I awakened just after dawn fresh and ready to battle my problems. However, I was also very hungry and thirsty.
I shot out of bet then headed straight to the kitchen where I was able to place a handsome quantity of cat food (chicken, beef, fish) into a large blue bowl. Afterwards, I poured an adequate quantity of milk in my food bowl.
Believe me, I really enjoyed my breakfast! I was one of those lucky cats who lived in a nice home with much food and security. Gosh I even had extended cable service!
As soon as I finished my meal and washed up I heard a knock on the door. I was apprehensive about the matter. Who the heck could it be? I wondered.
As long as it wasn’t Frank I was all right, I guessed. Anyhow, I had to see who it was for the record. So, I leaped up unto the door then held on with my incredible claws.
After looking in the peep hole I determined that it was one of our doormen. We had five in all and thankfully every single one of them was friendly.
“Joey, just give me a second so I can open up the door for you.
After unlocking the door, then opening it I invited Joey into my apartment.
“Joey, how the heck are you? Please come in!”
“Actually, Jody, I was sent here by the manager. I don’t think that you’re in trouble but please come down to ‘the office’.”
I froze in fear and silence! I wondered if Frank was involved in this event. After all, he was the boss. A boss can do much to harm or help others.
“Joey, hold on a second. I need to get my key!”
I ran to the bedroom, grabbed hold of my keys then inserted them into my pouch. That, by the way, is where I place all valuables on my person.
I ran back to Joey then stopped a foot from the door. I slowly closed the door and also made certain that I heard the locking click behind me. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to sneak into my apartment.
As soon as I returned Joey and I continued our walk back to the manager’s office. Although the administration sent the letter it was the manager’s job to actually speak to me about the contents of the letter. As usual, the administration was too high and mighty to speak directly to one of its tenants; especially a little kitty.
“Joey, did you say that the manager appeared happy or angry.”
“Don’t worry, honey! I’ve been working in this building for five years. The manager appeared to be in good spirits. Otherwise, I would’ve noticed any signs of anger on his face.
Thankfully, it turned out to be good news! Apparently, before Sharon had her incident she paid for one full year of rent. Since utilities were included in the rent I had a guaranteed home to live in.
In addition, Sharon had paid for one whole year’s worth of extended cable service from Videotron. With a fat bank account, full fridge, and a kitchen closet full of tons of food I had it made!
I thanked Joey and the manager for the good news. Actually, as soon as Joey and I left the manager’s office I offered him a handsome tip.
“Joey, you’re a good man! I want to give you a tip!|
“Jody, I don’t want a tip! I just want you to leap up unto my chest, give me a kiss, then say those three golden words to me.
Jody, please don’t think that I’m sick. I’m not sick! I just love you very dearly.
Another thing, Jody, can I be your best friend in the whole world?”
“Joey, you know very well that I love you dearly. However, the love position is presently taken by someone else. As for the kiss, brace yourself.”
I leaped up onto Joey’s chest then gave him several kisses on the cheeks and lips. I noticed that didn’t have a ring on his finger so I gave him a few extra kisses to cheer him up.
After all, Joey was a thirty five year-old man who’d never been married. I suspected that he’d never had a close relationship with a woman. Poor guy, he was handsome, polite, hard-working, and he didn’t smoke, drink, or use any kinds of illicit drugs. Actually, Joey never partied.
As soon as I said goodbye to Joey I returned to my apartment. Thankfully, as soon as I entered it I closed the door behind me then leaped onto the nearest couch in sight.
As I was resting on my back and pondering about life a phone call startled me. I answered the phone on the fourth ring. I didn’t want to appear ‘easy’. The caller had to be patient with me. After all, he/she was calling yours truly, and it was my phone and apartment.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
“Jody, it’s me, your best friend in the whole world!
“Jody, how come you can’t recognize that it’s me until I tell you my name?”
“Linda, how can I know that it’s you on the other line? You have ‘display lock’ and until you speak I can’t tell that it’s you.”
“Jody, I’m your best friend in the while world! You’re supposed to know that it is me from my breathing style.”
“Linda, please, can we talk about something else. I want to enjoy my conversation with my best friend in the whole world.”
