Chapter 14
It was the scream of fire trucks or ambulances or something frighteningly loud that actually woke us up. I was confused at first because I was having this weird dream and then I didn’t know where I was and then I was horrified because I remembered Beth’s idea that the three of us have this ménage à trois thing and then I was relieved that we didn’t, that we were still just friends and at least two of us were still virgins.
“What’s going on?” Harold asked sleepily, pulling himself away from Beth and standing up. I jumped up too. Beth was still lying on the ground, confused and dazed, rubbing her eyes and yawning. I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my body, followed by panic at its worst, uncontrollable and terrifying. My heart exploded inside my chest.
“I don’t know!” I screamed and started to run. When I got to the front of Beth’s driveway I could see a fire truck, an ambulance and two police cars parked in front of our house. At first I thought Joe Senior must have done something really awful to Ma and Danny to bring out every rescue vehicle in the city but then I saw Ma and Joe standing on the grass clinging to each other. I could see a huddle of rescue people leaning over something under the big tree next to my bedroom window. As I got closer I realized Ma wasn’t clinging to Joe; he was actually holding her back. “Danny!” I screamed and ran across the street towards Joe and Ma. It was like in the movies or a nightmare where everything is in slow motion; a ten second sprint across the street seemed to be taking hours, my legs were rubber, breathing impossible. “What’s going on?” I gasped trying to make sense of the scene. Ma was crying and pounding Joe’s chest; screaming to let her go to Danny. He was sobbing and saying something about staying out of the way so the rescue team could work on her.
“What’s happened to Danny Ma? Where is she?” I screamed.
“She’s fallen!” Joe cried.
“The tree?” I whispered. “What was she doing in the tree?” “I don’t know,” Joe said. “Your mother went to get her outta bed. She wasn’t answering her call and Dan’s not one for sleeping late so Ma went up to see if she was sick or something and she wasn’t there. We checked the whole house, called outside, even checked to see if she was with that dog, saw the three of you’s sleeping on the grass like a bunch of bums and when I was on the way back across the street, that’s when I saw her.” Joe broke down again. His words weren’t making any sense anyway. The three of us watched in horror as the paramedics lifted Dan’s little body into the ambulance on a stretcher. She had a blanket on her so it was hard to tell how badly she was hurt. Her dark hair was spread out on the stretcher and I could see tape on her forehead; her eyes were closed and her skin was so pale. I remember thinking how small she looked—like a baby sleeping. Ma was screaming and insisted she and Joe go in the ambulance with her. It sped off up the street with its siren screaming and lights flashing. Joe looked out the back window for second—just long enough to give me a look that could kill.
Beth and Harold had their arms around me. I was shaking and felt like I was going to shatter into a million pieces on the grass. Everything was fuzzy around the edges like I was trapped in the worst pages of Alice’s Wonderland. A crowd had gathered around our house, all the neighbors were assembled whispering and pointing. I realized I had lived there all my life and other than Mrs. K. I really didn’t know any of them. There were the Jensens across the street with their three boys who were all older and intimidating, Mrs. Moffit and her cats who lived between us and the Korkalas and the Gains, our neighbors on the other side. Ma didn’t like Mr. Gains because “he thought he was better than us”—whatever that meant—and the Millars, the Halls, the Boyds, the Ambroses, the Makalas. They were all there and other than their names I really didn’t know any of them except to say “hi there” if I passed them on the street. I hadn’t been in any of their homes, some of them I hadn’t even been in their yards. When there were street games going on in the summer Dan and I played with their kids—baseball, hide-and-seek, red rover, knock out ginger or dodge the ball—but that was it. Ma wasn’t very neighborly either, but Joe was. He didn’t share Ma’s opinion of Mr. Gains and often spent an entire evening talking over the fence about baseball or hockey. Mrs. K. and Harold were the only ones I really knew. Beth had lived in the neighborhood less than two months and I knew her better than any of these people. I resented them standing there watching a piece of my family’s private tragedy unfolding like a Saturday afternoon matinee at the Odeon. The ride to the hospital was a blur.
