16.
I saw the lizard run after the spider
Sliding across the ditches in the wall and swallowing the trail of the web that the spider left behind
It ate the cocoon,
Snarled at the spider,
And ate the spiderling.
I saw the hawk spy at the chicks,
My eyes were caught in the evening blisters and the holes in my window seem to be growing wider,
Is it the clouds I smell or did I just see the face behind the sky?
I saw the hawk, dauntless,
It waited for the mother before wrapping the chick in his arms,
Reminding the mother and the spider that they will live and die as preys
Just like I am,
A prey,
Succumbing to loss, lust and torn.
Is this the fate of my kind?
The vulnerable?
Living and dying like animals, like preys.
The government had failed to provide money for the waec and a looming stroke hovered around Ofure’s thought. She had been invited to her children’s PTA. Collins was supposed to attend to such issues, but shame kept him from leaving the house. Ofure was angry at him and felt pity for him at the same time. A man without money was quick to think he was losing his manhood and respect because he was not bringing anything to the table. And slowly, Collins was degenerating into such man. He had not touched her in almost a decade. Not that she bothered, she didn’t want to bear any more children and her body was always too stressed when she came back from work.
That PTA was the most chaotic that Ofure had ever attended. It used to be a usual showcase of pretending to check your children’s notes and bribing the teachers for performing their duties. Today, the principal had announced that parents would be in charge of paying their children’s waec fees. The government had made intentions that there was no money to fund education this year. Parents stood up and pointed accusations at the principals and teachers of hijacking the money to buy cars. It turned into a battle of invectives and some parents were threatening to withdraw their children and report the school to the local government.
While the world around her descended into chaos, Ofure started to sweat profusely. This was a woman who had married into promise, a woman who had her responsibility thrown on her. She was never ready. Unprepared she was. She fed her husband, children, and secretly paid her own bride price. She worked fifty hours a week and sometimes had to come on weekends. How was she to afford a hundred thousand for her children’s examination? Was this how her efforts so far would be like pouring water into a basket? Perhaps if Collins had parents or siblings, help would have come. But the man was an orphan and he was jobless. Both of them were hopeless. Ofure avoided her children’s gaze when they sought her. Both were searching for the reason for the uproar. She went back to work and performed her duties absentmindedly. That night, she told Collins about it. She expected the man to say something, anything, but the poor man buried his face in his palms and cried in front of their children. Ofure’s heart split as she watched her husband break down.
That night, the mother of three could not sleep. She turned and turned as her thoughts rambled restively within her. She barely waited for six before she woke up. That week Ofure prayed, but no Elijah came, asking for oil. Her children’s exams were closer and she could sense the tension in their silence. The next day at work, the principal once again, noticed her worries and asked her if she was fine. Ofure remembered the events that happened many years ago and quickly answered that she was fine. The principal was older now. He had married another wife after his first wife died and sometimes, she visited him in his office. When she had finished her morning duty of sweeping classes and picking up litters, Ofure let the devil play with her thought.
What if she offered herself to this man? Would he still take her? She was older, but she was slimmer and beautiful and her breast stood out still, a result of lying untouched for more than a decade. Ofure decided that she would be doing it for her children. Yes. A sacrifice for her family. If selling herself would send her children to school, it was a sacrifice that she could afford. Collins would not understand but for a long time, he had not borne the brunt of responsibility. Those who were responsible for others do not live for themselves. And so Ofure waited until classes finished and the black boards had been cleaned. She waited until the gateman flirted and signed out and then she walked daringly into the principal’s office. She locked the doors and began to undress under bright lights that once blinded her.