28.
In those days, Collins spent the day sleeping. The nights, he spent awake. Sometimes, he felt that his own body had died while his spirit lived on. His daughter disappeared without cause every time and always reappeared smiling. He sacrificed his last pint of pride for his son and his son gave up his own morality. His wife grew more hands and influence in the decision in the house. Were his eyes deceiving him or did she glow with happiness whenever she was asleep these days? Whether good or bad, Collins was the only one who did not grow. His life was like a torn cloth, incapable of being sewn back with thread or faith. He told himself that he would live like this, an empty purposeless vessel until the day he died. He didn’t go out anymore. The shame of his failure taunted him and he had no pride to defend himself. Some days, he did not take baths. If not for the events that happened a long time ago, he would have taken up drinking as a habit.
‘Why not kill myself? Instead of living as a dead man, why not die? I cannot control my children and my wife has taken over me in my presence. What is a man without his manhood?
And so, Collins told himself that he was going to jump into the lagoon as he had often heard that people did. He decided to go out and see the world that had betrayed him and moved on while he slumped deeper into himself. He walked and walked across apapa, through the boundary until the roads started to become stranger and stranger. The sun was almost closing the curtains and Collin’s spirit could take no more push forward. He decided to turn back and return to his grave when he heard his name. Collins turned and stared at the unfamiliar face that was scrutinizing his.
‘Are you not Collins? The son of Edobor?
Collins heart sank as he heard his father’s name. A man he had not remembered in ages. An identity that he had forgotten.
‘Are my eyes deceiving me? Collins?
‘Yes that is me. Who are you?
‘I am Abel, your cousin. I remember you’
Collins did not know whether to hug this man or shake him. But he was glad that someone had recognized him today of all days.
‘Where were you when your father and mother died?’
Abel led Collins to his home. There he fed and gave water to the man who not long ago, had summoned death himself. These men spoke and drank, cried and laughed. Abel told Collins about his father and his mother’s death. Collins knew that there was something this man was holding to himself, something that he knew would cause the earth to open and swallow him if he said it. It was not his secret to tell. Go home and face your kinsmen and your past, that is the only way that you can find yourself’.
That evening, Collins told his family everything and showed them the money Abel had given to him. A date was set and they all decided to go the village two weeks later. The children were adamant but the mother spoke to them and calmed their minds. They listened to her. After they had spoken until the lantern moaned from weakness, they ate and shared the money that Abel had given to Collins. Before they said their goodnights, Esosa stood up and looked at her father. She was not strong enough to face her mistakes and her mother’s eyes at the same time.
‘I am pregnant’.