The Beginning
“Can we dance for a bit?”
Isabel face contorts into shock. She shouldn’t look so astonished. I’ll use any excuse to touch her again, feel her body rubbing against mine.
“Dance?” She’s smiling, so I know she wants to.
Come on.
Get over here.
Attempting to be blasé and indifferent, I shrug. “It only seems right.” I simply open my arms and she comes right to me. Isabel isn’t conscious of her decision that just ended her marriage before it begins.
She’s mine.
I wrap my arms around her. She nestles into me. I breathe in her hair, her scent. My dick is instantly furious with me. We dance in small circles for a while until I accumulate a plan.
The tables have certainly turned.
If I plant the seed of doubt in her head maybe it will thrive and I’ll win for once. She’ll realize what’s standing right in front of her face.
What else am I to do when my first love doesn’t want me anymore?
MINE.
MINE.
MINE.
Here goes…
“Humor me with a short game, okay?”
She nods against my shoulder.
“What if I told you that your lips were made only to be kissed by me?”
She stiffens in my embrace. “Hunter, what kind of game is this?”
My fingers dig into her sides. “Just humor me, Isabel.”
“What if I told you that I’m happy now?”
Happy?
Yeah.
Fucking.
Right.
Isabel doesn’t do happy.
“What if I told you that I’m too selfish to care?” I really am. Isabel shouldn’t underestimate what I’m capable of; she’ll come out unscathed in the end for it.
Her breath hitches.
Yes, baby.
You finally comprehend what I’m doing.
I’m on a roll here. No need to stop now. “What if I told you that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have you to myself again?”
She pushes back to look at me, her expression is wary. “Even break my heart.”
My girl gets it.
I grin so wide my cheeks hurt. “Even breaking your pretty little heart all over again.” Her eyes widen. She’s caught in my web, and I’m closing in. “What if I told you that you belong to me and I’m willing to sabotage your future with him just to have you in my bed at night?”
Her face blanches. “Hunter, stop. I don’t want to play anymore.”
Taking my time, I scrutinize every feature of her face. She always gets anxious when I do this. Her chest swells and her brows always furrow like she’s trying to read my thoughts. I still affect her. I hold her at arm’s length, smirking and very proud of myself.
“I have a Christmas gift for you.” She looks down at her closed fist.
I let her go in fear that she might slap or punch me again. No doubt that I deserve it. “Really? I feel bad. I didn’t get you anything.” Yet.
“Don’t worry about it. Here…” she seems nervous as she drops three thin bands in my palm.
“Rings?”
Isabel gives me an impish smile that she has perfected. “They’re for your thumb. Read them.”
My eyes turn into slants as I read the fine writing, placing them on my left thumb. “Three little angels.” A white-hot pain too indiscernible to explain spreads throughout my chest.
Shit!
“For the babies,” she whispers as if in trouble.
“Isabel. Our dehydrated marshmallows are getting cold.”
Fucking Max.
He isn’t going to let her out of his sight for too long, especially with me around.
She peers over my shoulder and then takes a deep breath like Max has reminded her of the new priorities in her life which isn’t me. Not anymore.
My eyes quickly drop to the rings when her gaze shifts back to mine. I don’t want her to know how much she has just destroyed me. “You don’t have to be happy, Hunter. Just be enough.” Then she runs from me. How can she run from me when she drops a bomb that’s going to annihilate my shattered world?
“You are my enough,” I say, turning just in time to see Isabel walking through the door with a forged smile on her face. Max closes the front door, cradling Birthday in the crook of his arm.
***
Dr. Tomas sits across from me in his large leather chair while I lie across a backless white settee. He scribbles notes on a pad and takes occasional sips from a black coffee mug. I always wonder what he keeps in there—surely not coffee. He’s been my psychiatrist for the past seven months. I like him. He isn’t all technical and politically correct like the rest. Dr. Tomas’s office isn’t a sterile white box. There are subtle splashes of vibrant colors in every space and corner. He’s down to earth and I like his office. It doesn’t make me feel like a mental case, which I probably am.
