Brian and I waited patiently before sneaking out of Cynthia's mini-mansion. Believe me, that was one long week. So long, it felt like an entire century.
It all happened on a beautiful Saturday night. Brian and I slithered into Cynthia's bedroom, to ensure that she'd fallen asleep. Yes, she was snoozing.
Brian and I crept through the cat hole in the kitchen door. I made sure to follow Brian, and not to ask too many questions; especially on our first outing.
Brian made it clear that absolutely no time should be wasted. Obviously, we were on a fixed time schedule.
Brian and I scaled the three foot fence located at the perimeter of Cynthia's yard. Excitement was running through our veins.
The neighborhood was very quiet and calm; only the sounds of nature were apparent. That was good for us. Cats often have problems with stimulus overload; a human-induced problem.
Then, a shocker! We saw a car approaching. Without notice, the driver of the car flashed the high-beams in our direction.
Brian and I quickly took cover behind a tree. We were freaking terrified.
It turned out to be a patrol car. The officer was conducting a routine scan of the neighborhood.
Brian and I pooped at the same time. Good, neither of us could mock the other. Our fear and apprehension were understandable.
Brian and I waited several minutes until the patrol car exited our neighborhood, before heading south on Livingstone Street.
That's when Brian told me that we were going to the zoo. We decided to pick up our pace. I was very excited about seeing some of my animal brethren.
Our walk on Livingstone Street was enjoyable. However, Brian and I were aware that a sudden danger could come out of nowhere.
"Don't worry, Jody. I've been to the John Barrymore Zoo (JBZ), many times before. I have many good friends there. I know the ins-and-outs of the place, including security, animals, lighting, business hours, and paths. I've never been captured, or even chased, inside the JBZ.
Jody, if we're ever chased by a security guard, splittingup would be the best thing to do. Then, leave the JBZ as fast as possible! If you make it out safely, go to the nearest forested area, near Ellen's Fried Chicken Restaurant. I'll surely be there, sooner or later," said Brian.
We continued walking on Livingstone Street for a short while, before entering Lands Road.
Brian told me to follow him through a nearby parking lot, to a tree near a dumpster. We couldn't hide behind the dumpster because it was stinky and filthy. Also, there may have been a rat, raccoon, or creepy bugs in and around it.
We waited patiently for an unsuspecting pickup driver to take us to the JBZ. There could be no room for mistakes. If we 'boarded' a pickup that was heading in the wrong direction, we'd have to jump off, immediately!
"Jody, the JBZ is near Cougar Hill. We'll have to board a pickup truck at the right moment," said Brian.
A short while later, a hillbilly in a blue Ford pickup parked near us. He looked like a jolly-good-fellow.
This hillbilly was something else. He was 6 feet eight inches tall, long-bearded, long-haired, pot-bellied, and was wearing typical blue overalls.
Brian noticed the Kentucky plates on the back of the Ford pickup.
As soon as the hillbilly entered the Thomas Liquor Store, we leaped onto the back of his Ford pickup. Then, we crouched down, like stalking cats.
I'd never seen a real hillbilly before. I had to get a closer look at him. So, I leaped onto the ground then ran to the Thomas Liquor Store window. I gawked at the hillbilly.
Shockingly, the hillbilly turned and faced me. I didn't know if he actually saw me. It was dark, and he was looking at me from the inside of a well-lit place. Humans don't exactly have the best night vision.
I quickly ran back then leaped to my reserved place. I understood that rash actions weren't safe.
"Jody, you shouldn't have done that! You could've sabotaged our entire operation! Remember, I'm the expert, not you! Just because someone looks like a nice person, it doesn't mean that he/she actually is.
Furthermore, the only thing you know about this hillbilly is that he's from Kentucky. There are many people who live in Kentucky; many of them friendly, some of them not so friendly. If you place all of them into a single category, you're being ignorant.
Every animal and human on this planet has a unique personality. Okay, I'll admit, the hillbilly does seem like a friendly guy. Regardless, you must always keep your guard up," said Brian.
The hillbilly exited Thomas Liquor Store carrying a plastic bag in each hand. He must've told the cashier not to put his bottles of booze inside a brown bag.
