Peter Saul and Mary Limited by Chris Jones - HTML preview

 

“Well, shall we say he has a reputation for being ‘firm’ with demonstrators and strikers and that kind of thing,” answered Peter.

 

“Should make it a bit easier for you next time you have to deal with that Winter woman then, eh Saint?” said Saul breezily.

 

“Indeed it will. I’ll be off now I think. See you in a few minutes at my place Saul?” Peter puffed out.

 

Mary raised her eyebrows at Saul.

 

“I told you strange things happen in Shia’s harem, didn’t I darling,” said Saul, by way of reply.

 

“I still don’t quite believe it. But you certainly touched a nerve when you mentioned your cousin Salima. Is she really one of Salima’s personal assistants?” “Well, she provides personal services, let’s put it like that,” replied Saul with a mischievous grin.

 

“Let’s hope Mrs Fisher doesn’t know about her too then,” said Mary. “Peter’s life wouldn’t be worth living.”

 

“I think that’s occurred to Peter too, don’t you darling? Anyway, I’m off to meet him now, talk it over man to man.”

 

“Which reminds me Saul,” said Mary with mock sternness. “I heard you were seen in the bar with my Croesus.”

 

“You do let yourself listen to such dreadful gossip Mary,” said Saul, flicking a strand of hair back into place as he walked out.

 

Chapter 28

By good fortune, Saul had been early into the office, and had found himself signing for the delivery of a parcel addressed to Peter. It was about the size of a paperback, and had the logo of Sonny and Shia on it. Before heading up to talk to Peter, Saul returned to his desk and collected the parcel. He shook it slightly, and smiled grimly to himself as he heard it rattle. There could be little doubt what was in it. He took it with him as he headed up the stairway to heaven.

Peter was sitting whitely behind his desk. Saul, who knew him well, read a mixture of fright, anger, and bafflement in his face as he looked up. So much the better, he thought.

“Parcel for you,” he said to Peter. “From Shia.” He delivered his punch as Peter looked up.

“Wonder what it could be?” said Peter innocently taking it. “Looks like a box of Turkish delight maybe?” he said with attempted flippancy. He began to open it, saw the video inside, and sat down heavily. “Maybe I’ll save it for later,” he muttered, reaching for one of his drawers.

“We’re both grown up, and we’ve worked together a long time, Peter,” said Saul harshly. “I know what’s in the parcel.”

 

“And?” said Peter, his arms folding.

“And I don’t want a bloody good Operations Director and an even better colleague going to pieces and doing anything stupid,” said Saul, suddenly softening his manner. “I’ve met your wife a few times, remember.”

Peter winced, and then looked up at him hopefully.

“Listen. You know the company’s in the shit. I know you’re in the shit. We’ll make a deal. You stop flapping like a penguin about the Columbus expedition and ocean going sailing heading westbound, so we can all get on together and conquer the Americas. I’ll support you while you dig yourself out of the hole you seem to have climbed into with Shia. Deal?”

Peter thought for a moment, balancing his chances. On the one hand, there were Jupiter’s rather vague promises about bigger jobs and accidents in the future. On the other hand, the very definite and immediate threat of the video.

“Why don’t we see what Shia’s message is?” suggested Saul, interrupting his thoughts.

Peter extracted the parcel again from his drawer, and pulled out a letter. “Dear Mr Fisher,” he read. “It has been a pleasure doing business with you and entertaining you. I’m sure you will find this copy of some of your time here amusing. Please give me a call, and I will be happy to sell you the original. Kind regards, Shia.”

“I’ll sign off anything you have to agree to get Shia off your back. Two Directors will be enough, although I’m sure I can fix Mary too,” prompted Saul. “Does Mary know?”

“She knows about Columbus,” answered Saul carefully. “I had to get her involved to get him the money for his grant. And she’s agreed with me all along that we had no real choice but to go west. She has particular reasons for not wanting complications with Gautama I believe.”

Peter was silent.

