CHAPTER IV
JACK AND ALGY ENTERTAIN
That evening the tourists were seated in their Pullman, interested in the scenery along the route—no, not all were thus engaged, for the Alexanders were otherwise concerned. Mr. Alexander had not recovered his habitual good-nature since his wife’s clever manner of compelling her friends to wait for her latest fad, Algy.
“Why, in the name of conscience, didn’t you-all get on the train at the Springs, ’stead of making us this trouble by coming to Denver for nuthing?” growled the little man.
“Ma said she had shopping to do,” explained Dodo.
“She could’ve shopped at Albuquerque, all right,” continued Mr. Alexander. “If we’d picked you-all up at the Springs, it would have saved Mr. Dalken a hull day’s time. We got a big date on at the hotel in Albuquerque, and now all this tom-foolery might spoil things.”
“You are so heartless, Ebeneezer!” whimpered Mrs. Alexander, using a costly, lace-edged handkerchief to soothe her troubled spirit.
“Yeh! I’ve heard so before,” grunted her angry husband.
“Poor Algernon understands a woman’s sensitive nerves far better than you ever can, Ebeneezer,” continued Mrs. Alexander.
That was a little too much for the annoyed man’s temper. He sat glaring across the car at the inoffensive, blonde-pated, insignificant young man, and snorted so that Polly and Eleanor plainly heard what he said. “If your beau-ideal understands anything, he kin understand you, all right, Maggie—’cause there ain’t so much to understand as you’d like to think!”
This was a trifle too deep for Mrs. Alexander’s intelligence, but she felt the sarcasm in his tone, and she resented the use he made of her detested first name.
“Mr. Alexander! how often must I inform you that my name is not ‘Maggie’—I am to be called ‘Marguerite,’ or nothing! I ought to know my own name, I reckon!”
“It usta be Maggie long enough, afore I struck that pay dirt! If I hadn’t piled up money in spite of myself sence then, you’d still be plain Maggie Alexander, doin’ your own washin’ and cookin’, and not a thought of chasin’ young fellers for Dodo to marry.”
“Don’t you dare remind me of those horrible days!” cried Mrs. Alexander, her face red as a peony, as she glanced covertly around to assure herself that no one else had overheard her husband’s revelations.
“I wouldn’t hurt your feelin’s, if you’d behave and not drag these ever-lastin’ dudes around the country, tryin’ to tag ’em to Dodo’s apron-strings. That gal’s as much mine as she is yourn, and I got a word to say about the man she wants to marry! Remember that, Maggie!”
Once more his wife looked daggers at him, and then she reiterated: “I’ll have you call me Marguerite, or nothing at all, Mr. Alexander!”
“So be it! I’ll remember to call you ‘Nothin’-at-all’ after this, but I swear I shan’t call you no high-falutin names like Marguerite! It’d gag me—tryin’ to fit such a fancy name onto my plain, old wife!” As he dropped this last bomb, Mr. Alexander got up and went forward to the smoking compartment.
In another moment Algy, seeing his opportunity, came over to take the vacated seat. But Dodo would not remain beside him, so she got up, excused herself, and joined Polly and Eleanor. Jack saw his chance for amusement, and he crossed the aisle to take Dodo’s vacant place.
The train had reached Colorado Springs, and the tourists had been interested in looking at Pike’s Peak and Manitou in the moonlight, so that only part of the Alexanders’ altercation had been heard by them.
Mrs. Alexander turned to Algy and simpered affectedly: “Oh, what sweet memories come back at sight of this delightful resort!”
Algernon, his slow brain seldom grasping any idea until others had forgotten what had been said, merely smiled vacantly at the speaker and nodded his head. Jack gazed in impatient astonishment at Mrs. Alexander, then he turned and stared at the simpleton.
“The wonderful motor trips, Mr. Baxter, and the stunning women—genuine fashion leaders from New York and abroad, they are—that are at the Springs,” sighed the lady, her mind dwelling upon the “fashion-plates” she had seen in the resort.
“Yes, I’ve heard that Colorado Springs is a great center to attract the salaried women of New York, Chicago, and European cities, who are paid to display toilettes which are expected to win favor with the ladies—in this way the fashions are made for you, just as they are done in France and England. I suppose you know that?” said Jack, innocently.
“I believe so,” murmured Mrs. Alexander, uncertain of what was the best reply to make.
“Yes, yes!” now came happily from Algy, as his expression denoted he had grasped some elusive joy. “Yes, dear lady, I can see you now, wearing one of those becoming costumes, about to motor with your wonderful child, to one of the famous points of interest.”
Jack had almost forgotten the exclamation Mrs. Alexander had made a short time before, and she had quite forgotten it, since she only spoke to show Jack that she was a member of the gay society at the Springs. Now, however, she frowned disapprovingly at Algy, thinking he was speaking of the parade of fashions for a fee. How could he think that!