Linda and I talked about various subjects. It wasn’t until I mentioned my bank account that she gave me good advice to follow.”
“Jody, do you have a joint account with Sharon?”
“Yes, of course I do!”
“Jody ... technically, when she approves she can withdraw all of the money from the account. That little witch would do it! She’d also love to see you evicted from your posh apartment.
Jody, call up the RBC and tell them about Sharon’s abnormal/sickly mental state.
Jody, I’m not being insane, but that little witch will suck every drop of blood out of your account! She’s a psycho case and probably doesn’t even know it!”
I thanked Linda for the good advice and told her that I had to call the bank immediately. After we finished conversing on the phone I drank some water then called up the RBC.
“Hello, Royal Bank of Canada, this is Ellen. How may I help you?”
“Ellen, how are you? My name is Jody Wilson and I have a joint account with Sharon Peabody.”
Thankfully, Ellen had read the Montreal Gazette article about Sharon concerning her ‘psychotic episode’.
Ellen immediately rerouted my call to the bank manager’s office. This was the best thing could have ever happened to me.
The bank manager, George Adamson, gave me sole control over any and all funds that were ‘previously’ in the joint account.
“Jody, don’t you worry about that little ‘psycho-witch’ Sharon Peabody trying to claw her way into ‘your account’. She’s a very despicable person and is not the woman that any decent man should ever take as a wife. Besides, she’s too much of a nut case to have all of that money in her account.
Jody, I’m a good bank manager! Don’t believe anything that the tellers in ‘my bank’ say about me. I’m not sick!
I know they talk about me and are trying to conspire against me because I am the manager. I make more money than they do. I have my own parking space. And I’m chums with the big shots in the main branch of the RBC.
Jody, is there anything else that I, or any of my associates at the RBC?”
“No, Mr. Adamson, I’m completely satisfied with your service!”
“Jody, would you like to have a personal appointment with me? I’ll give you a whole hour and I’ll even take you out for a good, expensive lunch.”
“That’s all right, Mr. Adamson, I’ll take a rain check on that one.”
“Jody, there’s just one more thing. I remember you coming into our bank. You’re a very cute, athletic, intelligent, and vivacious cat.
I understand that you have many good friends and most likely at least one best friend in the world. But if that friend of yours ever dies you can count on me to take his/her place.”
After conversing with Mr. Adamson for fifteen minutes I realized that he had some ‘mental issues’ to resolve.
Anyhow, I wasn’t in a situation to argue with Mr. Adamson or to even tick him off a bit.
After we said our goodbyes I turned off my mini cell phone and then went to the kitchen to celebrate. I fixed myself an old fashioned chocolate soda. Three scoops. Boy did I relish it!
I later called Linda and left a message on her answering machine. Apparently, she wasn’t available.
I was extremely anxious for the following days until Wednesday. You see, I never called Frank. I wasn’t interested in ‘robbing’ my own bank. My dear I had a handsome account therein and the workers had always treated me as a well-respect and loved client. Don’t bite a friendly hand.
Wednesday came and passed without any incident. I was on the alert for any news from television, radio, or internet of a heist in the downtown area, especially at the RBC.
I took a long walk on Wednesday evening in order to brush off the memory of the would-be heist. Believe me when I say that I was anxious, apprehensive, and fearful for my life and health. It was while I was taking my walk that the ‘eureka moment’ entered my mind. Frank Bogey was nothing more than a mobster. He and his chauffeur took advantage of me while I was finishing off my ice cream cone.
A week later, the memory of the intended heist was buried deep into my mind. I no longer thought that Frank and his associates would pull off the job.
On Wednesday exactly a week later I awakened to the sound of my mini cell phone ringing.
After brushing off my drowsiness and rubbing my reddened eyes I pressed the ‘talk button’ then spoke my words.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
“Jody, it’s me, your best friend in the whole world! Or did you already forget me?”
“Linda! How are you?” It’s been several days since we’ve seen each other. Furthermore, we haven’t been talking on the phone much.”
“Jody, I just ate a large breakfast consisting of three eggs, toast, four pancakes, milk, cereal, juice, pop, margarine, syrup, and a large blueberry muffin.
Jody, I’m not sick! I know that you’re thinking that! You think that I’m a bulimia-rexic (alternating bulimia/anorexia)!”
