Into a Pinyin Sunrise by Anthony DeMarco - HTML preview

… occurring wholly out-of-turn and wandering off into some endless impersonation of time itself looking backwards through several more generations one after the other and then occurring again wholly out-of- turn. Some decision taken without haste to set off from the banks of the Xi Jiang and seek some finer remuneration for the effort which had been so valiantly placed. Some accordingly going off, and wonderingly of the intrusion which might not have occurred if not for some innermost need to succeed and flourish in their own right. Some occurring wholly out- of-turn into a pinyin sunrise which would have been awaiting them and taking advantage of one of life’s more desperate challenges, seekingly and wantonly absorbing some unintended force majeure which had dared to exert upon and again becoming wholly out-of-turn wholly …

 ─ Nǐ yuàn wàng…

− Don’t want nothing! exclaimed Nick.

The waiter seemed to begin feeling a bit squeamish to Nick who had become entrapped by one more fleeting reverie and regarding some inability to satisfy, some innate sensation for the servitude which had long become his and at the hands of so many generations perished. Nick, too, should have arrived at some solitary union with his past by now, and grievingly looking forward were not to become his idea of achieving some barest of whatever font of pleasure his life might have to offer. Some serving those who would have surely been setting strides across greater distances and too ill-determined to address just about anything except some wanton fascination with his relationship to Xiaoling and the mirror which she would inevitably present to Nick. Some larger gentleman now quickening his pace along the steely utensils behind him and one last peek across to the younger couple …

− ¿Fēi cháng duō gèng shí jiān? asked Nick.

….to some younger couple who had apparently been having their own go of it and quite at the expense or it must have just seemed that way to Nick who had by now completely forgotten as to the exact moment when his initial request had been tendered, some mind now better drifting away toward thoughts of what it is she would have been making of all of this or even if she might be attending properly to the task which would have inescapably found its way within her by now …

− Want duck?… have to wait! the waiter shot back.

…within her and thinking by now what happened to Chinese with Chinese customer, some slight redemption at the waiter’s momentary language regression he most cherished and noticing some light rain beginning to settle onto the steamy glass facing outwards toward the street and he thinking that it might be difficult to manage with two larger bags of dumplings all on his own and with no respite from some possible inconvenience, some more finely tuned stepping around pools of cooler water mixing into sidewalk debris then creeping in upon Nick’s ankles as he might think menacingly of his father waiting at some sodden doorway glancing up one way then another and the little daylight that would be left over to hover upon we poor mortals just standing around and waiting for one more glimpse of it, just one more inhalation of some aroma which could put our spines out of place recallingly of some song he might have fancied one morning while waiting for her on the corner and how could she know anyway of some of those that might be entrapped in his own thoughts as he reclined at night. Some hoping for one more glimpse as she passed in front of her dimly lit window cast as nearly some shadow and then so much easier at the corner in the morning mist, some never over there he reminded her and trying to turn her thoughts away from those ghosts still unburied from a distant past then ….

− … never mind, it’s ok …

….then who this other big dummy in suit anyway when Nick became accidentally nudged from behind, someone more official-looking probably from the courts of justice on Centre Street and noticingly of some sudden push which one more official-looking type having entered and besieging the thinnish waiter all over again with tables beginning to become scarcer as the evening meal grew closer and closer upon thoughts of her and his father looking up first this way then that and wondering where he could be where she could be now that the examination should have been well finished and sitting deftly upon the edge of her bed wondering what might have become of him of the music which she had once intoned into his own ear as he bowed slowly beneath some gentler wisp of air which her breath had ….

− Wǔ fēn zhōng, remarked the thinnish waiter.