“Look Saint,” began Saul again kindly. “I want the company back together, I want you on board, and I want Peter Saul and Mary to be the success it used to be. Now do we have a deal?”

“Salima’s really your cousin?”

“Yes she is. And if you really want to carry on seeing her somewhere more discreet, she’s expensive but not quite as expensive as visiting her at Shia’s. I’ll give you her number if you like. As I said, I’ve met your wife several times.” “OK Saul, thanks. Yes we have a deal. I’m really sorry.”

“That’s OK Peter. Call Shia in a few moments, get it over with. I’ll be on my way now.”

 

“Saul, look thanks, really thanks.”

Saul’s face twisted with embarrassment, and he left to tell Mary that Peter would cooperate with the conquest of the Americas without any more problems.

Peter picked up the phone and dialled.

 

“Mr Fisher, how nice to talk to you again. Of course, you would like the original of a certain item. It could be arranged,” said Shia.

 

“Do you have a suggestion?” asked Peter carefully.

 

“There is a little war taking place at the moment between your little Venice and our magnificent Ottoman empire, yes?”

“Yes,” agreed Peter, although he hadn’t paid it much attention. It seemed like just a border squabble of the kind that was always taking place in that part of the earth.

“I think perhaps you could lose a few battles, and some fortresses around the coast of Greece, in the next few months. I will place a certain item with a lawyer, with instructions to send it to you when the Ottoman forces are in possession. Is that acceptable?”

Peter was deeply relieved to get off so lightly. Of course the consequences of letting Sonny and Shia into Greece were probably going to be unpleasant in the long term. But right now the long term seemed unimportant.

“It’s acceptable,” he said. “I’ll expect a lawyer’s letter…”

 

“Today, by courier. Goodbye Mr Fisher.” There was a click as Shia disconnected.

Now what? Peter felt the need to re-establish himself, in his own eyes as much as anybody else’s. What could he do? Of course, the schism! He’d been neglecting it. He could get it moving again, make a really thorough job of it, show the world he knew how to run a project and do a top quality schism. Now, where was that Luther file?

Chapter 29

Mary entered the board room expecting a difficult meeting. She’d been too busy catching up after her week with Apollo (she sighed, wistfully) to speak with either Saul or Peter after the argument about Columbus. Despite Saul disappearing to discuss it privately with Peter, and his apparent, she hesitated before using the word, blackmailing hold over him, she was still expecting blood on the carpets. And she was increasingly sick of her role as peacemaker.

To her surprise, she found Saul and Peter already seated, and apparently discussing some practical points in a document headed “Conquest of Mexico, Project Plan.” It look well enough presented to be Croesus’ work. It would certainly be most unlike Saul to have produced anything so formal.

“Morning you two,” she said brightly. “Did you write that yourself Saul?”

 

Saul coloured slightly. “Well hello Mary,” he said. “Your turn to chair this one isn’t it?”

 

“It is. And did you?”

 

“Did I what?”

 

“Write it yourself.”

 

“Well, maybe I had a bit of help from my friends.”

 

“Friends on my staff?”

“Well, he does present everything so beautifully.” Saul saw Mary’s scowl and continued hurriedly. “Anyway, look it comes later on the agenda. Why don’t we start the meeting. Here’s Moses!” he said thankfully, as Moses shuffled in with his tablets.

Mary decided not to pursue it further, and called the meeting to order. After some routine administrative items, they came to the finances. Mary passed round some papers.

“Sorry I couldn’t get these to you before, but you know I’ve been away and then we brought the meeting forward. And I think some of my staff might have been a little distracted,” she couldn’t resist adding, looking pointedly at Saul.

“Anyway, I think ‘dreadful’ just about sums up the position. I’ll start with the income side. It’s fairly straightforward. The Black Death wiped out half our population. And the refinery inspections are still going on, and we’re still stockpiling into Purgatory, so we’re only able to sell half of what’s left. So income is about a quarter of what it was a hundred years back.”