“Honey, please don’t say that! I don’t think that you’re sick. I think you’re a highly energetic, intelligent, and vivacious woman who needs to refuel her ‘burned calories’ as a result of much strenuous activity.”
“Jody, you really think that? I mean, you don’t think that I have some kind of an eating disorder, right?”
“No certainly not!”
“Jody, would you like to meet up today? I feel like going to the library then sitting down in the park and playing ... I mean, talking about things that interest us.”
“Yes, I really would like that! Look, let me eat a nice, nutritious breakfast. Afterwards, I I’ll meet you in front of the WPL at 10:00 A.M. The library will open then. We can go to the library and the park; whichever order you want. Afterwards, we can hit the malls, walk and browse, then eat a nice, tasty meal; how about that Linda?”
“That sounds just fine! I’ll take a nice hot shower, dress up then I’ll be on my way. If I’m a bit late ... Jody ... I don’t want you to befriend another girl. I will consider it a direct attack upon my person and my ego. That little witch will probably get a punch in the nose, too; settled?”
“Yes, everything is settled.”
That wasn’t the first warning sign that I’d had from Linda’s behaviour. I was really worried about her. Come to think of it, I never heard her say anything about an ‘ex’ or a guy that she’s interested in. What about marriage?
I felt that Linda had deep emotional issues that had to be dealt with and combated. However, I had to go slow and easy. Otherwise, she’d probably become psychotic.
Anyhow, I consumed my delicious chocolate soda then drank some water. After I cleaned the kitchen and washed up I made sure that I had plenty of cash in my pouch and my apartment keys.
I left my apartment at 9:30 A.M. I wanted to arrive at the WPL a bit early.
As soon as I exited my apartment building I headed southwards towards Sherbrooke Street. I wasn’t going to take the scenic route. I had a rendezvous with a close friend.
A short while later I crossed Sherbrooke Street then headed east for the WPL. I was very anxious about meeting Linda. At the same time I was hoping for a miraculous cure; a cure for Linda’s psychological problems.
I arrived at my destination ten minutes early. So, I waited patiently for Linda to arrive.
A few minutes later a middle aged woman, with salt and pepper coloured hair, wearing a blue and white outfit approached me. At first, I thought that she wanted to ask me for directions. Soon, it would become clear that that wasn’t the case.
“Hello, are you taken?”
“What do you mean am I taken?”
“Are you owned by anyone? Do you have a home that you can go back to?”
“Of course, I have my own apartment. Why are you inquiring about me?”
“I’m sorry, honey. I thought that you needed some help or something of the sort. After all, you’re standing in front of the library all alone.
Kitty, you’re so cute and innocent looking. Please don’t accept rides from strangers, take money or gifts of any kind from ‘them’, especially food. And most important of all DO NOT GIVE HIM/HER/THEM YOUR NAME OR HOME ADDRESS!
Kitty, I’ve heard nightmarish stories about dogs, cats, and even boys, girls, and adults being kidnapped by creepy individuals.
Kitty, and don’t think that you can outfight them or outrun their vehicle. You may be able to ditch your pursuers by running through a yard, but, don’t assume that when creep/s catch you off guard you’ll automatically know what to do.”
“Thanks for the good advice!”
“Kitty, recently I saw you enter a limo. You were finishing off your ice cream cone and just like that you got in. I know who that fellow who invited you in was. Frank Bogey is a naughty fellow. He’s slept with hundreds of women. He lies about his love for them then he dumps them.
He hurts men by intimidating and/or beating them to a pulp. This Frank Bogey never tells anyone ‘I love you’ unless he has an ace up his sleeve. He needs something from ‘that person’ and in the end ‘that person’ will suffer immensely.
“Thanks for the stern warning. I’ll make sure to be careful from now on.
By the way, are you going into the library?”
“Yes, I’m going in. Would you like to join me?”
As soon as the woman asked me that question I took notice of Linda approaching us. Linda’s eyes appeared reddened and she was wearing the ‘fighting expression’ on her face.
I had to get rid of the woman or else all hell would’ve broken loose! But not before the woman told me another thing or two.
