Through the Cracks by K J Tesar - HTML preview

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Chapter Three: The Nectar of Life

 

 

I was over the moon when Saturday afternoon made its long awaited appearance. I was really looking forward to meeting up with my new friends, and neighbours. I enjoyed finding out about their lives, and what had brought them to the place where they were. What had brought them to that place, which was an in-between place, a place which was neither here nor there, a place which was either a starting point, or an ending point, as seen from the point of view of the normality of most people. Those following life’s golden pathway, society’s meritorious advocates. Those who could do no wrong, those ignorant of the cracks just waiting for them to fall through. Also, I enjoyed the fact that my new friends knew nothing about me, or my past. I could render public whatever I wanted, and decide that which I preferred to keep to myself. Like, for example, the whole Monica blunder. That would definitely be kept under wraps. From everyone, forever. There would be no upside to having that story known. That was one of the great advantages of creating a new beginning. I felt like I could wipe the slate clean, start from scratch. I could become whoever I wanted to be. I would start my life anew, without the baggage that had been previously weighing me down. I would establish my life as I wanted it to be, not the version of me dictated by who I had formerly been, or by what job I had be doing beforehand. It was time to look to the future. It was time to leave the past behind, unburden myself from those heavy shackles, partially self-imposed, and focus on the next phase of my life. With the great anticipation that was building within me, I headed to the bar a little early. As usual, Valentina was looking fresh, and absolutely lovely.

‘Hi Nigel, you are looking handsome today!’

‘Hey, thanks Valentina. You look as beautiful as ever.’

We both smiled broadly at each other. It must be on! Surely, I wasn’t reading it all wrongly, again? My powers of perception couldn’t be that faulty. I was positive of it.

‘It looks like apart from Robbie, I’m the first one here. Anyway, I’m not sure if he wants to join us, really. He’s probably just here because he always is. Drinking away yet another afternoon.’

‘I don’t know much about him, he doesn’t open up at all with anyone. He’s not exactly rude, but he certainly is pretty gruff.’

‘Well, if he doesn’t open up with you, Valentina, he won’t be opening up with anyone. You have a way of making people feel really at ease.’

‘Thank you! That’s a very nice thing to say. What about Rosa? Will she be coming?’

‘I’ve already told her that when the others are here, I will go down and get here. I told her that if I have to, I will put her over my shoulder, and carry her here.’

Valentina laughed, and shook her head.

‘You’re so crazy!’

The door opened, and in walked Nassim and Jana.

‘Hi guys! Where’s Ariane?’

‘Hello Nigel,’ replied Nassim, ‘she has gone up to the park with our neighbour, and her kids. She’s too fidgety to sit still here with us.’

‘Sure, that makes sense. I will get Valentina to wrap a couple of little cakes for you, to take home for her.’

Jana looked at me and smiled.

‘That’s very nice of you.’ she said.

‘Come on, let’s sit over here.’

I guided them over to a couple of tables that Valentina had joined together for us.

‘Robbie, do you care to join us?’

‘Maybe later.’ was his curt reply.

‘OK, anyway, this is Nassim and Jana. Guys, that’s Robbie.’

My two muslim friends greeted Robbie warmly. He initially just grunted something at them, but, then, as if realising his rudeness, stood up, and shook their hands, with a bit more of a polite demeanour.

‘Please, Robbie,’ said Jana with her soft, sweet voice, ‘why don’t you sit down here, next to me?’

Robbie looked on the point of blurting out one of his typically blunt replies, but then, for some reason his body language seemed to soften.

‘Well, alright, as long as you don’t object to me drinking whiskey. I’m not in a very cup-of-tea drinking period of my life, at the moment.’

‘We have no objections at all.’ replied Nassim. ‘As muslims, we don’t drink alcohol, but we respect other people’s choices.’

Jana looked at Robbie, and said;

‘That’s one of the things we like about living in Italy. The freedom you have to choose your own path. In our homeland, Lebanon, we didn’t always have that choice. We respect the decisions of others, and hope that they, too, respect ours.’

Robbie seemed to be almost stunned, bewildered. He looked at Jana with a surprising expression of admiration. He had been won over by her intelligent, well stated, rational point of view. He almost fumbled, searching for a reply.

‘Right, I guess we just take those things for granted, living here.’