“I suppose it’ll improve once we can start releasing souls from Purgatory will it?” asked Peter.

“It’ll improve to a level where we can about break-even. If we just turn to the next page and look at costs you’ll see they’re running about double, measured on a per soul basis, compared to a hundred years ago. The soulminers’ pay award, coupled with the extra costs involved in running the Purgatory operation have seen to that.”

“Cash reserves?” murmured Saul.

“We’re trading at a loss as you can see. We can probably last about another 10 years before reserves reach zero. After that, we’ll have to borrow, and that means Croc Cayman’s pound of flesh. And we won’t get even that if the figures still look like this.”

“I guess we have to hope for the next soulminers strike to be sooner rather than later then?” observed Peter.

 

“Well, it would certainly help if we could get the soul-flow back to normal,” answered Mary.

 

“Have you kept any back for special projects, darling?” asked Saul anxiously. “You said you needed about a hundred thousand for your pilot project in

Mexico, Saul. I’ve kept that out of the saving Peter made buying Andalucia. Since he got it for less than a million, the difference is what’s left for your project.”

“I’ll only need a hundred thousand, Mary,” confirmed Saul.

 

“That still leaves thirty five thousand credos or so I believe,” said Peter. “Perhaps we could discuss my progress report on the schism now?”

“I think we’ve all got the message about the finances. If it’s not improved by say 1520AD, we won’t be trading,” said Mary flatly. “So yes, let’s have your item.”

“Actually I’ve been thinking about the schism,” put in Saul. “Maybe we don’t need to run it now?”

 

Peter’s eyebrows shot up, and he leaned back and folded his arms.

Saul was continuing. “I mean, the idea was to stimulate our people to go out and conquer brave new worlds, and so on wasn’t it?” Mary nodded. “Well, they’re doing it anyway, aren’t they? So perhaps we should just leave friend Luther in UHT, and save him for another day.”

“Not possible Saul,” said Peter firmly. They looked at him.

 

“Err, why not Saint?” said Mary, sensing trouble.

“Because I’ve already taken him out of UHT. He’s been to Rome about five years back, and been suitably horrified by the corruption and decadence of the established church. He just wrapping up his theses as we speak, probably ninety-five altogether. And then I expect we’ll follow Saul’s original plan and get him to nail them to a porch, and watch the fireworks start.”

Saul was in a dilemma. On the one hand, the schism was a waste of time and money, and ran the risk of distracting the Spanish just when he wanted them focussed on world conquest. On the other hand, it would keep Peter busy and out of his hair, just when he personally needed to focus on world conquest.

“Could we just take another look at your theological basis?” he asked, temporizing.

Peter distributed some documents, and began to run through them. Midway through, Saul, unable to contain himself, exploded suddenly. “What the hell’s this, Saint? ‘No requirement to attend regular confession’?!”

“What’s wrong with that?” asked Mary.

“Non-confessional faith?! How on earth are we meant to get our message over to the punters without a giving them a regular statement of their account? How do you expect me to run a doctrine without regular priestshots? How do we communicate special offers, for example? We could never have set this purgatory concept up if we weren’t issuing regular accounts to every punter.”

“Aren’t you over-reacting a bit Saul?” asked Mary. Here we go again, she thought, Mary the peacemaker. “They’ll still go to church every week, surely?”

“And the new set up means they’ll have to listen to lengthy sermons every time. You’ll still be able to get the message across, Saul. You’ll just have to use a slightly different medium. Sermons instead of one-to-one coaching.”

Saul collected himself. This was one they’d have to fix later. Right now, there were more urgent issues, and he really couldn’t afford to quarrel again with Peter so soon after getting him back onside.

“Of course you’re right,” he said conciliatingly. “Sorry, I was wound up by the finances, hadn’t really appreciated how awful they were till this morning. Sorry Peter, please do continue.”

