Jo woke up early the next day. She had slept fitfully, unable to shake the feeling that the important things her mom was going to tell her today would change her life. She felt anxious, apprehensive. She dressed quickly and headed to the kitchen to see if her mom was up yet. She wanted to get whatever it was out in the open, so she could quit worrying about it.
Her mother was in the kitchen, having just sat down with a cup of coffee and a piece of toast.
“Jo,” she exclaimed, “I didn’t expect you up for hours. Aren’t you still tired? It has been a busy few days for you.”
“Yes, Mom, but I can’t sleep with this thing hanging over my head. Knowing you want to talk to me about something important is keeping me from resting!”
Jo’s mom put her coffee cup down, and smiled apologetically at Jo. “I’m sorry to make you worry, dear. The only reason I told you at all was so that you wouldn’t plan today away with Alex and Charlie. I would have just sprung it on you this morning if I was absolutely sure you would stay home today."
“Yeah, I guess you are right. I might have gone off today, not knowing you had taken the day off. Then it would have had to wait another day.”
She looked grimly at her daughter. “I’m sorry, Jo, but this won’t wait.” She sighed. “We may as well get it over with. Grab yourself some toast really fast. There’s juice in the fridge, too.”
While Jo was getting a quick breakfast, her mother excused herself to get something from her room. Jo ate sullenly, the food seemed tasteless. She dreaded this unknown thing. As she stared out the kitchen window, she saw the pest control guy spraying some liquid stuff along the road and around the shrubbery. Odd, she thought, he was just here last week.
When her mom returned and all the breakfast things were put away, Jo sat down at the table, and waited. “Okay, Mom, I’m ready. What’s going to happen when I turn eighteen? Am I adopted or something and you want me to find my birth parents?” That was one of the theories briefly considered during the restless sleep of the evening before. “Or do I have a horrid disease that begins to become aggressive in adulthood?” Her mom shook her head no to both ideas and sat down in the chair next to Jo. “Then I am actually a princess, and you have been raising me as your own because the evil fairy cast a spell on me, and when I turn eighteen I will prick my finger on a spinning wheel!” Jo announced laughing.
Smiling, her mother asked, “Are you through?”
“Yes, I’m ready. Spill it, Mom.”
She handed Jo an envelope. It was worn and almost yellowed. There was a small rip out of one corner. It had obviously been handled a lot.
“What is this, Mom?”
“That was the very last letter your father ever wrote me. I want you to read it.”
Jo looked up at her mother, dazed. “A letter from Daddy? Why didn’t you ever let me see it before?” She carefully pulled the folded pages out of the envelope, and flattened them out on the table.
“It wasn’t time yet, honey, but now it is.”
“How did Daddy die, mom? I don’t even remember him.”
“It was a car accident, Jo. The doctors say he died quickly, that he wasn’t in pain. You were just a baby. He loved you very much, Jo, and had plans for you.” She motioned to the letter in Jo’s hands. “Read the letter, honey. Maybe it will shed some light on your questions.”
Her mother busied herself cleaning up around the house as Jo picked up the letter. She first noticed the date of the letter – a little less than eighteen years ago. Jo figured she was about two months old when it was written. She began reading.
My dearest Lin,
It pains me to be away from you again so soon. How much I miss being with you and our daughter in our own tiny little home. This will be the last time we will ever need to be separated my love. My business here in New York will be concluded, and I will be free to come home to my beloved family. I know we have been married just over a year now, and I cherish the faith you had in me to wait to tell my family about us. Once this trip is concluded, I will be free to tell not only my family, but also the whole world about you, and our beautiful Joanna. I cannot wait to place my daughter into the loving arms of her grandmother. My mother, in particular, will rejoice with my news! She had been lovingly nagging at me for several years to bring her home a daughter and bless her with grandchildren. It has been all I can do to refrain from telling her about you before it was time, but I must protect you and our baby at all costs, so the family must not know until this last bit of business is complete, and I have returned to you, my love.
