CHAPTER TWENTYSIX
Deanna allowed Tammas access to her lavatory to wash his face before he departed. Someone was outside her door, waiting their turn for Deanna. He walked on without acknowledging the person. He walked aimlessly, for awhile. Members of the Chance that were also walking, perhaps trying to take the edge off, stopped to thank him. Most of them just stopped to shake his hand, and if he didn’t know their name before, he knew them now, and like countless other faces in his brain, they would never be forgotten. Nor the emotions he was feeling when he first met them. Nor the smell in the air, the temperature, how his head hurt, and how the pressure behind his eyes had built back up, like he wanted to burst into tears again. He would remember them, and now remember he was thinking of Deanna. Having a perfect memory was not the most wonderful thing in the world. Remembering an event called up such a flood of details that it was sometimes incapacitating. But, he managed to cover it well. One of the crew members that stopped him was Olivia Johnson.
“Thank you for saving my daughter,” Olivia said. Her tears started flowing, but she didn’t openly sob, embracing him. “She’s sleeping right now. She found a cat, and is insisting on calling it Lucky. That’s not its name. It belonged to a guy named Ken. Kenny Walker. He didn’t make it.”
In his mind, Tammas was back on the Bridge of Chance, Janeway whispering in his ear. “Tim Johnson would have been in engineering.” Janeway had informed him. He could feel the heat of Janeway’s breath as she gave him the information. He could hear the chatter of all the voices over the comm. both from his station and Tuvoc’s station, and the voices in his right ear from his headset. The smell of computer elements burning drifted in the air. He could see Shelby pacing, extremely agitated, perhaps due to the fact that there was nothing left for her to do but get the Captain to safety, and the Captain was not having it. The helm’s station was radiating heat, so his right side was hot to the point of sweating, but a breech in the floor on his left side was allowing cold air to drift up on his left. And it was colder than it should have been. He couldn’t account for it being so cold, except for the possibility that his other side was so hot that it just felt cold. He focused on Olivia before his imagination took him down to the Engineering section where most of the occupants had been exposed to vacuum and killed instantly. Tim would have been there, unless he had been running an errand or was just plain absent.
“Tim?” he asked.
Olivia shook her head, and then hugged Tam so tight he almost couldn’t breathe. He felt the warmth of her tear stained face against his, and the warmth of her breath on his neck. He couldn’t help but also note the warmth of her bosom as she held him tight, and he wanted to scold himself for having such keen awareness that nothing ever escaped him, because it was often more information than he could ever use. As she left the embrace she kissed his cheek.
“Thank you,” she said again, completely disengaging from him. Then she walked away.
Tammas watched her go, and then turned, not sure of what to do next. Doctor Crusher no doubt had assigned him quarters, probably sharing with someone, but he wasn’t ready to retire. And he really didn’t want to talk with anyone else. Retiring meant the possibility of having to chat with someone, at least of sufficient length to decide who got the couch or the bed. An Enterprise Security Officer approached him.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“Um, no, thank you,” Tammas said.
“It’s just that you look lost,” she said.
“I am, a little,” Tammas agreed. “But not spatially disoriented.”
She chuckled. “Sorry. It’s just that you sounded like Data.”
“I’m just trying to sort through it all,” Tammas explained, using gestures to try and capture something that he still couldn’t articulate.
“You’re Tammas Garcia, aren’t you,” she said. “I’m Jenna D’Sora.”
“Jenna,” Tammas repeated, shaking her hand. Just another name of another face in his head forever. What part would she play? Romance? A passing ship in the night, a bad cliché sort of affair? Would they become friends? No. There was something about her he didn’t like, and he was too tired to figure it out, or to press for information until he discovered her nature, or what sort of issues she might have. One would have to have issues to be attracted to me, he figured. We all attract what we need in our lives was his counter explanation.
“I wish the circumstances of our meeting were better,” Jenna said. “I would love to visit with you. Maybe talk about music?”
“Perhaps another time,” Tammas said. “I really feel, well, out of sorts.”
“Of course,” she said. “If there’s anything I can do, please feel free to call on me.”