Peter resumed, and was noting that he expected to need most of the remaining project funds when Saul chipped in, “actually, we’ve got the Printing project much further down the road than I expected too. It should really help you out getting Luther’s message across and stimulating arguments all across Europe. Why don’t you take all the remaining funds and spend the extra on Printing, Saint?”

Mary was relieved. It seemed there wouldn’t be a fight to break up after all. “OK, I think we’ll take that down to the minutes then.” She nodded to Moses, who began to scratch some notes on his tablet.

“Back to the agenda then. Pilot project for conquest of Americas. Mexico. Saul, your item,” she said, taking the folder Saul passed over to her. She looked at it closely. There was no doubt it was Croesus’ work.

“Well, there are two main aspects to deal with, as you can see presented so nicely in the beautiful document you have in front of you,” said Saul provocatively.

“Which are?” asked Mary severely.

Saul was unabashed. “Well the actual conquest itself, of course. We’ve picked the leader, lovely chappie named Cortes, Hernan Cortes. We had another little ocean going sailing trip, Grijalva I think his name was, who conveniently enough managed to discover civilisation on the coast of Mexico. I paid a decent bonus to the agent who did the manifestation as his navigator, by the way,” he added as an aside. “I hope neither of you objects.”

Bonus payments in Marketing were known to be one of Peter’s bugbears, but he kept quiet. Thank goodness for small mercies, thought Mary to herself. “Anyway this Grijalva got everyone all excited, and friend Cortes is equipping his expedition at this very moment.”

 

“How much is that going to cost?” asked Mary.

 

“Well that’s probably around sixty thousand out of the hundred,” answered Saul.

 

“And the other forty?”

 

“That’s the other part of the game, darling. We need to distract the current soulbroker in Mexico.”

“Who is it?”
“One of the real old firms, Hearts-of-Gold they’re called. Really just one rather middle-aged chappie, with an unpronounceable name. Chaosll or something. It’s written down there. Here we are. Mr Q Coatl.”

“What does the Q stand for,” asked Peter.

 

“Quetzal I think. Odd name.”

 

“Quetzal Coatl?” confirmed Mary.

“You said it, darling,” grinned Saul. “Apparently he’d got things sorted so he just had to visit them every fifty-two years, and otherwise just let the soul-flow look after itself.”

“So how are you distracting him?” asked Mary.

 

“My cousin Salima has got a job as his PA.” Saul sat back to enjoy the effect. Mary tried not to laugh, while Peter looked at his hands.

Unable to resist the temptation, Saul passed a card over to Peter. “Here’s the address for Hearts-of-Gold Ltd, you might want to give them a call sometime,” he said.

Peter attempted to look unconcerned. “Oh yes, certainly. I don’t think I’ve met their operations director, might look him up,” he added unconvincingly.

“You do that,” smiled Saul. “And that’s all there is to it really. This Quetzal chappie is due to make another visit to them in about two years time, but his thoughts should be elsewhere and Cortes can just sort of move in. I was just running through some of the details of the logistics, divisions amongst the local kingdoms, that kind of thing, with Peter when you came in, Mary.”

“It all looks very thoroughly worked out to me,” said Peter pompously. “I move we approve the plan.”

 

“Carried,” said Mary. “Moses?”

 

“There are a couple of other points, actually,” said Saul.

 

“Yes?”

“I think it might be a good idea to try and pretend we’re still giving a high profile to our eastbound expeditions and our Portuguese bunch. It might just help distract certain key spectators, don’t you think?”

“Sounds a good idea to me. What do you suggest?” said Mary.

“I think Mary should handle replying to Gautama’s protest, and manage the Portuguese for a bit. That alright with you Saint?” Peter nodded. Mary looked unhappy but Saul was continuing “the fact that it’s our FD handling operational matters ought to reassure Gautama that we really are just seeing it as a trading venture going forwards, while the fact that it’s still one of the Board ought to reassure Jupiter and his friends that we’re still serious about heading eastbound. Do you see what I mean, darling?”