“Kitty, my girlfriends and I have a network going. We get together once a week, usually on Tuesdays, for fun, chatting, and eating. I live a few blocks away from the WPL, and so do my other friends.
Kitty, you and that woman who obviously thinks that you’re hers are welcome to join our group.
I think I better go inside before your angry friend goes ballistic on me. By the way, I’m not trying to steal you away from your friend.
I’m a perfectly normal woman who has high self-esteem. I’m not like those other girls who need to be loved by everyone; especially the ones who need to be someone’s best friend all the time.”
Judging from the expression and tone of voice of the woman she did in fact need to be someone’s best friend in the whole world. She was too embarrassed and shy to ask me. So, I made a compromise. I couldn’t give it all to her, but I did give her something.
“Miss, you can be a good friend of mine. I’m sorry, but that young woman over there who’s fast approaching us is my actual best friend in the whole world.”
“Thanks, but if your friend dies, can I be your best friend in the whole world?”
“Yes, you can! But I love my friend dearly! I don’t want her to die!”
“Kitty, I want her to die!”
That woman gave me the creeps. Thankfully, she entered the library just in time.”
“Jody Wilson, please follow me to the children’s playground!”
I understood that Linda was pissed off at me. She probably thought that the woman I was conversing with was a secret best friend or something. Besides, Linda doesn’t like it when another woman enters her domain. In this case, it is her special relationship with me.
I followed Linda to the children’s playground, which by the way is located in the park the library is situated in.
Linda sat down on a bench then motioned me to sit beside her. Then an extremely bazaar thing happened. Linda stuck her thumb inside her mouth. She was regressing back to childhood. But that’s not all. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was definitely crying.
Linda and I sat on the bench for fifteen minutes before she pulled her thumb out of her mouth and spoke.
“Jody, you broke my heart! How could you cheat on me with that witch?”
“Linda, I don’t understand what you mean by ‘cheated’. That woman took notice of me because I was alone. She was worried about me. She inquired about me and when she was convinced that I was okay she entered the library.”
Linda resumed her bout of crying. But this time it was with a vengeance. Her eyes were bloodshot and she began to hyperventilate. Also, she started to shiver violently. Not quite at the seizure level but getting there.
It was imperative that I do something to stop Linda from having a grand mal seizure or a full-blown breakdown of her mental state; usually referred to as a mental breakdown.
I leaped up onto Linda’s chest then began to paw her face and rub the side of my face against hers.
In essence, I was telling her that she was mine because I loved her and that I was sorry for any misunderstanding.
It took a minute or so for the gradual improvement of Linda’s emotional state. I continued my work for another minute before giving Linda a soft kiss on the chin.
“Jody, let’s play on the monkey bars, the swing, the minimerry-go-round, the see-saw, and at all of the other stations.”
I was shocked! Linda had regressed back to childhood. In effect, this was ‘reverse development’ on an incredible level. I did not believe that Linda had multiple personality or split personality problems.
At no time did she ever behave as another person or address herself by another name. Unfortunately, I was to see more of Linda’s personality during our stay at the park.
Linda and I walked over to the pull-up bar. I got up first. Thankfully, I was able to perform thirteen pull-ups.
When it came to Linda’s turn she couldn’t even do one single pull-up. I didn’t like that!
Being a single female who lives alone, Linda had to learn how to defend herself and be confident. Weaklings get pushed around in this world. Potential rape victims get raped.
We went to one station after another. I’m sorry to say this but Linda wasn’t athletic. She used the playground ‘like a typical weakling girl’. I had to be her mentor and friend. There would be no room for mocking or smirking.
Thankfully, the park had been empty of humans. I mean, there was no one there to make fun of Linda.
“Jody, let’s go and sit over there next to the drinking fountain.”
“I need water! Let’s go!”
Thankfully, Linda and I got our fill of water. We felt like automobiles getting a fill-up.
We sat down on a bench then enjoyed the scenery for a short while. Then, things started to get weird again.
“Jody, do you see that squirrel over there near the waterfall?”
“Yes, I certainly do.”
“He’s laughing at me! He’s laughing at me because I’m biracial! I know it, I just know it! He’s even enjoying his food, watching the spectacle. It’s like he’s in a movie theatre eating popcorn and enjoying the comedy show.”
