Chapter 36. Hot Dogs
Two days later, Charlie Winston was back in Atlanta with his wife and fourteen year-old son. His son's wheelchair stood next to the sofa. Teddy Winston was sitting on the couch in an Atlanta Falcons jersey and gym shorts, holding a huge bowl of potato chips. His father Charlie Winston, also wearing a Falcons jersey, as well as an Emory University baseball hat on backwards, came in from the kitchen, holding an orange soda in his hand, and plopped down on the couch next to his son.
"Has it started yet?" asked Charlie.
"Not yet," said his son.
On the coffee table in front of him was an entire tray of at least thirty cooked hot dogs.
"Did you do your gut exercises, son?"
"Yes, Dad. I've done this before, you know."
"OK, so you do know that you are going down today? I am taking back the crown?" asked Charlie Winston.
"Do I look nervous? This will be a walk in the park."
"Hmmm. OK. Talkin' smack to the old man, heh? Well, we will see."
Just then a thin green snake slid its way along the sofa behind Charlie Winston's neck. The snake slid over Charlie Winston's right shoulder and was halfway down his bicep, when Winston jumped up in fright.
"What the…?"
The snake landed on the ground and then curled itself by the base of the television.
Teddy Winston burst out laughing.
"Teddy, I told you that you do not let Igor out of his terrarium. He is not a dog! He can't just have free reign of the house!" Charlie Winston picked up the green snake and gingerly placed it back inside its terrarium. He looked at his son, who laughed again.
"You should have seen your face! 'What the heck? I am sooo scared.' You almost pooped in your pants!" The ten year-old rolled on the couch, laughing harder.
"Oh, really?" said Winston. "Well, I do not know if you heard but I picked up an invisible cobra today at the snake store. Here it is." He cupped his hand and acted as if he was carrying an imaginary snake. "Only thing the guy at the snake store said was to watch out for kids, because the cobra has a thing for them, so I said….. Woah!" Winston acted like the imaginary snake was getting away from him and he jumped on his son, tickling him. "Hang on, son! I'll save you from the cobra!" Teddy couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard.
"Stop!" he laughed.
"Acckkhh!" Winston made a sound like a cobra shooting venom and dive-bombed his son again with the imaginary snake. After a few minutes of tickling and laughing, the two sat back on the couch.
Teddy Winston loved snakes. He had no idea when his love for snakes started, but he just was fascinated by them. He had four snakes as pets: a green snake named Igor, a brown snake named Wolfman, and two orange snakes named Dan and Marino. He kept them all in separate terrariums in his room. Occasionally, he would let them run wild in the house, until he heard his mother or father suddenly scream. Then he would laugh and roll his wheelchair over to retrieve the snake.
Despite the car accident that took his legs, Teddy Winston was a happy child with two great parents. He made friends easily at school and was very outgoing. His teachers loved him. The only thing he didn't like were those heavy sighs and looks of pity his mother or father would occasionally give him, for they were signs that he wasn't normal, that his parents wished something more for him. He knew he could never walk again, and had accepted the fact very quickly. He wished his parents could move on as easily as he had. There was more to life than legs, he thought. He may not be a track star, but he certainly had a lot to contribute to the world. Deep down, his parents knew that, too, but they felt the guilt that all parents feel when they believe their child is suffering. Teddy was happy for his parents to be back from their international trips. He got bored when his grandmother was staying with him, because she did not know how to play video games and was generally ignorant about any modern technology.
Today, the television was set to ESPN for the annual Nathan's Hot dog Eating Contest on Coney Island, where the world record-holding champion would be competing against challengers to try to eat the greatest number of hot dogs. The ESPN announcer, prior to the start of the contest, announced the results of an ESPN poll in which viewers were asked whether competitive eating contests constituted a "sport," to which eighty-six percent responded in the negative. Today's returning champion, Joey Chestnut, an engineering student from San José, California, would be competing. Chestnut held the record for the last four years, successfully knocking out the prior champion, Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi in 2007 by eating 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes--a record which he topped in 2009 with 68. Chestnut not only held the hot dog eating record, but also the record for eating fried asparagus (9.3 pounds); pork ribs (9.8 pounds in 12 minutes); steak (4.5 pounds, plus sides, in 8 minutes); chicken wings (241 wings); Krystal burgers (103); and Matzoh balls (78 in 8 minutes).
"Oh, I see Eater X is back," said Winston.
"Yeah, but he doesn’t have a chance," said Teddy.
Tim "Eater X" Janus, the third-place finisher from 2011, wore a mask like Racer X from the Speed Racer cartoon.
"They have that gross guy back again this year," said Teddy.
"Deep Dish? Yuck." Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, a fat man with a brown mustache, beard and scraggly hair, was the second-place finisher in 2011, and liked to wash his hot dogs down with some kind of red fruit punch. The result was that during the contest, he looked like Jeffrey Dahmer, a crazed serial killer awash in blood, devouring his victims' flesh. Charlie Winston was convinced his strategy was to make his opponents throw up, which would disqualify them.
"Is Notorious B.O.B. back again?" asked Charlie Winston.
"Oh, yeah. But he didn't even break 40 dogs last year, so he ain't goin' nowhere."
"Yep."
"What about you? You think you got what it takes?"
"Not even gonna break a sweat," said Teddy.