Brian and I were hoping the hillbilly wasn't about to drink and drive. If that was the case, we'd have to find another ride. No cat would ever be stupid enough to knowingly sneak into a drunkard's vehicle. Or, so I thought.
The hillbilly scanned the area then entered his Ford pickup. He took several large gulps from a half pint of Bacardi. Eighty proof, in case you're wondering. Afterwards, he tried to drink beer from two cans at the same time. As expected, he got beer on his overalls.
The hillbilly burped twice then farted three times. The hillbilly farted so loud a sleeping bird almost fell to the ground. The poor had been startled big times.
Brian and I forgave the hillbilly for his behavior, because he thought there was nobody around. After all, he was giving us a free ride.
We were desperate to get to the JBZ. The basic cat rules of not getting into a vehicle with a drunkard would now have to be broken.
The hillbilly adjusted his baseball cap then turned on the ignition. We were off to the JBZ! Brian told me to be patient. As soon as it was time to leap off, we'd do just that.
The hillbilly drove east until Rover Street. Upon arriving, he stopped his Ford pickup. I peered up at him. He looked like he was concentrating. So, Brian and I waited patiently.
"Oops! I almost forgot! We must leap off the Ford pickup ... right now!" exclaimed Brian.
Brian led the way. I followed him like his shadow. It was really nice being with an incredible cat like Brian. Aside from being incredible, Brian was also a good friend.
After leaping onto the ground, Brian and I found ourselves right behind the Ford pickup. We instinctively crouched down, staying still. There was a slight possibility that the hillbilly would see us through his rear view mirror. Thankfully, he didn't.
Brian told me that Cougar Mountain, which was really a hill, was only a hundred yards away. Just beyond the hill was the JBZ.
As soon as the traffic light turned green, the hillbilly drove off. From our location, I could see the faint outline of the JBZ. I was so excited! Under the circumstances, how else should I have felt?
Brian and I walked towards the JBZ, scaling the hill, until reaching a tiny forested area across the street from the JBZ.
Brian told me that we should hide behind a large tree nearby. We stayed there until the right moment.
"Be patient, Jody. You see that security guard sitting in that booth? He uses the restroom, eats, then naps, at the same time every single night that he works here. He's like a computer. I even know how many times he dozes off per hour. In a short while, he'll go to the restroom. Afterwards, he'll go to the kitchen to eat his late night meal.
Brian was right. A few minutes later, the security guard left his booth. As expected, he entered the restroom. Although there were hi-tech security cameras throughout the zoo, they were made to detect human intruders, and 'captive escapees', not cats like us. It’s awesome being a cat.
As soon as the security guard was out of sight, Brian and I slowly crossed the street, then 'slithered' to the perimeter of the JBZ.
Before our eyes was a large gate, with high parallel bars that couldn't be bent. There was a five inch gap between each parallel bar.
Even an obese cat could've easily 'slithered' through one of those gaps. What an awesome feeling! Somehow, Brian and I felt right at home. Our brethren in 'animal kind' were nearby. We were about to enter a caged jungle.
We entered the JBZ, with Brian leading the way. I was in no position to make requests pertaining to which animals I wanted to see first. Brian was the boss, and that was final.
As we strolled through the JBZ, I noticed that some of the prey animals were a bit jumpy. Although Brian and I are relatively small animals, as far as they were concerned, we were still predators. I mean, even small cats kind of smell like their big cat cousins.
Many wild animals live their entire lives without ever scenting, or seeing a domestic cat. I understood their fear.
"Jody, we must be slick. Keep your eyes, ears, and nose, wide open. We must always be on the lookout for security guards, or other zoo personnel. It's their job to keep this place safe, secure, and free of trespassers, like us.
Trespassers are never welcome in zoos. I don't know what zoo personnel would do if they capture us. I sure as hell don't want to find out," said Brian.
We continued strolling through the JBZ, looking, and sometimes gawking, at many of the caged animals. Unfortunately, many of the animals were hiding in tiny enclosures.
For a while, I kind of felt like a human zoo patron; enjoying the sights of amazing creatures. I was free to come and go; they (the incarcerated animals) weren't. That's the biggest difference between a zoo patron and a zoo animal. Zoo patrons should never forget this very important fact! Please, DON'T FORGET IT!