“Linda, honey, he’s not laughing at you because you’re biracial. He’s probably very thankful and happy to have a good meal in front of him. Squirrels must eat a lot because they’re active, especially before the winter season. They must fatten up in order to survive.”
“Jody, you’re acting like I’m paranoid! I’m not sick! I’m not like those other girls who’re paranoid. I’m just not like them!”
I leaped unto Linda’s chest then gave her a big hug. When that didn’t work I gave her a big kiss. Still, that didn’t work either, so I rubbed the side of my face against hers. Unbelievably, Linda still needed more comforting. So, I gently pawed her face and told her that I love her.
“Okay, Linda, let’s go over there to the waterfall and speak to the squirrel. You’ll know for certain that he isn’t laughing at you.”
Linda and I cautiously approached the squirrel. Just in case, we didn’t want him to think that we were trying to attack or otherwise harm him.
As soon as we were within speaking distance I began a conversation with the squirrel.
“Hello, how are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you. What about your beautiful friend?”
“Oh my dear, do you really think that I’m beautiful, or are you trying to make me feel good after you finished laughing at me?”
“Excuse me but I don’t understand what you mean by laughing at you. I’m very excited at having all of this food within reach. An elderly couple gave me all of this food. I must eat whatever I can and hide whatever I can before ‘the others’ take notice of it.
By the way, would you gals like to join me? If so, please carry this food to the gazebo over there. We can enjoy our food in privacy.”
“Honey, I just need to ask you a question or two. Do you swear ... squirrel’s honour that you weren’t laughing at me because I’m biracial?”
“Yes, I swear! We in the squirrel world do not have racism or any kind of discrimination based on ‘race’.
“We have black squirrels in Ottawa. When one of them arrives in Montreal he/she must abide by the same squirrel rules that anyone else does. It’s ‘you people’ ... humans who are the ‘utmost masters’ of racism and discrimination. Mind you, I’m not saying that the squirrel world is perfect. We too have our problems just like all other creatures on this planet.
Honey, like I told you, I think that you are very beautiful. Your ‘extra eyelid folds’ may you look cuter along with your European half, you’ve got the best of both worlds. You’re like that little cutie in the television show SMALLVILLE.
Besides, I think that you may have a deep-seated problem that has nothing to do with your being biracial.”
“See, I told you so! Linda he wasn’t laughing at you!
Oh, by the way, I’m Jody Wilson and this is my best friend in the whole world Linda Wang. We are glad to meet you. It’s our pleasure and happiness to meet people like you, always!”
“Gosh you gals are really making my day! I’m Chipper. I don’t have a family name because my parents died when I was young. All I remember is my first name. Anyhow, I was taken under the wings of the pigeons of this park. This park, Westmount Park, is my home. I move to another park. I just can’t!”
We joined Chipper in his smorgasbord meal. It was very tasty and nutritious. But, it happened again.
“Chipper I know that I eat a lot, but I’m not like those other girls. I don’t binge or stick my finger deep into my throat.
See, look at my knuckles. There are no calluses or bite marks on them. Now look at me teeth. They’re healthy.”
Chipper and I braced ourselves for a hurricane’s worth of mental illness.
