After ten years in the Umhlanga Rocks Village it became time to leave. I had lived life at full throttle without a concern for tomorrow. And that is exactly how I wanted it to be. No sense in arriving at your destination with a full tank of petrol.
Unfortunately, I misjudged the length of the road and came up short of the destination in terms of health and wealth.
So, I am forced to rely on the charity of my family to survive. While I enjoy their company, love and affection most in my life, I realize the immense pressure placed on families by a South African Government which is at once naïve, dishonest, arrogant and mainly clueless. I would hate to become a burden to my kids. So, I will find a way to contribute to the family coffers.
I left Ambush Alley on Tuesday May 22, 2017 with great sadness. It had been my home and playground for ten years and I made many good friends, associates and acquaintances. I will return to visit as often as health, opportunity and finances permit.
Meanwhile the locals in the Umhlanga Village did not give a jot. Sure, they worried about the kids and the grandkids but there was not a lot they could do to influence things. Besides, in their lifetimes they had seen it all before. Crises came and crises went and some of these folks had seen a good few of those.
So, the best antidote was to form a café society that went about each day in a genteel and relaxed way to ensure that their final days upon this earth would be restful and free of trauma.
Bridge, poker, debates, outings, scandals and shopping filled the ’unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run’. The rest of the time was spent at Luigi’s on Ambush Alley savoring the fruity taste of Unbelievable.
The only thing that could jolt them out of their reverie was music. They had seen and heard almost every genre since the beginning of World War Two. Each had their favorite artist and numbers. All it took was to hear one of these tunes for that retiree to get glazed eyes remembering the occasion in their life which the music stirred.
Some were then emboldened to sing or hum along with the music and still others were motivated to grab the nearest available partner to shamble around Ambush Alley in hypnotic dance.
Jeff Baxter understood these sentimentalities having lived through the same eras and genres as his audience. Jeff, with his long grey stresses and grey beard was a cross-over between ZZ Top and Willy Nelson and could play both with gusto.
On this night it was Pretty Belinda who ignited the crowd. Ever the party animal she schmoozed her not inconsiderable assets around the dancefloor to the Rolling Stones number ‘Hard Headed Woman’ (very apt) which got the rest onto their feet. Ambush Alley was suddenly alive with jiving geriatrics.
Sissel, the Norwegian Sizzle, started wiggling in places other lesser beings don’t even have places. Cheryl did a sophisticated dance that could easily have been translated into an Andrew Lloyd Webber stage spectacular. Pierre missed a particularly difficult spin move and ended up in the shrubbery. Joy and Paul elected to do the London Jive of the Sixties which had the Hip-Hop enthusiasts applauding in awe. Jackie and Sue were seen shimmying in a dance obviously emanating in some polar region. Elaine, true to form danced on a table sending drinks flying all over the place. All the while the Chairman of Luigi’s on Ambush Alley, Major Bill Brady, was seen patrolling the perimeter of the dance floor donned in khakis and bearing a pith helmet and Zeiss binoculars. Brenda and Steph added class to the proceedings by performing a Viennese Waltz which, to the strains of ‘Hard Headed Woman’, was an improvisation of epic proportions. Bryan did his usual Pakistani fire-walk routine while Russell walked around the dancefloor taking phone numbers. Ryno and Leslie did some close dancing which got Bob the Builder a little steamy. Chris insisted on performing his Boa Dance which had been banned at other venues and caused the Chairman, at least a while, to observe developments closely through his binoculars. Colleen was the epitome of style and class as she danced the two-step with a beaming Colin.
The songs changed, the tempo slowed, partners changed and Ambush Alley was alive with memories, bonhomie and Unbelievable, who had been an attentive host all evening.
Just then Officers of the Metro Police burst onto the scene. In a volley of accusations, threats, outbursts and finger-pointing it soon became clear that elements of the ruling party were not happy with colonial celebrations. In addition, complaints had been laid by the Russian and Chinese Embassies who felt that the British had had their turn at colonizing Africa.
Sadly, Jeff, Ambush Alley, Freedom, White Mischief, Fun and Democracy were closed down that night.
The jolly old revelers shuffled mournfully to their villas and homesteads never to return.
Jeff suffered a stroke later that night leaving him today a crippled mute.
Colin Maclean, the elder statesman in the Umhlanga Village arranged a Farewell Party for me at Luigi’s on Ambush Alley which was attended by thirty-five of the Locals. Apologies were delivered for Pete Robinson, Sue Garson and Francois Reyneke who were all travelling on business