Thankfully, some of the animals came out of their enclosures, while others simply had no enclosures. Some of the animals showed signs of deep depression and psychosis. They performed stereotypical actions; over and over again. These poor animals had been 'de-animalized'. There was no snap, pride, or happiness, in their personalities.
I couldn't last a freaking week as an 'exhibit animal'. I'd end up either attacking my handlers, attempting an escape, or I'd go nuts. No doubt about it!
It's always sad to see fellow animals in tiny enclosures. When it's time to hit the sack or rest, the animals go back to their cement homes, or mini-enclosures. Zoos enclosures must look identical, or almost identical, to the natural habitats of the animals therein. The size of the habitat is impossible to match for most animals such as polar bears, small and big cats, gazelles (and related animals), hyenas, elephants, zebras, birds, wildebeest, equines, etc. Unfortunately, animal habitats are quickly disappearing from the face of the earth. My country once had bazillions of roaming animals. Even our forested areas were gigantic.
Some zoos allow stimulus overload to engulf the animals in the enclosures. The living quarters’ architecture does not allow the animals to escape the human gawkers during business hours. The animals must wait until closing time, for relief. Then, it's boredom time.
Look, predators in zoos can't hunt for prey, while prey animals can't run around, and forage. The scent of both must drive each other crazy. I mean, suppose you were a hungry lion who was surrounded by prey animals. But, you couldn't get to them.
Prey animals who are continuously too close to predators may become extremely tense, or otherwise, lose their flight instinct.
Brian convinced me to follow him to the gorilla enclosure. Walking there made me extremely anxious. We were going to see the most powerful primate on earth; unless King Kong or Bigfoot is alive.
As soon as we arrived at the gorilla enclosure, Brian told me to crop my ears, and pay attention. Afterwards, Brian 'aped' some sounds then waited patiently.
Suddenly, a giant male Silverback gorilla exited his concrete enclosure then charged at us with full force. Well, it was the charge of an old gorilla.
This guy was still formidable, but had less snap than a young male's. Instinctively, I turned then fled. Brian didn't follow me. This caused me to stop running.
I returned to my place. I'd jumped the gun. The gorilla couldn't have harmed me, even if he'd wanted to.
An impenetrable barrier had shielded us from the gorilla. A large moat encircled the gorilla enclosure. In case you didn't know, gorillas can't swim. Furthermore, between us and the moat was a fence.
Brian looked the gorilla over for a few seconds then asked him where Chip was. The Silverback told Brian that Chip was sold off to a 'bidder'. Chip wasn't a young gorilla anymore. Apparently, while Chip was being hauled away, he kept yelling out Brian's name.
"It was a sad sight, indeed. When the big boys came for Chip, he instinctively knew that there was an imminent transfer. His transfer, that is. Initially, he appeared apprehensive. Then, he tried to put up a resistance. It did not delay the transfer.
Chip pooped, urinated then decided to spit on the big boys. Unfortunately, his efforts were immediately neutralized. The veterinary technician on site darted Chip.
As expected, Chip went down and didn't get up. If it wasn't for his deep breathing, I would've thought he'd died.
JBZ Director, William Hale, couldn't have cared less how angry or terrified Chip was. Director Hale practically worshipped money.
The incident was a two-fold lesson to the other gorillas in the enclosure. First, resistance is futile. Second, when you're washed up, you'll be sent away, almost definitely to a worse place.
As you can see, I'm an old gorilla. I think the 'big boys' will be transferring me in the near future. Patrons to our enclosure have already begun to complain about my ugliness and old age. The patrons want to see young, handsome, athletic gorillas," said the Silverback.
Brian and I thanked 'our friend' explaining to us what had happened to Chip. Afterwards, we continued our stroll in the JBZ.
It looks like more animals will be boxed into tiny enclosures in the future. Today, shelters, animals can be found in reserves, game parks, homes, zoos, circuses, roadside menageries, and in biomedical labs.
Animals that are used by the entertainment industry most often are forced to perform unnatural acts. Questionable are the training methods that are used. The animal is at the mercy of the trainer and the establishment.
No bear should be forced to ride a bicycle! No big cat should be forced to jump through hoops (flaming or non-flaming)! No bullfights! No circuses! No roadside menageries! No abuse! No humiliation! No-nothing!
