Messner gave a sigh of relief the moment his flight took off from Saigon.
He was finally leaving Vietnam.
He may not be gone long, but the feeling of finally breathing again was immediate.
He looked down at the clouds.
He was going to the US to keep the promise he’d made to Robertson before he died.
Keeping his promise however meant Messner wouldn’t be making it home this trip. When he thought about the letters he wrote Linda however, and the fact she hadn’t replied to even one made it a lot easier. Not stopping in his hometown to see her or anybody else for that matter didn’t make a bit of difference this time around.
He’d spend his whole leave just getting what he had to do for Robertson done then.
He was landing on the other side of the United States compared to where he usually did, and this time it suited him fine.
He was certain about not wanting to see anyone down there.
Messner was the kind of guy who was rather indifferent when it came to hearing from people, and that included his own parents as well.
He got to Louisville early the next morning
Despite the jet-lag or that the side effects of operation 'Point Of No Return' hadn’t worn off yet, he didn’t feel too bad and was set on getting what he had to do done.
With that in mind, he hailed the first available taxi, and gave the driver the address.
He didn’t look forward to the task itself but he was anxious to get it over with.
*
Once out of the cab, Messner felt somewhat out of place wearing a serious grey suit with his beard and long hair. He was certain they’d mistake him for a preacher as he walked towards a perfect stranger’s doorbell. He sure hoped he didn’t end up scaring her looking the way he did.
Robertson's house was white, colonial in nature, and had a little garden which was very well kept.
The closer Messner got to the door the more uneasiness he felt, but in the end, he rang the bell.
After it rung, the wait seemed endless.
On his first tour of duty he had helped somebody kill himself. In all actuality, he’d done it several times already, but as an overseas doctor, he never had to talk to any of their familiars. He had spoken to a fellow soldiers at the very most, and in a place, such as Vietnam, where dying was somewhat commonplace. It was quite different from the real world. Fucking hell was it ever! That would be his first time!
In the real world, no one ever seemed to get killed and people didn't get diseases. You lived forever. Yeah right, that’s it.
In the real world, death always looks like it’s an accident.
In reality however, it’s the most common thing in the world.
Messner swallowed in an effort to relieve some tension.
A part of him hoped no one answered the door.
The other part just wanted to get this whole damn thing over and done with.
He only had seven days of leave so he had no intention of wasting even a single minute more than he needed to. He would much rather spend his time drinking and having fun in a city he’d never been in.
WMLW – he thought to himself looking at the small, steel plate for the last time.
What the fuck does that mean?
Messner could sense someone standing on the other side of the door when it finally opened.
The woman in front of him had blond hair and blue eyes. She wore her long and messy hair in a half ponytail with soft curls flowing all over the place.
Maybe she looked a little too well groomed to be a POW’s wife, especially a POW that had been missing in action for years.
Truth is she was a lot to process, and that suddenly gave Messner the idea she wasn’t even the right woman. At a second glance however, he noticed her eyes were slightly swollen and the tip of her nose a little red, the kind of red you got from crying.
She’d been crying, so it had to be her.
Still, the red colour of her cheeks was barely noticeable if you took into account how recently she must have cried. It was instead giving her a natural kind of make-up look, which, honestly speaking, was making her even prettier than she already was.
Her voice suddenly woke Messner and brought him back to reality.
“Okay listen, whatever this is about, I’m really, well, I’m not interested,” she rambled on to him.
“Ma’am...”
“This isn’t a good time at all, really. We’ve just...”
“I met your husband.”
She suddenly stopped and stood silently for a moment staring blankly at him. She seemed to be pondering who Messner could have possibly been.
At long last, she said:
“I’m not sure I really want to know about it.”
Messner tensed up.
He stood there and let it sink in. He was going to take the time he needed, and after he had made his choices with great care and thought to be ready. When he finally came round to say what he’s planned however, it didn’t end up being exactly what he'd hoped.
“Listen, my name is Daniel Messner and I’m keeping the promise that I made to your husband in the event that something – let's say – “of a certain kind” happened to him.
Please... I’ve come a very long way to come.”
Once more, she stared for some time before replying.
At long last, however, she said:
“Come in.”
Following her request, that’s what he did.
The entrance gave onto a big and tidy living room.
If the house was any indication, Robertson was quite well off and that explained how elegant his wife was even at a hard time like this; she was clearly used to it.
She was used to looking elegant all the time, and would keep looking that way even after the news of her husband, despite not hearing back for years
“So, Messner,” she said coldly, giving the impression she was in a rush or something.