Polly and Eleanor were sitting with Dodo just across the aisle, and the conversation of the three was plainly heard. They found much to do to keep from laughing merrily at Jack’s subtle teasing.
Then Dodo whispered to her chums: “Algy will be getting in deep water if he fences with Jack. He’d better watch his step, or he’ll go in over his head.”
“You say it is too empty to be damaged,” laughed Eleanor.
“Yes, but it may fill with water, you see,” retorted Dodo.
“It may float like a cork, Dodo,” now giggled Polly.
“No danger! It is too much of a vacuum,” added Dodo.
“S-sh!” warned Eleanor, hearing Jack continue the conversation with the two other entertainers.
“I suppose you played golf a great deal at the Springs, Mrs. Alexander?” asked he, politely.
“Oh, yes. I simply adore that game,” exclaimed the lady. “I have been told that my teeing is a sight to behold! Several elderly gentlemen, stopping at the same hotel, complimented me on my form in using the mashie. That is a very difficult stick to use properly, you know. Then, too, I was told that the graceful manner in which I handled the niblick every time I made a great drive, was a treat for old players of the famous game.”
“I can well imagine how old players of the game were amazed at your form,” returned Jack, not a smile crimping the corners of his mouth. The three girls, however, laughed into their handkerchiefs, and Dodo explained her amusement at her mother’s words, by saying: “Girls, Ma never took a stick from the bag that Algy toted all over the course. The two of them just walked slowly around, because it was the thing to do, and many a good player swore at them for getting right in the way. One day, during a four-some between some famous golfers, Ma and Algy managed to get right in the way. One of the men shouted impatiently: ‘Fore!’ And Ma turned to smile sweetly at them, then she replied: ‘I know it, thank you. I’ve heard you four were wonderful players. Don’t mind me watching you.’ Do you wonder I have to laugh as I remember?”
During Dodo’s whispered explanation, Jack had said something which the girls had missed. Mrs. Alexander was replying to him.
“Oh, yes, indeed! Just ask Algy to prove it. He always carried my bag, you see, so he was present whenever I finished the game in a few hundred strokes.” She beamed upon Algy for him to convince the young New Yorker of her skill in beating the record. And the youth, thus called upon before he could muster his wits on the proper answer to give, spoke recklessly, but he never realized it.
“Mrs. Alexander walked so much every morning, over those links, that she really weighed nine pounds less when she left the Springs. I told her it was a pity she could not carry her own golf-bag, because that would have taken off five extra pounds, I’m sure. I lost that much, and I really felt that I had no right to lose an ounce. It almost ruined my figure, losing those five pounds, you know.”
Mrs. Alexander sent Algy a second dagger-like look, but he sat smiling upon Jack, who was the one addressed. Jack was not the one to disappoint any one, and in this case he fairly reveled in entertaining those about him.
“I believe it is a real strain—to have to caddy to another. Not so bad, when one carries one’s own bag, but the fun is missed when the caddy cannot use the sticks he has to carry.”
“You’re right there!” agreed Algy. “There were plenty of paid caddies, understand, but dear Mrs. Alex. is so particular, and I had nothing else to do, you know, so we hit it off fine in golf.”
The train had been speeding on its way to Pueblo, and now the tourists saw the outlying sections of that manufacturing city come into view. La Junta would be the next stopping place on the railroad, but the tourists in the Dalken party were not so concerned about getting off the train to visit places of interest as they were in arriving at Albuquerque in time to meet the men with whom the important appointment had been made. Therefore they were going through on the sleeper.
Having left Pueblo behind, the younger members in the party took up their conversation where it had been suspended while waiting in the station. Jack launched an entirely new form of the same game.
“Your name would suggest British nationality, Mr. Alveston.”
“Aw, yes!” agreed Algy, fixing his monocle in the latest approved English manner. “My full name, you know, is Algernon Alfred Alveston. Quite unusual, don’t you think?—The initials, I mean, A. A. A.”
“I should say so!” declared Jack seriously, albeit the three girls saw a fine wrinkle at the corners of his eyes. “It reminds one of a grade of flour. In fact, I am sure I’ve seen the advertisements of the ‘Aunt Jane Pancake Flour’ with the ‘A. A. A.’ to tell the quality. I suppose that is what you refer to—the quality in your makeup, eh?”
Algy was not certain that this could be considered a compliment; nor was he certain whether it was a covert insult. Moreover, he had no time for either, just then, because he was engrossed with the euphony of his name. He smiled beatifically to himself as he repeated it.
“Another great publicity stunt your name suggests,” continued Jack, finding he had not “gotten Algy’s goat,” with his last remark, “is the rubber trade. Now, I do not mean you to infer that I mean the slang word ‘rubber,’ but I am thinking of A. A. A. rubber, such as we use in washers on hose and kitchen sinks. They are handy for other purposes, too. Some folks wear A. A. A. rubber under foot—to keep the soles of their feet dry, you know. I suppose you find it dreadfully embarrassing when your initials remind people of their feet, and of drains, or kitchen sinks.”
