The Past
Hunter age fifteen
Isabel age fourteen
“Let me in,” I whisper, tapping on her closed window with my fist.
The lamp brightens the room when she turns it on, then she walks to open the window still half asleep. I climb in once she unlocks the latches.
“What are you doing here, Hunter?” she asks, rubbing her eyes with both hands and yawning, dressed in a white night gown girls wear.
“I came to sleep,” I say, squinting from the brilliant lamp that’s flooding us in too much light. “Turn off the light.”
She blinks the sleep from her eyes and stares at my face. Her expression is one of sudden horror. “Oh my god. Your face. What happened to your face?”
“Nothing,” I mumble, swiftly turning away from her. “I’m fine. Turn the light out, Isabel.”
“Let me see.” She catches my hand and grabs it when I attempt to pull away. Isabel yanks on my hand, turning me back towards her. My gaze drops down to her cute Easter-yellow painted toes. I can’t meet her eyes right now knowing I look like shit. She reaches up with her free hand to gingerly touch one of my swollen cheeks. “Aw, Hunter. What happened?”
The excruciating pinch in my heart intensifies from hearing her voice crack with so much sadness. “Turn off the light, Isabel.”
Her thumb softly brushes across the skin of my split lip. “But your face―”
“Turn off the light,” I snarl, getting frustrated that this perfect girl is seeing how flawed I am for her.
Her brows furrow, but she gives my hand a squeeze before she moves to turn the light out. Submerged in darkness, I can finally breathe again. I kick off my shoes, locking her room door after. I don’t need anyone barging in on us. This is my time with Isabel. I’ve earned alone time with her.
I’ve earned this.
We both climb in her huge bed. Isabel is more than hesitant to get in with me, but she does. I pull the thick sheets over us while Isabel turns her back to me, tucking her hands under her stacked pillows and balling into a tight ball on her side of the bed.
I allow this until I drag her to me. She lays her head on my chest, snuggling closer. I wrap her up in my arms, breathing in her silky dark hair. We’re both silent and that’s okay. She doesn’t have to talk.
I just want her close to me.
My fingertips trace small circles on her lower back, through her gown. Her body stiffens and then trembles. She sniffs a few times until she loses the battle with her tears.
She’s crying for me like the day we met.
I shut my stinging eyes when she presses her wet face into my throat.
“What happened to you, Hunter?”
I have to swallow twice because I’m almost strangled by the pain. “I’m okay.”
She shakes her head vigorously, her small hands holding my neck like she’s afraid to let go. “No, you’re not.”
This girl is persistent. She’s not going to stop, so I might as well give her something. “I got into a fight,” I lie.
“With who?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I lie again.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“No.”
Her thumbs idly draw tiny circles on the sides of my neck, mimicking what my fingers are doing on her back. I grin inwardly at this.
“You might need stitches.”
“I’m fine.”
“I can get you ice.”
“No,” I say, giving her a tight squeeze. “I need you here.”
“I won’t be gone long.” She touches my sore jaw, placing a kiss on my chin. “I promise.”
“No, Isabel.”
“Then what can I do?” she asks, truly concerned.
I can’t help but smile again. “Kiss me where it hurts.”
She’s less hesitant when she leans forward and skims her soft lips to my bruises. She kisses my cheekbones, my nose, across my jaw line, both corners of my mouth, then my lips finally. A warm sensation shoots down my spine at the feel of her lips on me. Her hands and mouth on me feels so good.
I need more.
I need so much more.
I’m going to miss her.
This will be our last time with each other.
She doesn’t know this.
I’m cutting Isabel out of my life for her sake.
My mom will make Isabel’s life hell if I keep our relationship ongoing.
I can’t allow Grace to hurt Isabel.
She can hurt me all she wants.
Grace lives to hurt me.
“Kiss me again, Isabel.”
She shifts on top of me, her warm thighs pressed on either side of my hips. She bends forward and the tips of her soft hair brushes across my face. Tingles go off like a burst of fireworks inside my body. Isabel gently molds her lips to mine. She stares into my eyes, only resting her lips on mine.
Groaning, I grip her bed sheets tight in my clenched fists. Fuck. That feels too good. I’m trying not to take over, because I know she’s not ready for what I want to do.
“Kiss me some more, Isabel,” I say hoarsely through a constricted throat.
Her pretty eyes darken. But when she runs her tongue across my closed lips, I lose what little control I have. Before I can process my own actions, I’m on top of her, holding her hands above her head and pressing them hard into the mattress as my lips trail across her collarbone and neck. I lick down her the V at the top of her gown. Her chest swells and I can make out the dark points of her nipples through the white fabric. She trembles and gasps when my mouth closes over one.
“Hunter,” she breathes when I begin to suck and taste her.
