17
No Chocca Moccas
“But who could be using the Tome?” said Bryony as she hurried up the tunnel with Edwin. “No one else knows it’s a spell book. Unless this Maddy girl knows more than she let on.”
“Maddy’s my friend,” retorted Edwin. “She wouldn’t do anything bad with the Tome, even if she knew about its power.”
Of course, he wasn’t anywhere near as sure about that as he sounded. But he didn’t want Bryony thinking he’d been dumb enough to befriend an evil witch.
“It doesn’t necessarily matter if the Tome is used for good or bad,” said Inglenook. “Every spell cast by that book damages the balance of the elemental forces.”
“Like this storm we’re having?” Even down in the tunnel Edwin could hear rumbles of thunder. “But how come?”
“I know this.” Bryony remembered what Inglenook had told her. “The Tome’s power is a different kind of magic to Wychetts.”
“I see.” Edwin nodded. “Like Mac versus PC?”
“Not quite,” said Inglenook. “Although the analogy is not without some merit. Explained simply, the Tome’s raw form of magic is harming the natural balance of the world. These storms are just the start. Repeated use could rip the planet to shreds. That is why the Wise Ones kept the Tome secure in their library, to stop its power falling into the wrong hands again.”
“Again?” Edwin looked questioningly at Inglenook. “So this happened before?”
“I regret to say the Tome was removed from the custody of the Wise Ones on a previous occasion,” revealed Inglenook. “Many perished as a result, including the young apprentice who stole the Tome. We must recover the book before similar misfortunes result.”
“Then we’d better get a move on.” Edwin quickened his pace up the tunnel. “Inglenook, do you have you any idea where the Tome is?”
“I believe I do,” said the Keeper of the Ancient Wisdom. “Despite the interference caused by the elemental imbalance, I have detected a magical pulse approximately two hundred and fifty yards in a south westerly direction, still within the confines of this building.”
“Then we’ve a chance of catching up with her.” Edwin broke into a gallop. “Come on, Bryony.”
But Bryony had heard something. Voices, familiar voices. And they seemed to be coming from a grate in the wall of the tunnel.
“That’s some sort of air vent,” said Edwin, as Bryony stopped to examine the grate. “You can see into Schrunkopf’s laboratory. But don’t worry about that now, we need to find Maddy and the Tome.”
But Bryony heard those voices again, and leaned forwards to peer through the grate.
“Hurry up.” Edwin tried to drag Bryony up the tunnel. “We need to get a move on.”
“There they are!” Bryony’s scream rang through the tunnel. “Look, it’s Saffy and Jaz!”
“Be quiet!” hissed Edwin. “The Professor might hear you.”
“But it’s Saffy and Jaz!” Bryony squeaked excitedly as she pointed through the grate. “Look!”
Edwin looked, and emitted a similar squeak to Bryony when he saw what had become of her friends.
Saffy and Jaz were seated in a pair of large chairs, their wrists secured with straps. They wore thick metal head bands with streams of tubes and wires connected to them.
“How did they get in there?” gasped Bryony. “And why are their heads all wired up like that?”
There was the sound of approaching footsteps, and Edwin pulled Bryony back from the grate as a strange looking man came scuttling into view.
“That’s Professor Schrunkopf,” whispered Edwin. “This must be something to do with his experiment.”
The Professor stood behind Saffy and Jaz, carefully inspecting their metal head bands.
“I asked for a chocca mocca twenty minutes ago,” Saffy snapped at the Professor. “And I’m still waiting.”
“I told you,” said Professor Schrunkopf. “We have no chocca moccas.”
“You don’t even have any celebrity gossip magazines,” huffed Jaz. “What sort of hairdresser’s is this?”
“This is not a hairderssers,” snapped Professor Schrunkopf. “It is a laboratory.”
“A laboratoire?” Saffy brightened up. “Like where they invent beauty products?”
There was a whiff of mothballs as a pale woman with eerie orange eyes glided to the Professor’s side. “Is everything to your satisfaction, Master?”
Edwin nudged Bryony. “That’s Madame Voltaria, the woman who runs on electricity. Look how she always holds her pendant when she moves. I reckon it’s some sort of control unit.”
“Hush,” said Stubby. “Let’s hear what they have to say about the experiment.”
“I have my doubts about these two subjects.” Professor Schrunkopf pored over a computer display screen. “The brain wave scan reveals practically zero activity. Are you certain these children scored highest in the induction test?”
Madame Voltaria shrugged. “Master, you know that all children look alike to me. But two female children escaped, and I found two female children wandering in the hall. We can therefore logically assume these are the same children.”
“Very well,” said Professor Schrunkopf. “But if the experiment fails, I shall hold you responsible. And next time you want your spark plugs changed, you will have to book up at a local garage.”
“But Master,” cried Madame Voltaria. “Your pleasure is my only desire, your satisfaction my sole reason for existing.”
Professor Schrunkopf snorted. “You exist only because I revived you from death. And sometimes I think you would be more use to me as a lifeless corpse.”
“Forgive my incompetence.” Madame Voltaria bowed her head. “I wish only to serve you, in any way I can.”
“You could start with serving me some chocca mocca,” said Saffy.
“There is no time for refreshments,” snarled Professor Schrunkopf. “Atmospheric conditions are perfect. The experiment must commence in ten minutes.”
Watching from behind the grate, Bryony shook her head in bewilderment. “So what do you think he’s up to?”
“He’ll explain in a moment,” said Stubby. “Mad scientists always do.”
“For today,” said the Professor, “I shall become the most intelligent and powerful super-being in the entire world!”
Madame Voltaria gazed adoringly at Professor Schrunkopf. “You are that already in my eyes, Master.”