“OK,” said Mary glumly. “So you think I should reply to Gautama saying that the Portuguese are only there for trade, not conquest.”

 

“Absolutely. And try and make sure that’s really the case for a bit I think, don’t you?”

 

“And your second point?” asked Mary.

“I think we ought to try and fix the other shareholders. See if we can get Beelzebub and Mrs Carpenter to privately approve this American stunt. I’m pretty sure I can get to Beelzebub on the quiet fairly soon.”

“I don’t think there’s anything to lose there,” put in Peter. “You know I’d be much happier if I didn’t think we were doing all this in direct opposition to what was resolved in the All Investors Meeting.”

“Do you think you could handle the Carpenters then, Saint?” suggested Mary. “You know Mrs C approves of you.”

 

“I can certainly give it a try,” said Peter.

 

“Marvellous, Saint. Thank you,” said Saul. “I think that about wraps it up Mary?”

 

“You seem to have thought of everything Saul,” said Mary admiringly. Which was true, she thought.

 

“OK, end of meeting, then, Moses you got all that?”

 

Moses nodded, and continued scratching notes.

 

Chapter 30

Peter was due to go out shortly for lunch with Mr and Mrs Carpenter. He glanced at his watch. Another ten minutes or so. His hand hovered over his phone, while he debated with himself for the final time. He finally resolved to go ahead, picked it up, and dialled a number. It was answered promptly.

“Hearts-of-Gold Soulbrokers, how may I help you?” said a female voice.

 

“This is Peter Fisher here, from Peter Saul and Mary, I wonder if I could sp….”

 

“Ah, Mr Fisher,” said the voice. “My name is Salima. I think we have already met. Saul Tarsus said you would be calling. I believe you would like a price list?”

 

“Er… well….er….” stammered Peter.

 

“If you would just give me your email address, I can send one right over to you now.”

 

Peter read out his details.

 

“You will find my contact details in the email. I look forward to speaking to you again, Mr Fisher. Good bye for now.” The phone went dead. Deciding it would be better if he read the email later, Peter pulled on his coat and headed out for his lunch.

A short while later, he sitting with Virginia and Joseph Carpenter in a smart restaurant. Mrs Carpenter had asked how the schism was going, and Peter was giving her chapter and verse. She beamed approvingly.

“Very good Peter. I take it Saul isn’t involved in it at all then?”

 

“Not right now, Mrs C, I’m handling it all personally,” said Peter, puffing up a little.

“No wonder it’s all going so splendidly,” smiled Mrs Carpenter. Her hair seem to have been rinsed to a colour to match today’s twinset, which was a rather electric blue. Joseph, in his usual browns, looked particularly drab next to her. He was losing the battle to eat his langoustines tidily. Bits of shrimp were scattered across the table-cloth.

“And how’s the sailing project?” continued Mrs Carpenter.

 

“That’s going very well too. Your recommendation of Portuguese oak has been a real success,” said Peter, turning to Joseph, who looked embarrassed.

 

“Well thank you, I was sure it would be just the right kind of wood for you, you know…” he began.

 

“And are you still heading east?” Mrs Carpenter cut through Joseph’s meanderings.

 

“Well, it’s funny you should mention that,” began Peter. “We are going east, of course, Saul’s been handling it…”

Mrs Carpenter let out a harrumph. “Saul? He couldn’t handle a rowing boat. Maybe you should take a hand in it yourself Peter. Perhaps you could go west while Saul messes up the east?”

“Well the All Investors Meeting did insist on going east, Mrs C,” said Peter. “As I recall, Jupiter and Saturn insisted on going east. I was against it, if you remember. I thought it would be a failure, especially if Saul was leading it.” It was turning out rather better than Peter had expected. “So,” he said carefully, “we could count on your support if we were to try west instead?”

 

“Certainly.” Mrs Carpenter nodded emphatically. “Couldn’t they Joseph?” “What? West? Oh yes, indeed my dear, absolutely you have my votes Peter, of course,” wittered Joseph.