She tastes sweet.
So fucking sweet.
I release one of her hands to pull up the length of her gown. Kissing her softly on the lips, I lean back and look into her glittering eyes that shimmer in a heated way I’ve never seen. I get hard watching her and kissing her. “I’m going to touch you, Isabel.”
She gives me a slow blink like she’s dazed.
I cup her between her legs, running my fingers over her cotton panties. She releases a rugged breath and stiffens. “I want to taste you here. I want to touch you here.”
Isabel blinks slowly again. “No one has ever touched me there.”
Pride fills me when I smile down at her. “Are you mines?”
She licks her lips and nods once.
I grip her harder between her legs and her body bucks. “Is this mine?”
“Hunter,” she gasps shocked, her face flushing.
My thumb moves over the heat in her panties. “Answer me. Is this mine?”
“Yes,” she replies, closing her eyes.
“Then that’s all that matters. I want to love you here in your bed,” I say, releasing her other wrists. “I’ll make this good for you, Isabel. I have you. Forever.”
“Okay, Hunter. I trust you. I’m yours to have.”
“Good.” I remove my hand from her panties and grip her hips with both of my palms, kissing her stomach and nipping her bellybutton through her gown. She shudders; her fingers curl and twist in my hair as I continue to descend down her body.
I might be fifteen, but I know exactly what she wants and needs. I’ve never had sex with anyone. All of my life, I have only wanted Isabel. I’m not nervous or timid when it comes to touching her. Everything is coming to me naturally. Isabel is the only one I ever wanted, so I’m going to experience how soft she is inside before I have to leave her forever.
“I love you and I need you, Isabel. I’ve only wanted you,” I declare, spreading her soft thighs. I settle between her legs and stare at her white panties, my heart thundering in my chest. This the most sacred part of her body and she’s giving this to me.
She’s giving herself to me.
My breathing grows faster and unsteady and my body is quivering just as much as hers. I’m fucking terrified now. I don’t want to fuck this up for her. But I want her too bad. I press my face forward, inhaling her heavenly scent. My tongue darts out of my mouth, ready to taste her and bring her pleasure.
I’m less than an inch away and then there’s a knock on her locked door.
I leap off the bed and she shoots upright, breathing heavily.
“Answer it,” I whisper.
She slowly gets out the bed, walking funny as she unlocks her door. I don’t know who she’s talking to. I’m too busy lacing up my shoes. Isabel’s voice is small and soft. I’m going to miss her voice calling my name.
Fuck.
This isn’t fair.
I hate my life.
Isabel goes out into the hall, shutting her room door gently behind her.
I wanted to give her me before I had to say goodbye. I wanted Isabel to give herself to me before I had to say goodbye. But this is better.
A nice clean cut from Isabel.
I have to do this.
I’m not going to be selfish like her dad.
I refuse to.
I will be better.
This is for her own good.
My gaze is centered on her closed door and the golden light spilling from the sliver of space underneath. I don’t want to go. If I had a choice, I’d wait here in her bed forever for her to return to me.
I have to force my limbs to move because I’m hurting everywhere. Isabel is the only good thing I had going.
Now I have nothing but darkness.
Unlocking the latches, I lift the glass window up and let myself out, closing it after. Once my feet hit the gravel I take off, running as fast as my feet can carry me, not looking back.
I have to make the love of my life hate me from now on.
Pausing suddenly when I reach the massive willow tree brightened in the light of the moon, I push the tire swing once and watch it sway back and forth, seeing a sad six-year-old girl I fell in love with.
My eyes shut and I see her smile at me.
My eyes open I feel the ghost of her touch when her fingers touched my lip for the first time.
My chest burns as I struggle with something painful that’s ballooning inside my body.
The pain is excruciating.
But I swallow it down and begin to run again.
I run and run and run.
I run until I’m surrounded by thick woods and chirping crickets and bright stars and the glittering river.
My legs wobble and give way.
I collapse on my knees, harshly gripping the dry fall leaves on the ground.
“Take it away,” I mumble through gritted teeth, staring at the full moon and talking to God. “You owe me so fucking much. Now take this fucking pain away. Now.”
A deer appears from the other side of the woods. It moves forward, taking a drink from the river with its gaze on me. It stares at me while it laps up the glistening water. I crawl towards the river. I cross the river and crawl to the deer. The deer lifts its head and looks at me. It doesn’t run off like I think it would. No. Instead, it bends its head touches my hair with its cold snout.
I close my eyes and cry and shout into the ground until my body is wracked with tremors.
The unbearable pain slowly ebbs away until there’s only rage left.
When I look up the deer is gone.
I rise to my feet, staring at the round moon that’s shining its silvery halo on me. “Thank you.”