A few minutes later, the ESPN play-by-play man announced the start of the competition and rang the starting bell. At the sound of the bell, Charlie Winston and his son began devouring hotdogs. A few times, Teddy bugged out his eyes and tried to make funny faces to make his dad spit out his food, but it didn't work. For twelve straight minutes, they crammed food into their mouths. When it was over, Teddy Winston had eaten 33 hot dogs, his father 28.
"You are an eating machine!" Charlie Winston exclaimed, giving his son a high-five. On the screen, Joey Chestnut had won again, keeping his crown.
Just then his wife Murielle walked in. She was happy to be back from Africa, but really hated this annual tradition. She was always afraid her son would choke to death.
"Charlie, I told you that over-eating is not good for Teddy. He could choke! When are you going to stop all of these eating competitions? Teddy, you are going to grow into a giant fat tub of lard like your Auntie Emmie if you keep this up."
"Hey, my sister's not a tub of lard," said Charlie Winston.
"Um, yes, she is," said Murielle, hitting him with a dish towel. "She cannot even fit into her car. She uses a moped to go around the grocery store."
"She's just big-boned, that's all," smiled Winston, hugging his wife.
"Uk! You smell like hot dogs," she said, backing up and waving her hand over her nose.
"C'mon baby, give Charlie a hug." Winston then gave a loud burp, belching hot dog breath in a five foot radius.
"Oooh! You are so gross!" she said, smiling. "Get away from me, Hot Dog Breath!"
"C'mere, baby, Charlie wants his hot mustard."
Teddy laughed as Charlie Winston ran around the couch chasing his wife. He finally caught her and gave her another kiss on the cheek.
"Teddy, why don't you watch TV for a little bit while I talk to mom? And don't barf up those hot dogs!"
Teddy agreed, and switched the TV station to re-runs of Family Guy. Charlie Winston smiled at his son and then pulled his wife in the bedroom to talk to her.
“We didn’t get a chance to talk last night when you got in. How was Africa?”
“You know I can’t talk about that, Charlie,” said Murielle. “But let’s just say it was not the typical day at the office.”
“Should I be worried?”
“No, I am fine,” she lied. The truth was that the scares with the Ebola virus in the field had terrified her. “But I may have to go back there in a few days. They needed me back in the lab at the CDC.”
“You said you had a scare in the field. What was that all about?”
“Oh, it was nothing. You know how it is in my field, when you are dealing with deadly viruses, every day is terrifying.”
“You are lying to me. Something bad happened. What was it?”
Murielle turned away. This was the part of her job that she hated, keeping secrets from her husband. “Charlie, you know I can’t talk about it. But I am fine, I really am. Now tell me about you. How did your speech go in Bristol? Were you hailed as a conquering hero?”
“It was a lot of fun. I think my book on this subject is going to do fantastically well. There was even a CNN lady there. I think a lot of people are interested in this whole ‘naming of America’ thing.”
“Well, of course they are,” beamed Murielle, hugging her husband, “Your research is brilliant.”
“Thanks,” said Charlie Winston. “You know, I had an interesting dinner with a UCLA professor named John Morse. You may remember, he was that guy who did all the research on Nostradamus last year. His son is in my class.”
“Don’t remember him,” said Murielle.
“Anyway, he found something in the ship logs that I found in Seville that no one else has spotted yet. According to John, these logs pinpoint the exact position in the Bay of Honduras where the legendary Fountain of Youth is located.”
Murielle Winston was a woman of science, not fantasy. She looked at her husband, unsure if he was really buying into this story.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not. He had all kinds of historical records pointing to the Fountain of Youth being located in the modern-day Bay of Honduras, and the ship logs I found were apparently the final piece of the puzzle. He says he can find the island where the Fountain is located. He wants me to come with him to find it.”
“To the Bay of Honduras?”
“Yes.”
“You have some boat that I don’t know about?”
“No, we’d obviously have to rent a boat.”
Murielle was silent. “You said ‘we.’”
“Well, yeah, I mean, if I decided to do it. But I am not doing it.”
“Charlie, we have a disabled child. You know I have to go back and forth to Africa and Washington D.C. I need someone to watch Teddy. You cannot go traipsing off to some jungle island in search of a fantasy. You have responsibilities.”
“No, I know, you’re right. Plus, there would be no way the History Department would approve funding for a third trip this year. Still, you have to admit, it would be fun.”
“Sure, it would be real fun when you drown in a storm at sea or get eaten by cannibals. Then I have to take care of Teddy all by myself. That would be really fun.”
“Look who is talking, Mrs. Level 4 Biohazard. You encounter more danger and death in one day than I will in my whole lifetime.”
“I know, Charlie, but what I am doing is important. It is saving lives.”
Charlie looked at his wife, hurt. “Oh, so what I am doing is not important?”
Murielle sighed. “No, I did not say that. What you are doing is great. When you went to Seville, that work will be known for generations because it helps us know how our country was founded. But the Fountain of Youth? Come on! Why would you waste your time and our money charting a boat into the wilderness to find something as ridiculous and non-existent as that?”
Charlie did think such a trip was a bit quixotic. Nevertheless, something inside him yearned to find out if the fountain was real. There was no further point fighting with his wife. The University would never approve the trip anyway, and he could not take that much time away from his classes if he wanted to keep his job at the University. He decided to let it go.
“Well, I guess it is kind of silly. Maybe you are right. When do you go back into the field?”
“They don’t know. I am on call. I expect I may go back soon. In the meantime, we are out of milk and orange juice. Can you pick some up?”
“Sure.”
“And no more hot dogs!” smiled Murielle. Winston chased his wife into the bedroom, trying to breathe on her again.