“You said it’s been two weeks since you last saw her?”
“Yeah,” I say, twirling all three rings around my thumb. “But I plan to make a visit after this session.”
“Is that what’s best for you or what’s best for her?”
“I think it’s what’s best for the both of us.” I know she misses me too.
With a quick flick of his wrist, he jots down something. “Perhaps you should start focusing on what’s in the best interest of Isabel. The both of you have been through a great deal; don’t you want her to be happy? Do you think she deserves it?”
My entire body tenses. Every fiber in my body is aching. I feel sick. “She’s happiest with me. I care about her. Max is sleeping beside her. Not me. I am being very selfless at this point.”
“It seems like you’re only thinking about yourself here. You deliberately told her that you will sabotage her future. That doesn’t sound very selfless to me.”
I feel that familiar pinch in my heart. It’s always there before a devastating event happens. Like a warning bell before everything goes haywire. “What are you insinuating?”
He looks up from his pad, his brown eyes stares into mine. “That you are not as selfless as you may seem. You are absurdly self-seeking when it comes to Isabel. Just because her future isn’t with you that means, to you, she should not have a future at all. That is not selfless and that is not an act of affection. You say you care about her, well, isn’t it time you acted on that?”
I scrub my face with my hands, sighing and exasperated. “And how do I do that?”
“Instead of focusing on what’s best for you, you concentrate on what’s solely best for Isabel. You give her space. You release her. You let her live her life. You let her make mistakes. You let her learn from them. You cannot protect her from the world, Hunter. You let her go.”
There it is…the truth.
But how do I let her go when it goes against my every instinct?
“So I shouldn’t see her anymore?”
“Not only that, you should not get involved. You have a life; she has hers.”
I glance at the rings, unsure of all the emotions raging through me. “What if she comes back?”
He gives me a knowing smile. “If you release a dove into the wild and it comes back, then the dove is forever yours.”
Once I reach home, I am physically ill. Candy comes straight here after she gets off work. She has me tucked in bed with a cool rag on my forehead and a thermometer in my mouth. She runs a comforting hand over my heated cheek. Candy stands beside me, her expression concerned. “My poor, Gummy.”
I reach out and loop my arm around her waist, snatching her off her feet and tossing her on the bed with me. My head settles on the fine cushions of her smooth breasts and she holds me there, repeatedly kissing my face. Candy mothers me a lot. I don’t mean she tries to rule every aspect of my world; she just treats me like a treasured gift. She caters to me every chance she gets and she does it like she can’t get enough of it. Every man enjoys being pampered. If they deny it then they’re a fucking liar.
The thermometer goes off. She retrieves it from my mouth, squinting to read it. “Gummy, you’re burning up. One O five.”
“I don’t feel good,” I mumble, nuzzling more into her chest. There’s something disarming about laying your head on a woman’s chest. This simple action transports me into a world of vulnerability. It makes me feel like a needy, defenseless child.
“Gummy, I’m gonna get you all better. I promise.” She kisses my chin. “I have to get you a cup of Mama’s tea to help break your fever. Okay?”
I nod, unable to speak. My throat feels like it’s on fire. She lays my head back on the pile of pillows and jumps off the bed. Her voice floats up the stairs as she chats with her mom on the phone—something about tripling the dosage.
I’ve never been this sick. It’s like a thick cloud of misery has washed over my body and infused with my blood. I don’t have control over myself, which I more than don’t like.
Candy returns with a warm cup of something the color of honey. She holds it up for me while I sip it. It burns as it goes down. It has moonshine in it. I feel its effect instantly; I’m more sluggish and disorientated. “W-w-what is this?”
She wipes at the sweat on my face with the damp rag. “Shush. It’s good for you. Relax and close your eyes. I’m going to make you better.” I give in for once and do as she says. I’m floating in and out of consciousness where time dissipates.
The scent of dark berries fills my nostrils. Warm hands stroke my hair and my chest. I’m holding someone thin and fragile in my arms. I receive a light peck on the tip of my nose. “How are you feeling, Hunter?”
Isabel?
Am I dreaming?