I sat in the back of the Mustang with Harold, paralyzed by fear and numb with disbelief, his arms wrapped around me as if they were the only things holding my body together. I kept running this tape over and over in my head where I could see Danny climbing the tree and falling and falling and falling—except she couldn’t have been climbing it from the bottom because she did that all the time and nothing bad ever happened. The only way she could have fallen was if she had climbed out of my window and tried to take the tree from the top down. She must have been going after me. I could just see her going to my room, not finding me there and then climbing out the window like I did on so many nights. God, Danny. Danny Danny Dan. How could you do something so stupid?
At the hospital Ma and Joe were sitting in this little waiting area outside the emergency room. Ma was still clinging to Joe, moaning. I sat down beside her with Beth next to me and Harold across from us on another couch with his arms crossed his chest and his long legs moving uncontrollably back and forth rapidly like they always did when he sat too long. We sat quietly, no one spoke except for Ma’s soft moaning. Joe held Ma and stroked her hair but he didn’t say anything. I lost track of time. We could have been sitting like that for a few minutes or hours, I couldn’t tell. The silence had settled over the room like a blanket of freshly fallen snow, both suffocating and eerily peaceful.
“Do they know what happened?” I whispered to my father. “Speak up. I didn’t hear a damn thing you said,” he shouted.
“I said do they know what happened to Dan? How it happened I mean?”
“Nope. Just that she fell,” he said. “We don’t know when or why or how. Just that she fell. She was unconscious when I found her.”
“Oh,” I said.
Beth left for a few minutes and came back with a tray of coffees for everyone. We all took a cup and sat sipping and waiting. I kept looking into my cup wondering what was taking so long—as if the answer was in there. Was it good that they were taking so long? Or was it bad? We’d been sitting there forever and not a word from anyone. Not one doctor or nurse. No one.
“Shouldn’t we try to find out something?” I asked finally. “What?” Joe looked at me like I was nuts, like I had just said the craziest thing he had ever heard in his life.
“How she is,” I said. “Why hasn’t a doctor or nurse come to talk to us? Where is everyone?”
“I’ll go see what I can find out,” Beth said, patting my arm. Joe looked like he was about to say something to her but reconsidered. Harold got up from his chair and sat next to me. He put his arm around me so I could rest my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and tried not to think, to not jump to any conclusions, to not let my untamed imagination take over; I would just wait until Beth came back with some news. She was gone for only a few minutes but it seemed like hours had passed. When she walked in the room Ma, Joe, Harold and I all looked at her like she was the second coming of Christ, here to save our miserable souls.
“I spoke to the doctor,” she said. “She’s going to be fine. He’ll be here in a minute to fill you in on the details but the important thing is she’s okay.” Harold and I jumped up and hugged Beth. Clinging to one another, we started to jump up and down for joy; relief flooded my body and I felt as light as the air. Ma and Joe let out a big sigh and then Ma really went at it with the tears. By the time the doctor arrived I guess we were “a sight for sore eyes” like Ma always said when Joe came home late and in one of his moods. He cleared his throat to get our attention but we were so wrapped up in our celebrating that we didn’t hear him at first. He cleared his throat again and we froze like someone had just stopped the music in the middle of a musical chairs game.
“Are you the parents?” he asked. They looked stunned like he should have been able to pick them out of a cast of thousands? He sat down next to Ma and looked her square in the eyes, which made Ma look down with shyness, something she did a lot with strangers, especially strange men, even if they were doctors. “Your daughter will be fine,” he said getting right to the point. I liked him for that. “There’s nothing wrong internally. She’s taken a nasty fall and there’s quite a cut on her forehead which is why she was unconscious when you found her but nonetheless she’s fine.” “Thick headed like me,” Joe laughed, more from relief than anything else.
The doctor was humorless and ignored Joe. I didn’t like him for that. Joe was just nervous and frightened. Couldn’t he see that? I wanted to cry for Joe; first scared out of his wits and then humiliated by some stiff-necked doctor.