“Thank you,” Tammas said, and excused himself. She was cute, for a human, he mused, and then he pushed on. Why his thoughts always went there was beyond him. Perhaps he needed to check with the Doctor to make sure his obsessive compulsive disorder was not getting out of whack again.
He wandered aimlessly for a bit longer. He thought to himself, “I haven’t seen Jaxa,” but even with all of that, he didn’t bother to page her. Of course, he figured, if she really wanted to see him, she could page him just as easy as he could find her. Perhaps she didn’t want to see him. Maybe Deanna was right. Maybe there was something wrong with him. Not that she had actually said that there was something wrong with him. What had she said, exactly? Before long he found himself in Ten Forward, sitting by a window, looking out at the expanse of space, wondering again about how the number of stars that seemed to be passing didn’t quite seem to fit his mental model of the galaxy. If that many stars had actually zipped by, wouldn’t they be at the other side of the galaxy by now? And what is at the other side of the galaxy? The Delta Quadrant by name, but who lived there? Had he ever met anyone from the Delta Quadrant?
Tammas was surprised by a shadow that fell over him. Considering how dimly lit the place was, how could a shadow come over him? he wondered. He looked up to see what had befallen him now, also wondering how long the person had been there. With his empathy level, he was usually a hard person to sneak up on, but then, he had been pretty focused on space. What did this person want? An autograph? A kind word, or an apology because he didn’t do enough to save everyone on Chance? What, did your husband or wife get left behind?
His eyes focused and his heart leapt into his throat. She was beautiful, and didn’t appear a day older than the last time he had been with her. Her hat was different, but it was still the same kind of hat, and the same billowy sleeves, and the same flowing robes, and the knowing eyes. She hadn’t said anything because she was listening. She was waiting. He almost couldn’t find her name in his head. She was from the Delta Quadrant. Her home world destroyed by a Borg encounter that scattered her race to the stars, like so many seeds to the wind.
“Guinan?” he asked.
She smiled and sat down next to him. He spun his chair to face her. He felt awed to be sitting with her, and was stunned into a silence so deep he couldn’t even hear his own heart beating. She was like a celebrity to him, and all of his previous concerns were suddenly gone. He felt tears swelling in his eyes, only this time they were tears of joy. How could he be so emotional and remain functioning? he wondered.
“Guinan,” he whispered, drying his eyes on his sleeve.
“You’ve done quite well for yourself,” Guinan finally said.
Tammas frowned. He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t.
“How much do you remember?” Guinan asked.
“Everything,” Tammas said, looking down. “I can see it perfectly. I can see it from different angles. I can slow it down, I can run it backwards, but I can’t ever change it.”
Guinan nodded and looked out to the stars. She turned back to him and took something out of her pocket. It was a flat box and when she opened it, it presented pictures. They were pictures of him with his family. It was his biological family, or as close of a biological family he would ever have, considering the amount of gene splicing that had gone into making him. It was his birth mother. She was that, even if they only shared one gene, she was the birth mother, and there had been a connection. One that was gone now, except for the memories. Why couldn’t telepathy work across time the way it did across space? he wondered. Why couldn’t he communicate telepathically with his younger self? If ever there was a strong connection, wouldn’t it be with himself, for isn’t time just one giant weave of a person? Maybe he could send information back to his younger self through his dreams. Maybe that’s where his stories came from? If I could connect to a younger self, a younger self where Jovet was still alive, maybe I could change what happened. Jovet, can you hear me? I’m sorry. Mother? Are you there?
Only silence greeted him.
“Is that how you remember it?” Guinan asked, aware of how absorbed in the picture he was. She just didn’t know how absorbed he was. She imagined he was calling to the image of his mother, as if the captured photons had also captured the residue of the person who she once was. “Do you remember me finding you?
Tammas took the item from her and began to look through the pictures. “No,” he said. “I don’t remember being in the pictures. I don’t remember anything past you and K 7…” He stared harder at the image. “Who is that?”
“Um, let’s see, that’s your grandmother,” Guinan said.
“No, I know her. I remember her, but this guy, behind her. Who is that?” Tammas asked.
“Oh, that was your mother’s body guard,” Guinan said.
