PRISON
The policemen led me into a lobby where they took my cell phone. Fortunately, they left my cigarettes. They put me in a lobby with another thirty people. I was afraid because they were all criminals. You could see it from their faces. After waiting for about an hour, they led me through various offices where they verified my identity. In one of those offices, one of the prisoners spoke to me. He asked me if I knew whether they were going to do a drug test. I answered that I didn’t know and, then, it was time to enter the psychiatric ward of the prison. I thought that since it was a psychiatric ward, things might be easier. It could be like a clinic where doctors look after you and there are no fights among prisoners…As soon as I got there, I saw a real prison. Bars, cells, corridors. I got depressed. The first place they would put was in isolation. All the newcomers had to stay there for two weeks before going to their regular cells, probably for intimidation.
So on entering the isolation area, they showed me my cell. It was the cell numbered one. The only thing that the cell had inside was a bed and a hole in the ground as a toilet. The rest of the prisoners were looking at me with curiosity and suspicion until Sparta (one of the prisoners) showed up. Sparta was nuts just like the rest of my co-prisoners as I was in a psychiatry ward. As soon as he saw me, he called all the prisoners in isolation and reminded them of the following…
Sp.-Hey, idiots, who is he who lives in cell number one? What have we said?
Prisoners-Chief, they shouted in a bored way.
Sp.-From now on, as long as you are in cell number one, you tell us what to do. You will advise us and command us. Isn’t that right, guys?
Prisoners-Yeees, they said in a way that showed they were tired of Sparta’s shit.
So we all went to a cell so that they could test me to see if I am smart. If I am good enough to be a chief.
-One of those two is against you, said one of the prisoners and showed two other prisoners. Who?
-I don’t know. Both?
-No, neither of them. I am against you because I told you. The time has come for you to learn the most important thing in prison. D.T.A.
-What is D.T.A?
-Don’t trust anyone, because everybody is lying for their own reasons.
Then he took and towel and started choking himself.
-What the fuck are you doing? I asked him.
He got dizzy for a while and when he recovered he told me the following.
-Towelie…if you don’t have drugs, you do dumb shit.
-Chief, do you want anything from us? Can we leave?
-No, you can do whatever you want.
-Do you have a cigarette?
-Yes, here you are.
-The food is coming in a bit. Omelet and sausages.
-Is it edible?
-It you’re hungry…
The food came and it was so terrible that I couldn’t eat it. I left it in my room just in case I got hungry later on. Two hours later, it wasn’t there. Someone had stolen it. It was evening and they locked our cells. The next fourteen hours I would be alone in my cell without light. There was only a dim light from the bathroom’s light bulb. So that I wouldn’t go crazy, I decided to talk to the girls. They had no idea that I was in prison and I was afraid about how they would take it. A little later, Natalie came by herself.
Nat.-Don’t say anything! I know. We are going to support you. It’s completely unfair you are in prison although you did it. You weren’t well.
Chr.-I looove you, I said crying and hugged her.
Nat.-I’ll go call the others. Aliki will come too.
Chr.-Aaaah! My baby will come too.
Nat.-Don’t worry, we’ll pull through this together. We just have to be careful with Alice D…
After a while, they all came and we all hugged each other crying. I explained what happened to them and after we had sex, we slept together.
The two weeks in isolation passed quickly with the company of the girls. I understood, at some point, that the thing with the “chief” happened because everybody was crazy in there. The “chief” thing didn’t last long and a series of cigarette and coffee thefts replaced it. As long as I was in isolation, no visiting was permitted, so I didn’t see my parents for that period of time. I missed them and any attempts I made to talk to them through Communication were fruitless. They were absent.
When they took me out of isolation, they took me to the regular cells. The prison had three floors. On the third floor, lived those who had connections and those who worked in the prison. The cells on the third floor were nicer than the cells on the other two floors. The rest of us lived on the other two floors. They put me in a cell with another seven prisoners on the first floor. The canteen from which you could get cigarettes, coffee and phone cards worked twice a week and if you ran out of something, you had to wait. Except if you exchanged one for every two packs from some prisoners. In other words, they gave you one pack and you gave the two packs the next time the canteen opened. There was no money in there. Only tokens with which you could buy cokes and sandwiches from the small prison mini market. The first time I went to the canteen, a guy bullied me to buy him two packs of cigarettes, but I didn’t give them to him. He chased me all the way to my cell and I got away with four cigarettes and a coke. In the beginning, I stood my ground and they didn’t steal from me, but after a certain point they overdid it. They would take my clothes and made me treat them to cokes. Ι would hide my cigarettes and got away with a little cadging. I was the second youngest in prison. I was 23 and inexperienced…which resulted in my being taken advantage of a lot.