 Five more minutes? Yeah, he think I got nothing else to do! What he think? Dumplings can’t wait. Have to be back by six. What he think? The official- looking type now seatedly just across and marking out one rather scalene figure with the younger couple whose more feminine side he had been coming to glimpse and more so. Nick then being made to feel as some victim of some situation and did equally consider whether such would have been some sort of just compensation for the trials which his forbearers might recall, some equally but frightfully unjustifiable treatment regarding the pains which they must have wrought and seethingly, some more clearly held longing and feeling like some victim over and over, some gnawing victimization ne’er sought after but succumbed to nevertheless. Some looking forward to the niceties which could have materialized but didn’t, some second-guessing and then some, might have pushed Nick unceremoniously to the brink but hadn’t, some yet becoming more prone to considering whether such a repast could have been worth the pains and tribulations of all but one of those gestures made so deeply from within. Some being made to fall victim to the trials and rituals of those for whom Nick might have meant so much, or so little dependingly of how one more seemingly insignificant event could have played out and then returning to this original claim of fairer then fairest-art-thou, goingly and knowing only too well that here in this tinier place where one might find some peace and comfort rendered and so unforgivingly, Nick might simply get up and leave. Some wanting to rebound from the sickness which were to intend upon then some picking up and warding off that ever encroaching subserviency which he himself had long come to recognize. Some wanting and wanting more had never been of his own, some eternal rising of the pinyin which loomed continually and then locking itself into place, some rising early morning sunrise pinyin sunrise as some chastened idiom did go hardly and without some easier surrender to that which Nick now called his own. Miss McGrath say I speak good English! Now back to the brink and to the brink once more as the official-looking typed gone and seeming to delight in what it is he had been served. Something seethingly tasty it appeared to Nick and then occurring that never had he seen such a delight being offered in this or any other version or culinary venue. Some rethinking of a progressive time situation now and in light of the fact that never had he ever intended to imply that he had ever seen such a spectacle in this or any other type of venue, culinary or not. Some running about and glidingly smooth under and about itself, then some tenderer scallions embellishing some richer sauté which had evidently gone towards somewhat more than mere accompaniment. Some winding upwards and around down to some pristine dish which seemed to have bestowed upon it some more chastened relief, some chastened treat and shearing proudly beneath some other mucous membrane which might have masked its outer beauty but didn’t. Instead glistening and encouraging he who might partake to admire some tinier structure which might have been used to vanquish its prey or rather adorn innocuously some more finely lit piece of flesh from whence it might have arisen. Then being lifted slowly as the sauté might have made its way dripping easily, some heartier breathing outwardly onto the steaming sensation which were about to become, and all according to some more sumptuous aroma rising stealthily through the seasoned ether that did go enveloping the billowed aliment which seemed to stare upwards at its ne’er endearing official. Then being reluctantly consumed or seemingly so, some slipping slowly through the official’s puckered lips and leaving some sharpened tentacle dangling against the nape of his chin as he reached downward for one more glass of warmened oriental beer, some slightest chance at carnal reconciliation and whoever might have thought that such an official type could have necessarily been too starved or too depraved to consider just about anything else, some going off and going off again throughout entire moments while again knowing all too well that she might have been the one who might have been able to give him and then standing plaintively on some subway platform with her looking behind at some older more noteworthy gentleman, sitting cock-kneed against the back of some steely bench upright and ne’er giving any thought to the feast which might have been coming his way. Some returning to the spectacle which would continue to grace his dish, now some more completed gesture of relief as the warmened oriental beer trickled down the back of his throat and he glancing downward as Nick went noticingly of some subtler bed of rice which would have encouraged even that most squeamish of incidental connoisseur. Some once more, some continued piercing of the greyish mucous which did seem to persist all the while and this time without some slimier mass sliding upwards along a chosen track, some looking forwards to one other quicker digestion and knowing all too well that such cuisine could have only benefited from the locale in which it had been served. The waiting became unbearable, beginning to seem as if some endless time had run away. Some tending now toward deception as the only way out and noticing that the fan above Nick’s head had begun to rotate at some more deafening pitch. Some rapture looked into and deceivingly as the only honest way to survive, some calling up to the pains and unjust rewards which had always passed so closely past Nick’s own. Some deception as to the better manner in which to survive all the pains and debilities which Nick was made to suffer at the obvious comparison with Xiaoling and that friend of hers who not unlike those other wài guó rén had so quickly sought refuge beneath one of so much more honored oriental descent. Indeed, he would neither be surprised if the two had been setting about within some more-than-platonic tryst, some awakening newly to practices previously scorned. Some deception would seem to become the only recourse in which Nick could confide and the waiting had begun to grow immeasurably intolerable. The official had by now placed his utensil delicately beneath one more succulent mass and thrusting upwards toward some more ravenous consumption, some accompanying grain of rice barely teetering along the edge as it were, and disappearing uneasily into the mouth of he who might have tended to such daily tasks of incrimination justly served. And why should he not? For when all was said and done, he too could have very well become caught up in such ne’er enlivening fare, some being devoured whole by the whimmish devaluation of civil society and reluctantly waving to Xiaoling (and that friend of hers) as he would be drawn away towards some more unseemly incarceration. Nick kept a keen eye on the thinnish waiter as he once more approached this judicious guest, now with some apportioned silvered platter upon which sat some blackened mass, some otherwise escargot and still painfully unknowing of just how much longer this incessant interlude were to continue. Nick shifted uncomfortably within his own as he watched the man devour some jellied slime one after another, some delicate foreplay tickling at each of the tinier shells which passed on through his steadier hand crawling further upwards, some afterlife reaching barely upon the tips of his fingers or just prior to some somewhat completer submission. And yet such fare could have never been prepared upon the banks of the Xi Jiang, nor could it have ever made its more slightly acrid ascent into the thoughts of whomever would have been imposed upon in those final moments before turning westward around the bluff. Alight now, for any moments turn could alter and think carefully about why one is sitting in this place.