The animal is the only person who never gets paid for work rendered. Furthermore, animals who are 'boxed-in', or chained, for extended periods, may rock back and forth, self-bite, headbang, hyper-masturbate, walk in circles, become overly aggressive, excessively passive, eat or play with their own feces (in an unnatural manner for the species in involved), pull their hair, or suffer from excessive self-grooming.
Gentle Ben, a 'bear actor', was a tragedy. If you look carefully at Gentle Ben while he was tethered, his head and body bobbed and weaved. In addition, he took unnatural steps forward and backwards; repeating this behavior over and over again. Didn't the 'actors' on the set notice anything peculiar?
Only 'sinister humans' could induce this behavior in another species.
It's sad that many domesticated animals lose their natural behaviors. Sometimes, cats and dogs actually pick up certain human behaviors and habits. For example, excessive eye contact, not respecting personal space, ignoring body language, and bothering another person while he/she is eating. Farm cows and tamed ranch horses are nothing like their wild cousins.
In the animal kingdom, excessive eye contact, or direct eye contact, can signal a challenge. Although, some humans also abide by this rule, they're usually the aggressive or criminal type.
I'm not talking about staring. That's frowned upon even in the human world.
"Jody, primates around the world once had incredible tracts of forests. Depending on the particular species, families, extended families, and friends, were nearby. Food was plentiful, and predators were few. The Virunga Forest was a much better place, just a few decades ago.
Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey (murdered), and Birute’ Galdikas, are the three most impressive primatologists in modern history. They were Leakey's girls.
Dr. Leakey was a very hard worker, and a genius in his own field. However, he was also an excavator. Women are more likely to study primates on site, for many years. Men tend to have the one-two-three, goodbye attitude. They finish their project or degree then go home, really fast.
Fossey was murdered because she made too many waves regarding gorilla protection and conservation. She made many enemies in government and amongst big time poachers. She was also a foreigner in a dangerous land.
Primates who still live in the forests dread the sound of 'tree chopping'. Excessive tree chopping is referred to as deforestation. Deforestation destroys the homes and habitats of native tribes, primates, and non-primate animals.
For many primates, the lumber industries are equated with death, destruction, terror, and being turned into food. The Bush meat Crisis is a terrible tragedy. Jody, I'd give my own life to solve this terrible tragedy.
Poachers are willing to kill, mutilate, or steal, any primates that they get their hands on. It depends on the purpose of the 'criminal mission'. But, in all fairness, some low-level poachers are filthy poor. It's the big boys who run the operations.
Weapons, drug, and animal smuggling, are three gigantic problems facing this world. Our leaders seem to be ignoring what should be tackled. Although, I must say: illegal arms smuggling pales in comparison with 'legal arms sales and giveaways'.
Primate flesh sold in restaurants is considered a delicacy. As such, it's very expensive. Gorilla hands or ground-up gorilla penises are also big sales items. Each primate that is snatched from its natural environment ends up becoming a performer, sideshow, an exhibit, food, a pet, or an experimental trinket.
Jody, Chip was most likely snatched away from his mother's arms, inside his community. Naturally, his mother and many of his relatives tried to defend him. The poachers have a quick solution to this problem: gun down, and/or ax whoever gets in the way," said Brian.
Brian began to cry. He couldn't help it. Chip had become another statistic; one of countless primates who will never be happy again. An old gorilla like Chip has no options in life, whatsoever.
As we continued our stroll the JBZ, I noticed the incredible variety of animals. However, some of them were 'dilapidated caricatures' of their free counterparts. These guys and gals were doing hard time. What crime have they committed? I know as a fact that none of them was sentenced by a court of law.
We stopped to gawk at an incredibly tall giraffe. I got a bit closer then spoke to him.
"Hey, Mr. Giraffe how are you?" I asked.
"How the hell do you think I am?!" shouted the giraffe.
"Mr. Giraffe, why are you so freaking hostile to me?" I asked.
"I'm freaking doing hard time ... right in this stupid dump! I'm freaking going nuts! Back home in Africa, I was able to run around and play with family and friends. We had land to run about in. Our species is the tallest on land! I was a proud giraffe, until those damn humans snatched me from my home.
Now, I'm nothing but a has-been; a tall inmate with several physical and mental illnesses.