I love this time of year in New York. The leaves are just starting to fall, the weather cooling. The colors are vibrant. I was wondering where you want to live once I return. You can choose anywhere in the whole world, my darling. Paris, Rome, London, Chicago, Dallas, Seattle, anywhere! Or we can stay in California if you wish, and raise our daughter, and her future siblings, in a small community. I will build you a castle on a hillside overlooking the ocean, or a cabin in the mountains near a stream. Be thinking of where you would want to live, my love. Just as soon as I return, I will grant any wish you have. I will bring you expensive flowers every day, and delectable boxes of chocolates. And I will lavish you with my love and affection. We will get every toy our little girl lays her eyes on, and truly spoil her rotten. We will never be poor again, sweetheart, I promise you that. Never again will we have to choose between milk and diapers. And yet, when I go off on these trips, you never ask me where I went, you never grill me for answers. Your trust is my crowning joy, and for that I honor you.
I know that sometimes you must wonder what I mean when I say these things. There are men who I deal with who I do not fully trust, and so for their sakes, I hide away the very thing I wish to shout about – my beautiful wife and daughter, but not anymore! Very soon, I am free from hiding, free to show off my gorgeous wife, free to introduce my baby to her grandparents, and free to never keep secrets from you again. I am oh so grateful for that! How I dread not being able to speak openly with you about this!
In three days, I will be coming home. The final papers will be signed tomorrow. I have been requested to stay for a party the evening after the signing, to celebrate the beginning of the business partnership. Then, the following morning, I will be flying to you. I wish it were now! I wish it were today!
Let us plan to take a vacation as soon as I return. I will book us a cruise to Hawaii if you wish, or a trip to Europe. Anywhere at all. We will celebrate our family! Celebrate the conclusion of business. Celebrate the fact that finally we can be together, and nothing will ever separate us again!
Now I must tear myself away from you, my darling Lin, and get some sleep. I will dream of you holding our little Jo, while standing on the beach at sunset, watching the waves come in and tickle your toes. Jo will laugh and coo and you will look down on her with your angelic smile that I see on you when gazing upon our daughter. I love you, Lin. I love you, love you, love you. And in three days I will shout it from the mountaintops!
Give our daughter a kiss for me. I will be home as soon as I can.
All my love,
Joe
When Jo finished reading the letter, her eyes were misty. This was the only time she had ever met her father. To know how very much he had loved her and her mother was wonderful. She wished her mother had shared it with her before, but understood why it had been kept a secret. Her mother was still very much in love with him, and it was painful to talk about. Her mother saw Jo put the letter down, and came back to the table and sat down with her.
“He was a wonderful man, Jo. I still miss him every day.”
Jo wiped her eyes with a tissue. “I can see how much he loved you, Mom. I am so glad you had that.” Jo smiled, and hugged her mom. “So, how did the accident happen? He never made it home after this business trip?”
She nodded. “He was on his way to the airport. Apparently fall is wet and messy in New York, and it was raining. He was in a cab, and the driver lost control, and they hit a light pole.”
Jo listened to her mom’s explanation. “But Mom, from reading this letter, it seems that he hadn’t told anyone he was married, or about me either. How did you find out he had died? Did someone call you?”
“No,” She dropped her gaze to the table. To Jo, it looked like her mom was trying to hide tears. “When he didn’t arrive in three days, I called the motel where he was staying. We talked as often as we could on the phone, and he always stayed in the same motel so that I would know how to get hold of him if I needed him. And when I called the motel, he had checked out on time. Then I called the airlines, and asked about his flight. They informed me that he had never gotten on. I considered calling his parents, because I had contact information for them, but I was afraid that if he hadn’t told them about me yet, I could harm whatever he was doing in New York. Finally, I called hospitals and police stations in New York. I found out there are dozens of hospitals, and even more police stations, but after two days of calling,” she stopped for a moment, and a sob caught in her throat, “I found out that he had died at a hospital. They told me his body was at a mortuary somewhere near his parents’ home. I called the mortuary, and was able to find out the service times. I borrowed money from neighbors and friends, and left you with a lady we lived next to that adored you, and boarded a plane to New York. I went to your father’s funeral in secret. I shook hands with your grandparents, just as everyone else did, and I saw my husband lying in a coffin. I had to be sure he was dead, since I couldn’t ask anyone. And that was the only way I could think of to do it.”
