Chapter 11
We’re in front of a three storey building. The building might be approaching its hundredth birthday and it slopes a bit. It must have been rich during its good times, but the streaks of time and the Pisa’s tower look only make it better.
“This is it”, Lee says and something in his voice tells me that he’s wavering between opposite tensions
He wants me to walk upstairs with him, but there’s something that holds him back. Is it my resemblance to Veronica that troubles him?
“Nice”, I tell him, trying to sound chill
He smiles, but I can sense him shiver as he does so
“Right. I live under the roof and there’s no elevator”, he tells me
“So?”, I shrug
“So let’s go”, he says
The stairwell smells of old wood and moisture, and I love the feel of it.
When we’re in front of the door he fiddles with the lock awhile, and after all I tell him.
“You don’t want to like your lover’s sister, but that’s ok. If we’re so alike…are we so alike? I mean, is the resemblance only physical or is it the behaviour too?”
“You look like her and your voice is hers…your ways…yes, those too are similar, although you seem more disenchanted, harsher”, he tells me
I stay silent for a moment.
We’ve been standing in front of the door for few moments, but instead of opening the door Lee observes my reactions.
Now I am the one who smiles and shivers.
“Will you let us in at some point?”, I say
Lee giggles and opens the door.
I smell patchouli and coffee, and I catch a glimpse of the living room, of a red couch with white and orange pillows thrown on it.
I like the choice of colors.
I walk in and see that behind the couch there’s a painting that matches its flavor. It’s strangely familiar, as if I had painted it at some point in the past. It’s a simple painting, with no subject in it, just colors: red and yellow. There’s red on top and yellow on the bottom, with small blots of yellow in the red and small blots of red in the yellow.
I stare at it so intensely that I don’t notice that Lee is standing at my back.
“She painted it”, he says and I start, realizing his presence
“I could have painted this, you know?”, I tell him
“You paint?”, he asks
“Only at my friend’s place. I can’t do it in my goddamn house”
“Why?”, Lee asks
“It’s too perfect. You know what I mean?”, I say, without taking my eyes of the painting
Then I turn around
“You know what I mean?”, I repeat, “Everything looks perfect there. You can’t move a single comma without the feeling that the walls will tell you to place it back where it was. I suppose that that’s a way to keep an appearance of sanity when there’s so much crap hidden in your closets”
“You mean your presence in the house?”
“For instance”
There’s a pause during which Lee and I simply look at each other without speaking. It feels good this way.
“Does it unsettle you to know there’s someone so similar to you?”, he asks after a moment
The question hadn’t occurred to me before. Does it?
“I don’t know…it’s just weird. But deep down I have always known…I just wonder about my parents. Who are they? Did they give up on us? Are they still looking for us?”, I say, almost talking to myself
“Do you want to see Veronica? I only have one picture…I never thought…”, he starts
“Show me”, I say
Then I add, “Please…”
My heart is pounding.
Lee walks to his bedroom and I follow.
In the dim light of the room, over the red sheets of the undone bed, a face that could be my own is squeezed against Lee’s cheek, amplified in a 6 ftx3 ft black and white photograph.
Veronica.
My eyes locked into my twin’s eyes, I smile at Veronica’s smile, her happiness is mine.
Then Lee says, “I wish she were here”, and the spell breaks.
My smile melts away into tears, breaks into sobs that shatter my body. I’ve never felt so lonely.
Lee comes closer and he hugs me. He holds me tight, and cries with me. His tears wet my shirt and mine his, they glue our faces together.
Then through my tears I see Veronica’s face glued onto Lee’s. I see their smile.
I pull back just enough to look Lee straight in the eyes and say, “It’s good to be here”
“Jeez…”, he says, his voice choked
We’re silent for a moment.
“You know”, he tells me, “now that you’re here I know I’ll find her”
“I never thought I could…”, I start saying and the phone rings on his bed table
A strange expression crosses Lee’s face as he’s about to pick up the phone
“Yes?”, he says
Nothing on the other end
“Hello?”, he asks again
Someone finally
“Veronica…”, he whispers