That was quite possibly the longest string of words to have come out of his mouth, for a very long time. Jana had penetrated his tough, outer shell, and had seemingly touched a chord, hidden somewhere deep inside him. He sat in the chair next to her, and even managed to force out a slight smile. The group was nearly complete.

‘I’m going to go and get my friend Rosa. I’ll be back in a minute.’

I left the coffee shop, and walked down to Rosa’s bench. I felt like a million dollars. Everything was falling into place. When I got to her bench, she seemed to be waiting for me, and it looked like she had even made a bit of an effort with her appearance, for the big occasion.

‘Rosa, you look fabulous! Are you coming up?’

‘Yes.’

She stood up, gave me a little smile, and started walking with me towards the coffee shop.

‘Listen, Rosa, you don’t need to speak any more than you want to. Just having your company will be a great pleasure for me.’

In response, she lightly touched my arm, in the Italian way of communicating, without words. It felt so good. We were connecting. In that difficult period of my life, it felt nice to be able to help someone else, someone in a worse place than me. When we walked in, Valentina was putting some little cakes on the table. She put the plate down, and rushed over to Rosa, and lightly kissed her on both cheeks.

‘You look so lovely, Rosa! Come over and sit here, next to Nigel.’

As she guided Rosa to her chair, she looked at me and smiled warmly.

‘You too, Nigel! Sit down here.’

‘Sure, lovely lady. OK, tea for everyone, please! Oh, and bring Robbie another of whatever he is drinking. My friends, this is Rosa, from across the street. Rosa, this is Nassim, Jana, and Robbie.’

Everyone greeted Rosa warmly, even Robbie. She, however, didn’t reply. Rosa sat down in her chair, without making eye contact with anyone. However, she did seem a bit more perky than usual. Instead of her habitual, drooped type of posture, she sat up straight. Looking at the others, I realised that, oddly, in my brief absence, Jana had managed to get Robbie involved in a conversation. Never say never.

‘Robbie,’ continued Jana, ‘you were saying that you are a commercial lawyer. Would you be able to recommend anyone to us, someone who would be able to help us prepare our residency continuance? I realise that it’s a different field than yours, but maybe one of your contacts from the legal profession knows something about that.’

‘Well, I’m not actually working at the moment, but any lawyer would be capable of preparing something like that. From a purely legal point of view it’s fairly standard.’

‘For us, it’s very difficult. Also, if we get it wrong, we will have to leave Italy, so it is incredibly important to us.’

Robbie looked at Jana, with an expression unusual for him. An expression of seemingly caring about something. A novelty for him, in the state he was in.

‘Let me look at the paperwork you have. I’ll see what I can do.’

Jana and Nassim were over the moon. Both thanked him warmly. The whole afternoon tea party was working out incredibly well. Not only was Rosa getting to take her mind off her sorrows, but also Nassim and Jana were going to be helped by Robbie, with their residency application. As Valentina served our teas, and Robbie his whiskey, I reflected on how easy life could actually be. If only we would communicate with others, our problems could be eased. Each man is an island unto himself, but if those islands where to be connected with bridges, we could help each other resolve our individual dilemmas. I felt an immense sense of pride, at what I had achieved with my new friends. Rosa, while saying nothing at all, actually seemed to be following the conversation. She didn’t eat anything, nor did she drink her tea, but I felt that it was good for her to be in our company. Maybe, with small steps, we could help her return, if not to her former self, at least to a slightly better place than where she had found herself to be. We drank our tea, and exchanged small talk in our cheery little group.

‘Jana, I was sure that Lebanon had a tradition of tea drinking. That’s not the case then?’

‘Well, some people drink tea, of course, but it isn’t one of our traditions. It’s more something that has been introduced by foreigners coming to Lebanon. I like tea, anyway. Coffee is very strong. After a cup or two you have to stop, whereas with tea, being a lot milder, you can drink as much as you like.’

I had an idea. Why not make our tea meeting a regular event?

‘Let’s start a new tradition, here on Dante street. Saturday afternoon tea, when we have time. What do you all say?’

‘Well, you lot can drink whatever you want. I’m all for Saturday afternoon whiskey!’ said Robbie, smiling.

We all laughed. Robbie was cracking jokes. What a change. I looked over to see if Valentina had noticed. She was following our conversation closely, and gave me the thumbs up sign.

‘Sorry to break up the party, but we better go, and save our neighbour from Ariane.’

‘Sure Nassim, thanks for coming. Both of you. Rosa, do you want me to accompany you down the road?’