One of the first days in prison, a dealer named Manos approached me. He started talking to me, telling me how cool I looked and other such bullshit.
-…If you want, I can find you a little heroin, too. You seem to know the ropes, he told me at some point.
I didn’t think about it much and answered the following.
-With a syringe?
-Hahaha, where could we find one in here, man?! Nose. If you want tell me. I have some now, too. As for the payment, we’ll see. Don’t worry.
-I’m in. Let’s go, I answered.
So, we went to his cell and he took out two lines of heroin. After I sniffed them, two other prisoners came and were looking for cocaine. So, I sat and did cocaine too and I left in pieces. After that day and for about two months, I did both heroin and cocaine. Manos was very strict about payment. I had to give him two phone cards, tokens and several packs of cigarettes every week. Things were bad in msn also. Alice D was also constantly high on cocaine and in bad condition. When the rest of the girls weren’t collecting my pieces, they were trying to collect Alice D’s. I clearly remember a scene when we didn’t catch Alice D in time and she did cocaine in front of us. She opened her eyes wide and said in a determined way, “I didn’t do it.” That was her typical reaction. She had gone crazy and, sometimes, she fucked with several prisoners and then she came crying, saying that she didn’t do it. At some point, I felt that I was having withdrawal symptoms when I wasn’t getting high and I felt that if I continued I would die. So, I took the strongest decision of my life and quit, continuing to pay Manos so that he wouldn’t harm me. From then on until today, I never did it again. Neither will I. I still remember the withdrawal pains and I never want to be in that condition again. Before I stopped, I remember an incident when I thought that Manos had given me a fatal dose and I started to hallucinate seeing skeletons and, at some point, Alice D helped me recover with a …spell. On the other hand, my stopping heroin and cocaine, helped Alice D to, at first, reduce and then gradually to stop, too. Things seemed to be going to be going better.
Visiting days had started about two months ago and the fact that I saw my parents made me happy. They brought me skate magazines, books and cards from them and my friends. “Negotiations” had started so that they could bring me an mp3 and a PSP. They managed to bring me a mp3, but not a PSP. I hadn’t listened to music for two and a half months. After filling it with music I had asked for, they gave it to me and I started listening in the corridors. Dumb…within four days it had vanished. More specifically, two guys came and said that I had raped one of the two’s cousin. Since I hadn’t done such a thing, I asked them what they wanted. They continued the bullshit and at some point I asked them.
-Do you want my mp3?
-Yes, they answered.
-I’ll kill him. He raped my cousin, said the other guy.
-Come on, leave him alone, he said after taking my mp3.
-You won’t like the music it has, I said.
-Ok, ok.
A day later, they brought it back, because they didn’t like the music.
Two days later another prisoner stole it…
The situation in prison was getting appalling because many of the prisoners had knife marks in their necks, apart from their self-injuries. A knife mark on the neck was quite common, but the prisoners never told the guards because they were afraid of getting in more trouble. I was just trying not to make any acquaintances so that I wouldn’t get into trouble. One of those days, though, I was about to get in bad trouble through msn…
As I was relaxing and getting ready to sleep, one of the prisoners came in my head and started bullying me. Then, unfortunately Svensgar came, who had just found out after three months that I was in prison, and he started making me beat up the prisoner with a spell. The prisoner had connections and promised me that the next day he would kill me with another three prisoners. Time went by and the four prisoners were showing me the ways they were going to kill me. That was when I couldn’t take it anymore and I made my first attempt to commit suicide in prison. I lit a cigarette and started burning my veins. As soon as they opened the doors in the morning, I hadn’t lost any blood and I went out slowly to see what was happening. The prisoner looked at me like nothing had happened. It was an optical illusion that Svensgar created and after that I was very wary of anything that involved Svensgar.
A week later I would have problems with Argyris. Argyris was brutal and had a life sentence. He didn’t put up with anything. Something was always bothering him and he was always getting on my case. Since he was brutal, I always apologized and it stopped there. One day, they stole my coffee. It was early morning and I can’t stand it if I don’t have at least one sip of coffee in the morning. Argyris had a ready coffee on his night table and he wasn’t in the room. I looked left and right so that nobody would see me and I took a sip. I looked again and took a second sip. Fifteen minutes later, as I was walking down the corridor, I saw Argyris shouting at me, “Come here, you.” I went up to him and asked him what he wanted.
-What happened, Argyris?
-You drank my coffee, you scumbag?