 

“Provided you’re leading it, Peter,” said Mrs Carpenter. “You are going to lead it, aren’t you? Not Saul?”

“Yes,” answered Peter firmly. I am going to lead it, he thought, even if not quite yet. Once Saul’s done the pilot project in Mexico, I’ll make sure I’m in charge of the main conquest of South America. After all, it will be a specialoperations-on-earth matter by then, not R&D at all. My department, not Saul’s.

Chapter 31

Saul and Mary were sitting in Mary’s office, attempting to find a formula to describe Salima’s activities at Hearts-of-Gold that would allow them to claim tax allowances in a fashion that would be acceptable to the tax authorities, when Peter came bouncing in excitedly.

“Have you seen the news?” he boomed.

 

“No, we’ve been busy with Salima,” grinned Saul.

 

Peter’s flinched slightly, before continuing, “it’s happening, just what we wanted!”

 

“What’s happening, Saint?” asked Mary.

 

“Another Soulminers strike!” said Peter happily. “I heard it on the radio on my way back. Why don’t we go and watch the TV in the boardroom?”

 

“Sounds good to me,” said Mary, and they trooped out.

The television news confirmed Peter’s announcement. A grim looking Augustus was interviewed, announcing that Deng Xiao Ping would be handling it for the government, and that there would be no further concessions to S.O.U.L. Deng Xiao Ping appeared briefly to say he would be seeking early meetings with all those involved and reiterating Augustus’ no concessions announcement. Finally Ms Winter appeared smiling toothily. Before they could hear what she had to say, Moses appeared in the doorway.

“There’s been a call for Mr Tarsus, from a Mr Deng. Please would he attend a meeting at the Ministry of Labour at 4pm, bringing a detailed report on stockholding in purgatory with him,” said Moses, deadpan.

“Game on, girls and boys,” cried Saul. “We’d better sort out the report they want. I think I could do with help from both of you.” He rose, bizarrely managing to appear both languid and urgent at the same time, and switched off the television set. “I think we’ve got the message, haven’t we. Your office, Saint?”

As they walked across the office, Moses appeared a second time. “A Ms Winter called, for you Mr Fisher,” he said. “Would it be convenient for her to meet you here tomorrow morning?”

Peter looked over at Mary. “Are you free tomorrow, Mary?” he asked, rather sheepishly.

 

“Surely you can deal with the Winter woman?” mocked Saul.

 

“Leave it, Saul,” said Mary sharply. “Yes Peter, I can be free. Do you want me in the whole meeting?”

“If you wouldn’t mind Mary. You seem to be able to calm her down better than I can. Anyway, let’s get the figures together for Saul this afternoon shall we?”

“Would you mind making a start yourselves,” said Saul suddenly. “I’m just going to call Beelzebub’s secretary I think, and check he’s going to be there too.”

Mary asked Croesus to join herself and Peter preparing the figures. Might as well impress Deng with the presentation she thought to herself. Saul, predictably, was delighted when he came in a few minutes later. Mary quashed him as she went over his brief.

“Basically, we’ve built up about ten years’ stock based on our normal rate of sales. Of course, if no one else has any stockholdings, and it’s all down to our souls in our Purgatory, we could probably supply the government for about two years,” she summarised at the end. Croesus was taking detailed notes, and asked if he might leave to prepare the presentation.

“Make it beautiful, darling, make it beautiful for me,” called Saul as Croesus left.

“It should just see us through Mexico, if it all goes according to your timetable Saul, and provide us with enough funds to operate until about 1530 or so, and run a fairly cheap conquest of north or south America I suppose. This strike means it’s better than it was, assuming Beelzebub opens his refineries back up to us and we get a good rate for the souls from Purgatory, but it’s still not fantastic. We still need more souls going through or we’ll still be running at a loss in the long term. It’s still going to be pretty challenging to be running at a good profit by fifteen fifty and the meeting.”

“What are you going to sa