“We had to put in a few stitches but that’ll heal nicely and you’ll hardly notice the scar in time. The worst part is both her legs were broken in the fall but those will heal too. Once the casts are off she’ll have to have physiotherapy to help her learn how to walk again.”
“Walk again!” Ma gasped.
“The legs were badly broken. She’s a lucky girl. It could have been worse. Fortunately there wasn’t any damage to the spine so eventually she will walk and be back to normal.”
“Normal,” Ma whispered and then she got this far away look on her face like she could see into the future with us all “normal” like the doctor said and I knew she was wondering what that would be like. What would it be like for the Fasano family to be normal, not just Danny but all of us, to be like other families, like the Cleavers maybe? Dan’s bones would heal but how do you mend the broken bones of an entire family? “When can we see her?” Ma asked.
“In a few minutes,” the Doctor said. “They’re just getting her settled in her room. We’ll keep her here for a few days to keep an eye on that cut on her head. The nurse will let you know when you can go up.” In an unexpected act of kindness the doctor put his hand on Ma’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He didn’t touch Joe; he just exchanged a look with my father and left. We sat in silence until the nurse came to let us know we could see Dan. Beth and Harold stayed behind while I made the long trek up to the third floor with my parents to see my sister.
She was lying propped up in this big hospital bed with her eyes closed. You could see her little skinny legs wrapped in these huge casts beneath the covers. They seemed to fill the entire bed. The top half of her head was wrapped in bandages. Both her eyes were black but other than that she looked okay—smaller than usual but okay. Ma dropped Joe’s hand and rushed to her as soon as she saw her.
“Danny,” she whispered as she kissed her cheek. It was such a sweet tender moment that I had to look away as tears stung my eyes, my neck tight with emotion. Danny opened her eyes and looked at Ma, confused at first but then she grabbed onto Ma and started to cry.
“I’m sorry Ma,” she sobbed.
“There, there,” Ma said in her most soothing voice, the one she saved for Dan and me whenever we were inconsolable. No matter what, no matter how awful you felt as soon as you heard Ma’s voice somehow you just knew there wasn’t anything she couldn’t make right. “Everything’s going to be alright. You’ll see.” She always said that too. You’ll see.
Joe and I stood back and watched Ma and Dan as she made everything all right again in Dan’s world. Sometimes I wondered if Ma knew just how powerful she was, how she could take a horrible situation and make it better with a whisper.
“Hey Danny,” Joe choked. Somehow Joe moved to the other side of the bed without me noticing. Danny reached up to Joe for a hug. He bent over and kissed her other cheek. There were tears streaming down his face. “That’s my girl. Howya feelin?” “My head hurts a bit but I’m okay. I can’t move my legs too good.” She sounded so old; our little Danny was growing up. How could one fall on the head age someone like that? Did she lose her childhood back on the grass? Did it just fall out of her like the insides of a stuffed toy? Crazy I know, but you have crazy thoughts when something like this happens.
“You’ll be as good as new in no time,” Joe said. “When can I get out of here Dad? I wanna see Sam,”Dan said.
“Sam?” Joe looked over at Ma and me puzzled, like Danny was hallucinating or something. I wondered what planet he’d been living on all summer not to even notice that Danny had been spending every waking moment with the dog. “Sam is Beth’s dog,” I said.
“Oh yeah, him! He’s fine sweetheart. He’s waiting for ya. The doctor says you’ll be out in a couple of days. They just want to keep you here for awhile to make sure your head’s okay.” I guess poor Joe thought he was consoling her, making her feel better but instead Dan started to howl again and Ma had to step in with her powers and reassure her that we’d all stay with her and she’d be home in no time. Danny had never spent time away from the family before.
“Jo will you stay here with me?”
“You bet squirt. I ain’t going nowhere without you Dan. We can build one of those puzzles you like or maybe I can sneak in our gloves and we can toss a few.”
“Jo Frances, honestly!” I knew I was in big trouble when Ma called me by my full name.
“What? I was just kidding eh. Gimme a break!” I said. “Don’t talk to your mother like that.” Joe gave me this scary dark look and I think if I had been standing any closer he would have cuffed me. I didn’t trust Joe anymore even when he was sober. I think if I made him really mad, I mean over the edge kind of mad, he was capable of anything. I didn’t want to get him mad enough to find out what that was.
