Ever since Walter could remember, he felt he was unlike anyone else he met. Originally, this memory stemmed from the time of his parents’ first move to another town. As a consequence, he endured an endless pain that never entirely receded. It turned into something out of his control to find the root of the pain, why he suffered even when there was no external reason for it.
Walter’s desire not to hurt anymore and to discover the cause of the pain became intrinsic to him. From a young age, he had the ability to see behind any facade or games people played. He did not perceive it as a gift, but as an inability to be like everybody else. Walter wanted nothing more than to have a family, live a simple life, and be happy. He never accomplished that in a conventional way and accepted his depressed temperament as just being him.
With time, Walter even forgot this condition until someone asked him directly, “Why are you so depressed?”
Stunned, but at the same time recognizing truth, he let it inside, and in his way and through any opportunity, worked with it. During his travels and meditation periods, he felt free of pain. Therapy attracted Walter’s attention for the first time through the AA commune that the Austrian Otto Muehl cofounded and participated in. His commune, Aktionsanalytische Organization, became a topic in the media because of its unorthodox methods of liberating suppressed individuals by practicing free, collective sex and abolishing private property. At the same time, primal scream therapy by American Arthur Janov gained international attention.
Walter hoped to find a method for himself someday that would cure him once and for all through an extreme but all-encompassing procedure. He imagined that he would only need to perform the primal scream—or whatever method—once, although profoundly, and then everything would be all right.