Algy had to ponder this before he would commit himself, but Mrs. Alexander began to think that perhaps this handsome young man might be laughing quietly at her friend and great admirer. Before she could grasp the situation, however, Jack had diverted her attention to the town the train was now approaching—La Junta.
“I always feel that I must take in a great mouthful of pronunciation before I speak that word. Then it comes with an explosive sort of sound—‘La Hoontah!’” laughed he, purposely keeping her from investigating his recent bout with Algy.
“I have heard that it would be far better if the men who attend to the spelling of names and places in America would use simple spelling the way the town is called,” said Mrs. Alexander. “I’ve often thought of writing to the board of men who do this work, to ask them to think of my suggestion. It would be a great deed, to spell names exactly as they are spoken.”
“Indeed it would,” agreed Jack. “For instance, such a fine idea would save so much confusion that you would be entitled to a memorial in the Hall of Fame, Mrs. Alexander.”
“Oh, this is the least of many great ideas I have, but so few friends ever appreciate them. I really feel that I am repressed in my beautiful thoughts for the world’s welfare, because my husband and Dodo never can understand me, you see,” explained the poor lady.
“Well, now that I understand you, esteemed friend, you will not have to waste your ideals on Algy. You may share them with me,” said Jack, with one of his adoring glances.
Mrs. Alexander felt sweetly thrilled at such appreciation, and suddenly Algy woke up to a remark made ten minutes before.
“Oh, I say! You didn’t mean that my initials might be in the class of flour or rubber, did you?” He was quite aggrieved.
“Not at all!” retorted Jack, giving a swift look at the girls, to make sure they were listening. “I was only wondering how it was that you got such a distinguished set of initials to stand for yourself, since the world considers an ‘A. A. A.’ to be superlative quality. In business references, you know, the ‘A. A. A.’ signifies that the one mentioned is absolutely trustworthy, and often it means he is financially sound and safe to be trusted. But your initials do not mean that for you, do they? I suppose business references are a foreign tongue to you.”
“Aw, yes!” said Algy. “It would be a bore to have to study business, don’t you think? I neveh had to work, and so I neveh dabble in trade terms, you know. Speaking of foreign tongues—what language did you mean?”
Dodo now whispered to her friends: “As usual, Algy can only remember the last idea spoken. All the others went over his head, because he could not keep up with Jack’s speed in thinking. Isn’t he funny?”
“Well, there is no use in trying to explain to you, A. A. A., for I feel convinced that you would never make use of such speech. You are in your right place now, I should judge: keep on being caddy to a patron like Mrs. Alexander, and don’t strain your cerebrum by ever aspiring to reach any higher altitudes than those which may be had by climbing up the peaks in a train, or by an auto. Even then, the rarefied air may cause you cramps in the vacuous cellular region inside the skull.”
With this grandiloquent speech, Jack got up and shook himself exactly as a shaggy dog might do when he climbs up from a shallow pool of limpid water—a pool with absolutely no depth but which had seemed pleasant and inviting for a refreshing bath. “Oftentimes it happens that reflections from Nature’s surrounding banks mislead one in thinking the water deeper than it really is,” remarked Jack, as he sat down beside Dodo.
“No, Jack, I do not agree with you,” laughed Dodo. “A. A. A. has nothing about him to reflect—not even Nature. All he has a claim upon is his grandfather’s fortune, which he is fast passing on to those who understand how to handle it better than he can.”
“If he has a fortune, why is he dangling after you?” was Jack’s wondering comment.
“Good gracious!” laughed Dodo, “any one would think I was an ugly, disagreeable, old maid, with only my money to attract a beau.”
“Oh! I never meant that!” exclaimed Jack, flushing scarlet. “You know what I think of you, Doe; I meant that this simpleton could not appreciate you or your intelligence, but I thought he might envy you your cash. If he has enough of that, why should he worry?”
“To be candid with you, Jack, I doubt if he knows enough to say good-by where he is not wanted. Ma tags him along because he actually does make a good servant—and he has good clothes and pays his own way. Ma uses him disgracefully, as you will see, soon; but Algy doesn’t seem to mind, nor does he realize it. As a little pet dog, he is excellent. And he never barks nor bites, either. That is in his favor, you will admit,” and Dodo laughed, as she finished explaining.
“It may turn out to be a fortunate thing that we could not hire a maid for Dodo’s mother,” said Polly.
“What is that?” asked Dodo, curiously.
Then the girls told how Mrs. Courtney had gone to the employment office to engage a good lady’s maid for Mrs. Alexander.
Dodo laughed at the interviews and their termination.