“Stop it!” Danny pleaded, about to cry once more. “Just stop it all of you!”
My mother and father and I stopped and looked at Danny like it was the first time we ever saw her. It was like time froze and we were like actors in this movie that the director called cut, but instead of stopping the scene and going back to being ourselves we were stuck there like in suspended animation. And then as if the director called action the three of us turned our attention to Dan and apologized.
“Sorry Dan,” we said and then did this weird kind of family group hug over her. We held onto each other and I swear I can’t remember ever feeling so close to my family as at that moment; nor have we been that close since. I think we all felt it and the first thing I knew we were all crying and hugging and telling each other that we loved them. I guess it takes a near death experience like that for people to express their love—at least that’s how it worked with our family.
There were two vinyl armchairs in the room that Ma and I pulled to either side of Danny’s bed like we were her guardian angels. We spent the rest of the day just sitting there not talking much, just mostly watching her sleep. Joe had to go to work so he left around noon when the nurses’ aid brought in Dan’s lunch. Beth and Harold came up for a few minutes. Beth had stopped into the gift shop and picked up some comics for Dan and a stuffed dog that bore an uncanny resemblance to Sam. Sometimes I think Beth was like a sorcerer when it came to things like that as if she could conjure up stuffed dogs that looked like the real thing so that a little girl in a hospital bed would feel better. Dan was delighted of course. Beth reassured her that Sam was fine and that she could spend as much time with him as she liked as soon as she got out of the hospital. Harold brought her some flowers and a box of chocolates, which both embarrassed and delighted Dan all at once because I swear he flirted with her in a kidding kind of way but just enough for Dan to feel special.
Watching Dan made me drowsy since I had only about two minutes sleep the night before. I found myself drifting in and out of these little dreams. In one dream I was about five years old and I was in this big field of daisies that were as tall as me. The sun was shining brighter than in real life and the sky was large and navy blue. You could only see me from the sky or if you were God. I was running through the field laughing because the daisies were tickling my skin and I was happy to be there. I stopped to pick one and did that ‘he loves me he loves me not’ thing with the petals. When I got to the end and it was he loves me not I started to cry. In the dream I threw away the loveless daisy and began to run out of the field, but no matter what direction I ran I couldn’t escape. I could feel the panic rising in my little body as I called for Ma to come and rescue me. I guess I actually did call out for Ma because she was standing over me when I woke up calling to me softly.
“Jo, Jo,” she whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here.”My eyes flew open wide and my body bolted upright. I could feel my heart racing inside my chest. It was stifling in the room. I was confused. I couldn’t figure out where I was. I clung to Ma trembling. She stroked my hair and kept telling me “everything’s okay Jo, everything’s going to be okay.” I was haunted by the daisy dream. Maybe it was the pot the night before. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was all the trauma around Danny’s fall. Maybe I was just going crazy. Joe came back to the hospital after work with supper for everyone. Ma scolded him and said that Danny couldn’t eat pizza. “Why not?” Joe barked and looked at Ma like she was nuts as if there was never a good enough reason not to eat pizza, not even on your deathbed.
“Yeah, why not Ma?” Danny agreed. “I don’t feel sick. I’m just broken.”We all started to laugh. When it came to pizza I had to agree with my old man; there was never a bad time. We laughed and gabbed through dinner as though we were at home around the kitchen table having a regular meal just like any other night. No one brought up the fall or why Danny was out climbing a tree in the middle of the night. Joe told a few stories about his day and some of his regular customers; they were all worried about Danny he said.
