Patty Smith and her band performed in Wiesbaden. Margaretha wanted to see them desperately. Standing next to her in the midst of the mostly female audience, Walter tried to get into the groove as well as he could. Margaretha screamed the words to the music for “Because the Night” while waving her fists, and then dancing like a madwoman to “Dancing Barefoot”.
It was Friday night, with the whole weekend in front of them, and the couple enjoyed the time together. He thought that Margaretha might have loved it even more without him, since it was not really his kind of music and group. The atmosphere in the concert hall had been wonderful.
On Saturday, they took his Volkswagen to the country and stopped by at Neudorfer Hof. Walter wanted to see his kids and Fritzi, chat with Hilde, and then spend the night in Hohenhausen. He and Hilde maintained a firm, friendly, modified relationship. Recently, they were considering selling the property they owned together. Neudorfer Hof had a strong gypsy, alternative, clownish, artsy atmosphere, combined with farm animals, whole wheat, and anthroposophical organic gardening. Knut had fine-tuned his bakery craft to a point where he produced delicious, nourishing bread out of organic whole-wheat flour and delivered it twice a week to various health-food stores in Frankfurt.
For Walter, seeing Magda and Johannes was both joyful and painful at the same time. A large part of what he thought he was felt like a slacker who had failed badly. To see his children in these contexts caused him to shudder secretly. The solidity and profoundness of his bond with Hilde enabled him to deal with the facts sporadically, and she made sure the kids visited him in Frankfurt as well. When they talked about the house in Hohenhausen, they concluded that the time to sell had almost arrived. A current resident at the Neudorfer Hof, however, wanted to rent it, to see how it would be for him as an independent farmer. He wanted to begin with his horse and a few goats and sheep, which could be accommodated in the stable. They agreed to this arrangement, which enabled them to keep the property some time longer.
Margaretha, who had no issues in reference to Walter’s children, always became a little timid when faced with his past. When they were in his car alone again, she told him that she loved children and would like to work with them in the future. However, she could not imagine having one of her own. The couple spent another peaceful night and a day on his farm and loved each other whenever it felt right.
Slowly the seasons changed again; out of spring came early summer. Walter went to work in the investment company, located in walking distance from where he lived. The job enabled him to save a little money for something nice he wanted to buy or do. After working there for more than a year, he thought it was time to get a raise and asked about it. The management did increase his salary a little bit, but not by what Walter had expected. He started looking for something else.
His lover continued with the College for Social Work, where the written tests were easy for her. Periodically, students had to complete a practical, hands-on period in selected government institutions or charitable organizations in the private sector. Margaretha applied for a semester at the Free School in Frankfurt where Antje worked.
In their free time, Walter and Margaretha went swimming naked at the former gravel pit filled with cold, green water in a forest area near Frankfurt. They drove to a popular, inexpensive restaurant near Hanau to experience gastronomic specialties, which they usually did not eat. Margaretha tried to live and eat healthy by turning more and more to vegetarian food, whereas Walter did not mind a piece of meat.
On a hot Sunday, after they had spent the previous day together, Walter stayed in the Westendstrasse apartment alone because Gaspar and Klara had left to visit friends. He tried to avoid the heat outside and had all windows open.
When the afternoon arrived, he called Margaretha and when she picked up the phone, said, “Hi, what are you doing? I thought about you.”
“I tried to do some homework, but it is really hot. I am lying on my bed doing nothing. Hedda is not here either,” she replied.
“Shall I come over, just for a little bit?” Walter asked.
“Sure, if you want to, but it’s a long drive for a little bit.”
He went down the three flights of stairs and headed his Variant to the Autobahn and then into the inner city of Bad Homburg. When Walter arrived at Margaretha’s doorsteps, she opened the door, dressed in her light, flowery robe, and hugged him. They went to her room where the windows stood open wide. She lay down on her bed while Walter undressed and put himself next to her. They immediately began to fondle, kiss, and hug each other. Walter turned his sweetheart around and she pulled her behind up in the air. He got up, moved into position, and slowly entered the root of Heaven and Earth. She quickly grabbed a pillow to hold in front of her face because she screamed with lust while she pressed her perfect body against his pushing part. He moved and moved, and she screamed and sighed into the pillow. At the end, both joined together in the Song of the Joyous.