We all stood up to leave, except Robbie. He was already where he needed to be.

‘Valentina, I’ll be back in a minute. I’ll just take Rosa back.’

‘Sure, no hurry. Jana, here are some little cakes, for Ariane.’

Valentina gave Jana a little packet of cakes, neatly wrapped.

Jana was flushed with delight.

‘Thank you so much!’

The four of us said our goodbyes outside the door, well, three of us really, Rosa didn’t say anything. I walked with Rosa down to her bench. It felt so good to have been of some little help to her, in her desperately sad state.

‘That was pleasant, don’t you think, Rosa?’

Rosa briefly looked at me in the eyes.

‘Yes, thanks.’

That was all I could have expected from her, but actually it was a lot. She usually didn’t even say that much. I waved to her, and walked back to Valentina’s place, feeling immense joy about the whole afternoon. Valentina, as usual, had a great welcoming smile for me.

‘That was so good of you, Nigel. You are a very nice person. Very sweet.’

‘Thanks. Hey, I enjoyed it too. I think everyone should have afternoon tea with cakes. The world would be a better place for it.’

‘That’s for sure.’

 

Robbie waved me over to his table. His mood, strangely, seemed almost upbeat.

‘Have a seat, Nigel.’

‘Sure, what’s up?’

‘Hey, listen, I know I have been pretty obnoxious to you. You have just been trying to be friendly, and I was a real prick.’

‘Hey, don’t worry. Anyway, you weren’t rude at all. Maybe a bit abrupt, but absolutely nothing to have to apologize for.’

Robbie was in the mood for opening up with someone. Had it been the effect of the afternoon tea party, or was it just because of all the booze he had by then consumed?

‘You see, Nigel, I’m really in a bad way. My life is just shit. I guess I may as well admit the obvious. I’m an alcoholic. Looking back over the years, I realise now that I really treated my wife, and son, badly. I think she only put up with me because of the good pay packet I brought in.’

‘Hey, don’t say that. Life is complicated for us all. I’m sure there where plenty of good times in there, as well.’

‘I don’t know, maybe. Anyway, when I lost my job, basically for drinking at work, she threw me out. Now she won’t even let me see my son, Paolo. To be honest, I don’t blame her. I still don’t understand how it all came to this.’

The success of the afternoon had put me in a philosophic mood. I had all the answers to everyone’s obstacles. I felt like the Dante street problem solver.

‘Alcohol is very insidious. It has a way of creeping up on you over the course of many years. You go from just enjoying a few social drinks, to needing those drinks. Then it’s a slippery slope, downhill. I’ve seen quite a bit of that. I grew up in a very drink based society. Every social occasion would involve alcohol, and lots of it. A few of my mates are alcoholics.’

That tweaked Robbie’s interest. He looked at me sharply.

‘Have they managed to get out?’

‘To be honest with you, one friend died because of it, a few years ago. So it can definitely end badly. But, others have managed to turn their lives around. One old mate hasn’t had a drink now, for over ten years. His life, with his family, is really going well.’

‘If I was to kick the booze, do you think I could patch things up with my wife?’

It was a tough question, and while I wanted to be encouraging, I didn’t want to give him false hope.

‘Well, let’s put it this way, if you don’t the chances are zero, so, in any case, it’s definitely worth trying. But as much as anything, it would be positive for yourself as well, you know. Think about how you want to live. There must be more things you want to do with your life than just this?’

He looked at me pensively, and nodded.

‘Yeah, that’s true, too. Hey, you know what? I’ve never really spoken with muslims before. They are nice people, those two. That Jana is really nice, so honest. Full of life, and so full of dreams. My impression of muslims has mainly been influenced by what you see on the news, but those two are nothing like that. Nassim seems like a steady worker, a solid person, putting his family first. I was really impressed with them both.’

‘Yeah, they really are nice people, both of them. You could really help them out with that residency request, you know. They are really up against it. Plus it seems that their case worker, at the immigration office, is a real arsehole. It seems like she has really got it in for them. They could end up getting kicked out of Italy, if they get their application denied.’

An expression of grim determination crossed his face as he looked at me.

‘Listen, Nigel, I am on this. I give you my word. I will do all I can for them. I’m going to make this my project. I will sort it out for them.’

‘Good on you. I’m sure it will be good for you, as well, to have something to focus on. That’s probably just what you need. Hey listen, I’ll catch you later, my friend. I’ve got things to do.’

