“14 A Coronation and Some Problems”
Musical Theme; Downtown L.A. by J.J. Cale
The secure phone rang. “Please hold for the President of the United States.”
“I don’t hold for anyone, Ma’am,” Dave said, and hung up.
The phone rang again. “President Eric Lawrence for Dave.”
“It’s either Eric for Dave or it’s President Eric Lawrence for Major General David Cale.”
“I heard you don’t take anything from anyone, but I never saw it, Dave.”
“You know the joke about the three generals, Eric?”
“Not that I recall.”
“The French general tells a soldier to take a bayonet and charge a machine gun. They agree that the soldier was brave. The British general tells a soldier to attack an enemy tank with a hand grenade. He is killed, and they agree that he was brave. The American general tells a soldier to attack a fortified emplacement with a rifle company. The soldier tells him ‘Go fuck yourself, General.’ That was a brave man.”
“What I want, Dave, is, well you know the Marines are in…”
“I know.”
“I asked who would be the most popular performer with the troops.”
“Carlos Demat.”
“Uh, right. So I called him and asked, and he said, uh.”
“Something like ‘Go fuck yourself you fascist motherfucker!’ would be my best guess.”
“Well, that would be a pretty good guess. You can do the things General Barnes used to do, so just ask him if you will, and if he will do it, get the assets and get it done.”
“Act outrageously.”
“Of course. Gotta go.”
“Dave Cale for Carlos.”
“I know who put you up to this.”
“Carlos, I am asking you for the enlisted people. For nineteen year old guys who may not live to be twenty. The issues are about us, not them.”
“We’ll go, Dave.”
* * *
Dave walked on stage. He took the mike. “Hi. I am Dave Cale.”
The Marines did lots of yelling.
“I tried to get Mozart or Chopin, but they were not available, so y’all are going to have to settle for Carlos Demat.”
That did not quiet them down.
“I’m proud to be a Marine. Anyone else?”
The crowd yelled Ooh, Rah, and Semper Fi.
“I guess I’m the only one, because I didn’t hear a second.”
The crowd was so quiet you might have been able to hear an armored division.
“We have a problem with the opening song. Carlos knows the tune, but I can only remember a few of the words, so I am going to have to ask Y’all to sing it for us if you can. It seems to me it starts with ‘From the Halls of Montezuma.’ Carlos did a little intro, and the band hit it. As did the Marines. When the song was done, Dave asked the crowd if they were proud of the women in the Marines. They got pretty loud.
“Now we have a change. I’m going to tell you what they are going to play, and you can cheer for each song you like when I mention it, but once I am done, they will play, and we ask that you be polite and quiet. Would I be wrong if I said Marines are the toughest troops to ever walk the planet?”
“No, Sir!”
“Would I be wrong if I said that Marines can act like ladies and gentlemen and listen to a concert quietly?”
“No, Sir!”
“All right, then. Here is the play list:
Anyone But You.
It Isn’t Me who is Crazy.
You Did it Too.
Don’t Confuse Me.
Little Bird.
Blue Sea.
Savage Killer Love Birds.
I Never Cared, Either.
Whenever You Like.
Maladjusted.
Whole Grain.
Cats Of Eternity.
The crowd yelled at each name, especially the last, which was an album name, with a black and white cat sitting at the portal of eternity. A beautiful painting by Carlos Demat.
“So we have yelled. Are we ready to listen?”
The crowd silenced, and Carlos went into the intro of the sad song, Anyone But You.
They played the whole list to a quiet crowd, and then the applause was about as loud as a 155 battery firing. If you have any doubt that is loud, call the Corps and ask to watch one fire.
When they got quiet enough to talk, Dave asked if they would like to hear some tunes that had never been played in public. It seemed they would.
“Would everyone yell now, and then let the band play in quiet? We can show that the service most worthy of respect can also show respect.”
They yelled, and then they quieted, and the band played 12 new tunes. Carlos said the band “Had never played better.”
Everyone but the troops went home, and the new tunes were released as “Tell it to the Marines,” which was Demat’s most successful album.
Dave went back to Alice.
* * *
“You are not leaving me for another woman, you’re leaving me for the government. If you care more about those sidewinders and scorpions than you do about me, just say so and go.”
Dave went back to the Pentagon, and got the lady birds in a conference. He told them everything.