One night, she picked Walter up from work. He had been happy to see her, but then something in her appearance caught his attention and immediately made him concerned.
Margaretha told him, “Walter, you know what? I am late with my period. It should have come two days ago and did not start today.”
“The shops are still open. Let’s go to the pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test,” he replied.
The test instructions said to use it in the morning. Next morning, Margaretha exited the bathroom and went to the big window of the balcony door in the kitchen. She turned around and said with solemn voice and a pasty color in her face, “It indicates that I am pregnant. I am not getting a baby that is for sure.”
Walter involuntarily relaxed when he heard her statement. He felt relieved and wanted to help and be available for her as much as he could. Certainly, he felt responsible and guilty that the situation came about. During the next week, Margaretha made an appointment with the gynecologist who confirmed in fact that she was expectant. She knew it would be very tedious, problematic, and in her situation most likely impossible to be approved for a legal abortion in Germany. Margaretha also did not want to do the trip to the Netherlands, where many German women went during these years.
At the end of the desperate search for a practical solution, her strong identification with the women’s liberation movement became the deciding influence. Margaretha used all connections within her circle of friends and contacted various organized women’s groups in Frankfurt to get advice and help. Within a week, she had a first introductory meeting and then an appointment with a team of women who performed abortions in private apartments.
Margaretha insisted that Walter could accompany her to the appointment to support her. When the time arrived, the couple took his car to the address and then walked four flights of stairs up to the old Westend apartment building. Four young, friendly women waited for them. They did not provide any details about their qualifications or degrees with reference to the planned intervention, but did explain in detail what to expect. It did not sound reassuring in any way, but their demeanor and obvious personal compassion encouraged Margaretha. She decided to go through with it.
The women placed their tools on sterilized material on the floor of the room and explained at the same time what they intended do with them. First, they would use metal sticks, which looked like knitting needles in increasing diameter, to dilate the cervix. When the proper width had been achieved, they would pull and secure the uterus up front with a forceps, which had hooks to lock the uterus in place. For the final stage, they planned to use the vacuum aspiration method to remove the uterine contents through the cervix. The apparatus for this procedure appeared to be homemade and looked like a combination of a bicycle pump attached to a round Cheese Plate Cover.
Out of the pump came rubber tubes, which led into the cannula, the device that would be inserted into the uterus. By using the pump, a vacuum could be created to empty the uterine contents. The women did not want to apply any local anesthetic or anesthetic at all. At the end of the intervention, they wanted to inject a medication that would help close the cervix again and stop any potential bleeding. One of them told Margaretha to undress and lay down on the blanket on the floor. They handed her a piece of rubber to bite on. Walter sat next to her.
The scene had a very tragic quality to it—his girlfriend lying naked on a piece of blanket on the floor, her legs spread wide open. The second woman slowly inserted a large metal speculum into the vagina. Another woman sterilized the first cervical dilator with a liquid and then bent over to insert it into Margaretha. As soon as the dilator touched the cervix, Margaretha screamed aloud, and the hand Walter held clamped together. The increasingly painful torture continued for approximately an hour but felt like an eternity.
Margaretha’s sweat rolled down her skin, staining the blanket. Intermittently, before they inserted another, larger dilator, she begged them to stop the procedure. She could not take it anymore. The women waited for some time, let her rest, and talked to her. They convinced her that she was a brave woman and that it would be soon all over.
Once they introduced the cannula and launched the pumping operation, Margaretha shouted nonstop. Pressing hands, her body shook back and forth as red fluid and matter went through the tubes into the glass container. Once it was over, one of the women gave her the injection, and then they let her rest on the hard floor. Walter, who lay next to her, wanted to hug her, but she pushed him away and cried very loud and deeply for some minutes. The team of women left the room to give the couple time to recover.
After another thirty minutes, Margaretha asked quietly, “Where are you?”