“Just as well you were unsuccessful in the quest,” said she. “If mother has a maid, she becomes so dependent upon her for the least act, that she soon grows too heavy to feel comfortable. Then she feels cross, because she cannot dance and act like a girl, and, worst of all, her new costumes never will meet. Life then becomes impossible, until she has dieted down again. Algy is better than a maid, because he induces her to walk and go out with him, and that is good for her health.”
At this moment the men returned from the smoking compartment, and Mr. Dalken said: “It’s time for bed, children.”
“Oh, dear me, is it?” sighed Mrs. Alexander, suddenly seeming to feel indisposed to move.
“You don’t have to go to bed, Maggie, if you like to sit up and enjoy that young man’s conversation,” returned Mr. Alexander.
“It’s not that, Ebeneezer—but I really feel as though I were going to have one of my nervous spells,” explained the lady, sighing again, more emphatically this time.
“By the Great Horned Spoon! Don’t carry on like that, while we are travelin’!” cried her husband, glancing anxiously about for some one to share his troubles.
“I really can’t help it, dearest! When I feel this way I am not able to recline upon a bed, or to think of sleep.”
“That’s why you’d better sit up all night—and have that boy sit up, too, to get what you need, or to read to you and keep you from worryin’ over yourself,” advised Mr. Alexander.
“Algy, dear boy, will you pull the bag of medicines from under the seat. Get me the aromatic ammonia, like a good child,” weakly requested Mrs. Alexander.
The others of the group, all but Dodo and her father, appeared concerned over Mrs. Alexander’s sudden indisposition, and Mr. Dalken offered to go through the Pullmans to find a physician.
“Oh, if you would, dear Mr. Dalken,” sighed the apparently ill lady.
“No, no! don’t you take a step, Mr. Dalken,” remonstrated Mr. Alexander. “Maggie’s fits always pass off quicker when no one pays any attention to her. I know, from years’ experience, what ails her now. We ain’t been amusin’ her since we started this trip, and now that we’re here to hear and see, we’re in for my wife’s kind of scoldin’. Ask Dodo about it, if you don’t believe me.”
But Dodo turned away and walked to the other end of the car. She was wise for so young a girl, but then she had had ample time in which to watch and profit by her mother’s silly pretences.
Mrs. Alexander flashed a furious glance at her husband, but she still had hopes of making herself the center of concern, so she slumped down in the seat and closed her eyes, at the same time she threw up both hands and gave a gurgling breath. Poor Algy stood beside her, trembling violently, and wiping the perspiration from his noble (?) brow.
“Say! Aw, I say! cawn’t you folks do something to brace her up a bit? I weally haven’t the stwength to stand by and witness the end of a lady. Why, I cawn’t bear to see any one kill a fly—it makes me deathly ill, don’t chaw know!” Having expressed his sentiments, Algy turned and fled to the smoking compartment.
At this moment Dodo rushed down the length of the Pullman, and excitedly cried: “A fire! Oh, what shall we do—there’s a fire on the train.”
All signs of illness vanished from Mrs. Alexander. She sprang up and called imperatively to Dodo’s amazed father, “Get the small bag, Ebeneezer—it’s got my jewelry and money in it! Hurry—and then follow me.”
Mrs. Alexander was out of the seat, and tearing for the door, in another second. But Dodo caught her arm and said quietly: “Never mind jumping off, Ma. I had to apply radical treatment to establish a perfect circulation of your blood and a normal action of your nerves, you know. There really is a fire aboard this train, but it happens to be on the engine.”
“Dodo’s way of curing you, Maggie, is quicker’n better than all medicine, I see. We’ll have to dose you the same way, if you get more fits while we are on this trip,” added Mr. Alexander, frowning at his erstwhile dying mate.
“I’ll see to it that this unnatural daughter of mine pays for this breaking of the Commandment. She doesn’t know a thing about ‘honoring her mother,’ or she wouldn’t make me a joke to the world!”
With this ultimatum, Mrs. Alexander yanked aside the green curtains hanging before her berth, and disappeared from view. Another yank closed them back of her, and Mr. Alexander heaved a relieved sigh.
“Now, with my blessing, you can all go to bed, children. You needn’t worry—there won’t be no more fits to-night, I’m sure.”
“Before we retire, Alexander, I want to inform the ladies that they need not feel disturbed about leaving the Pullman in the morning,” said Mr. Dalken. Then he turned to the girls and Mrs. Courtney, and said: “We have arranged with the two other passengers of this coach to have this particular car switched off at Santa Fé, to give you all the rest you want. Jack is to remain with you and escort you about the famous old city for a day or two,—or longer if you like,—then you can come on to Albuquerque, where Mr. Alexander and I will be head over heels in conferences. We are going right on, after dropping your car at Santa Fé. And we will meet at the hotel Jack knows about, where we may remain for a week or more.”