
Zamalek and with the help of top interior designers was redecorating it. Anna and
Moni planned to marry as soon as the house was finished.
In retrospect, I would tend to agree with Anna. It was a happy time, Lisa
notwithstanding. While waiting for the house to finish we had settled into a very
satisfactory mode of existence. I had a part-time wife at home, which suited me well.
Apart from the passionate sex, I also had companionship. I loved knowing she was
there even if I did not see too much of her. Sometimes, we had early dinner together
and on Fridays and public holidays we spent our mornings talking and even going to
the club. Her presence was a great comfort and an antidote to loneliness. Anna, on the
other hand, had two husbands. One who provided her with a home, food and a lively
bed; the other, her alter ego, was her think-alike, beloved companion for the social
scene. And Moni, well, Heaven knows what advantages this arrangement had for him.
One thing that reassured me, however, was his great and obvious attachment and love
for Anna. When you saw them together, you could not doubt their affinity for one
another, the fantastic chemistry. So as the delivery date of the house moved from six
months to nine, to a year, I rejoiced. I greeted each delay with a sigh of relief and
great good humor.
Things were moving well enough for me. I had no problems at work and no
problems at home. I got along really well with Anna once we both understood and
accepted the boundaries of our relationship. The physical side of it absorbed and
consumed our energies and created a conjugal intimacy, which I expected would be
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disrupted, or in any case, altered by her impending marriage and her removal to her
new home.
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