He finished, saying, “This is a job that eats people up and spits them out. I have a quarry in Texas and a girlfriend who is a partner in it. General Barnes thought you needed me, a man had to be in charge. If Dave would take over, everyone would be confident.”
Jennifer said, “We can’t have you at the price. We’ll take that Colonel or whatever.”
“What do y’all think?”
Everyone pointed at Jennifer.
“Do you want it?”
“Maybe I’m not that good.”
“If you can call me on the secure phone when you need to?”
“I don’t know, still.”
“So you’re not really a Marine?”
“I’m a Marine, Dave. I want the job, but not under false pretenses.”
“Let’s get it clear. Nobody can replace General Barnes. He wanted me because I could fake it the best. He thought you ladies would feel safer with Dave. Look, is there anyone here who is not carrying? So if some terrorist came through that door, is there anyone who would not put a round in his face?”
“Not quite the point.”
“The point, we have all had General Barnes, and we are used to thinking he had it under control, even when he didn’t. We had that confidence. It will take a long time for Jennifer to make anyone feel that confidence if she ever learns the trick. If I don’t hear an objection within the minute, I am calling the President, and putting her in that chair over there.”
“You can’t just do that.”
“Jennifer, if there is anything you need to learn from General Barnes, it is that you can just do that. You do it, and people think you can.” He dialed. “Dave for Eric.”
“Eric.”
“I have you on speaker with the Colonels.”
“What’s up?”
“My girlfriend won’t let me be ACD chief. That is ever so final. Good news is, Colonel Jennifer Lane is willing to take the job. She is the unanimous choice of the Colonels and mine as well. She needs a star. I will continue to consult, and I intend to do some recruiting for the agency also. I have my eye on a couple of East L.A. gang bangers for some of the real nasty shit in Latin America.”
“So I put a star on Colonel Lane, put her in charge of a major secret agency, and you go get some guy with tattoos to work for the government”
“Right.”
“And you stay active service or what?”
“Since the concert, you can totally forget me as secret, which I never really was, anyway. You can make me a lieutenant in ONI or something.”
“You know I can’t take the star back, and wouldn’t. You will report to whom?”
“I’ll tell General Lane what she needs to know, and she will tell you a little bit, and I will stay pretty deniable.”
“Dave, are you as sneaky as a weasel?”
“I teach post graduate courses in sneaky, Eric.”
“I imagine your teeth are sharp.”
“They are, but I wouldn’t bite you.”
“How about your weasels in East L.A.?”
“Those would be nasty wild animals, Eric. You should keep some insulation between that sort of asset and yourself. Look for people with the education in lying, cheating, stealing, misleading, disinforming and dumpster diving. Oh, not me or General Lane. I know General Lane from way back. Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. You need to ask General Lane to ask someone to see someone else who will ask somebody if they know some other person.”
“I might want to ask someone to do that for me.”
“Presidential thinking there.”
“Yes to all. General Lane, congratulations on your promotion. Everyone keep me out of trouble. I enjoyed this conversation we didn’t have.”
They hung up.
“So that’s how you talk to the President of the United States.”
“First time he called, his secretary said ‘Please hold for the President of the United States’ I told her I don’t hold for anyone, and hung up.”
“For real?”
“Yes. Don’t take anything off anyone unless you have to. General Lane, do not knuckle under for anyone that can’t make you.” He reached over and grabbed her arm. “What could I do?”
“Break my arm, haul me over the table and beat the stuffing out of me. You could do just about anything.”
“With all these Marines right here?”
“If you wanted to do it, it would happen in seconds.”
“You were not afraid. Someone explain this.”
Jane said, “Capability and intentions. Canada puts 100 tanks on the border. So what? Mexico puts 100 tanks on the border. We wonder about cartels, corruption and things. Iran puts 100 tanks on the border, and we move in an aircraft carrier.”
“Why is it so different?”
“Well, we know when you grab Jennie’s arm you are telling her something.”
“That’s right, but let me change some rules. We refer to her as ‘General Lane’. She is still Jennie to us, and she still will bring us coffee, not because she has to, because she doesn’t mind doing it for her friends. Jennie, could we have some coffee?”
She stood up.
“General Lane, would you have someone bring us some coffee?”
She turned to Colonel James. “Have someone bring us coffee, Colonel James.”
Dave said, “Let’s all take our shoes off.” He took his off and put them on the table. Everyone else did so, too.
