Chapter 13
Packing didn’t take me long, it never does, but still I had no sleep. I spent the night talking with Joshua and by the time I hit the bed it was dawn.
I don’t know if I will see my adoptive parents again, or if I will take any of their calls, reply to any of their emails. I need time to understand, and I left behind a note saying so.
It’s time for me to understand what you never told me – Iris
I told Joshua I’ll be fine, but now that I am alone on this plane I know the lie is bigger than I thought it would be when I said it. I’m leaving all I have behind to look for a sister who might be dead. Who might be somewhere where I’ll never find her. I have objective reasons to feel lonely, and being as physically drained as I am just makes the emotional chaos worse.
Sleep, Iris, sleep. My eyes closed, I try to sleep.
But I can’t, because I have the feeling that a guy is observing me. I noticed him when I was lining up at the gate, his eyes somehow constantly brushing on me. His gaze was not blunt enough for me to stand up and say, “hey stop it”, it was rather the more subtle sideways type of gaze you can’t argue against. This man is the type you hope won’t be sitting close to you, because if he does you’ll never be able to push him away. At first it seems like our seats are not close, but then he somehow manages to find his way to a spot not too far from where I’m sitting. I wonder what he told the hostess to convince her to let him take a seat so bloody close to me.
As I sit with my eyes closed, I can’t see the guy’s eyes but I bet they’re still slyly landscaping me. Perhaps I’m being paranoid.
I sense that exhaustion is taking over…
“I thought you wouldn’t come anymore”, says Stephanie
“How late am I?”
“About a month, but don’t worry, we all know that last minutes accidents happen”, she says and laughs
“I can’t believe the flight took so long. I’m sorry…”
“Don’t mention it. Tell me about your dreams, rather”, she tells me, he voice strangely soft
“I didn’t sleep, sorry”, I say, realizing that I am apologizing at every sentence
“You’re sleeping now”
I don’t understand
“Who are you seeing?”, she asks
“You…”
“And whom else?”
Somebody bumps against my arm and I open my eyes. The joys of having an aisle seat. I hear myself moan and I raise my eyes to figure out who just woke me up.
And there he is.
This time there’s no doubt, the guy’s looking at me with meaning, straight in the eyes.
He slips his hand in the back pocket of his kakis pants and grabs a small something, seamlessly. I feel the goosebumps on my back, but all he is holding is a folded piece of paper. He drops it on my lap, casually, and walks away.
What is this?
I am tempted to brush it off my lap, just as casually as he dropped it there, and pretend nothing ever happened. But then I unfold the note. The writing is all pointy and slanted. A nervous, hasty print, written in fine black ink.
REALITY CAN EXCEED YOUR DREAMS. WATCH OUT FOR EVERYTHING AND EXCLUDE NOTHING. THEY’LL BE WATCHING YOU. DON’T TRY TO LOOK FOR ME – FOR YOUR OWN SAKE AND MINE.
When I take my eyes off the note the guy is gone from the seat where he was, and the hallway is empty.