Professor Schrunkopf turned to Saffy and Jaz. “And do you want to know how I shall achieve that?”
“Not really,” answered Saffy. “All I want is my chocca mocca.”
“Oh.” The Professor looked disappointed. “But I will tell you anyway. This,” he continued, pointing to a large computer next to Saffy and Jaz, “is my latest and greatest invention: the Brain Boost Capacitor. Or as I call it, the BBC.”
“BBC?” Saffy suddenly sounded interested. “You’ve got a TV?”
“Cool,” said Jaz. “Means we can watch the omnibus of Young Australian Beach Doctors.”
The Professor frowned. “This is not a television, it is a computer. To be precise, it is a hyper-conduit multiplexer linked to every other computer on the planet. Every computer in schools, offices, hospitals, every single micro-chip in existence. When activated, the BBC will upload every scrap of data in the world and transfer it into my brain, making me the most intelligent being on the planet.”
Saffy and Jaz looked unimpressed, but Voltaria squealed with delight. “That is the work of a genius, Master!”
Professor Schrunkopf leaned closer to Saffy and Jaz. “Now you may be wondering what your role in proceedings is? Allow me to explain. It is scientifically proven that as a human brain gets older, it becomes less efficient at absorbing knowledge. Children learn faster than adults, and I need their capacity for learning. So as the BBC is streaming data into my brain, it will be using your young minds as processing units. In other words, I will be boosting my ability to absorb all the world’s knowledge using your young, flexible mental power. Do you understand?”
Saffy stared blankly at the Professor. “If you don’t have any chocca mocca, could I have milkshake instead?”
The Professor frowned, then shook his head and continued. “This transference of the world’s data to my brain will require a vast amount of electrical power. Over three thousand megawatts, to be precise. I could obtain this from the national grid, but I am a little behind with my monthly bills and I don’t trust direct debits. So instead, I shall obtain that power from nature herself.”
The Professor raised his spindly arms, and a loud clap of thunder sounded from above.
“Storms have been brewing for the past twenty four hours. I have calculated that in precisely ten minutes there is a ninety nine point nine nine percent probability that lightning will strike this building. And when it does, the lightning will be channelled down a conductor into the BBC, creating the surge of power required for transferring all the world’s knowledge into my brain. Do you have any questions?”
“Yes.” Jaz pointed above her head. “What are those flashing lights up there for?”
“Those?” The Professor made a little coughing noise. “Actually, they’re are just for show. They were left over from Christmas.”
Saffy shrugged. “I didn’t understand any of that, and couldn’t care less just so long as I get my split ends sorted.”
“Fear not,” said Professor Schrunkopf. “By the time we’ve finished, you won’t have to worry about split ends ever again. Now come Madame Voltaria, we have further preparations to make.”
The Professor scuttled away, with Madame Voltaria gliding attentively after him.
Bryony turned her head from the grate and frowned at Edwin. “I’m not sure I got all that.”
“It’s simple,” said Edwin, before realising he didn’t understand what the Professor had been talking about either.
“Allow me to explain,” said Stubby. “Professor Schrunkopf intends to transfer all the world’s knowledge into his own brain, using his super computer and the minds of Bryony’s young friends.”
“I get it now.” Edwin nodded. “That’s why they brought the children here, to find suitable candidates for the experiment. But do you think it will work?”
“It’s possible,” said Stubby. “However there is a chance the electrical circuits will overload, resulting in a massive feedback of power which could turn the brains of those two girls into something akin to heated blancmange.”
“That’s terrible,” gasped Bryony. “They’ll never live normal lives again.”
Stubby shrugged. “From the evidence so far, I’m tempted to believe they wouldn’t notice the difference. But we can’t take that risk, and must find a way of halting this mad experiment.”
“There’s no time for that,” said Edwin. “We’ve got to find Maddy and the Tome.”
Bryony shook her head. “I’m not leaving Saffy and Jaz in the clutches of that mad professor. I’m going to help them escape before their brains get frazzled.”
“The young Mistress is right to be concerned about her friends,” said Inglenook. “But it is equally important to retrieve the Tome. I therefore suggest we divide forces at this point.”
“Good idea,” said Bryony. “Edwin, you go look for the Tome. We’ll rescue Saffy and Jaz.”
“It would be best if I accompanied the young Master,” said Inglenook. “Although my powers are hindered by the elemental imbalance, I should be able to provide some protection against the Tome’s magic. Perhaps Stubby can remain here to assist Bryony.”
“Assist?” Stubby twitched his nose indignantly. “If I stay with the girl, my role will be strictly supervisory.”
“That’s settled then.” Edwin snatched the Wychetts Key from Bryony before she could respond. “As soon as we’ve got the Tome we’ll come back down to help.”
Edwin waved a hurried goodbye before jogging away up the tunnel.
Bryony looked at Stubby. “So how do we get into the laboratory?”
“There must be another entrance somewhere in the building,” said Stubby. “But we don’t have time to go searching for it. Therefore our only option is to enter through this vent.”
Bryony frowned as she examined the grate. “You might fit, but I have a slightly fuller figure than a mouse. I’m not saying I’m fat, though.”
Stubby sighed like an impatient teacher. “We will of course have to remove the grate before passing through.”
“But won’t we need tools and stuff?”
“The grate looks in a poor state of repair,” mused Stubby. “Dislodging it should be a relatively straightforward task. I suggest you simply use the force of your upper limb muscles to propel the said grate from its current perpendicular position.”
Bryony took a few moments to decipher Stubby’s instructions. “You mean give it a shove?”
Stubby nodded. “You’re learning.”