-No, no…I didn’t…
He punched me in the eye and some of his friends surrounded me.
-You know that if you were in real prison you would have been stabbed? one of his friends told me.
-Sorry I only took a sip.
They were about to beat me up again, but Argyris stopped them. My eye was really black and I didn’t say anything to the guards nor to my parents who saw me the next day at visiting time. All this would continue in a very bad way because Svensgar came. That asshole threatened that if I didn’t punch Argyris, he would torture my parents. In the beginning, I didn’t believe it, but Svensgar brought my mother in front of me and started hitting her. I couldn’t stand it and went gave Argyris a very weak slap. Argyris started chasing me and I immediately went to the guards asking from them to put me in isolation to get away from Argyris. In the beginning, they wouldn’t, but then for some reason I managed to be sent there. So, they put me in a cell without light with another two prisoners in isolation. Svensgar continued hitting my mother and made me fight with the two prisoners. That’s when I got beat up again. Svensgar thankfully stopped and I fell asleep. The next day, as soon as the doors opened I called my mother. She sounded just fine…
The next thing that would happen in prison would stigmatize me for the next years. As soon as I got out of isolation, they put me in a cell with another two. “So that you are quieter,” they told me. After bringing my things, they closed the cells for the night and I fell asleep. Shouting from my two roommates woke me up. “Are you cumming, cocksucker?” I got up to see what was happening and they were masturbating each other. “Stop!” I said. “When you start, you can’t stop,” said one of them and they both laughed. I went pale and sat at the edge of my bed without watching and without speaking. I couldn’t call a guard because the cells were closed for the night. Luckily, they didn’t bother me. The next day, I went to a guard and told him and he answered that “if I put you in a room with seven, all seven will masturbate.” Fortunately, that didn’t happen again and one of them changed cells two days later. That incident fucked up my life.
Life in prison continued with an intense phobia that I would get raped. I was ready to react violently to such an incident. As time went by, I realized that that didn’t really happen. The prisoners did it with their own will. So, I calmed down at some point. In prison, I had no friends. I only hung out with a Chinese guy and a guy who would violate safes. The latter explained to me how to violate safes and congratulated me on robbing a bank. He was old and at some point he said to me, “Bravo Christos. A bank? Bravo!” The scene seemed really funny because it was like an old man praising you with the only difference that it was for a robbery. Things would change soon as far as the girls were concerned. We didn’t have much sex anymore and it seemed like they were tired of all the difficulties. First Dils came to talk to me…
-Before you say anything, I want you to give me time to talk before you interrupt me.
-I would never interrupt you, girl…
-Well. Things in prison are very bad, right?
-Yes.
-We have supported you tooth and nail till now. Do you agree?
-Yes, but I didn’t want to interrupt you.
-Come on, quit joking. We’re leaving. We can’t stand such a hard life anymore. We get really depressed.
-I am a burden to you, eh?
-Look, we love you and we are willing to try again when things get calmer. When you get out. So we are going to say good bye and I hope you get out of this mess soon. I love you. Wait…here come the others, too.
They said goodbye and left…I was hurt, but I didn’t want to destroy their lives anymore, so I didn’t do anything to keep them. I was alone at a time when things were getting a lot worse.
In that period of time, a prisoner named Vasilis was getting on my case. He stole my cigarettes, my clothes and my mp3s and he threatened that if I said anything he would kill me. He claimed that he had a life sentence and didn’t care if he killed because he was in for life anyway. That’s how he took over all the prison. He made the weak do him favors. I came to the point of not having any cigarettes because he stole them and had to smoke cigarette butts that I found on the ground. Otherwise I got one pack for every five I gave to another thief. The worse was the battle that existed behind what Vasilis would ask of me. Svensgar gave him “Bendels” and made him ask for extraordinary things while some members of the “protection group” used spells to somehow control Svensgar. Nevertheless, that situation had made life difficult for me. This went on for about a month until somebody ratted on him. So, they locked him up in a ward which was for disciplinary purposes. It was called the “blue” ward and was a lot worse than isolation. When he got out, he came to bully me in a mild way, but I explained to him that it wasn’t my fault. So, I was able to get rid of him once and for all.