− Why he get so many things? I here first! Wèi hé …

But before Nick could manage one more utterance the thinnish waiter appeared from nowhere and placing some piping hot tray gingerly upon the table in front of him. Then looking over his shoulder for some more reassuring gesture from the younger couple (who could not have become so much more intimately involved) and endeavouring at last to appraise that pleasure into which he had ne’er before thought to pry. Some more antiquely sounding box beginning to herald somewhat more loudly from a recess just outside the kitchen to which Nick’s big dummy had retreated for yet one more greying fibreglass cask of utensils and some one more looking back over at the younger couple before wondering as to the manner in which he could indulge himself into this sprawling morsel which now lay before him. Or within some other manner which would have been hitherto unappreciated even by he, or Xiaoling as in some circumstance long gone by. Some chance forsaken and determined not to let it happen again. As if seeking permission from the younger couple in closer embrace he hesitated before picking up his chopsticks for some go of it. Some lingering over this rising aroma sweetly but not too much so, some glistening brownly tinted glaze did treat ones eyes to its most innocuous feast , as yet some other long lost remuneration for this broken life and upon which his father would be all too keen on surrendering. It raised fairly enough, up towards some boyish lips and did it keep from falling back onto the plate from which it was stolen. Some slower than usual penetration into that carnivorous cavern which did teem with some over abiding sensibility now duly awarded and Nick began to more easily remind himself of those slightlier chores toward which he had still to alight. Some more mundane assumption that he might be doing this for the rest of his life, some generational abyss caught up within and ne’er knowing just how to call out and earn himself what little respect and lifelong retrieval he could muster. Some flesh savoured appeared to lack the humility he had expected, and he at once turned toward the waiter in some more inquisitional way, some calling out to anyone who might possibly be able to enhance this most deafening of experiences which was tending to devour him day by day.

− Gèng chá, requested Nick.

