Rebirth of Ahimsika
They huddled around the blazing log
fire,extending their hands towards the
leaping flames to catch some heat to ward
off the chill.It was peak of winter, a cold
night fell early ,bringing all activities in
that small forest clearing, to a slow halt,
earlier than usual. The still night, leaping
flames of the fire throwing shadows
of different shapes and forms on the
surrounding bush. The crackling sound of
the burning logs, eddying smoke rising
slowly up the cold air and strange lights of
early night all contributed to creation of a
blissful ambience had lulled the huddling
foursome into a thoughtful and nostalgic
silence. Philosophy takes hold of mind in
such circumstances and they all felt like
talking about things that they had learnt
to hide from themselves. They all had
some things in common. Each of them had
rejected the societies that had spawned
them, for some very personal reasons
they would not care to talk about. They
had gratefully accepted the anonymity
offered by the forest,and finding kindred
souls had made their tough life somehow
tolerable.In each others company, they
had found the blanket of security that life
had conspired to deny them
They could talk about a variety of topics and
concepts on account of varied background
and past experiences.Today strangely, it
was metaphysical philosophy.
The oldest of them was thinking aloud, ‘
some of our intimate actions give us more
pleasure and our mind keeps positioning
us to make us reiterate these actions,so
that we get to re enjoy those fleeting
moments of pleasure. Over a period of
time , this becomes a habit which we
eagerly anticipate and enjoy.If there was
no pleasure, life would become flat and
unbearable for desolate souls like us.”
The other three listened patiently , not
wishing to interrupt the thoughtprocess.
In the type of life they led and struggles
they had to contend with, moments of
pleasure were few and their memories
very faint and unclear.They were more
familiar with pain than any pleasure, so
the words of the oldman seemed more
like a tame joke than profound wisdom.
The urge to talk never the less was very
much evident and it was a way of life to
pass such nights.
The second man thought differently.For
him ,talk of pleasure was painful.He said
“Ibeg to differ.I think pain rules the life.
I think there is pain in every effort weak
or strong..You can laugh at the pain but
can not ignore it altogether.It is there
alright.As you grow older away from
everybody, you seem to feel the pain
more frequently.”
The mention of pain made them un
comfortable and to hide it from one another
, they all laughed un easily .The third one
said as though he wanted to change the
subject ”Ithink, you are mistaking pain
for fear. Man is dogged more by fear than
pain. In all his actions , there is a fear
of failure, some thing going very wrong
as it happened to many of us. Fear of
uncertainty of positive results arising out
of our actions. Fear can be kept in check
but never conquered totally..Yes weak
or strong , fear lurks around you all the
time.”
The fourth one , the youngest of the lot
remained quiet.The others had expected
him to talk because normally he was the
one who kept them going . He seemed so
knowledgeable, with broad forehead and
shining countenance. They had heard
that he had attended the university
at Takshashila, which he had to leave
suddenly because his enemies had cought
up with him all of a sudden ,terminating his
quest for knowledge and scholarship., and
he had to run away. He had been running
all the time, from place to place till he
found some safety in this forest cover..To
night , he was listening to his friends talk
about pain and fear and he had endured
pain and fear of far greater intensity and
frequency than any of the others. There
was a time he was known by names like
Abhaya and Ahimsiks.The irony of life was
such that those names were more cruel
appendages of his personality ,as he was
always in perpetual fear of discovery and
pain as consequence .
The youngster shifted his weight. Actually
he was squatting in front of the fire,his
troubled face in the shadow , with his
buttocks arched over the ground, his
feet held together tightly and his chin
resting on his round knees. This way he
was better able to absorb more heat and
handle the cold.As he shifted his position,
others leaned in anticipation, thinking
he was going to say some thing. They
always liked to hear him speak. He had
such a rich cultured voice and a knack of
saying in simple words, complex feelings
and issues. They hoped he would speak.
He pushed himself up and stood towering
over them. He was tall and well built. Power
oozed from every pore and he locked his
fingers and lifted both hands above his
head, flexing his muscles. He had the
raw poor you see in some people. He had
trained himself to be a warrior some time
back but never came around to testing his
strength in any combat situation, because
he was always in fear of consequences
of his actions. He preferred to run away
from situation, than making a stand and
testing his strength and fighting skills.
He feared that his strength would be his
undoing. He was feeling that fear again
and wished his friends talked about some
thing else.
He turned away from fire and walked
towards the distant bushes. They watched
him as darkness enveloped him as he
stepped out of circle of light thrown by
the fire. They shrugged their shoulders
in disappointment. The world was full of
strange people. Some people preferred
to carry their burdens on their own
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shoulders, not wanting others to know
of their problems. Jagan as they called
him was definitely in different mood this
night.
Jagan smiled to himself.It is so easy to
talk about fear and pain, when you are
sitting around your own camp fire., when
you feel secure that your friend wont stab
your back all of a sudden, when screaming
mob is not chasing you.when armed men
on swift horses are not chasing you down
and you are not dodging silent arrows
aimed at you. You don’t wait to see if
there is any pleasure in the engagement
or the violent grip of fear around your
neck. Then you run , run as fast as your
legs can carry you away and away from
that source of fear and pain. He had the
intelligence to find a way out of this fear,
He even had his own supporters, many
in number who would have made him a
king. If only he had stopped running and
made a stand. He never dared to find out.
Because, the fear had the uncanny habit
of creating distrust. Intense distrust piled
on more fear. Whenever he trusted, he
faced more pain . Betrayal, treachery and
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flight. That was his way of life earlier..It
was like a large wheel, turning over and
over fear, trust and pain , one over another
always inter linked, keeping him on the
move all the time till he found secured
shelter in this forest. He had never cared
to talk about such experiences. Today,
he had heard his friends talk about these
aspects so casually. He wondered if any
of his friends had suffered that way.
He walked back to the fire in time to hear
one of them pose a question,” can pain
or fear be used to induce pleasure?”
Second man said,”sure.”
“How?”,jagan almost shouted.
“Simple, “said the oldman,”transfer it to
another person and see how you feel.
That would be a very satisfying moment
indeed.”
They all became very silent, thinking
about what the old man had said. They all
knew it did not work that way at all. Fear
and Pain were permanent perceptions
while pleasure was a fleeting one, lasting
for a very very small time. Man had not
worked out of that problem , yet. It
required a very special person to make
pleasure a lasting perception. The world
would stop for such a person. They had
no idea that such a person was already
born and He was closing in on them.
Jagan was puzzled. He was wondering if
it was really possible to gain pleasure by
transferring your own pain and fears over
to another person. Would it work for every
one. Importantly would it for him? If so,
it would change his life, he thought.