“What’s this promise you were talking about?”
This wasn’t the way Messner had expected it to go in the worst-case scenario. Maybe he was just being naive but he was expecting something more along the lines of:
'Were you with him when it happened?'
'Did he suffer?'
No, this was definitely not what he’d expected to hear, at all.
Fuck, he needed a strategy change so he took a deep breath and decided to drop the courtesies and get down to the point.
“You husband's last wish - before he passed away - was for you to receive this. He made me promise I’d get it to you.”
Messner then stretched out his arm and handed her the little plate which she took from him with much indifference.
She glanced up and turned her back to him while she examined it. She flipped it over a couple of times in the palm of her hand before coming across the four unattractive letters scratched onto the back. Once she laid her eyes on them however, she became still.
Messner began to feel a little uncomfortable, shifting his weight from one leg to the other just waiting to see how she’d react.
That hiatus lasted for an eternity and unable to keep silent any longer, he eventually felt obliged to break the silence for her.
“Listen, I didn't want to bother you, I just had to keep the promise I made to your husband before he died. If it wasn't for that, I never would have come.
WMLW – Messner repeated to himself occasionally glancing up at the stock-still woman.
Then, to his surprise, she unexpectedly turned around to face him. Her eyes were so wide-open that she looked as though she’d seen a ghost.
Initially she frowned slightly, but in no time at all her entire face seemed to wrinkle up in an attempt to fight back the tears and sobs.
Her composure didn’t last long however and before you knew it she had broken-down in sobs and the tears were streaming down her face
She covered her face with one hand and stomped her feet at the same time in rage.
“Ma’am...”
Messner tried to get closer to her, but she gestured him away with her hand, almost implying 'don't touch me, don't come any closer to me'.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry. I... I don't know what to say... I...”
What she did next seemed so unbelievable to Messner that he seriously thought she’d gone crazy.
She took one-step and then another, stopping between each one, moving closer and closer (God only knew why) to the record player, so it looked like she wanted to turn it on.
What the fuck – thought Messner.
In fact, the woman looked through her records and then put one on the turntable.
What the fuck is going on?
Good God.
What the fuck is this?
Messner felt so awkward it was embarrassing.
It was a lot harder to keep your cool in the real world than it was in Vietnam.
Jesus... Jesus fucking Christ...
Messner would have given anything to be somewhere else at that moment. Even war would have been better than being where he was now, and that was absolutely ridiculous, of course. At that very moment, without warning the record started to play and with it he lost his train of thought.
The song was famous, so famous in fact that Messner recognized it as soon as it started to play.
It was 'When a man loves a woman'.
Then all at once, it came to him. He’d figured out what the letters stood for.
It was the title of the song “When a man loves a woman” ...'WMLW'.
When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else.
He'll trade the world...For the good thing he's found.
“Robert and I were practically separated when he left for Vietnam. Nevertheless, he still wrote me on daily bases. Almost every single fucking day and he kept doing it till he disappeared.
For five long years my man was gone, along with my love... Right after our separation. I honestly didn’t think he’d come back ever again.”
If she's bad he can't see it,
She can do no wrong.
Turn his back on his best friend...
If he put her down.
“That was our song as far as he was concerned anyways, and he used to say that line to me all the time. See what I mean? He always said that he was the one who was really in love, and that he loved me but that I didn’t really love him back. Even when we just started dating years ago, he used to say the same thing but as a joke. Eventually though, it became the truth and that was when he started saying it for real.”
Whimpers.
“When we broke up he truly meant it. That song would always be ours for better or worse and in good times and bad.”
“When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see
“A part of me wished, well wished he would die rather than have to wait any longer.
All those years... I kept hoping he’d stop loving me. Is any of this making sense Daniel Messner?”
When Messner heard her say his name like that it was like someone had punched him in the stomach.
“Do you know what I mean? I’m not a bad person. Please just tell me you know what I mean when I say that, please...”
When a man loves a woman
Messner didn’t know what to say.
He opted for a nod, and only a nod, almost hypnotized as he did it. He was upset.
He was absolutely devastated.
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
As a member of the Special Forces, he’d had the guts to do pretty much anything, until then that is. In that particular moment however, there was nothing he could do to help her.
He felt overwhelmingly bad about it. He felt guilty, as though he’d played a part in what had happened between that woman and her husband, but that wasn’t the case at all.
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world
“Now leave, Daniel Messner. Let me be alone with my Richard,” holding the small plate tightly in her hand as she said it.
When a man loves a woman....
“Go away.”