“I’ve seen him,” Tammas said. His eyes suddenly grew bigger. “Oh my god. He was Eugene, the guy on the boat! He saved me. Wait a minute. That means they must know about me.”
“They know,” Guinan said.
“The Chance, that wasn’t chance. That was a hit,” Tammas said. “Shelby was right.”
“Possibly,” Guinan said.
“The Kelvans are behind the kidnappings,” Tammas said.
“I believe so,” Guinan said.
Tammas wanted to be completely hysterical, waving his arms wildly in the air, but there was something too damn calming about her. He couldn’t even muster up a healthy panic in her presence. “So, why haven’t you said anything?”
“I just put it all together the moment you walked in,” Guinan said. “But it’s all based on intuition. I could be wrong.”
“Your intuition is never wrong,” Tammas stated matter of fact.
“Rarely wrong,” Guinan corrected. “That’s why I also listen to my friends and include their perspectives in my decision making process.”
“Do you know a blind Tai Chi master named Depak?” Tammas asked, comparing Guinan’s calming affect that radiated from her like star light, the same as Depak.
“Yes. He’s a Listener,” Guinan said.
“I think I should speak to the Captain,” Tammas said.
“About Listeners?” Guinan asked.
“No,” Tammas said, trying to figure it all out.
“You know, I think you frown too much,” Guinan remarked.
“I do? Oh, well, only when I’m thinking,” Tammas assured her. “And I probably do that too much, as well. It’s just…”
Tam’s communicator chimed, and, due to the level of urgency, it opened a channel automatically. “Garcia, please report to the Captain’s ready room.” It was the voice of Commander Riker.
Tammas looked to Guinan. She smiled at him.
“I’m afraid,” Tammas told her. “Suddenly everything, over a whole life time, seems to be coming into play. Like De-Ja Vu, but I can’t see the end. I’m afraid. This has to be coincidence.”
“I don’t believe in coincidence,” Guinan said.
“You’ve reduced me to babbling,” Tammas said. “If this were a book, you started my life, and now you are back, bigger than life. I’ve gone full circle! I’m about to die, aren’t I? Is this the end? I hate De-Ja-Vu! Is this how it is all supposed to end?”
“Maybe it’s the beginning,” Guinan said. “Sometimes the two are the same thing. It’s hard to tell until you’ve actually crossed the threshold.”
“You know,” Tammas said, standing up. “I don’t like cryptic answers. I don’t like them from Deanna and I don’t like them from you.” Then he softened. He just couldn’t hold any anger towards her. “I mean that respectfully, of course. I wasn’t yelling at you. It’s just… I didn’t like them when I was young, and I don’t like them now.”
“You want something non cryptic?” Guinan asked.
“Yes,” Tammas said, hopeful. “Please.”
“Captain Picard doesn’t like to be kept waiting,” Guinan said.
Tammas frowned and hurried off.
Riker met Tammas at the turbo lift as he stepped onto the Bridge. Worf glared at him from his station at tactical as Riker guided Tam to the ready room, “Right this way, cadet.” Based on the look Worf was giving him, he was glad that Riker was between them. Maybe he should apologize to Worf. No, that would only cause more resentment. The door closed behind him and he was suddenly alone with Captain Picard. Here was another celebrity, as far as Tammas was concerned, and he was alone with him.
Captain Picard looked up from his work. “Oh, Cadet Garcia. Have a seat. I had a long chat with McCoy about you, and I have discovered you have quite a fascinating story.”
“Doctor McCoy has been very kind to me,” Tammas said, his voice subdued. Picard almost had the same calming affect that Guinan had. “I’m really sorry…”
“Sorry?” Picard asked.
“I’m not feeling as confident as I usually feel. I don’t know what it is. I’ve lost some friends, some family. But, there’s something else. I believe the Kelvan are behind the kidnappings. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Their technology was way ahead of the Federation’s and quite capable of doing the things we’ve seen,” Tammas said, and quickly related to him what he and Guinan had just shared, which was more his feelings rather than anything Guinan had done, said, or even confirmed.
“She’s a remarkable person,” Picard agreed with him. “An enigma.”
“And even that’s not saying it all,” Tammas said.