‘OK, bye, and thanks again. Thanks for everything.’

 

I was feeling on top of the world, all that I touched turned to gold. There was nothing I couldn’t achieve. No restraints could hold me back. I decided that I should tackle the backlog of jobs that had been building up back at my place. Flushed with my considerable success with helping others, I resolved to spend a bit of that endless energy on sorting out my own inadequacies. It was time to spend some time on me. I went to the supermarket and stocked up on food for me, and McGinty. Instead of my usual ready made, easy meals, I would devote myself to cooking wholesome, healthy food. I was living in the right country for that. I was finally going to get to grips with doing some good cooking. Something I had been putting off relentlessly. I would download some good recipes, and become if not exactly an Italian wonder chef, at least someone who could cook some good, basic, healthy, fare. Mind you, by the time I had done the supermarket run, and put everything away, it was getting late, so I couldn’t really be bothered cooking. I ordered in a Pizza. The new, healthy start wouldn’t be canceled, just slightly delayed.

After a relatively good night’s sleep, I continued with my mission to sort out things on the home front. Sunday was spent cleaning the flat, washing all my dirty clothes, which was just about all of them, and generally getting down to business. Valentina’s place was shut on Sunday, so I had no excuse for wasting time. By the afternoon, I had a stack of dry clothes that needed ironing. I was getting serious. The time had come for me to start making a bit more of an effort, in my new life. It was all very well helping others, but I also needed to buckle down, and take control of my own life. My thoughts kept returning to Valentina. Was I right there? Did she like me, in the way I liked her? Was the physical attraction mutual? After the whole mess with Monica, I wasn’t sure about anything, anymore. My self confidence in the relationship stakes had really taken a nose dive. I decided that the best approach would be to keep the pressure on, but without going out on a limb. That way, if I was wrong, yet again, I wouldn’t make an idiot out of myself, yet again. If, on the other hand, I was right, surely she would let me know, in some way. At some point she would inevitably give me a sign, an indication. I would keep on at it, pushing gently, and see how things developed. My God, the thought of making love with her was driving me crazy. She was so beautiful. Maybe I should lightly increase the pressure? To see what would happen. Yes, I definitely needed to know just how things were, between us. I would up the ante, just a bit.

 

When the Monday morning sunshine woke me, shimmering through my curtains, I was feeling the best I had felt for a long time. My flat was clean, and in good shape. I had a good feeling about Valentina, and I was making good progress with Rosa. I felt like I could achieve anything I set my mind to. Optimism was flowing in my veins. Sure, I had made plenty of mistakes in the past, and some things hadn’t turned out as I had hoped, but surely that was the same for everyone. You just have to go with the flow. In any case, I could see that things were getting better. My new life was starting to bloom. A new place, with new friends. I felt that bit by bit, things were all starting to come together. Robbie was starting to open up, and Nassim and Jana were going to get the help they badly needed with their residency application. It seemed like things were beginning to go well for everyone. The situation between me and Valentina was definitely heading in the right direction, of that I was sure. After cleaning myself up, I headed off up the street, to Rosa, and then to Valentina’s. I had such a spring in my step that I felt like I could almost fly, if I put my mind to it. Life’s boundaries barely constrained me. I had been unleashed, and nothing could hold me back. Incredibly, Rosa seemed to be waiting for me. As I approached her bench, she stood up.

‘Good morning, Rosa. How are you, today? Are you coming up for breakfast?’

She smiled at me in a way that almost flooded my heart with joy.

‘Yes, that would be nice.’

What a change! And really it had all taken such little effort.

‘Terrific! I’m so pleased.’

Her eyes smiled at me as we walked up the street to the coffee shop. Her obviously tranquil state filled me with an immense pleasure. A warmth flowed through me. After all her pain and suffering, she was finally returning to more of an acceptable place. With such a small effort on my behalf, Rosa was coming out of her pain ridden shell. Valentina must have seen us coming up the street, as she was waiting for us at the door.

‘Well, hello, you two! What a pleasant surprise! Here, sit down at this table, by the window.’

Valentina was wearing a light coloured, tight fitting dress. It was time to start pushing the boundries.

‘Thanks, Valentina. I love that dress, it makes you look very pretty.’

‘Thank you, kind sir! What can I get you? The usual for you, Nigel, what about you, Rosa? Coffee and a brioche?’