The thinnish waiter at first hesitated in replying. Chinese with Chinese customer and some unavoidable dilemma of entering at all hours with some bring me this or that no matter how one might have been feeling or even slovenly. Some just wanting to retrieve one’s tiniest bit of dignity, not slovenly or wanting to be. Some hoping for one last ephemeral notion as to why this had to come about, some never- ending odyssey away from the wellspring of his youth and drawn into some laggard servility as if Chinese with Chinese customer could even begin to requite. The waiter walked back to the kitchen slowly and emerging some moments later with the tea Nick had fancied. Some wondering sympathetically as to why Nick had so carelessly nurtured the entrée away from this unwillingness to imbibe, some proceeding imprudently and without measure. Some unmeasured taking in of this cherished repast did at some turn seem at once too unexpected and too predictable. The younger couple by now had finished their own, some rising jocularity and still inseparable as they hurried through the throng of expectant throng and up toward the pavement. Nick would linger some moments more in appreciation of this seasoning at long last. Some further sustenance and savoring of the carnasceous morsels which continued to embrace his own bespoken tongue. Or was it meant to be so sorely misused? Some staggering months and time of inconsequential fare, one’s own lack of piquancy unwillingly and these most exquisite of dishes unbeknownst eternally by those with whom he had always fantasized. Some libidinous appetite, some overly succulent aroma lasting through the darkest of times did never seem to deter the impressionable flavour which had so inculcated on this day.The younger couple would have been just as keen on discovering that neither had Nick been capable of confiding in anyone regarding those things most dear, or that any single person could have at last been able to afford him the time and rationale for perceiving anything other than those provincial dishes which had come to confine him and his entire family. Some sudden wondering now as to whether she had finished the task to which she had committed. Some more high flung ideas regarding what could be won through the procurement of knowledge and skills put upon by teachers and benefactors who had been shown to be nothing but the cruellest and most heartless of scoundrels. Some harder labour governed by the earning from one’s own will and need to weather is what she would ultimately learn, as Nick had from his own mentors who were now on the verge of harvesting the benefits which this newer world had promised to extend. Nick placed his chopsticks insistently to the side of his plate now cluttered with various bits and pieces. Some now glancing above at some twelve o’clock ort then around slowlier toward three and noticingly of some further bit of rice seemingly strewn aside for no other reason. Could Nick’s own time here have been so wrought with uselessness? Or might he have better sought some manner of reassuring those possessing of a keener view of his plight? Nick was quickly becoming convinced of his own need for some kinder self- destruction and at once considered reposing within some eternal dream sleepiness. Still he recognized the obligation to abide by those conventions which tended to endure and demurely gestured as if willing enough to be scrutinized for some lack of grander largesse by the thinnish waiter.

− Zhàng dān, qí.

The waiter was a bit startled at Nick’s modesty but nonetheless replied within his own reflexion, some having studied and nurtured that tendency to which the more conventional diner had always subscribed. Some unwillingness to admit to any slightest dissatisfaction at that moment of wanting to assess the bill and reflect upon the joylessness which had been unavoidable throughout. Some quicker less carefully planned remark scribbled in haste and not entirely without some veiled insinuation as to the accuracy or not of the note itself. The thinnish waiter handed Nick the bill.

− Have to pay at door, directed the waiter.

Now having caught sight of some more non-descript type lunching off in some corner alone. Alone as would be some victim wallowing in the self-abuse that they had brought upon themselves but seemingly in wait of three more, some readying the dishes and utensils that would betray the person’s impending companions. Some thinnish waiter leaving the plastic bowl of dampened aperitif which seemed to have adorned at first the tables of all those of other ethnicity, some central repast which would be meant to whet the appetite of those who might request more and patronizingly thus of some higher quantity of remuneration. Some dampened stack of rice noodle it seemed to Nick, before bill and why no aperitif for him he thinks. Chinese with Chinese customer. No noodle aperitif for Chinese customer and Nick watching as the victim take whole plate and start to enjoy unthinkingly of the accompaniment which would be soon to arrive. Now nearly complete and the others would be soon to arrive but Nick refused to be drawn into some spectacle which was not his own and decided to continue on and up to the dumpling house in any case.