The following days were easy in the outside world, but difficult on the inside.The “conspiracy” had incorporated other organizations, which also turned against me. In one of these organizations, there was a girl who had fallen in love with me, but her life was in danger if she didn’t harm me. They made her torture me and she did it while crying. The new torture was a spell which brought you to a semi-unconscious condition. One of the times I was in such a condition, she told me that she loved me. They immediately started torturing her and made her torture me also. Then members of the “protection group” came and took her. I was still in a semi-unconscious state. Those assholes wanted to involve one of my loved ones, just to get back at me because the lost the girl. Since the girls were away they couldn’t involve them. So, they thought of bringing the girlfriend of a very good friend of mine, Iphigenia, who was also a friend of mine. Some of the scumbags told her that I was dying and that I asked to see her as a last wish. I was in no condition even to react. So, Iphigenia came crying and hugged me. I wasn’t communicating. I said and did things that I couldn’t control. I was telling her that I wanted to marry her and a bunch of other bullshit due to the lack of communication with my surroundings. A little before I fell asleep, I saw Svensgar giving her “Bendels.” I tried to react, but they gave me a spell and I fell asleep.
The next day, strangely enough I woke up stressed and with a clear memory of the incident. I had to call her to see if she was ok…So, I called my friend and asked for her cell phone. He gave it to me and after we talked a little, I hung up and I called her.
-Hi, how are you? Are you ok? I asked searchingly trying to understand if what had happened through msn had really happened.
-Fine. Who is it?
-Christos.
-Aaaaah! Hi Christos. Where are you calling from? Prison? What happened?!
-Are you ok?! I insisted.
-Yes, yes, she answered casually.
The fact that she had answered my question casually and from the tone of her voice I realized that she was ok. Then I came to the conclusion that some of the things that happen through Communication were not real. I continued the conversation feeling embarrassed.
-It was a bad moment. I wasn’t well and I did it.
-Of course, you’re not a criminal.
There I breathed a sigh of relief and I continued the conversation. Our conversation was so constructive and so true that I wanted to talk to her again.
…
-Can I call you again or are you generally busy?
-No, call again, no problem. If I’m not at the university or if I’m not studying, I can talk.
-Nice, I’ll call you tomorrow evening.
-Ok…hang on in there. Bye.
The conversation made me so happy that the world of msn seemed small and stupid. That didn’t result in the assholes of the conspiracy not coming. Different assholes this time.
-Did you fall in love, scumbag? one of them said.
I didn’t answer. The “protection group” came and told me that it was safe and that I could call her. What the asshole from the “conspiracy” had said, echoed in my head, but I convinced myself that we were only friends. The next evening, we talked on the phone for about half an hour. As soon as I hung up, the idiots came and gave me a spell which made me fall in love with her.
-You’re going to die from being in love. We will do whatever we want with you, they said.
The days continued and so did the phone calls. As much as I tried to fight it, I had fallen in love. I would die for the small moments that happened and communication with her made me feel really good. Unfortunately, the “conspiracy” took advantage of this and organized stuff like cutting the telephone lines and giving me that stupid love spell which made me miss her and suffer. However, apart from that silly flirt, I never told her how I really felt. I had the impression that it would be better to tell her up close when I got out.
At some point, she came to see me in the visiting hour and I was disappointed…She came with a friend of mine and I had the impression that they were flirting in front of me. I was consumed with jealousy behind the glass that separated us. The possibility that she didn’t like me overwhelmed me and brought a depression that the “conspiracy” took advantage of. I was going through a phase during which the assholes were judging me and making fun of me all the time. One day when we were talking, Iphigenia asked me, “What are you scared of?” Her question shocked me and influenced by the daily inner crisis I was going through, I answered: “being judged.” What I was really scared of though was that communication with her would be cut. Which was something that would happen soon. And it would be my fault…
As my enemies in my head were increasing, the situation had become very difficult. They had closed me in a mental sphere and they were torturing me. This sphere had only one entrance and one of them was guarding it. The “protection group” unfortunately couldn’t get in, so I didn’t have any help. One of the tortures was to stop my breathing. They would bring me to a very bad state and then leave me. One time, I managed to turn the spell against them, so all of them fainted and I managed to run out of the entrance. Right outside a group of three psychologists was waiting for me. Two men and one woman. They helped me recover a little and told me that one of them would be responsible for me because the “conspiracy” would come back. They let me choose. I chose the woman. Her name was Anna and she was tall and blonde with a pretty face. A little bit after, Anna put herself in a protective sphere and she told me that when they make me suffer, I should hug her and talk to her. To get it out. Our relationship had become very strong, because of the difficulty of the situation and besides the help that she gave me, I talked to her about Iphigenia too. Many times our relationship was about to become erotic, but we said the word “friends” and it stopped there. Once, they harmed me so much that I started sobbing and she kissed. I responded and we had sex for the first time. I was hopelessly in love with her and she said she felt the same, too. I promised I would never call Iphigenia again and from then on she became my girlfriend…
The first days with Anna were great. We talked, we made fun of the prisoners in front of them, we dressed strangely, we listened to music and we learned things that one didn’t know about each other. We were so much in love that we couldn’t stand being without each other for five minutes. Sex was awesome and full of fantasy. The only problem was that she was always watching what I was thinking and she was jealous if I thought of other girls. So I avoided thinking of other girls. The problem was that Iphigenia was a very recent love of mine. I abruptly killed any feeling I had for her and that came out in my dreams. Another problem was that I was also very jealous and
For any slight reason, I got on her case. The “conspiracy” was still attacking, but it was bearable. As soon as they realized that they were not a great threat, they organized something horrible.