I want to open my eyes but I can’t. My lids are ridiculously heavy. I am still in a semi drug induced coma.
“We think you have the flu. If your fever doesn’t break tonight, we’re taking you to the hospital.”
“Maybe you should distance yourself, Pumpkin. So you won’t get sick.”
What the fuck is Max doing here?
“I’ve already had my flu shot, Max. It’s okay.”
I don’t want them to be here, witnessing me while I am completely out of it. When I try to talk my words is a burble of incomprehensible speech.
“What’s he’s saying?” Max asks with amusement in his voice.
“Maybe he wants some water?” Candy says.
“No. I know what he wants,” Isabel says, smoothing back wet strands of my hair from my forehead. She cuddles closer to me, spooning me from the back, placing her soft lips to my ear and her hand over my racing heart. “Calm down. It’ll be okay, Hunter. I’m here. I’ll hold you until you fall asleep. I want you to get better. I love you.”
I groan and mumble incoherently, trying to push her away but she keeps me in her grasp.
Leave.
Please just go away.
Get the hell out!
Isabel holds me tighter, whispering reassurances in my ear. Before I blackout again, I feel wetness trickle down my cheeks.
***
Every inch of my flesh is covered in a fine sheen of sweat. My fever has finally broken. I blink a few times before I open my eyes. When my sight comes into focus I notice Isabel asleep with all her limbs clinging to my body; wisps of her dark hair is fanned across her face, sticking to her slightly parted lips. The silver moonlight beams, filtering through the windows highlighting the subtle features of her beauty. It’s entirely involuntary when I slide my nose down her cheek, breathing in her intoxicating scent.
She turns her face towards me, her mouth seeking attention.
She wants me to kiss her?
“Yes, Isabel?” I rasp, my heart pounding in my ears.
“Mmm.”
Leaning forward, I gingerly brush my lips over hers. She sloppily sucks at my mouth, moaning. A conceited smile spreads across my face as I recline and take in her disappointed expression. “Please,” she mumbles.
“What do you want?”
“You. Please.”
I put us both out of our misery and kiss her again. Her soft mouth opens as I gently bite down on her bottom lip, sucking it into my mouth. My hands gild up the curves of her body, cupping her perky breasts that fit perfectly in my palms. I want to satisfy my insatiable hunger and use my teeth and mouth to bite and devour her. This also terrifies me because I won’t be able to stop until I taste her fucking soul.
The iceberg winking at me pulls me from my delusion.
Fuck!
She’s marrying Max.
Not me.
Breathing heavily, I push her away and she whimpers in protest. “Wake up, Isabel.” She groans, still asleep. I shake her arm until she stirs.
“What?” she pouts, wiping at her eyes like the little kitten she is.
My heart clenches in my chest. She’s so damn cute, but my expression remains cold and impassive. “Why are you here?”
My gruff voice must have a sobering effect because she bolts up, blinking at me. “You’re up. Are you feeling better?”
“Why are you here?” I repeat, eyeing her critically.
She winces and sighs, shoving her hair from her face. “I couldn’t sleep knowing you were sick.”
I let my gaze fall to the pillow with her head indent still pressed in it. “You slept pretty fine to me.”
“Because you were beside me,” she whispers almost too low to hear. “I like to listen to your heartbeat. It’s my favorite lullaby.”
To keep from kissing or fucking her, my fingers clench the sheets under me. “Then why is it Max’s heart you’re listening to?”
She turns her gaze towards the windows. “He loves me. I love him.”
“I love you more.”
“And that’s the problem, isn’t it? It’s hectic with you, up and down and all around. Max…Max is steady. He’s the perfect foundation for me.”
“But is he what you need?”
She shrugs. I understand why she shifted her face to the window. I can’t see her expression that way. “He has terrible nightmares, Hunter. Every night he relives what happened to us, every night he sees me emptying bullets into his father.” She visibly trembles, her slender hands fisting at her sides. Is it out of anger or fear? “He doesn’t even touch me. Max says we should wait until we can’t wait anymore more.” My heart hurts for her. “When he touches me, I think he sees…” her voice fades like a wisps of smoke in the wind.
