Chapter 25 – Iris
Yesterday night I had dinner with Otto. Perhaps I should have thought that things were moving too fast, and that our first date – if that dinner was a date – should have happened in a somewhat neutral territory. But Otto asked me to meet at his place, and I answered without giving it much thought. This was a mistake, a very big mistake! I should have never trusted Otto Hermes, never! My memories of yesterday are so blurred I completely renounce the idea of giving you an account of what happened. All I know is that at some point I felt extremely ill, and that this morning I woke up in my own bed with no recollection of how I got here. When I got up from bed I was light-headed and a sense of nausea still lingered in me, but I nonetheless decided to return to my work in the lab.
At this point I am not sure if the paper that shattered my faith in my work truly exists, and if somebody else discovered Iryssa Celata before I did. It does not matter, I will continue my research anyways. I need something to hold onto, I cannot abandon my work without freefalling to depths I cannot, and do not, wish to imagine. But when I reached the lab all my samples were gone. I had disposed of part of them during the destructive folly of the previous days, but I am sure that I had spared a few and placed them back in the fridge.
Why were they gone? Yes, my mind was playing vicious tricks on me, but I could swear that some samples had to be in the lab!
I knew that there was only one person who could have taken them: Otto Hermes. It was all a farce: the story about his wish to help me, his love for me and everything else he had said. And what about yesterday night? Why did he not stay with me if he loved me, since I was so ill?
Cesar was right, I should have listened to him rather than stupidly giving faith to somebody who never inspired anything in me except in one cursed moment! I left the lab in great rush, with angry tears striking my cheeks. At first I was not sure about where I was going, but then I found myself running towards Cesar’s place. I rang the bell repeatedly, although it was unlikely that I could find him during this hour of the day. But the door opened after a few instants, and Cesar welcomed me as if he had been expecting the visit.
“Come on in”, he said
“I thought you’d be at work”, I replied, realizing only then that I had never seen the place where Cesar works, and don’t even know the name of his research institute
Cesar did not answer, and he simply observed me in silence.
“Otto Hermes is a liar! A liar!”, I screamed
Cesar closed the door behind me.
“I don’t know what happened yesterday night, I don’t remember”, I continued, my tone not as loud now, but my anger so piercing it deafened me
“You cannot remember but you know”, Cesar replied calmly
“The samples in the lab are gone!”, I burst out, yelling again
“And Otto Hermes is too”, Cesar concluded
“How do you know?”, I asked, stunned
“You thought Otto Hermes cared about you, but all he really cared about was your science. Actually, he didn’t even care about your science, but rather about how to make your science his”, Cesar explained with a sedate voice
A flash of satisfaction crossed his face as he made this last statement, but then he bowed his head, and when he raised his eyes they were veiled with tears.
“Why did you ever trust him, Iris? How could you value a man like him more than you value me?”, he asked.
So he knew.
But how could he know? It hadn’t even been a love affair, it had been nothing but one short moment of confusion.
I looked at Cesar, thoughts and questions and apologies I dared not speak out crowding my mind.
“Never mind my question, what use is there in words anyways?”, Cesare said, with a blank tone I had not heard from him before.
I tried to reach for his hand but he withdrew it.
“Not now, Iris”, he said, and my heart broke
“This is not the time for sorrow and it is not the time for reunions, it is the time for you to go back to the lab and find Otto Hermes”, Cesar said peremptorily
“But why do you think he is there now?”, I asked
“Go find him”, he repeated
I am alertly aware of the shades crowding around me. I can tell something is about to happen, although I am unable to describe what will happen.
I am sitting on some stone steps now, at the bottom of an ancient building in this city I might not see again, at least not with these same eyes, not in this same way. Reader, please remember my story if I will disappear.
I must run now. I must reach the lab as Cesar commanded. I sense he knows secrets I ignore.