Once upon a time there were four angels. The first angel, whose name was ‘Love,’ was born on a beautiful white cloud between the bright glowing sun and the spectacular stars that shined in the universe above. The second angel, whose name was ‘Peace,’ was born on a wonderful red blanket of flowers with holy rays of gold sunshine landing upon them. The third angel, whose name was ‘Harmony,’ was born on a soft bed of silk feathers. The fourth angel, whose name was ‘Satan,’ was born in a trash can on main street.
One day, god walked into a room made of solid gold where the four angels came daily to sing and dance and recite poems of love and joy. God walked over to where the four angels were sitting, pulled a whip from his pocket and cracked it sharply against the wall. Then God said, “Have you learned anything new?”
The first angel said, “I see no evil.”
The second angel said, “I hear no evil.”
The third angel said, “I speak no evil.”
Then the fourth angel said, “I see it, I hear it, and I speak it. So what you gonna do about it?”
God said, “I never did like you, Satan. So I’m banishing you to earth.” God raised his hand and there was a big flash of light and the fourth angel vanished from the room.
When he hit the earth, he said, “I’ll get even with God. I’ll become mean and cruel and I’ll steal and kill and burn people’s souls, so god won’t get them.” Then he said, “How can I do this?” Then it came to him. “I know I’ll become a speech teacher.” The End.
“I remember this speech, so I’m ready for your questions,” I replied softly, I was getting tired.
Doctor Lerner wet her lips with her tongue, and then asked, “Was your speech teacher a man or woman?”
“A woman.”
“Simon, tell me, how did she react to your speech?”
“When I finished, I returned to my seat. It was so quiet in that classroom; all the other students were waiting for the teacher’s response. She played it very cool, went on as if nothing happened. She gave me a C plus for my speech, and I did pass the class at the end of the semester, barely.”
“What prompted you to give such a speech?”
“I hated the teacher, I hated speech class, and I hated that they could force me to stand up in front of all those rich kids to be judged like that. So it was my way of getting revenge, I guess.”
My face was a bit flushed; it brought back some bad emotional feelings. Feelings I thought I had over come.
“Well, that’s all the time we have for now. Do you have any questions before we end this session?” she asked politely.
“Ah,
yes, what’s behind the steel door on the short hall?”
“Why, it’s the shock therapy room,
but don’t worry, we don’t use it any more.”
“Oh…”
“Any more questions?”
“No.”
Doctor Lerner leaned forward to help push her heavy bulk up off the couch. She placed her note pad, and tape recorder inside her briefcase, and made her way to the hallway.
Stopping at the door, she turned, “I’ll see you later in the afternoon for another session. So get some rest if you wish, goodbye Simon.”
“Bye,” I said, stretching out on the couch. I liked Doctor Lerner, she seemed genuine.
“Wake up!” James shrieked as he entered.
I bolted upright, not sure what was happening, yet I found my bearings very quickly.
“Your lunch is on the table in the dining room; let me know when you’re done,” James said as he left, not waiting for a reply.
I was hungry. After a brief stop at the toilet, I made a bee-line for the food. Everything was plastic; fork, spoon, plate, and even the tray. There was a small piece of corn on the cob, mashed potatoes with lumpy-brown gravy, and what looked to be a thick slice of roast beef covered with gravy. A carton of two percent white milk, a small green apple, and that old banana. I devoured everything except that nasty banana.
Finished, I made my way over to the nurses’ station, and informed his majesty, King James, that I was done. Now it was nap time, so off to my room I went.
Seems like I just closed my eyes when he burst in, “Keep the damn door open at all times during the day hours! Did…you…not…understand?!” James shouted.
“Sorry, I forgot,” I mumbled, now sitting up straight, and wiping the sleep from my blurry eyes.
“Go wait in the group therapy room for your next session.” The agitation was apparent in his voice; nothing I did pleased this guy.
Forty minutes later Doctor Lerner arrived. She entered smiling, as if life was filled with joy and hope. “Good afternoon, Simon, did you enjoy your lunch?”
“Yes, it wasn’t bad at all.”
“Remember, you are allowed a snack anytime, just ask.” Her cheery voice echoed through the room as she sat next to me.
“Okay.”
“Are you comfortable, Simon?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Doctor Lerner always concerned herself with my well-being. I figured it was some kind of mothering instinct.
“All right, let me start the recorder, and we’ll get started.” She pushed the button down as I watched the cassette tape slowly begin to turn.
“Your mother came to see me a short time ago in my office; she expressed concern over some things that have taken place in the last few years. At this time, if you don’t mind, I’d like to briefly explore these concerns. Would that be possible?”
“Sure, I can’t wait to hear what the old biddy had to say about her son,” I replied sarcastically.
“Old biddy? Is that how you feel toward your mother?”
“Sometimes, depends on my mood I guess.”
“Tell me about dealing in drugs and stolen weapons?” She said with no judgment in her tone of voice.