Picard nodded. “As for your theories on the Kelvan, McCoy shares your suspicions. If this is the prelude to a war, you would be quite a valuable asset to the Federation. That would be ample explanation as to why the Chance was taken out.”
“It doesn’t explain their failure in trying to kill me,” Tammas said.
“Maybe there are more players involved than just those out for your blood,” Picard said. “After all, there was this Eugene fellow who saved you on Earth.”
“I almost started to believe in ghosts,” Tammas said.
“Captain to the Bridge.” It was Riker’s voice, and Tam noted the change in it. It was very business, “there is work to be done, and it needed to be done yesterday,” kind of business.
Picard stood and motioned Tammas to follow. Riker met them as they stepped onto the Bridge.
“We’re receiving an automated distress signal from the Toronto. The signal is planet bound, suggesting it crashed. It’s twelve hours away at maximum warp, and we’re the closest ship,” Riker said.
Tammas looked to Picard, and, anticipating a question, said: “The odds of getting so many distress calls in such a short period of time seems unlikely. It smells like a trap.”
Riker looked to Tam and then back to Picard.
Picard agreed by nodding. “Indeed. So, Cadet Garcia, what would you do?”
Without skipping a beat, Tammas said, “I’d answer the distress call.”
There was never any doubt that that was what Picard had intended to do. He nodded to Riker, who in turn relayed the information to the helm. “Brooks, set in a course for the Toronto. Maximum warp. Engage. I’ll inform Crusher to prepare for more casualties.”
“Thank you, Cadet. That’ll be all for now,” Picard said. “Worf, take us to yellow alert, and scan for hostile…”
Tammas stepped into the turbo lift and left the Bridge to those more capable. He queried the computer via his implant to get the cabin number of the quarters he had been assigned to. He was surprised to find the quarters belonged to Doctor Selar. He rang before entering. The door opened and he entered, tentatively. The lights were dim, and he found Selar sitting in a meditative pose in front of a candle. He waited, knowing full well he had already interrupted her and so, logically, he might as well make himself comfortable, as opposed to standing there waiting for her to respond to his presence. Indeed, his standing there was more disruptive to her meditative state than his bustling about in a normal fashion would have been. She opened one eye, spied him, and then opened them both. She tilted her head slightly, continuing to look at him.
“Are you hungry?” Selar asked.
He shook his head, “No,” changed his mind, “Yes,” and then reconsidered. “I don’t know,” he said, indecisively. “How’s your leg?”
“Better,” she said with no trace of bitterness.
He nodded. Naturally, there would be no more a trace of bitterness than there was a trace of the fracture that Doctor Crusher had mended. The only thing remaining was the memory, and Selar would have no feelings attached to the event at all. She was merely doing her job. Even being a Doctor carried certain risks.
“You’re surprised I agreed to let you stay here,” Selar said, stating his fact as if she could read his mind. As if there were any doubt that she could, he reminded himself. “But, I assure you, it was logical. Most of the Enterprise crew are doubling up to accommodate the Chance’s crew, and you were the most compatible to a Vulcan life style. You would respect my peace easier than anyone else.”
“The fact we’re married had nothing to do with it, I suppose,” Tammas said.
“It had an influence,” Selar said. “You’ve experienced a great deal of stress. I recommend you sleep. Feel free to use my bed.”
“Thank you,” Tammas said. He decided to sit down next to her. He wanted to talk with her, though he felt he had done nothing but talk ever since he arrived on the Enterprise. That and slept. He sighed. “Life is not unfolding the way I had planned.”
“If you are using the word life to be synonymous with Universe, I am compelled to ask, do you really think life revolves around you?” Selar asked.
He chuckled. “Don’t you believe in cosmic fate and a life plan?”
“As opposed to free will?” Selar asked. “You can’t have them both.”
“Didn’t they use to say that about particle physics? It’s either a wave or a particle, but not both simultaneously?” Tammas chided her.
“You do not really want to discuss philosophy with me, do you?” Selar asked.
“No,” Tammas said, staring at the candle. “I haven’t been a very good second husband to you.”
“By Vulcan standards, given our ages and our particular histories, you’ve been satisfactory,” Selar said. “I readily admit, I was not expecting to see you for another two year, but it is not unpleasant.”