“Molly has the nicest ones.”
“Phillipa.”
“The chain things are cute. The little silver buckles and stuff.”
She handed one to Dave. “Look at the little beads. They are real agate.”
“Carnelian, looks to be. You be styling, girl.” He handed her the shoe back.
“Ladies, why do we have this fashion show and all?”
Kelly spoke up. “We’re creating an image.”
“Tell it, Sister!”
“We appear to be some kind of purchasing group or something. General Barnes took smart women because there were lots of them, and everyone else wanted big tough looking guys.”
“So ACD looks like a boondoggle. Agency for Coordinated Development. Give us a break.”
“Bunch of cute chicks up front, and anyone knew, except they were wrong.”
“Girls, everything he did was disguised. General Lane, look at the way he had this place organized. What would you see if you walked in the front door?”
“That airhead blonde.”
“Lieutenant Colonel Wilma Anders. She graduated from Annapolis, and also the Columbia law school.”
“Willie?”
“Keep the camouflage up. His cattishness knew a thing or two.”
“So, uh, General Cale, I am running ACD or you are?”
“General Lane, you are in command. As you heard, the President left the stars on my shoulders, so I have a star on you, but I turned down a job you can do better than me, anyone. I’ll be out in the weeds if you need me. If I send you Little Bird or Spirit, you can count on them being hard to manage.”
“You are going to East L.A. to recruit gang bangers to work for the federal government. How do you know how to do that?”
He spat some Spanish out and walked out the door.
“What did he say, Maria?”
“I wasn’t listening.”
“Tell me.”
“I came from the Barrio, you stupid bitch.”
* * *
Dave called Alice from the plane. “How is the quarry?”
“Pushing the highway job. They settled the right of way thing.”
“I put ACD in capable hands, but I need to go to East L.A. to recruit some new hands.”
“The most dangerous turf in America?”
“I think Newark is worse.”
“Oh, well, wonderful. You gave up this dangerous job and now you are going to hell to recruit demons.”
“Going to see if I can do something for some old friends.”
“These old friends being monks?”
“Hispanic gang bangers.”
“Well, at least it isn’t mob guys.”
“I’ll have to introduce you to some made guys.”
“This isn’t making things better, Dave.”
“Esmeralda is with me.”
“Well now I know you won’t get in any trouble, Wyatt, since you have Doc Holliday with you. I know better than to try to tell you anything. Call soon.”
* * *
Esmeralda offered to translate. Dave preferred his Barrio Spanish.
“I’m here to see Little Bird.”
He handed over a $50 bill.
“Across our turf, see him, and back.”
“I know the way.”
“Like you a home boy.”
“David Cale from the big blue house.”
The man handed back the $50 bill. “I’m Jesus Costa.”
“Jessica Costa’s son?”
“Yeah. She’s gone.”
“Esmeralda, would you get Jesus a Dos Equis?”
She handed it out.
“Bird is in 5C.”
They drove over, and Dave left the car unlocked. A guy was leaning against the wall of the building.
“Homes, would you keep an eye on my car? Get yourself a beer out of the cooler if you like.”
“I’m some kid who watches cars?”
“Somebody who could handle a problem.”
“Who you seeing?”
“Bird.”
“Sure. You sound like a home boy, but you’re a gringo.”
“David Cale.”
They went up the stairs to 5C. Dave tapped on the door, and it was answered by a small man with a 9mm and a big one with a shotgun.
Dave held his hands out. “David Cale, Bird.”
“This your girl?”
“We’re figuring that out. Can we come in?”
“Come on in. We got Coke or the other Coke, that’s about it.”
“Soda pop Coke we would like.”
He pulled them two sodas and handed them out.
“You come all this way after all these years. I like to see you all right, but you got something on your mind, homes.”
“Something you could do for America.”
“Same country that has our home boys in prison?”
“I might find a few get out of jail free cards, but probably not anything that would work for a guy in the big house.”
“You have something.”
“The deal is, you are not actually working for the government. You would go to interesting places, and meet nice people, and try to work out deals for those nice people to let someone go home, or something.”
“These nice people would be from Cali or Medallin?”
“That is just the beginning of the folks you would get to meet.”
“I’d be charmed. Why would I do this?”
“Mostly cause it’s fun. They would teach you how to beat up on terrorists, and stuff like that. You could take your pals out for a ride on a destroyer or something like that.”