Get out of here, fast! That's Dr. Samantha Stacey! If she sees you, you'll end up like us!" shouted the giraffe.
"Thanks," replied Brian.
Brian told me to follow him behind a nearby tree, where we could hide behind. I did just that.
Dr. Samantha Stacey, a middle aged woman, with long blond hair and blue eyes, slowly walked through our sector. Thankfully, she didn't see us.
"Brian, what's so bad about this lady?" I asked.
"She's got the title of Chief Zoo Veterinarian. She's callous, and sometimes rough in her handling of animals," said Brian.
As soon as Dr. Stacey left, Brian and I continued our stroll through the JBZ. We walked through a man made path, three mini-streams, and two mini-jungles.
These accessories were made for the sake of the zoo patrons. Although the zoo animals had man-made environments, these environments weren't as beautiful and large as the zoo patrons'.
The JBZ Administration should have invested a little more money for animal comfort and happiness; better food, water, housing, activities, and veterinary medical care.
As soon as our hunger set in, Brian and I decided to get a free meal from the staff dining hall. What else were we going do? Beg from the inmates?
I enthusiastically followed Brian to our free meal source. We were lucky that none of the JBZ staff were nearby. If they'd seen us, we'd have been dead geese!
As soon as we reached the portico of the dining hall, Brian and I scanned the area. We were looking out for mortal enemies. After determining that the coast was clear, we slithered through a window that was slightly ajar.
The ‘scents’ of delicious foods was driving us up the wall. We had to eat 'our food'!
Brian and I went straight to the kitchen. Even if we'd been blind that food would’ve been found. Our noses lead the way.
As soon as we entered the kitchen, all hell broke loose. Each of us forgot the presence of the other. We ate and drank like Roman emperors. By the time we were done, we'd eaten an incredible quantity of food, and drank as much liquids.
Unfortunately, dawn was fast approaching. We had to get back home before Cynthia awakened. If she'd discovered that we were gone, all hell would've been thrown at us!
Although we were satiated our exit was lightning fast. Afterwards, we briskly walked to the exit of the JBZ. Running would've excited the predators.
As we approached the exit of the JBZ, we spotted a zoo cart. We hid behind it, keeping an eye on the security guard.
"Brian, are we going to wait here all night long? Remember, we must get back home before Cynthia awakens. I can't imagine what would happen if she found out that we'd betrayed her. How many humans have already betrayed her? I think it would devastate her, if she found out our little secret," I said.
"Don't worry. I know this security guard like the back of my paw. Just wait a few minutes. He'll get up, walk over to the snack room then return with a coffee and a jelly donut. He does this every single night, shortly before dawn.
This guy has to sit in the same booth, Mondays through Fridays, fifty weeks out of the year, on an eight hour shift. The other security guards get to stroll around the zoo. This chump's too fat to move around. Except when he wants to use the restroom, or eat.
His friends call him 'Fatso Eddy'. Fatso Eddy got 'the job' because the interviewer owed him a favor. Isn't that something else?" asked Brian.
As soon as Fatso Eddy got up to leave, Brian and I slithered through the exit, then made a quick getaway. We understood that time was now our worst enemy. We had to get back home before our beloved Cynthia awakened.
Brian and I speed walked for a mile, then slowed down to a walking pace. I glanced up at the sky, then the horizon. Now, dawn was imminent. I could tell from the way Brian was behaving, he also knew.
We walked on Grover Street until we reached a large white house. Brian instructed me to wait until a beautiful woman exited the house. Apparently, Brian had been through this routine many times before. That was good news.
A short while later a beautiful woman exited the white house. This woman was almost as beautiful as Cynthia. She had blond hair, blue eyes, freckles, and was somewhat taller than the average North American woman. Even her walk was cute.
The beautiful woman was wearing a long beige-colored dress, a golden watch, and brown walking shoes. I didn't see a marriage ring on her finger. I wondered why she was still single. Maybe, she was divorced? No, she didn't seem like the type. She looked like an innocent woman who wanted only one 'Mr. Right', for life. In North America this type of woman is slowly
disappearing. Remember, this is a cat's opinion.
The beautiful woman circled her van, peering inside while she was walking. This is a good safety precaution. Drivers should always do this before entering their vehicle. Especially when the driver's alone and it's dark.