Could he have asked for a better compliment from a Vulcan? Well, he could always ask, but he understood well enough to know that she had just given him a huge compliment. “I suppose I could have written more,” Tammas offered.
“To what ends?” Selar asked. “If you are examining the dynamics of our relationship from a human paradigm, you are only going to cause yourself frustration. You must keep it in context.”
Tammas nodded. He really didn’t know what else to say. “So, how is Voltak? You two still on schedule?” he asked, babbling, and then realized what he had asked and felt beyond stupid. And I’m supposed to be the social genius, he chided himself, using Torres’ words, not his.
“He is well,” Selar said, masking her annoyance. She noticed her anxiety levels rising, which was odd enough, and in her search for an explanation, she decided to blame it on Tam’s presence. She hadn’t realized just how unsettling he would be, considering the nature of their bond, and the fact that his emotions were all over the place. Even more so now, after this crisis.
Tammas reached over and put his hand in the candle flame to verify that it was indeed a holographic candle and not a live open flame. It burned none the less, and he pulled his hand back, satisfied with his answer. He shifted to get up, but stopped when Selar grabbed his arm.
“Open your fist,” Sellar said.
“It’s nothing,” Tammas said.
“Open,” Selar said again.
Her voice resonated through him. Tammas opened his fist part way. With her free hand, she began to examine his hand, aware that he was trembling. She unfolded his fingers and caressed them, not like a doctor, but, like a friend, looking for a splinter. With two fingers, she began to trace the lines in his palm, and then his whole hand. Her mind came to his mind so softly that they had merged into one consciousness before he had even realized a mind meld was in progress.
Tammas stirred to the sounds of Selar dressing. “Where are you going?” he asked.
“I’ve been summoned to join an Away Team. Sleep,” Selar said.
He didn’t need much prodding. He felt like he was floating, very warm, very safe. He had been having a pleasant, non lucid, dream and he wanted to get back to it. He was asleep before she even put her boots on. He didn’t feel her touch him goodbye, putting a hand to his forehead. Nor did he hear the words she uttered, as they went straight to his subconscious.
Tammas dreamed he was Selar, stepping into the transporter alcove. She and Deanna took the aft positions, while La Forge, Worf, and Riker stood forward. Shelby entered and started to step up.
“Shelby, I don’t have time for this,” Riker said.
“Just trying to be helpful,” Shelby insisted.
“More like, you just don’t want to be left out of all the fun,” Riker said. “Very well, come on. At this rate, you’ll never be Captain. You’ve come to enjoy Away Teams too much.”
Shelby stepped up next to him. “I’ll be in good company, then.”
“Energize, O’Brien,” Riker said, biting back on his next response. He knew well enough not to glance back at Deanna, who was grinning at him.
The transporter sensation was much more pleasant in his dreams. It was like standing under a water fall of pure energy. It poured through their entire being, illuminating their chakras, starting from the crown and ending at the root, seven bright points of light, each reflecting one of the colors from the rainbow’s spectrum. They became silhouettes of pure energy and were whisked away in a river of light, like a drop of water joining a river to eventually be deposited into the ocean. The ocean shifted and changed into a grassy plain. The grassy plain had a large section missing due to a fire that had recently swept across it. We are beings of light, he thought, wanting to fly away on a cloud, wanting to return to the energy beam, but the dream was now manifest, and it held his attention like a bird in a cage. There was a smell of ashes in the air, and he could hear the burnt brush crunch beneath the Away Team’s boots. He experienced this not only from Doctor Selar’s perspective, but also from Deanna’s, Shelby’s and even Riker’s perspective. But there was something else, gnawing at him. He felt the dream taking on a nightmare quality to it, an edge like that of a grunge rock song that he was unable to break free from. He could only watch from his various vantage points, listening to the sadistic rhythm of the song in his head. “Run away,” Tammas whimpered.
“Over this way,” Riker called. He paused. “Deanna? What is it?”
“There’s someone here,” Deanna said. “Someone, or something, not human.”
“Riker to Enterprise,” Riker said, opening a channel as he witnessed Selar scanning for life forms. He heard Worf drawing his phaser.
“Go ahead Number One,” Picard’s answered Riker’s hail.