“GUYS, THOSE OTHER GIRLS WHO STICK THEIR FINGERS DEEP INTO THEIR THROATS AND VOMIT THEIR FOOD HAVE UNHEALTHY-LOOKING TEETH! ALL THAT STOMACH ACID IS DANGEROUS WHEN IT GOES UP! IT CAN CAUSE DAMAGE THE STOMACH, OESOPHAGUS, MOUTH, AND EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL HEATLTH AND WELL-BEING! FURTHERMORE, I’M NOT DEPRESSED! I DON’T SELF-BADGER, I DON’T HAVE INTERRUPTED SLEEP! I DON’T HAVE BOY IMAGE PROBLEMS! I’VE NEVER BEEN MOLESTED! ALTHOUGH I’VE ALWAYS BEEN SINGLE AND HAVE NEVER LOVED A MAN I KNOW THAT I CAN HAVE ONE IF I CAN! I’M NOT SENSITIVE TO WHAT OTHERS THINK OR SAY ABOUT ME! I’M NOT PARANOID! I DON’T SIT UP IN BED LATE AT NIGHT STARING AT THE CIELING! I’M NOT AFRAID OF DYING! I’M NOT A SELFABUSER OR CUTTER! UNLIKE THOSE OTHER GIRLS I UNDERSTAND THAT I MUST HAVE SOME BODY FAT ON ME, OTHERWISE I’LL GET REALLY SICK! I DON’T WISH TO BE A LITTLE GIRL AGAIN! I CAN HANDLE LIFE’S PROBLEMS! I CAN STOP DRINKING HIGH CAFFEINATED DRINKS IF I WANT TO, BUT I DON’T WANT TO SO I’LL KEEP ON DOING IT! I’VE NEVER BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH A PSYCHIATRIC OR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM; REALLY! I HAVE NO WELTS OR BRUISES ON MY BODY! I’M NOT AFRAID TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, I JUST DON’T WANT TO! I’M NOT ASHAMED OF MY CHEST! I KEEP GETTING FIRED FROM MY JOBS NOT BECAUSE I’M INCOMPETENT BUT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO WORK THEIR ANYWAY! I’M NOT SUICIDAL! I’VE NEVER REGRESSED BACK TO CHILDHOOD! I’M NOT SICK!”
As soon as Linda ended her long ‘don’ts’ she sat down, stuck her thumb in her mouth then she began to cry. Unfortunately, there was more. All I can say is that we were very lucky that nobody was around. A patrol car or a security van would’ve been our worst nightmare!
“”Guys, look, I want you to see how beautiful I am!”
“Linda, we know how beautiful you are! Please, let’s talk about something nice or funny.”
“Jody, you’re badgering me! Please don’t hurt my feelings. Now let me continue, please!
Linda was going nuts on us. She did the unthinkable. She stripped right before our very own eyes then demanded an impartial critique of her body.
“Guys, I’ll be like those other girls, the ones who make it in the fashion industry.
We tried to stop Linda to no avail. She was intent on stripping and swirling around like a carousel. She wanted us to get a birds-eye view of what she looked like.
“Guys, am I not as beautiful as those celebrity femmes who are in Hollywood? I should be there with them! It’s not fair! Why should I have to stay here while my ‘comrades’ receive all of the fame, glory, and money?”
Chipper and I understood that if anyone called 911 we’d all be taken down to the station. Linda would be taken to psychiatric lock-up, indefinitely. So, we had to speed up the game. Linda was naked; even her socks had been removed.
“Yes, honey, Chipper and I think that you are incredibly beautiful! You belong in Hollywood with all of those celebrity actresses.”
“Thanks guys, now which part of my body is the most beautiful?”
“You are beautiful inside and out! Why don’t you dress up so we can take a walk? We’ll come back to visit Chipper at a later date.”
“Guys, I sense that you’re trying to rush me! You don’t like seeing my ugly body! Is that it?!”
“Umm ... no ... honey ... we don’t mean that at all!”
Thankfully, Linda calmed down then put her close back on. As soon as we left Westmount Park I began to have regrets about my friendship with Linda. She was now becoming a burden upon me; a very incredible burden, for that matter.
ANOTHER FLESHY ANDROID
I was trying to think up of some case scenarios for our split-up. Linda was now more troublesome to me then Sharon Peabody.
As we were walking home I noticed that Linda appeared depressed. I wondered why.
“Linda, what is the problem?”
“Jody, I don’t want to be like those other girls.” “I know that you’re not like those other girls; you told me
so.”
“No, I’m talking about those other girls who live their
entire lives single without ever having and children. I’m
getting older every single day”
“Look, let’s head back and go to the WPL. I think that I
can find what you’re looking for.”
For some reason I felt sorry for Linda again. My doubts
about our friendships faded away quickly. I felt love and
apprehension towards her.
As soon as we entered the WPL I motioned Linda to follow me
to the elevators.
A short while later we were on the upper floor sitting near
a window that gave us a glimpse of the park below us. I was
waiting for a library worker or better yet, the head librarian,
to come upstairs. I was ready to inquire about a fleshy android.
I was really hoping that this time it would work!
As for Linda I seriously doubted that she could ever find a
normal ‘Mr. Right?