Nick reached deftly into the side pocket of his trousers while continuing to wallow in the pandemonium of some culinary clutter, some platter still and stiller appearing to mock him from beneath and more imagining of the day he might come with her to this very place, some sitting within hair’s breadth as had the younger couple and pressingly of the warmth which could have only been evoked in the company of another. Nick left two seamy dollar bills in midst of some disarray now taken for granted as he rose and not looking back but decidedly, some diminishing sense of remorse having been beginning to become overtaken with some other source of self- confidence and barely hoping to replace some nagging recrimination dredged forwards from within each time one recalled some farther away moment, some farther away moving even farther and farther as he inquisitively asked the cashier (some unconcerned spectacled type ne’er bothering to glance at whom would be considering such a chore) as to the whereabouts of Nick’s destination having been so hitherto displaced. As he passed the man who now seemed to be taken aback by his own gluttonous remorse, some noticing the shrinking bowl of rice noodle and reached down onto the floor. Then picking up some business card which had seemingly fallen from the victim as he rampaged through his illicit rice noodle aperitif and returned it to the man, now embarrassedly accepting the fallen card and uttering some slightly unsettling remark, but Nick too intent on completing his chore continued on towards the exit.

 ─ Dumpling house upstairs? asked Nick as he handed over a twenty-dollar note.

The cashier said nothing (only fresh dumpling he say) and neither indicative of whether he had heard or listened to anything that Nick had been insisting upon. Some more careful scrutiny of the note did seem to suffice, some going about one’s own less pleasanter routine daily and seeming to be wholly incognizant of Nick’s desire for total momentary peace os mind. Some giving in unconditionally to the needs of those about him and unselfishly withdrawing into one’s own more eternal slumber.

− ¿Páo de tuán shàng dì?

Some repetition of his request (only fresh dumpling, he say) simply reinforced his commitment to remaining true to his family’s dedication to excellence. Some nobler desire of best catering to one’s own patronage, for while most other local establishments had been passing off two-week-old fare, such foul play would never warrant any tidier consideration with the Wāng family. Some time spent enjoying his lunch had gone past Nick (only fresh dumpling he say) and some earlier evening deadline which his father had laid out would surely go unkept. Still, as there had been no inclination toward any hint or reply by the cashier Nick would presume that the man were either deaf or illiterate in either language, some curiousness considering the weightier task with which the man had been entrusted.

− ¿PÁO DE TUÁN SHÀNG DÌ?... Hey, man! No speak Chinese or what?

− Shàng dì, shàng dì, replied the man.

Nick was unsure of why he had even felt the need to inquire. Perhaps some impending fascination with wanting to see the man put into some less-than-enviable predicament, some more frightening means for banal recollection of things which should have gone ne’er forgotten (only fresh dumpling he say) but always in constant need of some further mental percipience, or seemingly. Some television then blaringly from a higher place and Nick glancing upwards at some black-and-white screen sounding out news from some other venue. Some taller more eloquently decked gentleman of subtler race taking on the masses as if beseeched to doing so with four score and seven years and no-one wishing to take notice or even acknowledging the gravity of that which had been occurring, some of knowing (only fresh dumpling he say) some of wasting time or some having just stopped in for some ripened repast long overdue with some hour for awakening some hour for collective conscience and give us your tired masses your huddled or whatever it was all just some promise unmet as far as Nick was concerned and more hopefully toward some more fruitful existence, or seemimgly. Some more hurried taking back of the notes which had been furnished to the cashier as he headed perhaps too stealthily (only fresh dumpling he say) toward the door and back up towards the street, for Nick had become in a quandary here and having to consecrate some holier journey for returning the produce with which he had been encharged by his father on the previous morning. Some only fresh dumpling as if such a locale could have ever had anything other than and Nick finding himself now confronted once more with some edifice at last, some not so being the same at which he had been divining previously or even consciously so, some fiftier minutes and then some fiftier more. Some fiftier moments which having had gone by on the basement floor, some fiftier and then fiftier and more so as the thinnish waiter had gone refusing his kindlier petitions and would have led on to some fiftier or fortier or whatever more if he had not at once made claim to one’s own better resolve over which his father had bothered so staidly. Some now bothering and (only fresh dumpling he say) botheringly bok choy if that had been what had been so specified bok choy he thought and pork dumpling now impressing upon Nick as he spied a second entrance off to the left and unpromising of anything at all really. Some refusing to conceive or bother to recognize to, some admittance to the stupidity which could not have possibly prevailed but had indeed and now without means for bok choy this or bok choy that some lifelong sentence on these unpracticed shores with some time for getting better getting ahead she said (but where could she be now) and walking somewhat more quickly as the dusk went advancing upon the sooty metal poles lining the block. Some ten feet just to the other entrance leading upwards and asking of some bok choy dumpling (only fresh dumpling he say). Nick entered the other doorway now more quickly than he had intended. Some more overblown reflection of the things which had or hadn’t come about never materialized, and the thoughts which had sustained him throughout his unexpected repast seemed now to guide him up some narrower staircase. Some tattered felt carpeting insisting and dustily would mesmerize Nick as he rummaged upon just what his father would remark as he arrived home some five hours later than expected. One two stairs at a time then three four and Nick would be quick to arrive at the top of the landing. Some piercing lower Manhattan nightmare had begun to intrude into and could only foretell the worst for his journey back to Sunset Park. Some providence lost on poorer souls strewn along within some no uncertain stench and some more discreet passage overwhelmingly as he made his way back and over across to the Canal Street Station. Some more feinted idea of returning to Houston Street succumbed quickly beneath the burden of having to forgo the luxury of the same type of meandering which did so pleasure Nick on his way downtown. Some lower-toned rustle of plastic bags and muted machinery urged Nick to enter the food produce venue which had been his targeted intention all along, and he strained to recall the exact quantity of dumplings which his father had requested. He was alone. Except for some busier type filling plastic bags with the delicate morsels, and another more surrendering figure seemingly categorizing the finished packages into some enormous walk-in freezer which lie just to the left and immediately greeting of his recent entry.