After supper Beth and Harold and Mrs. K. came back for a visit. Mrs. K. brought Danny some candy, a stuffed bear and a book on dogs. Danny was real crazy about everything especially the dog book. She was really enjoying all the attention her fall brought. The thought crossed my mind that she did it on purpose, which was ridiculous; no one would do something that stupid, not even Dan. It was just a thought. I was having a lot of crazy thoughts all day. I needed sleep. Ma could see it too because when Beth and Harold got up to leave she asked them to take me with them and said Mrs. K. could go home with them once Danny fell asleep. On the way home in the car I stretched out in the back seat and drifted in and out of sleep. The top was down and whenever I opened my eyes I could see millions of stars and little wisps of deep purple night clouds darting by. I could hear Beth and Harold whispering up front but I didn’t care. For once I didn’t care if I was part of our little threesome. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted to sleep for about a million years like Snow White and wake up to the kiss of some handsome prince. When we got home Beth asked if I wanted to go to her place to listen to music. “I bought the new Band album this afternoon,” she said, “and I haven’t even cracked the cellophane. My mother went grocery shopping too so there’s gallons of milk and bags of cookies with our names on them. Your personal favorite, chocolate oatmeal raisin, is just crying out to be devoured.”
“Sounds tempting guys but honestly I’m beat. I just wanna go to bed and sleep for a year. Wake up when all this is over,” I said. “Come on Jo,” Harold persisted. “It’ll be fun eh. You can sleep later. It’s not even dark yet. Beth’s even got another surprise. You gotta come.”
“Forget it Korkala. I told you I’m tired,” I said, but my interest was piqued. “What surprise? What are you two up to now? Hasn’t there been enough excitement for one day?”
“Mary Jane!” he said in this funny voice that didn’t sound like him at all. It was kind of creepy.
“Whadoya mean? Who’s that?” I asked.
“Not who. What,” he said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“What what?” I asked.
“Marijuana. Grass. Weed. Pot. Jeez! Come on. Do I have to spell it out for ya?” he said self-righteously.
“Are you nuts? I’m not going near that stuff after last night. I had one weak moment, got caught up in the groove of the night, all that patchouli oil, the music and the vegetarian stuff got to my head and that’s it. No way. Besides Harold your mother’d kill ya if she found out.”
“She’s not going to find out,” he said. “How’s she going to find out?”
“Because you’ll slip up and do something really brilliant like tell her,” I said.
“No way! How stupid do you think I am eh? I’m insulted,” he said, in false indignation. “I’m tired. You guys go smoke your pot. I’m going to bed. I’ll see ya tomorrow,” I said, yawning and stretching out a kink in my lower back.
Harold started to protest some more but Beth told him to back off. “Cut it out Hank. I’ll call you tomorrow Jo-Jo. We can go up to the hospital to visit Danny again okay,” she said. I crawled out of Sally and headed around to the back of our house. My intention was to go straight in but instead I went out back and sat on one of our plastic lawn chairs and closed my eyes. The sun was low in the sky but I could still feel its warmth on my face as I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up it was dark. I felt my father’s hand on my shoulder first.
“What are ya doin’ out here?” he asked.
“I must have fallen asleep,” I said. “What time is it? Where’s Ma?” “She’s in the house. We’ve been home for hours. You scared the crap out of her. We called Harold and that girl. They said they dropped you off right after you left the hospital. Your mother’s frantic. After what happened to Dan. I can’t believe you sometimes Jo Frances.”
“What? I didn’t do nothin’. I fell asleep in the back yard.
What’s the crime in that?”
“Go on. Get up to bed. It’s late.” Joe sounded defeated and weary. When I got in the house Ma grabbed me and hugged me. “Jo I was so scared, just so scared,” she cried.
I was too tired to cry and numb from the emotional roller coaster ride of the past twenty-four hours. Ma was ready for bed. She was wearing her flannel nightgown with the pale pink flowers; the middle of summer and she still wore flannel. I could smell the familiar and comforting scent of her Second Debut night cream when I kissed her cheek. Ma was well into her forties and yet she had the softest, smoothest skin, not a wrinkle, laugh line or crows foot to be found. I’m not sure Second Debut deserved the credit. It was probably just good genes and the fact that long before the world learned about the harmful affects of the sun Ma stayed clear of it.
“Ma all I wanna do is go to bed okay,” I said. “I’m sorry I scared you.”
“Okay Jo Frances,” she said wearily. “Enough said. Go to bed.”