“What…? Sure, I smoke a little marijuana from time to time, but I don’t sell drugs. She always exaggerates everything I say. All that really happened was I worked as a janitor at a coal company for a short time. I cleaned their central lab, where they processed coal samples. Some friends came out late one night, and asked if they could measure out some marijuana on the coal company’s small precision scales. I said sure, no big deal, and while they were there, they asked if I wanted to buy a small .22-caliber revolver for twenty bucks. So I bought it. I never dealt or sold any dope.”
“Simon, what happened to the gun? Do you still have it?” Her tone turned serious.
“No, I sold it to a local farmer a few weeks later for thirty-five bucks.”
“Your mother said you were involved in the rape of a local neighbor girl, and that you threatened her parents with death if they told the authorities.”
“For heaven’s sake, I never raped the neighbor’s kid! Mom made that all up. She’s the one that needs therapy!” I yelled, trying to make myself sound more convincing.
She reached over, and patted me on the leg as she had done in our first session in an attempt to calm me. “Simon, just relax, no one is judging you…but why do you suppose your mother would make up such a story?”
“She’s mad because I told her I wasn’t going to give her any of the insurance money, that’s why.”
“What insurance money would that be?” Doctor Lerner asked with a puzzled look on her round sweet face.
“The money from my father’s death. He had a life insurance policy, of which my sister and I were the beneficiaries. And since my sister committed suicide, it all goes to me,” I explained.
“Your father left nothing for your mother?”
“That’s right, not one thin dime.”
“Do you know why?” she asked.
“I don’t have a clue.”
“Lets’ move on; your mother stated you had sexual relations with your sister, which resulted in her becoming pregnant. She also said you took her to get an abortion. Can you shed some light on these statements, Simon?”
A lump formed in my throat as I lowered my head. Clearing my throat I proceeded. “Well, part of its true, but not as bad as she made it sound. I did get her pregnant, but Mom took her to the clinic for the abortion,” I blurted out.
“Did your father know?”
“Hell no! We didn’t want the wrath of God to come down on us, not even my mother wanted that.”
“What was your mother’s initial reaction when she discovered you, and your sister were having sexual relations?” she asked candidly.
“Mom cried, then prayed, then cried some more. Told us it was a sin against God, and our beloved father. She forbade us to even touch each other ever again. Mom was as scared as we were of what Dad would do if he found out. She made us swear on the Bible to never sin again. Then she found out about the pregnancy, and made arrangements to get an abortion on the sly in another city. She was not only afraid of our father; she was scared the scandal would ruin her reputation as well.”
“Did you keep your sacred vow to your Mother?”
“We
tried, but temptation got the better of us, so we just did a better job of
hiding it from her and dad. We used
condoms so no more babies.”
“Simon, how did it make you feel,
knowing your sister was carrying your child?”
“I really didn’t give it much thought,” I said nonchalantly.
“All right then, let’s move on for the time being. Are you currently having financial trouble? I ask because your chart says you are unemployed, and living at home,” she said, turning to a new page in her note pad.
“Not any more since I filed bankruptcy. That wiped out all my debts,” I said a little ashamed.
“What was your experience with bankruptcy? What frame of mind were you in at that time?”
“Well, that damn attorney charged me six hundred bucks to file, and made it sound like a walk in the park. But a week before my court date, I was sick and depressed. I didn’t feel human anymore, like I was nothing. But facing that judge was extremely upsetting. I remember someone calling my name, and I had to walk up, and face the judge. I was in a panic. I thought I was going to jail. I was so scared and ashamed.
I see why desperate people walk into a place, and kill everyone in sight, it’s like life has no meaning when you feel worthless. Those people who go and shoot others, they’re just trying to get their pride and dignity back. Even if it’s only for a brief moment before they kill themselves or someone kills them. It’s a strange feeling of helplessness.”
“How did you feel after the judge discharged your debts?” she asked.
“It was like someone had lifted a great weight from my shoulders, I was so relieved. It’s great not owing anyone, anything.”
“Our time is running short, tell me about your nightmare you’ve been having?” she asked, finally leading up to what brought me here.
“Ah…well, I’m in bed, lying on my side, facing the wall. I hear footsteps coming down the hall. They get louder as the guy comes nearer. When the footsteps stop, he is standing at my bedside, facing my back. As I finally fight through the fear, and get up the courage to turn and see who it is…BANG! I’m dead.”
“When you come out of the nightmare, what is taking place?”
“I’m usually covered in sweat, and I’m yelling ‘NO NO’ or ‘STOP’ or so I’ve been told by my mother.”
“What upsets you the most about your nightmare, Simon?”
“I guess, not knowing who he is, and why he shoots me.”
“I’m sorry; our time is up for this session. I have other appointments at my home office.” Doctor Lerner gathered her things, preparing to leave.
I felt so tired, so off I went to my room to rest. Seemed like I hadn’t slept in days. Upon reaching my room, I noticed Doctor Lerner down the hall looking for her key to unlock the elevator. Collapsing onto my bed, I tried to force myself to sleep, but to no avail. My nerves were too much on edge after that therapy session. Dredging up all those old memories, I realize some things should stay buried. I don’t look forward to our next session. Who knows what evil thing I’ve done that will come to haunt my dreams.