− ¿Duō shao? asked the diligent man barely glancing at Nick.

Nick had difficulty understanding why he was continuing to feel so alone, especially in light of some newly-found figure having intruded into. Some ephemeral glimpse of space and time also puzzling, as had been his total disregard of some enormous freezer which would have been so sure to convey some sense of satisfaction regarding his father’s willingness to seek goods and services beyond the usual bounds of what might be considered some more hallowed territory, some sunset park in the borough of …

– Five bag, Nick blurted out.

His father could only offer some assessment based on how often the restaurant seemed to be in need. To Nick it was hardly worth the effort of knowing or not knowing anything about his father’s cliente and he held out steadily towards the notion that all was starting to prove too futile to ultimately ignore. Some lying next to Xiaoling had never ceased to invade his every waking moment for the past two years or so …never over there! …and some mutual need for one’s closer presence offered, with some nagging ache from beneath remindingly of the pain which would endure should he not at least make some attempt toward mutual delight. Or perhaps to assert some long-overdue sense of independence which had gone missing since bidding adieu to the shores of Fujian. Nick began to indulge freely into some Kubrick-esque intrigue which were sure to awaken him from this slumber within which his existence seemed to have been languishing and without end. Some garnered enchantment which had sadly gone for naught suddenly cast itself as some beautiful woman whose seduction was complete yet withered rather quickly beneath the burdensome imposition of some lesser task. Some lesser task borne of some some still lesser one and suddenly startled by the realization that all had been lost and why should anything be nurtured or taken to task or become the object of beauty itself? Or sought? Once presented with the bags of dumplings which he at last found himself to be on the verge of acquiring Nick might consider reformulating to his own agenda for the rest of the afternoon into evening. Some heading uptown. Some going off and wandering, at last, would become his once-ridiculed sense of mission. Now some depression was beginning to set upon Nick and he attempted to speed his journey − ¿wèn tí? The man behind the counter assured of there being no problem, and that Nick should have his order in just another two or three minutes. Some more modest transistor radio from above and bleeding mono sounded into the factory as one’s timeless ítem, some island held on to and cherished before it could banish one forever into life’s abysmal cycle of error and regret. He just might walk up and over to the Grand Street station, catch a D train uptown and seek out some newer prospects along the sidewalks of Harlem. Sanchez had often told him of a bodega his cousin ran on Cathedral Parkway (why that called parkway, anyway?), and Nick might be quick to enter upon some more sordid business negotiation which would have been too pedestrian to but consider in some other borough. Some sunset park sunrise would always transpire in the shadow