So, they set a scene where they would kill Anna if I didn’t do various bullshit that they told me to do. In the beginning, I didn’t believe it, but when the knife mark on Anna’s neck appeared, I was shocked and I did what they told me to do. First, they made me ask a roommate if he wanted to fuck Anna. Then they continued to make me say things to my roommates. At the end, they wanted me to do crazy things to inmates with a life sentence and guards. Not having any strength left, I told them that I preferred to die.
-Very good, they said. Either you or Anna. What do you prefer?
I told them that I prefer to die rather than Anna dying. So, I made two suicide attempts. One by burning my veins with the cigarette and the lighter and the other by intense toweling. After losing consciousness, some prisoners took me to the doctors and they revived me. When I recovered, I saw Anna hitting with rage the guy who had organized my suicide.
-It’s not true, shouted Anna when she saw me. I’m ok. When you get out, we get married. I won’t hear of anything else.
-Yes, baby.
-I live in Al….. 17.
That is where all conversations with Anna were cut until I got out. But we found ways, like gestures, to communicate.
It was May and my parents announced to me that I would make an application for my release. We collected all the necessary papers that said I was crazy and they took me to the court house on Alexandras avenue. The time had come for me to be released. When the judges saw me, they saw me negatively. I saw it from their expressions. After I spoke, while holding Anna’s hand, a little about what I had done, they had a private conference and decided that I had to stay in prison. My depression was very deep. All the toughness of the prison had influenced me so much that I couldn’t stay another day in there. I decided that until the trial which was in September, I would live well in prison. I avoided fights, I watched a lot of tv, I listened to a lot of music, I ate in a makeshift “tavern,” I hung out with Anna and I made new friends in there. My new friends were good company even though I sometimes freaked out that they were against me. Despite that, I will always remember my “friends” like a good memory in prison. I will mention their names in the thanks list at the end of the book.
Time passed and the trial approached. It was going to take place in September and in June I had already started counting the days. Not having much to do, I started writing the book, but some prisoners found it and tore it up, saying, “What, you’re a writer, now?” The “conspiracy” was tired of me and had given a pack of spells to a stupid psycho to make me suffer. The psycho was very persistent and had made my life difficult. Anna supported me and when I wasn’t suffering, we organized our wedding. With my inside friends, we hung out and joked around all day, although the idea that they were against me still freaked me out. So, at some point, the time for the trial had come…
They handcuffed me one September morning and they took me to the courthouse on Alexandras avenue. From the wired glass window of the bus, I could see Athens and I was thinking that most probably I would be enjoying it in a short period of time. It was something that we talked about with Anna. We would show each other our shoes and we would promise that we would melt them walking in pretty Athens. So, I got to the courthouse and they put me in a waiting area with another 50 people. There I was anxious for my turn to come to go on trial. Around me there were so many criminals asking for cigarettes all the time. That didn’t affect me and, at some point, my turn came to go on trial. So, I took Anna’s hand and went tied up to the court room.
The trial started and I was stressed about saying something stupid. We were aiming at ‘diminished capacity’ so that I could be released with a three-year parole. The judges’ questions were difficult, but I answered all of them the way I wanted. The doctors’ diagnosis, my good behavior in prison and the fact that I was a physics student all were positive for the result of the trial. After they had a private half-hour session, the judge and the prosecutor came out and said, “Such young people shouldn’t be in prison.” I was officially out of prison with three years and three months parole with restrictive measures. The lawyer requested the right to appeal my case in the future so that my sentence would be reduced. His request was accepted. The only thing left was for me to be released the same day or in three days which was one day after my birthday. They took me to the prison and thankfully the lawyer had arranged to release me that same day, before my birthday. I don’t think I could have handled another three days in there.
So, I quickly gathered my stuff, got my prison release papersand went towards the exit where my parents and my brother were waiting for me. Crying, but happy. My mother tells me till this day she had never seen such a smile on anyone’s face. I was free at last…