“You killing his father,” I finish her sentence, “It’s not your fault. He deserved to die.” I inch closer and lift her chin with my thumb and index finger. Her eyes are glossy with tears she refuses to shed. “You didn’t do anything wrong. He deserved it, baby.” Isabel’s eyelids flutter closed, glistening tears running down her cheeks. It’s inevitable when I kiss them away. I wish I could swallow her pain. If I could, I would in a heartbeat. My wet lips brush over hers in a silent plea. Her breath hitches as she parts her lips. I slip my tongue inside the sweet heaven of her mouth and she groans.
Things take their natural progression when I strip her shirt off, her bra next, her jeans after. Crawling down her body, I rest my forehead against her abdomen, trying to catch my breath. My fingers grip the waistband of her panties. She shivers in anticipation. My eyes drift up to hers, a small grin curving my lips. The hunger, fire, and lust in her eyes are all tangible, flowing from her and into me. The intoxicating cocktail is potent and makes my head heady, almost too overwhelming to endure.
Almost.
In this moment I now know what I was born for. I was born to be with Isabel. Every curve of her body fits mine flawlessly. If God created Eve from Adam’s rib, then I haven’t been a whole man since Isabel left. She was made for me. I was made to be with her…to protect and love her.
Her fingers glide into my hair and tug hard as I slide my nose inside her thigh. The scent of her arousal is evident. She smells amazing. “I can smell you, baby.” Her breath catches in her throat and she tugs my hair harder. I hiss, nipping her thigh. She instantly loosens her grip. My hair has grown drastically. I should really get it cut, but Isabel once told me she likes my hair long. I keep it this length for her. Burying my nose in the center of the dampness in her panties, I relish in the scent of her. She moans, thrusting her hips forward. Greedy little thing. With strained determination, I keep control and I don’t submit to the powerful urge to eat her up right this second. I have to bare my soul to her first.
Her entire body quivers, thirsting for my touch. “Isabel?”
“Yes, Hunter?” Her voice is huskier; it’s like warm silk wrapped around my dick.
“Let’s go. Right now. Let’s disappear together. We can leave everything behind. Let’s jump in my truck and just go. You love me. I love you. We don’t have to suffer like this. Why should we? Fuck what other people have to say, baby. We only matter. Let’s just go. Please.” My voice has taken on a pleading tone, my expression is desperate. I’ll fucking get on my knees and kiss her feet at this point.
Come with me and let’s leave the depths of hell together.
She reaches down and touches my face and my mouth, her eyes leaking tears I feel in my chest. “You’re incredibly beautiful, Hunter.” Her fingers trace the shape of my mouth, leaving them tingling. “Prettier than a man has the right to be.” She gives me a woeful smile. “I love you. You do know that, right?” Captivated by her haunting gaze, I nod. “So you understand when I tell you I can’t. What we have defies logic. I don’t completely understand it. We are explosive when we’re together. It’s dangerous. I love you, but I can’t…I won’t. Max needs me.”
Before I can comprehend any further, Isabel dashes out the bed and scoops up her wrinkled clothes from the floor. She gets dressed rather quickly. I’m left with the strangest emotions and sensations, none of them are positive or pleasant. I don’t utter a word when she turns around to face me with tears in her eyes. “Thank you, Hunter, for everything you’ve done, everything you have sacrificed. It’s been all for me. I appreciate that, but it’s time for me to live my life and for you to live yours. Just let me be content. I can’t do this anymore.” Isabel sprints out my room. I hear the front door slam closed.
Collapsing on my bed, I stare at the ceiling. She ran from me. Again. The pain in her eyes is unmistakable. I’m torturing her. I have two options: Make every day of her living world misery until she comes to her senses and be with me, or I can let her go. It doesn’t take me long to come up with the only reasonable conclusion.
Candy comes to me when she gets off work. She feeds me more soup and mentions something about going to nursing school. I nod numbly, not giving her my full attention. The only thing on my mind is letting Isabel go forever.