“I’d like to ride in an F-14.”
“Tonight?”
“There is no way you could do that.”
“Can you have someone put my car at LAX long term parking?”
“Shabbie?”
“Yo.”
“This car at LAX long term parking.” He pointed out the window at the correct car. Dave handed him the key. “The gentleman was asked to watch the car. There won’t be a misunderstanding?”
“No.”
“How we get to this F-14 now, homes.”
“Kitty to General Lane, unsecure.”
“General Lane.”
“Got my car on GPS?”
“Yes.”
“Got a field east of it?”
“Charting. Yes, I have it. I can’t do it real time, but if you say it’s there.”
Point of Departure. Can I have a ride to whichever carrier it was that’s off Southern California? I want to put someone on a 14.”
“Enterprise. Look for your bird in about 27. About 1:40 to the parking lot. The 14 will be on CAP, and I can’t get the schedule unless I ask an admiral. Please forward your rider.”
Dave took out the palmtop, and Bird put his finger on it and scanned in his driver’s license.
“Dave, this is a little much.”
“Bird, you don’t mind going without a gun, do you?”
“Not if you have yours, homes.”
“Unarmed. General Lane, this is one of my prospective tree climbers.”
“We’re going to do it on your call, Sir.”
“Thank you, General Lane.”
“Dave, why is a General calling you ‘Sir’?”
“She is a one star, a Brigadier, and I am a two star, Major General.”
“Dave moving up.”
“Can we talk to Spirit?”
“Wrong affiliation.”
“If you guys both get in on this, you will be whatever you are here, but in Columbia or El Salvador, you will be buddies.”
“I call him, we think on it. Spirit? Bird. Dave Cale wants to take us out to dinner. The lot behind my house. This is an official visit. Now, kind of like.”
Esmeralda was trying to be cool, but she could hardly tell what was being said with all the slang and allusion.
“Spirit’s coming. He likes the sound of this, but he didn’t hear the money.”
“They need you to be deniable, so you are not on the payroll. When you need a suit for an embassy dinner, they will have it, and if you want to keep it, you can.”
“Armani?”
“No way. You’ve never been to an embassy dinner. Maybe Savile Row. This is country you cover with a fashion model in a designer dress with a Sig in her handbag.”
“Columbia”
“Well we also have jobs you do with mousquitos and tripwires.”
Spirit drove up with some guys.
Dave went over and did the home boy reunion thing with him. “You gotta leave your guns with your guys. And I need to have you check in. Driver’s license on the pad, thumb on the reader. We know who you are anyway, so it isn’t much of much.”
A police car came alongside. Dave showed them his ONI badge, and they were gone like marigolds in January. Spirit did with the palmtop.
The unmistakable sound of a helicopter resounded.
Dave said, “This will be us.”
A black helicopter set down in the field. The body was black. The rotors were black. The wheels were black. The pilots were dressed in black. In fact, the pilots were black.
Dave said ‘follow me,” and led the group to the front of the chopper. The pilot, a small, pretty and very hard looking woman, waved them in. The co-pilot opened the door. He was a tall, spare man of about 40. He made sure everyone was belted in, and wearing a plugged in helmet. He closed the door and took his seat.
There are airline pilots who impress their passengers with their velvet smooth take offs and landings. They are hard to do just so. This lady was not an airline pilot. She slapped the collective to the stop, and the bird jumped into the air in a hail of dirt and gravel. She threw the cyclic with the same delicacy she had shown with the collective. She jammed it on.
Dave said, “Cap, would I be way off thinking you fly gunships?”
“Apaches, Sir.”
“Righteous bird. I was in the sandbox once, and a T-72 came for us. An Apache showed up from nowhere, and that T-72 went to the history books. That was a Marine pilot.”
“CWO Roberta Black, USMC.”
“Major General David Cale, USMC.”
“I knew that.”
“What’s your call sign?”
“Pidgeon.”
“You like that?”
“No, they gave it to me.”
“What would you think of ‘Robber’?”
“Way cool, but I can’t change it.”
“I bet I can. Link me to the radio.”
“Major General David Cale, USMC for the Enterprise.”
“Enterprise. Lieutenant SG Frank Hamilton.”
“I’m changing a call sign. CWO Roberta Black, USMC, formerly known as ‘Pidgeon’ is now ‘Robber’.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“I know I can.”