I took three steps towards the van, because I wanted the beautiful woman to pet me between the ears. Brian gently bit my tail then pulled me back to where I was before. Apparently, I had a lot more to learn.
We waited stealthily. Not making a single move. Brian told me that the beautiful woman drove by Cynthia's house every morning. Apparently, she had a sister who lived a few houses down the block. That was incredible. Brian must've done some hard-core investigating.
What would've happened if the beautiful woman was on vacation, or if she'd been ill? I wondered. For the time being, I kept quiet about the matter.
Brian and I slithered towards the beautiful woman's van, like leopards stalking prey. As soon as the beautiful woman opened the door of her van, she lowered the right rear window. No doubt, she wanted a little draft of air. She may have been claustrophobic. That was good for us.
The beautiful woman turned the ignition on. Then, she turned on the radio. That's when Brian and I leaped through the opening of the window.
The beautiful woman put her van into reverse then pulled out of her driveway. Afterwards, she put her van into drive. We were off!
Brian told me to stay low. Every so often, Brian would carefully peer out of the window, to make sure that we were heading in the right direction.
The beautiful woman drove steadily to her destination. Brian and I were very glad that she was inadvertently driving us back to our home.
"Jody, we're close to Cynthia's house. As soon as I leap out of the van, do likewise. Hopefully, we'll be back home in a short while," whispered Brian.
The beautiful woman slowed down her van, eventually pulling over near a stop sign. Initially, we thought that she'd spotted us. Luckily, that wasn't the case.
The beautiful woman exited her van then scanned the neighborhood. Afterwards, she crouched down then she entered a yard nearby. Unbelievably, she snatched a racing bike. After she scanned the area, she carried the racing bike back to her van.
Meanwhile, Brian and I had leaped out of the beautiful woman's van. We figured that she'd have to open the double door in order to put the stolen racing bike inside her van. In that case scenario, she would've spotted us.
Brian and I hid behind a blue Volkswagen, nearby. We had a birds-eye view of what was happening.
The beautiful woman quickly opened the van's double doors then placed the racing bike inside. Afterwards, she closed the double doors. She was off in a jiffy.
Brian and I glanced at each other. Both of us had been shamed! Neither of us even considered trying to stop the beautiful woman. Indeed, the owner of the racing bike had lost a precious item. Indeed, he/she would be pissed off as all hell. On the other hand, the owner should have secured the racing bike.
Brian and I rationalized our inaction by pouring partial blame on the victim, with the rest, on the thief. I guess that was the only way we could absolve ourselves of any guilt. Anyhow, we had our own problems to worry about.
A short while later Brian and I were at home. We made sure not to make any unnecessary movements, or sounds. We moved like slithery pythons on a tree.
Brian and I slithered back to our bedroom then closed our eyes. It was as though nothing had happened.
At breakfast time, Cynthia brought us two large bowls of milk.
"How are you guys? Did you guys sleep well last night? Or ... did you sleepwalk? Remember what I told you. It's very dangerous to go out late at night. I know you guys would never do such a thing. You're good cats, who'd never betray me ... right?" asked Cynthia.
YOU BETRAYED ME!
“Cynthia thanks for the compliment. Cat's honor ... we'd never betray you. Cynthia, you're an awesome woman. We stayed put. In fact, we didn't even peer out of any of the windows. We're happy that you trust us so dearly," said Brian.
Suddenly, Cynthia's mannerisms and tone of voice changed. In fact, the change was profound. Her face reddened then it paled. Instantly, I got the creeps! Something was wrong. But, what was it, I wondered? Well, the onslaught was on its way.
"Cats who sneak out of the house without permission are no better than sewer rats! I think those kind of cats are the scumthe-earth! I'd rather live alone, then be with any one of them. Let alone, two of them! You guys are too good to be like them! I know you'd never betray me! Especially, after what I've been through!" shouted Cynthia.
"Cynthia, you're such a b.., I mean, you're such a nice woman," said Brian.
"You mean ... I'm such a bitch?! Get out! Both of you! Just leave my freaking house! After all I've done for you! Brian, I opened up to you ... so much! Now, you have the nerve, temerity, and audacity, to call me a bitch. You know that I've been through way too much of that kind of abuse.