By this time in the story, Linda Becker was sobbing openly.
“I know you are wondering why I didn’t confront Joe’s parents and tell them who I was. At the time, I was too distraught to even speak. Once I got back home, I felt that since he never told his family about me, or even you, that he had a reason. I could tell from the way your grandparents were dressed, and other people who attended the funeral, that your grandparents were wealthy. A woman and child showing up on their doorstep would seem like nothing more than gold-diggers so closely following the death of their son.”
“But the letter, Mom! You could have let them read the letter, which would have proven who you were.”
“The thing is, Jo, it didn’t matter to me. I had lost my husband, and had never met his family. There was no reason to expect them to care for us, and that is all that I would be doing if I revealed who we were to them, is asking for them to take us in and care for us. Your father didn’t talk about them often, and even though he told me that they would welcome their granddaughter, I really felt unsure and scared. After all, he didn’t tell them about us for over a year for a reason. And since he had never been able to reveal his reasoning to me, I was unprepared to take my infant daughter into unknown conditions.”
Jo slowly rubbed her mom’s back, just expressing her love. She asked, “Why did you wait until I was eighteen to tell me all of this, Mom. Why eighteen?”
“Tomorrow you are an adult,” she said, “and you can do what you wish. You can look up your grandparents; see if they are still alive. And if they really were wealthy, you may have an inheritance. Even if they are still alive, there might be something from your father. If the business he went to New York for that day concluded, maybe there is money somewhere for you.”
“So you didn’t want to seem like a gold digger when he died, but now you want me to become one?” Jo questioned her mother sharply.
Her tired mother sighed. “No, Jo, it’s not like that. I just want you to be able to have more than what I can provide. You can’t go to college because there isn’t money. You have your license but can’t drive because we have no reliable car. Your father spoke in that letter as if there would be money for us. I’m sure he would be sorrowful to know what we have had to do to survive these last eighteen years without him.”
“Maybe he would, Mom, but I’m not. You did a fantastic job keeping us going all these years. I’ve never gone hungry, I’ve always had decent clothes, and we’ve had a roof over our heads. We are truly blessed, Mom. Don’t you dare tell me you didn’t do enough!” Jo fiercely hugged her mom. “You are an incredible woman. Don’t ever think less of yourself, Mom.”
“But honey, there’s also the social security. Now that you are of age, we don’t get that anymore. I’m not sure how we will get by without it.”
“I’m going to get a job, Mom. I was waiting to turn eighteen because I know some places prefer eighteen-year-olds to seventeen-year-olds. I already have a few applications from some of the places around the market where you work. I figured if I could catch a ride to work with you, then I could save up a little at a time until we could get a second car.” Jo stopped for a second, and then questioned her mom. “Mom, something I was wondering about. How did you get social security for me after Daddy died when no one knew you were married or I was his child?”
“We married here, in California. The marriage certificate and your birth certificate have his name, and mine. It was a legal marriage, and a legal birth. All you need to collect surviving child benefits is a death certificate, which I was able to get from New York. If the government had challenged the claim, they would have asked for paternity test, which I would have agreed to. It’s all done through the government, has nothing to do with his family. In fact, I’m sure his family didn’t even know we were collecting on his social security, since inquiring into something like that would violate privacy laws.”
“Okay. That makes sense. All the paperwork was three thousand miles away from the rest of his life, so there was no conflict.”
“Well, I also had pictures of him and you together, and all of the rent, utilities, and everything was in his name. The only people that didn’t know about my marriage and your birth were his family. The proper agencies had all the information. If his family had bothered to look at all, they would have easily found us, but they probably never even thought about trying. I mean, why wouldn’t your son tell you something like that?”
Jo nodded her head in agreement. “So, the big talk you wanted to have with me today is to tell me I might have rich relatives, if I want them, and I’m welcome to become a gold-digger if I do.” She smiled.