“The Captain might have something to say about this.”
“So might the President.”
“We don’t need that.”
“You don’t. It doesn’t matter to me. Out.”
They flew for a while, and then Roberta orbited the Enterprise. It is “Bigger than you might think.” She called in. “Robber to Enterprise.”
“Enterprise.”
“Request to land.”
“Robber, you are cleared for pad 3.”
“Thank you, Enterprise.”
She brought the chopper in for a landing as smooth as her take off. Everyone followed a guy into the galley.
Two junior officers with brown shoes briefed Spirit and Bird. Dave and Esmeralda were taken to the wheelhouse, where they met Admiral Kendall, the Master.
The Admiral told them to call him ‘Rabbit’.
They looked out over the twilight sea. “I’m going to send your boys out in about an hour. Do you want them to go a regular tour, or a shake, rattle and roll?”
“You have someone who can shake them around?”
“I have the Navy’s two most fucked up pilots. Lieutenants Senior Grade Stan Anderson and Sherita Lowell. Tell me what kind of trip you want these guys to go on.”
“They’re East L.A. gang banger veteranos. They need to see what they are missing.”
“I think the total test pilot wring out. Scare the fishes out of the sea, loosen a few bolts, take it up for a look at the stars, and bring it in for a nice bone shaking night carrier landing.”
“These pilots would know how to do this.”
“Stan and Sherita? Oh, yes, my cat. These are real fighter pilots.”
“15 Fast Action”
Musical Theme; No Time by J.J. Cale
The fighters went out on the catapults. They turned up, wingtips nearly touching. They were gone into the upper atmosphere. Dave and Esmeralda went to the wardroom and got into a game of sliding quarters on the table. They never figured out the rules, and were not asked to buy in.
A lieutenant SG asked Dave who the civilians had gone with. Dave told him Stan Anderson and Sherita Lowell. He laughed. “I’m Shakey.” “Those guys are in for a real bolt loosening.”
“Like ordering extra hot at a Korean restaurant?”
“Yeah. You know who Pete Lowell was?”
“No.”
“Navy fighter jock. He saw a Kamikaze headed for the carrier. No ammo, so he takes his Jug over to say Howdy anyway. Pete was a Texan. He put his landing gear down, and knocked the tail off the Zero. The Zero went in the drink, but then Pete had this problem that you can’t land without gear. So he ditched right in front of the carrier. They thought, I suppose, he is a Texan and doesn’t know any better, so they fished him out. Robert Lowell, Sherita’s dad, was killed in a mid air collision with two MIGs in the Korean war. Sherita, they told her women could not fly fighters. She stole one, and then orbited a carrier until they let her land.”
“Stan Anderson broke out of a mental hospital and got a fake ID and enlisted in the Navy. He had qualified for night carrier landings when they found out. Twenty million dollars of training, and a very good pilot. So the Navy denies what everyone knows.
“Meanwhile Dave gets two gang bangers from East L.A. to work for an agency that doesn’t exist, and everyone thinks they should be sane and work for nothing but what the agency lets them steal, and go into the jungles of Central America to try to buy hostages back.”
“Shakey, how many well adjusted normal people would want to jump in those fighters and take them into combat?”
“I don’t know any off hand.”
“How about going into the jungle in Honduras and trying to make a deal with a warlord?”
“It gets harder.”
“Well, say the Mid east then. We just need someone to go there and talk with a maniacal dictator and work out some little problem.”
“Sounds like something a psychotic wouldn’t mind doing.”
“I need to call my girlfriend and get some sleep.”
“I probably see you in the morning. I fly these things you have never heard of.”
“Those ones that were not here that I didn’t look at there is no such thing, anyway?”
“It would be exactly those, Dave. Hey, don’t you have a call sign?”
“I’m not a pilot. I can keep a plane level while the pilot takes a piss, and that’s about it. But you could call me Kitty.”
Dave went to his quarters.
He called Alice.
“Dave, how is it all?”
“Well, I am on a Carrier. Wishing I was with you drinking a little Cuervo.”
“Well I suppose you are safe. You have to be a little nuts when you feel like your boyfriend is safe when he is on a warship.”
“This would be a really bad place to attack us.”
“Like New York.”
“I would rather be here. But you never know.”
“How did your recruiting go?”
“In progress. Both taking rides in birds. Not in the one you didn’t go in