“Commander!” La Forge yelled, going for his weapon.
Commander Shelby pushed at Riker, drawing her weapon. She was suddenly frozen in space, inclined at such a strange angle that she should have fallen over on her face. She could still see, though. She could see the floating jelly fish like creature that had almost completely engulfed Lt. Worf. Its tentacles were drawing Worf up. Worf was firing a phaser up into the creature, his finger having pulled back on the trigger before he had been immobilized. Shelby had also managed to get off one shot before being frozen and had hit the creature dead center.
Her phaser fire had burned a whole straight through the creature, igniting the hydrogen in an internal bladder that had enabled it to defy gravity. The resulting explosion sent fragments of jelly and goo flying in all directions. Worf fell to the ground. The only reason he had not been burnt to a crisp was that he was immersed in all the jelly like goo that had spilled out of the creature as he fired up into it from beneath.
Worf found himself frozen, as well. None of the Away team were able to move, nor answer Picard who could be heard clearly over each of their badges.
Out of nowhere, two humans appeared. They stepped up to the Away Team, confident to the point of arrogance. “The Klingon/pet killed Markus,” the first said. “Markus was a fool,” the other returned. “Take those two. They can be used.” “But that’s not who we’re suppose to get.” The first looked up. “It’s too late for that now. I told Markus we needed the larger ship. It’s his failure. Not mine.” “We should hurry, then. Others are coming.” “Take these two back to our ship. I’ll join you directly.” “What about them?” “I’ll clean up.” “No evidence, remember!” “I said I’ll clean up. Now get back to the ship!”
The second disappeared in a transporter like manner. The energy exchange happened so much quicker that there wasn’t even a visible show of lights, which meant no noticeable energy waste. Peoples were just there and then not there. Selar and Troi vanished, as if cut from the frame of a movie. The remaining man, who looked very much like Codswell, turned to the four frozen crew members from the Enterprise, and shook his head. He walked over to Markus and kicked at the dead body. There were few discernable parts left, but he did feel compelled to make sure Markus was indeed dead. Everything had to be just perfect if this was going to work. He turned to the Enterprise crew members again. With a push of a button on his wrist band, the four disappeared. In there place were these cute, inanimate, geodesic shapes, like big, twenty sided die. Polyhedra. Each polyhedron die was a compact structure consisting of all that remained of their essence. This was what remained of the human body after every drop of H2O had been conveniently removed and the remaining compounds had been crystallized for convenient storage. The storage method would leave them in even better condition than freeze-dried fruit.
Tammas bolted out of bed, his breath rapid and shallow. He dressed hurriedly. He had to save her.
“I’m not detecting any life signs, Captain,” Data said.
“Riker, take an away team down to investigate,” Picard said.
“Deanna, Worf,” Riker said, heading for the turbo lift. “La Forge and Doctor Selar, report to transporter room four.”
“Data, give me a visual of the crash site,” Picard said. As the crash site zoomed in, Picard nodded. “It certainly resembled the Toronto. I’d be surprised if there are any survivors. Any other ships in the area?”
“Not that I am able to detect,” Data said, noticing his choice of words were not lost on the Captain. “And there are no signs of debris in orbit that might indicate a battle forced the Toronto down.”
Picard had been looking for those signs as well. He needed to know why the Captain of the Toronto would purposely crash land his Starship on a planet’s surface. Crash landings were things of last resort.
“The Away Team has just arrived on the planet’s surface,” Data said.
“Riker to Enterprise,” Riker’s voice came over the comm.
“Go ahead, Number One,” Picard said.
There was the sound of Worf growling and the sound of a phaser going off. Maybe two phasers. The sound of an explosion echoed on the Bridge.
“Number One?” Picard said, standing up. “Away Team, respond.”
“Sir, there is an unidentified ship leaving the planets surface,” Data announced.
“Helm, intercept orbit,” Picard said.
“Data, tractor beam. I don’t want it leaving,” Picard said.
The ship came into orbit and angled away from the Enterprise. Data announced that he had caught it with the tractor beam. Suddenly the ship they were chasing divided into six separate pieces, each of which was capable of independent flight. Two fell towards the Enterprise, unable t