Jo’s mom playfully smacked her daughter on the shoulder. “That is not why I told you about this. Some day you might want to look up your father’s family. I am not opposed to meeting them, or even being friendly with them, if they are still alive. I guess the reason I never did is I still trusted my husband. He wanted us to wait. And I suppose - I am still waiting.”
Jo considered that. She thought she understood her mom’s reluctance to seek out the unknown relatives. And she secretly applauded her mom’s determination to make it without a hand out, considering the fact that there was no way of knowing how the wife and child would have been accepted. Her mom did the safest, most cautious thing by simply continuing the secret.
“Mom, since we are openly discussing this, tell me about my father. How did you meet? I want to know everything.”
The mother smiled indulgently. Jo already knew most of the stories, but she would tell them all again. They talked and laughed for hours, not even stopping while they fixed themselves a quick lunch. Jo relished days with her mom; they were rare. Her mom was always at work, and she worked hard. And soon, Jo would be working too. She sighed as she thought about it. It would be nice to go to college. She was intelligent, she knew, graduating fourth in her class, but she hadn’t even applied for any of the scholarships or grants offered. She knew there wasn’t even money for the gas to drive to college, if she did get the tuition waived.
Late in the afternoon, while Jo’s mom was putting a cake into the oven to bake for Jo’s birthday, the phone rang. Jo let her mom answer it since she knew both of her friends would be busy. She vaguely heard her mom trying to decline something. She heard, “I really can’t” and “No, I don’t think it’s possible.” Finally she heard her mom sigh, and say, “All right, I will be there in an hour.” That made Jo sit up from where she was lounging on the couch, watching television.
“You have to go somewhere, Mom?”
Her mother came into the living room where Jo was. “Honey, I’m so very sorry. I planned this day for us months ago, but that was the super market on the phone. Two of the afternoon crew called in sick and then two others had an accident in the store. Something about a pallet fell; I’m not sure what happened. The manager has called in everyone who was available, and so far has only been able to get one other person at home. He begged, Jo. He’s never been mean to be, but this was the first time he was actually nice. He told me that I was the most reliable cashier of all of them, and that he was doubling my salary permanently beginning today, whether I agreed to come in or not.”
“Oh, Mom, that’s terrific! I can see he really values you. It’s about time!” Jo smiled. “You should go, Mom. I’ve had a terrific day with you. I felt like I spent the day with you and Daddy both. And I loved it, but it’s ok, you should go. I’m going to hang out here and watch TV and be lazy my last day as a kid.” Jo grinned and flipped channels with the remote.
“But, Jo, I just put your birthday cake in the oven!”
“Its okay, Mom, I know how to pull a cake out of the oven when the timer goes off. You didn’t raise a nitwit. I can handle it.” Jo grinned at her mom. She knew she was getting sassy, but she felt good, and was happy, and wanted her mom to be okay. She could tell that her mom really wanted to stay, but was torn by “duty” calling.
“Okay. I will go. The timer will go off in about twenty minutes. Just set the cake out, we will decorate it tonight when I get home. I’m only doing about two-thirds of a shift. I will be off at eight o’clock. Can you get yourself some dinner? Oh, that’s so mean to do to you.”
“Mom, stop it! I’m a big girl! There’s soup left from last night, and I know how to use a microwave. I love you mom, but you are treating me like I’m turning eight, not eighteen.”
Jo’s mom sighed, resigned. “You’re right, my intelligent, lovely, old daughter.” She laughed at Jo’s frown.
“If I’m old, what does that make you?” Jo retorted.
The smiling mother raised her hands in surrender and went to her room to freshen up. She came out a few moments later, purse and keys in hand. She leaned over the couch and gave Jo a kiss on the cheek.
“I really am sorry we didn’t get the whole day, honey. I promise I will make it up to you.”
“I know, Mom. It’s okay. I will be fine.”
“Yes, you will,” her mom stood up. “Don’t forget the cake, and don’t forget to eat some dinner. I will be home as soon as I can.” Then her mom blew her a kiss and was gone.
It wasn’t for a few minutes that her mom’s last words hit her. Jo sat up straight, stunned. Those were the very last words her father had said in his letter, too.