‘Just a coffee, please.’

Rosa hadn’t spoken so much in months. What a big day!

‘Coming right up.’

Valentina left to get our order. Rosa seemed so different, so calm. She seemed like a changed person, someone at peace with herself. The difference in her was remarkable. It was so nice to see. She looked at me again, and smiled.

‘I wanted to thank you, Nigel, for everything you’ve done for me. You are a very kind person. You have helped me a lot. I like your friends, too. They all seem to be extremely nice people.’

‘It’s been my pleasure. It’s so good to see you this way, Rosa. You seem so calm.’

‘Yes, I am. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. About everything, really, but especially about my little angel.’

‘Do you have a photo of your son? I don’t even know his name.’

‘Yes, here, look.’

From her pocket she took out a photo of her son, when he was in his early teens, I would have guessed.

‘His name is Angelo, my little angel.’

‘What a good looking fellow! Oh, Rosa, he is very handsome. He looks a lot like you. Especially the eyes.’

‘Thanks, a lot of people said that. My little boy, my life, my everything.’

Her face was glowing, as she spoke of her son. It was so good for her to have those memories to hold onto. To help her in her difficult moments.

‘Can I have a look?’

Valentina was at our table with our breakfast. I handed her the photo.

‘Oh, how sweet. What a lovely young man. Rosa, he is so good looking!’

‘Thank you. He will always be with me, in my heart. We will always be together. Nothing will ever separate us. You have both been very kind to me. I really want to thank you, sincerely.’

‘You don’t need to thank us, Rosa, it has been our great pleasure.’ replied Valentina, ‘It’s so good to see you here, having a chat with us.’

Without even drinking her coffee, Rosa stood up to go.

‘Well, I have to be going now. Thank you both. You are two very kindhearted people.’

Rosa walked towards the door. When she got to the door she stopped and turned, gave us a little wave, then she left Valentina’s coffee shop.

‘Nigel, I can’t believe it, how fantastic! What a change!’

Valentina’s excitement was uncontainable. As was mine.

‘I know, isn’t it great to see? What a transformation in her. All it took was a few kind words, here and there. Not much at all. I really hope she is on the road to getting some form of a life back. Hopefully, she will get in touch with some of her old friends.’

‘You really were so nice to her. You are such a considerate person.’

‘Thanks, so are you. In fact, we make a good team! Hey, by the way, no Robbie this morning? What’s going on?’

‘Yes, another surprise, today seems to be full of them. It’s the first time in ages that he hasn’t been in here having his glass, or two, of wine. I expect he will be back, though. You don’t kick a habit like that overnight.’

‘Yeah, I guess you’re right. You know, you really look radiant today.’

She looked at me with a cheeky grin on her face.

‘Aren’t you just full of compliments today?’

We both laughed. There really was some good chemistry growing between us. I could feel the physical attraction increasing. One of us was going to have to make a move soon, very soon. There seemed to be no doubt that I was seeing things correctly. My senses were back on track. Life was starting to look good for me. I was back in the driving seat.

‘Bye, Valentina, I’ll see you later.’

‘Bye, you.’

 

I strolled back down the street feeling almost light headed. Things with Valentina were coming along nicely. Rosa was finally returning to a good place. It felt so good to have been able to help her, especially after having done so little, really. It hadn’t taken much effort on my behalf. Maybe it wasn’t really that difficult to help those who had fallen through life’s cracks. Maybe if people were just a bit more attentive, we could easily raise up those less advantaged than us. Unfortunately most people were just so wrapped up in their own day to day activities, that they didn’t seem to have time for others. Or maybe they just didn’t really care? In any case, I cared, and I had found the time to help. It made me feel incredibly satisfied. I approached the new week with an extreme lightness. I had a fairly busy day ahead of me. The car was booked in for a tune-up, plus I wanted to take McGinty to the vet, for his yearly vaccine shot, and a bit of a general check up. I also still had some last household chores to finish. I wanted the flat to be in perfect condition, so I had a full day ahead of me. I was on a bit of a high all day long, I almost floated through the day, as I completed my list of duties. I absolutely couldn’t believe the progress I had made with Rosa. It really filled me with joy, to see her so changed, so uplifted. So at peace. I couldn’t wait for the following morning, to have breakfast with her, and to see if I could get her to open up some more. I would ask her some questions about her son’s childhood, to try and keep his memory alive for her. I glided through the day’s activities wi